A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 4yrs, and lived with him for 2. While I still find him attractive and think I would like to marry him and have a family, we dont have a lot of time to spend together, as we both spend alot of time working. I've always thought his friend "BOB" was cute, but recently I've been more and more attracted to him. "BOB" is a wonderful loving father in a rocky relationship, which he confides in me about. Is it just the fact that he has the children and the time to spend that I find him so attractive? Or is it the 7yr itch at 4 yrs? Last night I went over to look after his kids, and had to fight my desires... please help me! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (26 April 2007):
 Eddie is right on the money with his advice, and I hope you listen to it. Cheating is never acceptable and if you truely see yourself marrying and having children with your boyfriend, you better back off.
A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (26 April 2007):
 I want to warn you that I feel the first reply to your question is a little unclear or TOTALLY the wrong direction you should take !!!
It sounds like you're seeing a quality in BOB that you'd like to see in your man. Have your own kids! As for the previous advice, I can't understand what... "taking it slow" or "trusting BOB" has to do with anything. You can't trust yourself at this point, THAT'S the issue. You have to be honest with yourself. Let's identify some points of truth here...
You're attracted to BOB...no problem, it's natural and it WILL happen throughout marriages...to everybody.
He's unloading some of his woes on you and you're soaking up the attention like a huge sponge. This is where the warning bells go off, especially since you already know you're attracted to him. You're hoping you can put yourself above temptation. The fact you've written this letter says otherwise.
Let him find another babysitter. At this point you're weak and will find any excuse to see him. You're on a devious, slippery slope. Instead of investing time in a relationship you have no business starting, nurture the one you have with your boyfriend. Make that one better, fix the problems or get out of it. Under no circumstances though should you continue with this emotional affair. You said you and your boyfriend work a lot and don't have too much time for each other. Why then are you going to babysit at BOB's place? Spend time with your man.
Did the word affair grab you? That's what it is !! It's an affair because the innocence is gone. Attraction is normal, as I said, but when you plan for it and develop the scenario through planning, it's cheating. Are you trying to look your best when you see BOB. Are you excited to go over there? Are you flirting? You must be and, he'll pick up on those signals. The farther this goes, the less likely you'll be able to put the brakes on in the future. Then you'll cheat physically and have to live with that for the rest of your life. Your boyfriend will be crushed and he will also lose his friendship with BOB. I'm guessing BOB is picking up on your signals too and for that reason, I question his friendship qualities.
In closing, you're making a mockery of your boyfriend and your relationship. He can't fight a battle he doesn't know he's in. He's being the "good guy" and thinking you're babysitting because BOB is going through a tough time. In fact, he's losing his girlfriend, little by little, and he'll be shocked when he finds out your little secret.
One more thing. Let me paint a picture. Lets say the emotional affair you're having with BOB ends. A few years from now your man finds out about the way you felt. He's also aware of the time you spent together. Do you think he'll believe you didn't cheat physically on him? I doubt it. You're biggest problem here is this. Your relationship with your boyfriend has a void at this moment. You're feeding the void with attention and closeness from BOB. BIG MISTAKE. I hope you contact me on this.
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A
female
reader, Keria  +, writes (26 April 2007):
What you are experiencing is perfectly natural, although many try to deny it.
I suggest that you take is slowly with Bob. You'll want to make sure you can trust him. I'm sure you don't want to throw away everything with your boyfriend, but if he's like most men, he will be jealous if he finds out about what could go on between you and Bob. This can get tricky though. The important thing is to not get too involved in Bob's marriage problems, and don't get too emotionally involved with him. Other than that, enjoy him! You may feel guilty at first, but this is something you can work on. Have fun!
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