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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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Boyfriend tells me he doesn't want kids, I leave crying and I haven't heard from him since. How is he so cold?
Q. My LDR boyfriend of a year and a half finally admitted to me that he had 100% decided that he doesn't want kids. I am 40, have frozen my eggs and most days I feel the incredible yearning for a family. I say "finally admitted" because he has k...
A. 11 March 2019: Do NOT get back with him. Having a child is NOT okay when he only agrees to it or says he wants one because he wants to “win” you back. OP, find someone else; it’s been nearly a year and you can find someone who wants children and wants them with ... (read in full...)
I'm sitting here alone and pregnant, can I get any advice?
Q. I dated this guy for almost six months during the time I got pregnant.Issues between me and his mom became apparent when she and her daughter begin writting shady comments on my fb page I finally confront both of them and his mom end up call me a ...
A. 30 July 2018: Your follow up is great, but child support is necessary for the child, not for you. You can move on, but that child still deserves the financial support from the father, so please don't walk away without it. You do all of those good things you ... (read in full...)
What does this type of hug mean?
Q. I was getting ready to leave my friend's house when I asked him for a hug. He accepted by stretching his arms out towards me, inviting me in. At first, he had his hands on my upper back. Then, after a few seconds, he decided to lower them down to my ...
A. 30 July 2018: A hug. It means "you asked for a hug. I'm giving you a hug."
A lot of people, particularly young people, have a way of hugging women and a way of hugging men. No matter which woman or man it is, the hug stays the same as it is for the other me... (read in full...)
Are my parents right to punish me with a prison type punishment ?
Q. IS IT RIGHT THAT MY PARENTS HAVE PUT ME IN PRISON ? AND ARE THEY BEING MEAN FOR NOT LETTING ME GO OUT INTO OUR GARDEN ? I got caught shoplifting, my parents said they don't want to see me go to jail, so are punishing me severely, they h...
A. 29 July 2018: Stop with the capitals and shouting. You shoplifted, so yes, this punishment is fair, provided you can open a window for fresh air and still have regular food and drinks.
You need to buck your ideas up, OP. I'm glad you're bored. You're not supp... (read in full...)
Lack of sex has made me cheat on my partner. Do I just leave him?
Q. Hi My partner of 6 yrs does not have sex with me at all. He says he just can't be arsed and does not have any interest in sex. I have lived like this for 5 yrs with him. I the first yr he rarely did have sex with me. We are 50 and 51. I have s...
A. 29 July 2018: OP, you're a middle-aged woman who puts no effort into treating people with respect. Not only that, but you are plenty old enough to financially support yourself. Bloomin' heck - sponging off of someone AND cheating on them. What a horrible person ... (read in full...)
Any good tips on moving on?
Q. Me and my boyfriend broke up about 2 months ago now and I still think about it every single day. It ended really badly where I knew there were issues I was willing to work on and he wasn't ready to take any blame on his side. He was happy to say it ...
A. 29 July 2018: Give it time. Closure usually comes from within yourself and acceptance of the situation, emotions, the need to gradually let go, etc. - Pick up a new hobby - Find places you can go (safely) by yourself when lonely - Find YouTube videos ... (read in full...)
Why are some women adamantly against their husband/boyfriends looking at porn?
Q. I'm just a bit curious. It seems that to some women the worst sin a man can commit is looking at porn and I don't get it. They are just images on a screen of women he most likely will never meet or ever have a chance with. The chances of ...
A. 29 July 2018: Between the couple: insecurities, porn obsession, feeling less of a turn on than porn, not being desired as much, etc.
I understand what porn is for, but it's pretty easy to get out of control and to neglect your partner. Would it bother you if s... (read in full...)
He said he gave me a test, I call it pure BS
Q. The other day the gut I've seeing for a couple of months asked if its OK if he still sleeps with other women I got really upset andsaid no it ruined the nice night we were having. now he's saying but he only said that to test if I was serious about ...
A. 27 July 2018: He was testing the waters to see if you'd say it was fine. Chances are, he's already done it or wants to, so it doesn't seem like a good idea to continue dating him.... (read in full...)
Was this interaction cheating?
Q. Hi Guys, I am confused at the moment and need advice. My girlfriend received nude pictures from a guy she had a fling with way before we started dating. He asked her for pictures and she replied saying no you should send me pictures. he end...
A. 27 July 2018: It's not cheating, but it's weird and inappropriate. Why encourage nudes from someone you're not with? It just seems immature of her and inconsiderate.
