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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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He had panic attacks, couldn’t eat and lost weight when I tried to end our relationship! What do I do?
Q. I have been seeing this man for 2 years, met him online and it is a long distance relationship as we don’t see each other regularly, only twice a month which was ok with me....Anyway he started talking about having a future together... to move away ...
A. 12 May 2018: Intentionally or not, he is emotionally blackmailing you into staying with him. You need to end it for your own happiness and eventually his. Be kind, gentle, but be firm. Once you do end it you will need to cut contact, as this will not stop until ... (read in full...)
She wouldn’t make this small sacrifice for me, so I’ve cut contact! I know she’ll be back though!
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I've been with my partner for almost 6 years now. We have honestly been through the thickest and thinnest of situations. Throughout our relationship, we started to drift personalities and so we had excessive, mentally exhau...
A. 10 May 2018: Take care of yourself. You're not ready for the added pressure of a relationship. She shouldn't stay an extra three nights to help you sleep - possibly one, but not three.
Focus on improving yourself and the irrational reactions should calm dow... (read in full...)
Anyone else developed a conscience when they were about to start a FWB with a married person?
Q. Ok so I have been single over 6 years, I like being single, I have no one to answer too. But it's been a long time intimately just over 2 years! So I'm on a dating site, not looking for a quick bunk up but maybe friendship or fwb. I met this bloke ...
A. 8 May 2018: Grow a moral compass. Say you get married someday - would you like to be cheated on? No. So don't do it.
Plenty of single FwBs available. Besides, you MAY fall for an FwB, so make sure he's at least single!... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says it’s time for me to give him my virginity!
Q. My boyfriend tell me it's time to give your virginity I cannot wait it's has been 10 months we are together I know he is my boyfriend and has the right but am scared of my parent if one day know about it ?? my boyfriend don't have a good job my ...
A. 7 May 2018: A large number of people who have sex as young as you are end up regretting all or most of it. Sex can be amazing, but it usually just causes a lot of heartache at your age. This love is teenage love. The love you will feel as an adult will be co... (read in full...)
Is having a child something that you can end up thinking wow this is the best thing I have ever done or do you stick with your gut feeling?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years and are just in the process of buying a house. She is wanting to have children in the next 2 years. The problem is I have never really been interested in having a child. I have a good job which I ...
A. 7 May 2018: As a carer of mostly elderly people, it's an unfortunate fact that having children (particularly ones you weren't eager to have) doesn't remotely guarantee you'll have company when you're elderly. I see seven clients regularly. One doesn't have... (read in full...)
Is having a child something that you can end up thinking wow this is the best thing I have ever done or do you stick with your gut feeling?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years and are just in the process of buying a house. She is wanting to have children in the next 2 years. The problem is I have never really been interested in having a child. I have a good job which I ...
A. 7 May 2018: You're right not to have them if you don't want them - not everyone does and there's nothing wrong with that.
However, it is wrong to stay together when you're not compatible in this department. Kids or not is uncompromisable. Don't buy a house to... (read in full...)
I’ve given up drinking! How do I tell my friend before his bachelor party?
Q. When I was in my early 20s and mid 20s, I was a heavy drinker. I would not considered myself an alcoholic but I was a drunk. After a really bad experience about six years ago (I was lucky I did not die from alcohol poisoning), I decided that I ...
A. 7 May 2018: That's great! It's never bad manners to avoid getting drunk - it's quite the opposite.
It's a great idea to tell him you don't drink any more. Either say you'll be the designated driver or claim medication, as previously suggested. Do keep a c... (read in full...)
My marriage in in crisis because I've decided my wife is too skinny and her boobs aren't big enough.
Q. Hi everyone, Thank you so much for reading this. I am genuinely looking for advice regarding my marriage which is in a state of crisis right now. I will keep it as short as possible. TL;DR: I met my wife in an online relationship. We got marr...
