A
female
age
18-21,
*bauer
writes:I am 16 and my boyfriend is 15. We have been dating for almost 5 months. He is from Israel and went to go visit his family for 6 weeks. It has only been less than a week since he left but for a couple of weeks before he left I have been getting a weird vibe between us. We haven't been communicating as much or talking like the way we did a couple months ago. I know that since he is in Israel communicating a lot is not going to be very easy but I also found out that he has been commenting heart emojis on this girl's instagram pictures for the past month now and liking other girls instagram pictures which I am fine with but they are all of them in bikinis. He doesn't even comment on my instagram pictures and I am his girlfriend. I asked his sister if she knew her and she said she had never heard of her. Is there something that I should be concerned about between them? I have also noticed that he has been very secretive on his phone lately. Like, I used to go on his phone a couple of months ago and he would care but now if I go on it, he would immediately ask "what are you doing?" or take it away from me. Should I ask him whats going on? What should I do? Thanks! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2018): When I was your age, I dated a similar boy. He liked to talk about how attractive other women were, and I went along with it, because I was trying to be a "cool" girlfriend. He did a lot of things that I went along with, because I was afraid of being alone and losing something "good". I gave myself the excuse that I was a modern, free thinking girlfriend and that he would appreciate that.But then he dumped me. I found out later he had been cheating on me. It really sucked, because I had put my all into this relationship and had gotten my heart broken by a selfish teenage boy. When I was 18, I met my current boyfriend. We fell in love instantly, and throughout the past 3 years have build a loving, trusting, mature relationship. We set boundaries with one another. In fact, we both have an open phone policy--We don't need to look through each other's phones, but if one of us ever wants to, we can. We have nothing to hide. The way my current boyfriend treats me is lightyears ahead of how my ex treated me. You're going to find someone, someday, who would never dream of hurting you. He'll show you off to the world. He'll have eyes only for you. I hate to tell you this, but I don't think your current boyfriend is that guy. I think you'd be better off ending the relationship. I get it--you have happy memories and you love him. Those are hard to give up. But from someone a little older, and a little wiser--he's not worth putting up with. Everything you described sounds very sketchy to me. I think you should be the one to end it, before you find out something bad. You'll be okay, in the end. 3
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (26 June 2018):
 So he's away for 6 weeks. This is your chance to do our own thing, catch up with your friends and decide whether you prefer being on your own to being with someone you obviously don't trust.
As a 15 year old lad, he is miles less mature than a 16 year old girl. Not being sexist. Girls tend to mature faster than boys. While you are probably looking for a "steady" relationship, he is at an age where he is messing about with as many girls as possible - and rightly so. He is a mere child.
If you are not happy with him, tell yourself you are worth better than this and move on. At your age there will be many relationships with many lads before you find one who treats you well and who you trust.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (26 June 2018):
 OP, he's fifteen. He's a boy, not really a young man yet. You are in between a young woman and a girl - some aspects of you are more mature than others. However, at his age, most boys are still just boys.He "likes" these pictures because he hasn't developed the part that says "that's insensitive to my girlfriend". He isn't serious about you because you're both too young to be serious, but you're more into it than he is.This is a teen relationship that, whilst you may not want to hear it, won't last.His phone is his. Yours is yours. No snooping or invading privacy.To be honest, I'm surprised you could visit him in Israel for 6 weeks - how does someone so young manage that?You need to find someone local, OP, who is your age and in a similar emotional place to you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2018): If you read DC, you'd probably realize this is one of the most common of all posts we receive. Girlfriends upset about their boyfriends and their phones. Your devices are your private-property; and your contacts are yours to pick and choose as you wish.
In the United States, the Supreme Court just passed a ruling that the police can't track your phone or view it's contents without a warrant signed by a judge. That's how important your phone privacy is.
You don't want your parents monitoring your phone, going through your room, reading your mail, or picking your boyfriends. How would you feel if your mother insisted on going through your phone to read your text messages; or going through your purse to make sure you're not carrying drugs. You want them to trust you, and you would be furious if you found-out that they went behind your back and did it!
Going through your boyfriend's phone is just as intrusive.
You are dating at a very young age. Girls are a lot more serious about relationships at your age than boys are. Guys don't mature as fast as girls do; and develop mentally just a little bit slower psychologically. He is liking Instagram pics of young ladies he will never meet in-person. He doesn't like your pictures; maybe because he can tell you how much he likes you to your face. Which is better.
You don't get to be phone-police of your boyfriend's phone; and he has no right to monitor or snoop through yours, without permission.
Don't expect guys to handover their phones to be policed and censored like you're homeland security. It's just not going to happen. If you can't trust a guy, or you find-out he's flirting with other girls; you are going to have to learn how to breakup with them, and kick them to the curb.
He's younger than you. Psychologically, you're more like two years ahead of him. He doesn't realize you can't flirt online with other girls when you have a girlfriend. He's also going to be told by his parents not to get too serious about girls; until he's older.
For now, your puppy-love is a trial-relationship; while you both learn how to conduct a real relationship. For now, it's mostly practice. You're both just coming out of puberty. Dating is for fun and shouldn't be too intense.
You will have to learn that you'll have a tough time finding guys who will take romance that seriously; when they can't grow much more than peach-fuzz on their faces. You will also learn that they are just learning about girls and their bodies; and they are going to act like kids in a candy shop. That's almost literally what they are!
He's still a boy, and he's learning things. If you dump him, explain to him why. He will have to learn; that if you want a girlfriend, you have to respect her and her feelings. Otherwise, she will dump you!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 June 2018):
 Honestly, OP
His phone is HIS, I'm sure you have your own and don't NEED to be on his. HE (and you) have EVERY right to privacy when it comes to your tech (maybe except from your OWN parents if they check up on you). You wouldn't read his diary or journal without permission, would you? No, because THOSE are private and today SO are phones.
Maybe he feels like you are going through his phone to find stuff. Or maybe he is hiding things from you and thus don't want you on his phone. Could be either.
As for the *heart emoji* on girls in bikinis... I mean for his age its not really surprising. They see a girl on bikini and loses their shit. Pretty immature BUT not too strange for someone his age. NOW that doesn't mean it's OK, just not surprising.
My advice, he will be gone 5 more week, so go DO your thing, hang out with friend and family and don't spend so much time worrying or over-analyzing his Instagram account. Seriously.
Don't bend over backward here, invest as much time and effort on contact while he is gone as HE does.
And IF you are still dating when he gets back, BRING it up that you find it uncouth and immature to follow bikini models. Ask him how HE would feel if you did the same to a bunch of semi-nude BUFF men... See what he says.
However, He can like whatever he wants, right? But if he PREFERS to "like" these women's pictures over you and your pictures (the one he is DATING) then maybe he isn't ready for a REAL relationship, you know one of those where you actually give a flying fart about how your actions affect your partner.
He sounds like he is rather immature, except for the whole phone thing... I think YOU need to have a little respect for that thing we all call PRIVACY.
...............................
|