Ask her if she'd block him. If she says no, you know where you stand. If someday you notice s... (read in full...)
We've been online dating for 9 months and he just now knows I'm a virgin. Is he upset to not know sooner?
Q. i have been dating this man for 9 months online. he has recently, within the last week, been so shocked to hear that i am a virgin. i sense that he is angry at me for revealing this piece of info now- not months ago. lack of trust maybe i d...
A. 27 July 2018: I just want to start with zodiac signs never help. They are a cool hobby or interest, but they are made up and don't fit all or most people accurately. Never make decisions based on astrological signs.
Anyway, back to the main thing: there's ... (read in full...)
I'm uncomfortable with my boyfriends online long distance female friend
Q. I am very insecure about my boyfriends female friend. They have been friends for 5 years and have only met twice within the 5 years. She lives in another part of the country. They met online but he decided he just wanted to remains friends with ...
A. 27 July 2018: Get some therapy. I know some say "you don't need therapy, you just need to get over it", but therapy is there for a reason and if you pay for it, you get a service. At the very least, paying for one or two sessions could give you some good ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a guy tilts his head while he's smiling you?
Q. My guy friend and I were sitting together in a room by ourselves and we were facing each other. After he was done talking to me, we both became silent and stared into each other's eyes. He was staring at me for about 10 seconds and I was starting to ...
A. 26 July 2018: I think he had a crick in his neck bc a burp that made it look like he was smiling.
In all seriousness, OP, ask his girlfriend or ignore him.... (read in full...)
Has anyone ever had a break with their partner and what was the outcome?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half and last night he told me he wasn’t feeling the same. We had a talk about this a few weeks ago and had planned to work it out. But he had told me last night that he didn’t want to keep it ...
A. 26 July 2018: A break is essentially a break up. Sometimes people come back together years later, after dating other people, and it works, but breaks are break ups.
Call it what it is, move on and if it's meant to be, you'll find each other again in a few year... (read in full...)
Can I call her my close friend if she forgot I had skin cancer?
Q. I was diagnosed with a cancerous mole a few months ago and had it removed. It was a simple procedure and I am very glad I caught it early, therefore I wasn't too shaken up by it. I had only told a few of my close friends that I had skin cancer. ...
A. 23 July 2018: I think you're overthinking it. Most people are busy and would forget something, even their own things! Let it go unless there's more to this.... (read in full...)
How can I approach an actress for an autograph when she's unfriendly?
Q. I’m going to see a favorite theater show at the theater in 2 weeks,. I’d like to say hi and get a photo with 1 of the co actors at stage door after. she’s known for being cold/unfriendly and aloof. She’s very talented and has a sma...
A. 21 July 2018: In the nicest possible way, you seem a little old to be fan-girling over a small-time theatre actress who doesn't like to be approached by fans.
Write a letter. If she doesn't respond, you know where you stand. At least a letter gives her the chan... (read in full...)
How can I approach an actress for an autograph when she's unfriendly?
Q. I’m going to see a favorite theater show at the theater in 2 weeks,. I’d like to say hi and get a photo with 1 of the co actors at stage door after. she’s known for being cold/unfriendly and aloof. She’s very talented and has a sma...
A. 21 July 2018: You just do and accept if she refuses or ignores you.
That said, I feel like we've seen this post every so often several times, as though it's on an OP is slightly obsessed with - anyone else feel this is familiar?... (read in full...)
Kicked out of a cosplay group, what did I do to cause such a bad reaction?
Q. We got DRUNK and I slept at a member’s house. His idea. He’s got a gf. He’s asked me over his place before. The leader went mad. He lost it when we hadn’t done anything and were on separate sofas. There is nothing romantic between me and the ...
A. 21 July 2018: You got drunk and stayed at some guys house. That's the issue.
For starters, you were vulnerable. He has/had a girlfriend. You refused to get a lift home or stay elsewhere.
Groups rely on trust and don't want drama. You sleeping at some... (read in full...)
I'm sitting here alone and pregnant, can I get any advice?
Q. I dated this guy for almost six months during the time I got pregnant.Issues between me and his mom became apparent when she and her daughter begin writting shady comments on my fb page I finally confront both of them and his mom end up call me a ...
A. 20 July 2018: For what it's worth, I think you should really consider Anon's advice. I didn't mention abortion because I don't know when it's "too late", but it's something to discuss with a doctor.
He's shown you can't rely on him. If you have the baby, th... (read in full...)
