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I'm worried about my boyfriend's smoking.

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Health, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 April 2018) 3 Answers - (Newest, 13 April 2018)
A female Romania age 16-17, anonymous writes:

Im in a relationshio for almost 8 months with my boyfriend,we are like best friends .we Tell eachother everything,But lately he started smoking like 1-2 cigarettes per day and I found out because my best friend told me he saw him.when I asked him ,he changed the subject.he said he is stressed with school and he has problems with his family.he doesn’t smoke around me at all,but at school or when he goes with his friends out,which is rare,he smokes.we had a fight about this and he sad that it’s his choice to smoke.i understand him,but he has asthma and I’m so worried about him,he says that I’m controlling him by saying not to smoke,but I didn’t said that,I said that I’m worried about him...seriously my heart cries when he smokes.so please tell me what should I do?

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (13 April 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntOnce you start, it's usually hard to stop. Maybe he is doing it for relaxation, but it's a false "treatment".

It's his choice to smoke, but it's unwise for you to be in a relationship with a smoker. It's likely his smoking will get worse before it gets any better - *if* it gets any better.

Recommend therapy and tell him you can be there for him as a friend, but you can't be in a relationship with a smoker.

My friend smoked from about 15 - 18, managed to stop, then relapsed at about 20 when things got really stressful at university. He rarely did it (one every few weeks), but then the stress intensified and it became every day. He got his vape fixed and uses that now, but it's been like that for about a year and a half now. He doesn't want to, but he has no spare time to see someone about stopping and getting other support.

I know he has it in him to stop again, but it's a long road and he'll always be craving it. If your boyfriend chooses to continue, instead of getting help now, it will absolutely become a long-term problem. There's nothing good about being with a smoker at such a young age.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (12 April 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntThere is nothing really that you can do. He is right, it is his choice. So either you accept it or else end things with him and tell him you do not want to be with a smoker.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2018):

Smoking is a sensitive topic when you discuss it with smokers. Have you asked him why he's smoking? Is he doing it in order to look cool? Or does he smoke to relax? Personally, i started smoking since i was 16, it was a stupid move, one of my friends let me try it. I didn't like it at first but then i started to feel that it was the only method to feel relaxed. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorders,  and smoking was my only way to feel chilled. I quit it after few years, because i also have asthma since i was little because my parents are heavy smokers and that's why i got my asthma. You should definitely tell him that he should quit, because trust me, asthma+smoking= A VERY BAD IDEA. He will end up having trouble sleeping at night, shortness of breath, lack of energy, not being able to run/walk because he will feel very dizzy. Was a bad experience for me, i would have my inhaler with me all the time, and it's sometimes awkward to use it in some situations. Tell him he should visit a therapist if he feels depressed or something. But dont make him feel that your relationship is based on him smoking or not, if he doesn't listen to you after you advise him, let it be, he will realize by himself later. My parents no matter how much they told me not to smoke, i did secretly, but then i realised by myself that i should stop.

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