A. 2 May 2018: Divorce her and seek therapy for your irrational objectification of women.
You are the problem here - NOT her body. Do NOT suggest or encourage that she change.... (read in full...)
Should I report a teacher for teaching 7 year olds about sex?
Q. 3 days ago my 7 year old daughter came to my house asking me about why guys can only wear condoms, she was too curious to know more about sex and the male genital. I was shocked how she knew the word condom, from who and why she is asking me this ...
A. 2 May 2018: I believe parents should be notified of a sex education lesson coming up, but not told when, as some will remove their children from the classes even when they're teenagers. I went to a catholic school that only taught abstinence and quite a few in ... (read in full...)
Should I report a teacher for teaching 7 year olds about sex?
Q. 3 days ago my 7 year old daughter came to my house asking me about why guys can only wear condoms, she was too curious to know more about sex and the male genital. I was shocked how she knew the word condom, from who and why she is asking me this ...
A. 1 May 2018: Hang on - most 7 year olds get the "where do babies come from?" topic in Western countries. Why can't they know the medical things? Did you know som 12 year olds have sex? It's a horrible thought, but 10+ year olds often end up talking about it... (read in full...)
I want a sexual relationship with my professor. Should I pursue it?
Q. I am in love with my professor and want to take thing to a sexual relationship. I need advise on how to keep it a secret. We flirt all the time we even exchanged pictures. Should I pursue this at all? ...
A. 27 April 2018: Get together with the classmates, including pictures he's sent, and report him.... (read in full...)
I have feelings for a man 20 years my senior
Q. I have this weird question I'm hoping someone can help me with, I have romantic/sexual feelings for a much older man and I've recently told him this. What I want help is should I roll with it or try to move on? He's an old friend of the family and I ...
A. 26 April 2018: "Old friend of the family".... Operative word being OLD (compared to you, in relationship terms).
Quite honestly, telling him shows how naive and shortsighted you are - normal for your age, but not a good idea when dating someone much older.
... (read in full...)
Should I be thankful for the little I've got?
Q. Yes, mod, I’m 17. The only person I can talk to about my depression and anxiety is my boyfriend but I’m stuck in a polygamous relationship with him and his girlfriend. However, I love him and I’m getting tired of sharing him. I just want his body ...
A. 19 April 2018: Yeah, the anger can make you a target for bullying. Getting therapy when you're 18 will definitely help. Break it off with him and, in future, only date single guys.
Good luck!... (read in full...)
Should I be thankful for the little I've got?
Q. Yes, mod, I’m 17. The only person I can talk to about my depression and anxiety is my boyfriend but I’m stuck in a polygamous relationship with him and his girlfriend. However, I love him and I’m getting tired of sharing him. I just want his body ...
A. 19 April 2018: Get therapy. This *is* needy behaviour.
1) You're 17
2) "All my life" (dating so far) is 2 - 3 years maximum, which isn't even long enough to get through junior school, secondary school or university, so it's hardly a decent amount of time t... (read in full...)
Should I be thankful for the little I've got?
Q. Yes, mod, I’m 17. The only person I can talk to about my depression and anxiety is my boyfriend but I’m stuck in a polygamous relationship with him and his girlfriend. However, I love him and I’m getting tired of sharing him. I just want his body ...
A. 18 April 2018: You TOLD him you're all he needs, but you're NOT and you need to accept that. You KNEW he had a girlfriend and still got involved with him.
OP, he isn't MONOGAMOUS. He doesn't WANT just one girlfriend. Whether he's actually poly or just wants to... (read in full...)
His piercing means no kissing for 10 weeks.
Q. My boyfriend got a new lip piercing last week and said that we can't kiss for the six week healing period, which I am happily enforcing because his healing is my priority and I don't want to hinder that process in any way. Coincidentally at the end ...
A. 18 April 2018: It's his body, so he shouldn't have to ask. You have a whole body you can each kiss without risking infections.
I know it sucks, but it's miniscule in the big scheme of things :)... (read in full...)
