A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex broke up with me 5 months ago. We sometimes see each other in mutual events. We are friendly with each other at the events. Sometimes we talk to each other, sometimes we don'tI drunk texted him two times before. The first time was on my birthday, he told me happy birthday then I further sent him more texts than I should after I got drunk at my party (nothing embarrassing though). Last time was the previous week, which I just said "what happened?" out of no where. He just made fun of me being a light-weight. I apologized that time, he just said "been there done that, nothing to be embarassed if we could laugh about it"The past Friday, I was drinking with my friends (which I met after the break-up). Apparently one of my friends knows my ex, and my ex came to find him and joined us for a while. Me and my friend got pretty drunk. When my ex disappeared, me and my friend were texting him together, using my phone :/ (and my ex knows some of stuff was written by my friend not me) He's just made fun of what we were texting, asking me to stop messaging, sober up. My friend didn't know he was my ex, and he figured it out which left me shocked for a bit (becoz I don't think I was so drunk that I told him about it). So I texted my ex "Sh!t, (my friend) knows about our secret. Either he's too smart or I am too drunk." followed by "if you or (my friend) tell anyone about us, I will castrate whoever talks about it and I know anatomy so none of you dies".My ex just replied "I didn't tell him". For the following hours, I texted him like "he's def too smart" and then correct the spelling mistakes I made every hour.He didn't reply any further. I woke up realizing what I sent and was really embarrassed.Should I just leave it act like it didn't happen or should I apologize? And I really should not drunk text again :/
View related questions:
broke up, drunk, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2014): Get drunk less, delete his number, and/or download a drunk-texting app (yes that exists) on your phone.
A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (11 February 2014):
 100% agree with Honeypie, you should be ashamed to be so drunk so often. Being drunk is sure glorified in some countries and in some groups of people, but being drunk is a way to voluntary lose control of oneself, which is the crime against evolution that made us much more clever than our ancestors. Was it to, one day, let people become back monkeys ? I hope no.Second, you should consider that sort of "wild texting" as a sort of harassment. When a man harasses a woman, it widely seen as a crime, like stalking and peeping her. If it's like that in a way, why the hell should it be something else in the way you're bothering your ex-boyfriend.Don't get me wrong, I understand you're young, and you don't want to hurt anybody, nor you are a maniac I think. Yet, you'd better stop that game before it trashes your reputation. Please, give a break to your ex, and if you really want to stay friend with him, give him a sincere apologize and swear you won't do it again. Never. Or if you definitely can't control either your nerves or your alcohol consumption lever, cut any link with this guy who seems to have been more than enough patient with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (10 February 2014):
 Definitely delete his number. And maybe consider drinking less.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (10 February 2014):
 i've experienced this, personally.
i had an ex who would get drunk and say all sorts of stuff to me while intixicated. it gives off two impressions:
1. that the person isn't over you. why else would they bother texting you drunk when they could be occupying their time and thoughts on the people around them?
2. that you drink too much and don't know how to handle it.
i responded the same way he did. i was nice about it at first, and just went with the flow. basically, i just laughed it off with them. but as time went on, i just began to ignore the person because what was the point in responding? to encourage more drunken texts? it got old. and besides, i had nothing to say.
whether it's obvious to him or not, to me, it sounds like you're not over him. otherwise, you'd not be texting him at all, unless you two legitimately remained platonic friends. i think you most likely want to text him while sober, but being drunk gives you a somewhat socially acceptable excuse/reason to do it. basically, you can fall back on it and say "sorry, i was just drunk." when really, you just wanted to talk to him.
anyway, for whatever the reason is, i would really just stop. it's got to be getting old to him. and no, i wouldn't bother apologizing unless you legitimately knew you weren't going to do it again.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 February 2014):
 And just to decode something your ex said for you, when he called you a "light-weight." That means that he thinks you drink too much and that you can't handle it. It's not a compliment and it doesn't mean he finds you endearingly adorable when you have had too much to drink. It means he thinks you drink too much. I'm guessing he has some experience of this and just doesn't want to deal with you being drunk anymore.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 February 2014):
Just saw your followup, OP, it is far more likely that he is thinking this: "oh, lord, she's been drinking again, here we go with the drunken texts."