I've tried making the best of a mediocre, rocky married life but now I've met someone who makes me feel good and want to move out with my daughter
Q. I am 34, married for 4 years with 2 daughters, one is daughter is a step daughter. My relationship has been rocky from the start but me being the strong willed i have tried to make it.... On the start, my husband was big headed and we could neve...
A. 19 July 2018: Whether you try to work on your marriage or not, this new guy isn't the answer.
If you're unhappy in your marriage and don't want to try to fix it, then leave with your daughter and support yourselves, but don't move in with this new guy or even ... (read in full...)
I'm sitting here alone and pregnant, can I get any advice?
Q. I dated this guy for almost six months during the time I got pregnant.Issues between me and his mom became apparent when she and her daughter begin writting shady comments on my fb page I finally confront both of them and his mom end up call me a ...
A. 18 July 2018: OP, please bear with this; it's important.... GROW UP. Being four months pregnant doesn't mean you shouldn't work. You should absolutely work. Get a job immediately and work until you are close to giving birth, unless a doctor says sooner. Mos... (read in full...)
What would you do in my situation? Travel first or settle down now, travel in retirement?
Q. I have been in a relationship with a man for a year. I'm pretty happy with this guy. We've had ups and downs, but overall things are good between us. We love each other. We have a holiday booked together and are planning to move in together. Howeve...
A. 17 July 2018: "I would save up faster if I went on less holidays. But I don't see moving abroad for work as a holiday. It is a career move." That's true.... then you said this: " I want to get in shape before I go and I have 3 trips away booked" So, he's right... (read in full...)
Everyone tells us moving in together after 2 months of dating is too soon!
Q. What's the consensus for knowing when you're ready to move in with someone? My boyfriend and I have only been dating for a little over 2 months, but we see each other every day (we work at the same company), spend hours/weekends at a time togeth...
A. 17 July 2018: Just to add: "we both want to move out of our parents' houses and be on our own and it just makes sense to do it together" is a bad reason to do it. It actually makes no sense to do it together, when you've only been together for 2 months.
Also,... (read in full...)
Everyone tells us moving in together after 2 months of dating is too soon!
Q. What's the consensus for knowing when you're ready to move in with someone? My boyfriend and I have only been dating for a little over 2 months, but we see each other every day (we work at the same company), spend hours/weekends at a time togeth...
A. 17 July 2018: It takes much longer than two measly months to know if you're right for each other. Why move in with someone when there's so much uncertainty, unless you're too infatuated to see the reality of it? Why rush into it? Staying over for a week is to... (read in full...)
I overheard my wife saying that her ex was the best sex she'd ever had and now my ego is shattered!
Q. So my ego has been devastated and I really don’t know how to handle this. Turns out I’m not the best sex my wife has ever had. Any advice is appreciated. About a week ago my wife had one of her friends at our house for some drinks. After ha...
A. 13 July 2018: I understand why some are suggesting you speak to your wife about it, but I think that should be a last resort, as you eavesdropped and she'll know you did, which could reduce her trust in you allowing her to have private conversations with her ... (read in full...)
I overheard my wife saying that her ex was the best sex she'd ever had and now my ego is shattered!
Q. So my ego has been devastated and I really don’t know how to handle this. Turns out I’m not the best sex my wife has ever had. Any advice is appreciated. About a week ago my wife had one of her friends at our house for some drinks. After ha...
A. 11 July 2018: I get that it stung, but you were listening to their conversation, instead of going out of earshot.
1) He was better in bed.
2) She wouldn't cheat on you.
3) He was a jerk.
You're focusing on the fact she lied to you about you being the ... (read in full...)
I think I'm a great catch so why don't more guys go after me?
Q. I’m in my early 20’s and I’ve been single for a few months now, and I’m having a hard time figuring out why guys don’t really approach me when I go out nor message me. Even on dating apps like Tinder, I don’t have as many guys as I’d like try to ...
A. 11 July 2018: "I’m not cocky at all but I feel like I’m a great catch." That really contradicts itself - especially when you add in the "look like a model" stuff.
Most of the things you mentioned were appearance-based too. More to people than that, OP. You shou... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is going away on vacation for two weeks!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 8 months and we have an amazing relationship. In a few weeks he’s going away with his family to his family’s house in Europe for 2 weeks. I know this sounds pathetic, but I’m genuinely upset that he’s ...
A. 11 July 2018: You are overreacting, but I think you know that. "Upset" is a strong negative feeling when someone you're newly dating is going away for only a fortnight.