Should I be thankful for the little I've got?
Q. Yes, mod, I’m 17. The only person I can talk to about my depression and anxiety is my boyfriend but I’m stuck in a polygamous relationship with him and his girlfriend. However, I love him and I’m getting tired of sharing him. I just want his body ...
A. 18 April 2018: You're a monogamous person CHOOSING to be in a polyamorous one. That's on you. I'm sorry, OP, but you're so young and have DECADES to find a single, monogamous guy. Heck, she may not even know about you!
He sides with her because it's not an equal... (read in full...)
Is it possible that his feelings toward her changed to a sister-like situation?
Q. I am now in the 2nd year of long-distance-relationship with my 60-year-old partner with the same experience of having relationship or marriage in the past before we met each other in office. Certainly we adore each other and always try our best to ...
A. 18 April 2018: Using the term sister, instead of just "family" is a bit odd, but yes, it's possible. Her trying to get him back is a bit worrying, but nothing can happen if he's trustworthy because he wouldn't let it.
It's up to you whether you trust him or n... (read in full...)
My boyfriend takes his problems out on me because I am white.
Q. Background info: BF and I have been dating 4 years. We live together now. He's my best friend, and when we are both sober we are happy. My boyfriend is half Navajo Native American (Dine tribe to be technical, as Navajo is a derogatory term ...
A. 15 April 2018: You just move out, OP. Tell people you trust and ask for their help, so he can't become violent. Move in with family or friends, but get out of there.... (read in full...)
My uncle and I are in love, but what about Auntie?
Q. I know that a lot of you are probably going to say how nasty and sick I am and how I need to get help right away, and I totally understand where you're coming from but I'm writing here because I have no one to talk to and I'm kind of going nuts over ...
A. 14 April 2018: He's preyed on you. You need to move out. This isn't love. Please get help; you're not safe around him.
Biological or not, he's family and that makes him off limits. He's seen you as a CHILD and now sees you sexually. It's not the sign of a good m... (read in full...)
Am I being unrealistic wanting 2 breaks when our twins are 3 and 4?minths?
Q. So my boyfriend and I are expecting our twins to be born over the summer. We're both excited and getting everything ready for their arrival. These are our first kids so it'll be a new experience for us both, mainly me because my boyfriend has ...
A. 14 April 2018: DancerGirl, nobody is saying she's won't need a break - just saying it's too early to plan anything because she'll probably need to use breaks to rest, not go out, until she's settled into a good routine, which usually takes months for single ... (read in full...)
Am I being unrealistic wanting 2 breaks when our twins are 3 and 4?minths?
Q. So my boyfriend and I are expecting our twins to be born over the summer. We're both excited and getting everything ready for their arrival. These are our first kids so it'll be a new experience for us both, mainly me because my boyfriend has ...
A. 13 April 2018: Mums need rest, but you're going to want it to sleep, not go out, so early on - and with twins!
OP, you'll need to use your "me time" to eat, sleep and shower. Get in a stable routine before planning any breaks; babies don't adhere to schedule... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my boyfriend's smoking.
Q. Im in a relationshio for almost 8 months with my boyfriend,we are like best friends .we Tell eachother everything,But lately he started smoking like 1-2 cigarettes per day and I found out because my best friend told me he saw him.when I asked him ...
A. 13 April 2018: Once you start, it's usually hard to stop. Maybe he is doing it for relaxation, but it's a false "treatment". It's his choice to smoke, but it's unwise for you to be in a relationship with a smoker. It's likely his smoking will get worse before... (read in full...)
Can I get an std from someone using no protection who came back with a clean bill of health
Q. So I have 2 sex partners and both are clean ( before you question how I am sure, I have had both men take std tests as well as taken one myself so everyone is safe) but I’m curious if I can still get an std from either of them from unprotected sex? ...
A. 12 April 2018: OP, you're really young, but that's no excuse to be naive and irresponsible. You shouldn't be having unprotected sex.