He's not thinking you are a crazy ex. He's thinking you are someone with a drinking problem.
Did you read any of our advice?
Take his number out of your phone.
Stop taking your phone when you are out drinking.
Tell him you did this when you see him again and then…
don't do it again.
It's honestly not that difficult.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 February 2014):
 Agreed... let it go
delete his number.
also as the spouse of an alcoholic I strongly suggest that you consider your drinking. Drunk texting of ex-partners is a sign that your drinking may be out of control or heading in that direction.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2014): You should delete his phone number, delete and block him if you have him on Facebook, go completely no-contact, and stop drinking so much. Leave him alone. You're only drinking for the courage to harass your ex. The truth is you're stuck. You can't heal.
Liquor is not a medicine. It is a depressant, a drug, and an intoxicant.
Under it's influence; you make bad judgement-calls, and subject yourself to risk of injury. You also endanger the lives of others, should you try to drive. You make an absolute fool and jackass of yourself; when you let your emotions get out of hand when drunk. Your ex was very patient with the both of you; but probably very glad he broke up with you. You are purposely pushing the envelop.
An apology for a repeated-offense has very little weight or sincerity. It is asking for the offense to be dismissed until the next-time. If you didn't mean it, you wouldn't do it.
If you are feeling deeply depressed and you're self-medicating with alcohol; you need counseling or grief therapy.
You are still in pain and trying to suppress it. You are having trouble dealing with your breakup; and using your partner in crime to gang-up on your ex-boyfriend. Deep down inside; you really want to beat him over the head, and make him feel your pain. You blame your bad-behavior on alcohol.
That is a very poor excuse. Admit it.
You think alcohol numbs your pain, and a good drunk is letting off steam.
Instead, it is exposing your hidden true emotions. You feel angry and rejected. My dear, I know how you feel. Your ex bf's patience is wearing thin. You really don't like his smugness and his forgiveness. You really feel he is being condescending. Thus, you continue to drunk-text him. He irks you.
You are still in pain from the breakup, and trying to pretend you're okay; in order to maintain an open friendship, and contact with your ex. His patience is out of pity. You don't need pity. You need professional help with your grief, and counseling for drinking.
Once you've sought some help, accomplished getting your emotions in order, and your drinking under control; you will be able to deal with your breakup, and begin to heal.
I think you need to forgive yourself for hurting. It isn't pathetic, or a weakness. It is very much human. Your facade of being okay isn't fooling anyone. You're very transparent to everyone around you.
In more time you will move on, and staying in touch with your ex will become a take-it or leave-it option. Drinking will stop, or will be significantly reduced.
Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just don't know if what I said about "him and his friend should not talk to anyone else about us" may put him off (make me sound like I am embarrased that we date?), but at that moment I was worried about gossips among people at the events I go to, how they may think I am the crazy ex.
i was hoping to remain friendly w him since i see him occassionally if we ho to same event. and i know what i wrote was pretty stupid and crazy. and i did learn my lesson now...
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (10 February 2014):
 Delete his number and start looking to date others.
Don't apologise it wouldn't be sincere.
He probably only sees you as an Ex who dinks too much, so don't make it worse. Have some dignity
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 February 2014):
Take his number out of your phone so you can't drunk text him anymore.
Stop drinking so much that you do things you have to apologize for later.
Tell him that you are doing these two things the next time you see him in person and then leave it be.
Leave your phone at home if you know you have this drunk texting problem and don't want to give up drinking.
Of course, you do realize that if you didn't drink too much, you wouldn't have to apologize for doing stupid things while you're drunk, right? Especially if you are so blacked out you don't realize what you are doing and have to put the pieces together later.
Take his number out of your phone. Don't drink so much. Apologize in person for being a repeat drunk texter and indicate the steps you are taking to prevent repeat occurrences of the same thing. And then, let it go.
Try to be healthier, you know alcohol deposits as belly fat, right?
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (10 February 2014):
 Normally I would recommend acknowledging and apologizing for bad behaviour, but since this isn't the first time you've drunk texted him I suspect your apologies will seem empty and more likely just another excuse to text him.
Maybe you should stop getting drunk.
...............................
|