I think taking a picture every day becomes "text pesty". Give him a couple of days (maybe o... (read in full...)
What would you do in my situation? Travel first or settle down now, travel in retirement?
Q. I have been in a relationship with a man for a year. I'm pretty happy with this guy. We've had ups and downs, but overall things are good between us. We love each other. We have a holiday booked together and are planning to move in together. Howeve...
A. 10 July 2018: I think it's been incorrectly assumed that people can get a mortgage on their own in the UK - most can't. A large number of people in their late 20s/early 30s are stuck living with their parents to save up for a mortgage, so it's impossible for the ... (read in full...)
I'm 8 weeks pregnant and questioning my relationship with my partner because I just found out that he's slept with numerous prostitutes before we met.
Q. Hello. I am 8 weeks pregnant , was so happy with everything and looking forward to the future but now I’m seriously re thinking the whole thing. I have been with my partner a while and we were just discussing the blood tests I am getting for...
A. 5 July 2018: It's not entirely rare, but it's not very common either. It's also not selfish to feel the way you do; I'd probably feel different about someone I was dating too.
That said, you're pregnant, so you've both gone past that stage now and you've g... (read in full...)
To have sex or not ever have sex?
Q. Mod note: combined posts Why are people hypocrites when it comes to sex? And by that I mean, I am a 26 year old virgin and my friends tell me to wait and how my virginity is such a great gift. They will tell me I am lucky to be virgin, that sex ...
A. 4 July 2018: All I'd say about not having sex before marriage is that it's like not living with someone before marriage. Until we live with someone for a few months, we can't understand: - what quirks they have, - how they handle bills, - how they sleep... (read in full...)
I don’t have to get married but I still want a ring!
Q. I am hurt, Insulted and don't know what to do. My bf and i are together already for 3 years. Everything smooth and find. But there's one thing im asking him to do for me. A partnership ring. Yes ' not wedding ring but a partnership ring. He ...
A. 3 July 2018: If I'm honest, you seem to be settling for someone who isn't compatible and doesn't want the same future that you do. What you do about it is up to you. Sorry, OP.... (read in full...)
Is it ok to fall in love with your cousin?
Q. My whole family went to Minnesota to visit my aunt and cousins! My cousin is a boy, 16 Years old and I’m 15 Years old and a girl. When I first saw him it was like love at first sight....sometimes he would roll his tounge at me just to be funny or...
A. 3 July 2018: It's not love, it's hormones. As long as you don't act on it or tell him, it's okay and totally normal.
This happens all the time, OP. You need to be mature about it and remind yourself that it's just a crush because you're used to him.
Serious... (read in full...)
How do I stop getting erections around her?
Q. My second cousin (a female) and I spend a lot of time together. We are both 13 years old and we share a lot of hobbies. We are both cousins and friends. The problem is that I keep on getting erections around her. I will admit she is extremely...
A. 1 July 2018: OP, guys get erections for lots of reasons. Wake Up. Math Class. Swimming. Shower. Sunbathing. Library. Cinema. Waiting Room.
Whether your cousin is cute or not, that doesn't mean you're erection is because of that. Find trousers that keep you... (read in full...)
My pregnant wife swears and breaks things when angry, sometimes I think I'd rather raise the baby as a single dad.
Q. She is 36 weeks pregnant. I've been night shift all week and sleeping during the day. I have university 2 days per week and I will go straight from work to a half day of uni. Return home about 4pm and sleep until 10pm then go to work. I'm full ...
A. 1 July 2018: OP, we're here to support you, but this is an advice site. You don't want advice. You need to either get a divorce and fight for custody or seek a professional therapist to vent to.... (read in full...)
My partner doesn't help with the new baby, is overpowering and dominant, and abusive when drunk. I've had enough of him!
Q. Hi all, I am at a crossroad in my relationship/life. I had a beautiful baby month in January this year. He is my pride and joy. However I am now seeing a side of my fiancee that i hate (i know thats a strong word) I'm not sure I love him or want to ...
A. 28 June 2018: I know some abusers can change after a commitment has been made and they've "trapped" you, but did you really now know he thought it was a woman's job to take care of the home and babies alone? Like there was no sign of that belief at all?
Botto... (read in full...)
Am I mean to delete all our photos from his phone?
Q. I plan to break up with my boyfriend but I don't want to let him know until I delete all our photos together from his phone. Am I mean to delete all our photos from his phone? I never wanted to take pictures with him in the first place because I ...