Why aren't you worried about PREGNANCY?!
I don't care how many sexual partners you have at once, provided they all know yo... (read in full...)
I'm falling for the new girl and my current GF is jealous.
Q. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 3 years, we live together and on the whole we're very happy. I've recently met another girl and just click with her so well- we've hung out as a three a few times and to start with my gf really g...
A. 11 April 2018: You haven't kept your friendship platonic. That's the problem. You decided to build a friendship with someone you're crushing on. It's incredibly disrespectful to your girlfriend and relationship.
Put simply, OP, either ditch the friend or break... (read in full...)
Does anyone have an experience with a successful meet up with online friends/lovers?
Q. I've met this guy half year ago, I'm from the US and he's from Sweden. i was only on an educational site, and i was really into chatting with people who likes to talk about literature etc.. Until i came across this guy. We talked alot at first via ...
A. 11 April 2018: I met my then-boyfriend online over 3 years ago. The only reason it worked as long as it did was because we lived in the same country, albeit still long distance. We saw each other every other week during his first year of uni, then every 3 weeks ... (read in full...)
My cousin talked me into having sex with her when we were just 12 and 13 and now I feel uncomfortable having her stay over at my place
Q. When I was 12 years old male, my 13 years old female cousin talked me into having sex with her. Over the next two years, we had sex on several occasions (maybe once every 3 months). We stopped having sex when she was about 15 years old and when I ...
A. 10 April 2018: Whether you've spoken since or not, it's wise to have her stay anywhere but your house. Don't back down. Stick to it.
Also, it would be useful for you to get therapy because the sex has messed you up - not an unlikely result of sex with a family m... (read in full...)
I want a sexual relationship with my professor. Should I pursue it?
Q. I am in love with my professor and want to take thing to a sexual relationship. I need advise on how to keep it a secret. We flirt all the time we even exchanged pictures. Should I pursue this at all? ...
A. 10 April 2018: You're on a site that doesn't condone or encourage reckless decisions. This is one of those things we won't help you with, in the way you want.
He's in a position of power, which is likely why you're attracted to him. However, he could (and sho... (read in full...)
Should I tell her the truth about my bisexuality or let this remain as a fantasy as I have done for a long time?
Q. I am currently in a relationship with my long-term girlfriend of 2.5 years. We have a great relationship and our sex life is great, I care about her and whenever we are together we enjoy each others company; we even are planning a future together. ...
A. 9 April 2018: Own up. Chatting anonymously on webcam in a sexual nature IS cheating.
Talk to her. You need to figure out if you want time to experiment with men AS A SINGLE MAN.
Maybe she'd be okay with you experimenting, but not behind her back because tha... (read in full...)
Does this sound hopeless? Should I try talking to my boyfriend's rigid Indian parents and fight for him?
Q. Hello all.. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months. I’ve known him for almost a year and honestly, he is the best boyfriend over ever had. I’m not exaggerating. He treats me with love, respect and kindness. After breaking up with my abusive ...
A. 9 April 2018: Talking to his parents is pointless and won't go down well. It's not your place.
Aslo, no, I don't think it's a good idea to fight for him. You've only been together for 3 months. You'll find someone else with fewer issues making the future s... (read in full...)
I would tell her I love her but don't want to risk our friendship.
Q. Hello readers, I am ashamed and embarrassed to admit that I am in love with a married woman. I am a 33 year old man, I am mostly sensible and don't want things I can't have. I live with my girlfriend of 10 years. She's everything I shoul...
A. 8 April 2018: The grass is always greener on the other side. Maybe he does take her for granted, but she's not going to be as great as you think she is.
Let your girlfriend go; she deserves a guy who won't think he's in love with someone else.
She doesn't W... (read in full...)
Did my boyfriend’s dad just sexually harrass me!? I’m crying
Q. My boyfriends dad just sexually harrased me?! I feel so embarrased to even write this! Please help I am in shock I live with my boyfriends parents and something happened I was eating late meal in the kitchen and he came in, we were having a ...
