A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello readers,I am ashamed and embarrassed to admit that I am in love with a married woman.I am a 33 year old man, I am mostly sensible and don't want things I can't have. I live with my girlfriend of 10 years. She's everything I should want.SHE is a 35 year old married mother of young children. I met her six years ago. I've always thought about her too much. Found excuses to talk to her, confided in her and generally loved her company. About a year ago it hit me hard, I adore her, I want her, I can't escape the idea that we're supposed to be together. She is unhappy in her marriage, she does all the heavy lifting and her husband takes her granted. She never criticises him, but her description of her life makes it obvious she's exhausted and feels used. She does flirt with me, puts up with me. I am sometimes awful to her, on purpose, I want her to hate me and stay away, but she licks her wounds and comes back. Her body language says she likes me, she sometimes says and does flirtatious things, but she hasn't given me any clear indication that she feels the same way, at least to the same level.So,Is it ever right to tell a married woman that you love her? Is it ever right to tell a married woman with young kids that you love her? There is not one shred of doubt in my mind that I love her - I have never wanted anybody or anything more in my life.But,I can't risk ruining our friendship, I would rather have her in some capacity than none. I also want to destroy her marriage, I want to rescue her, but it feels so selfish.Tell me I should just leave her alone.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2018): I kept reading expecting to find the excuse "she's unhappy with her marriage." Right on time; its usually in the middle of the post.
Hoping to soften us up with some gentle sweet-talk about your feelings for your present woman. There's always a "but!"
Ten years and you haven't even considered marrying your girlfriend; but you're enamored with some other guy's wife?
I think you're being toyed with. She's teasing you. I bet her marriage is just fine. I think you're placing her up on a pedestal and fantasizing. Mostly because you're bored with your girl-friend.
You're going to rescue a "MILFY" married-woman with kids from her marriage? Ladies pardon the awful acronym, it's to make a hard-point!
Shouldn't you consider how your girlfriend would feel about all this, and all the time and feelings she has invested in you for a whole decade? While all this is going through your mind.
Dude, seriously?!!
Gosh, I wish she was the one writing the post!
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (8 April 2018):
 The grass is always greener on the other side. Maybe he does take her for granted, but she's not going to be as great as you think she is.
Let your girlfriend go; she deserves a guy who won't think he's in love with someone else.
She doesn't WANT to leave him or she would. Whether he's a jerk or not, she's CHOOSING to stay. It doesn't appear that he's abusive, so there's no clear reason, other than choice.
You know you should leave her alone, but you don't care enough to. The same way she's not unhappy enough to leave.
This isn't love - not even on your part. You don't KNOW her like a long term boyfriend or HUSBAND does. You THINK she's perfect for you, but marriage is a two-way street and she isn't leaving, which means he's not as awful as she's telling you or she's part of the problem too.
Back off and don't tell her you "love" her because it's BS. She's someone you can't have. That's why you "love" her, rather than just see her as a friend.
Seriously, stop flirting. Be respectful and do what you KNOW you should do. Be single and reduce your contact with this MARRIED woman.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (8 April 2018):
 Perhaps you should ask your girlfriend this question? Or your married woman's husband? Or, better still, the children? After all, if you DO tell her you love her and this eventually leads to something between you, all these other people are going to be affected, especially the children.
I feel she is using you to escape the unhappiness of her marriage. However, her marriage is obviously not unhappy enough to cause her to end it, so something is keeping her there. She CHOOSES to stay with her husband, regardless of whether it is a happy relationship or not.
Should you tell her you love her? What do YOU think?
Being in a relationship does not make us blind to the attraction of others. However, how we ACT on that attraction shows our true moral compass. You cannot stop yourself feeling attracted to her (although having less contact with her would be more fair on you, her, her husband, her children and your poor girlfriend). However, you CAN stop yourself getting carried away and ruining two relationships (you don't actually KNOW she is unhappy, you are just assuming) and possibly badly affecting the lives of her children. For their sake if nothing else, you need to rein yourself in and act like a responsible adult.
You KNOW deep down this is not a good idea, otherwise you would not be asking the question. If your relationship with your girlfriend is no longer fulfilling, end it kindly and cleanly, and move on. Unless this married woman ends her marriage, she is not free to love you the way you love her. Leave her alone.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 April 2018):
 This woman is playing you like a fiddle and in the meantime, your girlfriend of 10 years, you know, the one you LIVE with while you are mooning over somebody else' wife doesn't even rate a mention?
Do the woman a favour and tell her how you really feel about your married "friend." because mate, you are a low down lying cheating arsehat!
Your girlfriend deserves much better than you!
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