A. 28 June 2018: "Am I mean to delete all our photos from his phone?" No, purely because you can't do it. It's illegal and it's none of your business what he has on his phone.
That said, him keeping pictures of exes should have shown you that he was going to keep ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend left for a night of hard drugs and drinking and I haven't heard from him in 24 hours. Should I dump him?
Q. Hi. My boyfriend went on a night out that resulted in me not hearing from him for over 24 hours. He said he had ended up drinking all night with some guy he met and tried to get cocaine too. While doing this he also decided to ignore my messages ...
A. 28 June 2018: If my friend (former boyfriend) goes out, I usually ask him if he can let me know when he gets back safely, if it's at night, just because it's a dangerous world and I'd ask my family and other friends the same. He sometimes texts me, so I'll reply, ... (read in full...)
My best friend is in love with me but I don't feel the same way and now I've lost my best and only friend because we're not even on talking terms
Q. Me and my guy best friend has been friends for years. He confessed his feelings to me, he was in love with me too much. He would never leave a day without talking to me. I love him as my best friend. And i can't imagine myself not having him beside ...
A. 28 June 2018: At this point, you're like family, albeit his is also romantic interest. Losing a family member is really hard. Routine changes, feelings are hurt and things are raw. People get through it, though.
You need to find new friends. One of the reasons ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend tells me he doesn't want kids, I leave crying and I haven't heard from him since. How is he so cold?
Q. My LDR boyfriend of a year and a half finally admitted to me that he had 100% decided that he doesn't want kids. I am 40, have frozen my eggs and most days I feel the incredible yearning for a family. I say "finally admitted" because he has k...
A. 28 June 2018: OP, he knew you'd never not want kids. You froze your eggs, for goodness sake. That's a commitment to it.
Also, whilst he could have been a little nicer about it, there would have been no point in talking marriage when you were obviously so incom... (read in full...)
Boyfriend tells me he doesn't want kids, I leave crying and I haven't heard from him since. How is he so cold?
Q. My LDR boyfriend of a year and a half finally admitted to me that he had 100% decided that he doesn't want kids. I am 40, have frozen my eggs and most days I feel the incredible yearning for a family. I say "finally admitted" because he has k...
A. 27 June 2018: I can't add to HP's great response. All I'm going to say is that, if you're financially and mentally stable, I think you need to just get a sperm donor and have a baby on your own. You are getting older and now is the time to have a baby, rather ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is being secretive of his phone and is liking Instagram pictures of girls in bikinis!
Q. I am 16 and my boyfriend is 15. We have been dating for almost 5 months. He is from Israel and went to go visit his family for 6 weeks. It has only been less than a week since he left but for a couple of weeks before he left I have been getting a ...
A. 26 June 2018: OP, he's fifteen. He's a boy, not really a young man yet. You are in between a young woman and a girl - some aspects of you are more mature than others. However, at his age, most boys are still just boys. He "likes" these pictures because he hasn'... (read in full...)
How do I ask for a sex toy?
Q. I want a sex toy because, I'm a 17 year old girl now. I know after I ask I'm going to say, think of it this way, I'm still a virgin. Most people my age aren't anymore. But the problem is, I have to ask my dad. Not a mom. How do I do this? I'm ...
A. 24 June 2018: Buy your own. No, seriously. You don't ask parents for this kind of toy. You earn money and get your own. Also, the majority of people your age ARE still virgins. Some lie and pretend they aren't, while others don't want to share because of ... (read in full...)
My ex wants to say goodbye!
Q. My ex of 1 year got a job opportunity in France a few months back and we decided to end it due to the distance. She wants to see me before she leaves but I don’t know if that is a good idea as I’m trying to move on and it may spark old feelings ...
A. 24 June 2018: I agree that I think you'll regret not going, but that you should keep it in public and non-date-like.
I think it would help solidify "she's going to another country, that's the end of it" for you, even if it stings a little.... (read in full...)
My pregnant wife swears and breaks things when angry, sometimes I think I'd rather raise the baby as a single dad.
Q. She is 36 weeks pregnant. I've been night shift all week and sleeping during the day. I have university 2 days per week and I will go straight from work to a half day of uni. Return home about 4pm and sleep until 10pm then go to work. I'm full ...
A. 18 March 2018: OP, you're other post (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-wife-wont-allow-me-to-choose-our.html) and this one show you need to leave your wife. You can stay miserable, but she is a volatile person and your baby is not safe with her.
Quite... (read in full...)
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