A. 8 April 2018: OP, you're a young mother with a baby and nowhere to stay. You and your boyfriend should be married and have your own place before having a baby, but that hasn't happened even after the baby. That needs to stop now and you both need to correct it.
... (read in full...)
He has a girlfriend but he took my virginity and I think he's the "one" for me
Q. Hi, I’m in love with a taken guy. We’ve been through so much together. He took my virginity, we fell asleep together, and his mom absolutely loves me. She’s constantly asking about me and says that I should come over more. BUT, he has a girlfriend. ...
A. 7 April 2018: OP, go to a doctor. Ask them the questions. Then learn from your mistakes.... (read in full...)
How do I move forward with my new boyfriend after cheating on him?
Q. Hi, I previously asked a question relating to the situation I found myself in. To be honest I had some rather rude and insensitive answers from one particular user but each to their own opinion. Basically I was in an violent abusive relation...
A. 5 April 2018: Also, when acting the way you have been, "getting your drinking under control" means no drinking at all. Not one. Ever. You are showing signs of being an alcoholic or, at the very least, showing extremely reckless judgement when drinking. That means ... (read in full...)
How do I move forward with my new boyfriend after cheating on him?
Q. Hi, I previously asked a question relating to the situation I found myself in. To be honest I had some rather rude and insensitive answers from one particular user but each to their own opinion. Basically I was in an violent abusive relation...
A. 5 April 2018: OP, you need to accept that you have a problem, get into therapy and be single until you work out your own issues. You've been through trauma, but this is self-sabotage and will hurt others too. You need to get help and fix yourself before being in ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with my live-in girlfriend?
Q. I am in a long term relationship and my gf isnt interested in sex. I've always had a higher sex drive than her but she only wants sex when it is her cycle for a kid. I want a kid but college is starting to get stressful and I dont think I want to ...
A. 4 April 2018: Couples' counselling may help, but you're not ready to have a baby and she is. That could be a big problem, especially with her only wanting sex then. Sex dissipates after having a baby, so it already being minimal is a bad sign, in terms of ... (read in full...)
Please help me stand up for myself
Q. I am sick of my friends not listening to me and then punishinhg me with rumors and the silent treatment. OK. Sometimes, it's fun for me, JUST TO HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEBODY. It's fun and it's safe and I can feel all happy inside and I don't have to ...
A. 4 April 2018: You're not ready for dating, so stick to hanging out in groups and KINDLY telling boys who like you that you just want to be friends. It's good to not let boys cross your boundaries, but you also need to politely let them know you're not interested. ... (read in full...)
How to get over your first love? It’s been 10 years...
Q. I fell in love for the first time of my life when I was 23. This was 11 years ago and it was of course magical and exhilarating. A transitional time, where texting still consisted of pressing a button 3 times to get your letter. I loved him so much. ...
A. 4 April 2018: You don't have to forget your first love, but you shouldn't still be hung up on it either. It would do you some good to find a therapist and discover the reason you won't move on and keep it as just a memory.
Do you love your husband? If not, tha... (read in full...)
What kind of girl does a guy consider special and different?
Q. What kind of girl does a guy consider special and different What about her physically mentally spiritually and emotionally will make her stand out from the rest? I hear a lot of women say things like “If a guy loses me, he’ll never find any...
A. 4 April 2018: What's "special" to one person is pointless to a billion others (literally).
Being confident is one thing, but being arrogant is another. "Special" means different things to different people.... (read in full...)
Is there no one for me? How can I get a guy to be interested in me?
Q. I think I’m meant to be alone forever. I’m a junior in high school, and No matter what, I cannot find a guy who remotely shows interest in me. I am good-looking (not trying to be stuck-up) but I never talk in school. I go to school everyday without ...
A. 4 April 2018: Oh, OP, I know it sucks, but you haven't even lived to ¼ of your life yet and most of it was as a child - how does that show you'll be alone for the next 60+ years? It doesn't and you know it :)
Also, if you don't talk, you'll never make friends ... (read in full...)
Is he telling the truth about the state of his marriage?
Q. I’m seeing a married man for a number of years. I am in no rush to spending my whole life with but I do love him, he says he is in a sexless marriage, that his wife has no sex drive yet iv seen photos of them with her arm around him yet he doesn’t ...
A. 3 April 2018: Think of his wife. Get rid of him. How can you trust him when he'll lie to his wife? You can't. Stop being selfish.... (read in full...)
He has a girlfriend but he took my virginity and I think he's the "one" for me
Q. Hi, I’m in love with a taken guy. We’ve been through so much together. He took my virginity, we fell asleep together, and his mom absolutely loves me. She’s constantly asking about me and says that I should come over more. BUT, he has a girlfriend. ...
A. 2 April 2018: 1) Ignore the guy; it's manipulation, not genuine.
2) Don't date at work; if it ends, it's likely you'd need to move jobs. Not fun.
3) Slow down. Take time to be single.... (read in full...)
He has a girlfriend but he took my virginity and I think he's the "one" for me
Q. Hi, I’m in love with a taken guy. We’ve been through so much together. He took my virginity, we fell asleep together, and his mom absolutely loves me. She’s constantly asking about me and says that I should come over more. BUT, he has a girlfriend. ...
A. 28 March 2018: Be honest with yourself, OP - you were kind of heartless too because you didn't care about how his girlfriend would feel. You can't put all of this on him being a jerk. He's an idiot and a cheater. You don't really want him and, had he offered t... (read in full...)
He has a girlfriend but he took my virginity and I think he's the "one" for me
Q. Hi, I’m in love with a taken guy. We’ve been through so much together. He took my virginity, we fell asleep together, and his mom absolutely loves me. She’s constantly asking about me and says that I should come over more. BUT, he has a girlfriend. ...
A. 27 March 2018: Okay, let's break this down.
1) Yes, you are partly to blame.
2) No, you are not a PoS.
3) You would never be his "one and only" because he will be a cheat until he grows up.
4) Cutting him off completely and not letting him visit you is... (read in full...)
He has a girlfriend but he took my virginity and I think he's the "one" for me
Q. Hi, I’m in love with a taken guy. We’ve been through so much together. He took my virginity, we fell asleep together, and his mom absolutely loves me. She’s constantly asking about me and says that I should come over more. BUT, he has a girlfriend. ...
A. 25 March 2018: OP, I'm happy for you to message me. I was bullied my whole school life and have only one friend (my ex). Luckily, my ex isn't toxic for me. This guy is completely toxic for you.
You've made terrible decisions that you will regret when the crus... (read in full...)
He has a girlfriend but he took my virginity and I think he's the "one" for me
Q. Hi, I’m in love with a taken guy. We’ve been through so much together. He took my virginity, we fell asleep together, and his mom absolutely loves me. She’s constantly asking about me and says that I should come over more. BUT, he has a girlfriend. ...
A. 25 March 2018: OP, when did you last have sex with him? Did you use condoms for oral and vaginal sex? You know he's had sex with at least one other girl - his girlfriend. Chances are, he's had sex with more than that. Probably unprotected because "condoms... (read in full...)
He has a girlfriend but he took my virginity and I think he's the "one" for me
Q. Hi, I’m in love with a taken guy. We’ve been through so much together. He took my virginity, we fell asleep together, and his mom absolutely loves me. She’s constantly asking about me and says that I should come over more. BUT, he has a girlfriend. ...
A. 25 March 2018: Bloody hell, OP. You know he's a liar. You know he's full of crap; "fine being cheated on", what a load of BS! Why are you still interested? Why did you let him anywhere near you, especially being your first sexual experience? What a silly choice. ... (read in full...)
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