A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half and last night he told me he wasn’t feeling the same. We had a talk about this a few weeks ago and had planned to work it out. But he had told me last night that he didn’t want to keep it going whilst he wasn’t feeling right. We spoke last night and were both very upset. I said there was only one thing we could do and that was break up. We know we love each other and care for one another very much but there is some feeling on his side that isn’t there at the moment. We had spoke about this being a break to see if that’s what we needed. To see if the realisation and love will come back once we take some time away from each other, because this is something we have never done before. Has anyone ever had a break with their partner and what was the outcome? I have read that breaks can overall improve relationships or sometimes maybe not.
View related questions:
a break Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (26 July 2018):
 A break is essentially a break up. Sometimes people come back together years later, after dating other people, and it works, but breaks are break ups.
Call it what it is, move on and if it's meant to be, you'll find each other again in a few years.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (26 July 2018):
 The relationship is over.
I’m another believer that breaks are a load of rubbish. It’s an easier way of working towards a break up. It makes it sound like the initiator is doing everything they can do to prevent the relationship ending but if they cared that much then why wouldn’t they of mentioned something before they fell out of love and fought to keep things together?
Why should YOU be kept in limbo whilst he decides whether he still feels something for you? Having to sit and wait until he decides whether he wants to stay or go? He couldn’t be more clear, he doesn’t feel the same, therefore don’t settle for someone who can’t make their mind up.
Breaks are a load of crap. Even if he changed his mind after it you’re always going to have doubts of how he feels because he’s been on the verge of ending things in the past. Could you happily move on from that and forget it all happened? I sincerely doubt it.
Tell him all the best for the future and then block all his contact. Move on with your life, the relationship is dead and he’s trying to let you down as gently as possible. Don’t be left hanging by someone who’s not sure of their feelings. You can do better.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (26 July 2018):
 In most cases, a "break" just puts off the inevitable - a break UP.
It usually means that at least one of the parties concerned wants to end the relationship completely but either doesn't have the backbone to do it quickly and cleanly (possibly for fear of upsetting the other party too much) or, if there is a third party concerned, isn't sure of their ground so is hedging their bets so that, if things with the third party don't work out as hoped, they can go back to the original relationship and just carry on where they left off. Sadly this seldom works and the scenario is usually played over and over again until they meet someone else they DO want to stay with.
I have never understood "breaks". It is just putting someone's life "on hold" until the other party decides what they want. For instance, are you both allowed to date other people? If so, why not just break up completely and then, IF you decide you do want to be together, there is nothing to stop you getting back together.
You are very young and, if he is a similar age to you, he is probably just too young to settle down yet. He MAY love you in his own way but, if it is too early for him to settle down, then it is too early and there is nothing you can do about it.
In your shoes I would hear what he is telling you and opt for a complete break-up. Show him you are not going to sit around waiting for him to make up his mind about your relationship. If you two are meant to be together, you will get back together anyway. If not, then you are just prolonging the pain.
Be brave. Take life by the horns and mould it to YOUR liking. Don't be anyone's "plan B".
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2018): It's a hard thing to accept, but when someone tells you they aren't into the relationship anymore; take them at their word. Don't torture yourself waiting around on pins and needles; while they already know they really want to break-up.
He knows you're going to be emotional, and get very upset; and can't figure out an easy way to just ask you to breakup.
"Taking breaks" is just delaying the inevitable; and in most cases a breakup is the final result.
People sometimes think cutting lines of communication will fix a problem. If you avoid communication, you disconnect; and the problem remains unresolved. Probably getting even worse with time.
IF there has been a series of disagreements or arguments, you don't take a break' you allow each other time to cool-off, and sort-out your thoughts. You are on a designated time and place you can come together; and calmly, but rationally, discuss things. Try to compromise and resolve the matter through communication. Be a good listener, don't manipulate with tears or emotionalizing. Try to be grown-up about it.
Taking breaks is retreating until you can come-up with a good exit-strategy. It's sometimes necessary when you have an unreasonable partner you know you can't talk to, or reason with; because they might be given to drama, making a scene, or having tantrums.
He may be a little cowardly to tell you he's just tired of the relationship; and wants to start seeing other girls. Be that the case or not; just assume it is, and let him go.
Don't allow him to play head-games and mess around with your feelings. You decide what's best for you. He has already told you he isn't feeling right. That means he doesn't want to date you anymore.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (25 July 2018):
 No breaks doesn't "improve" on a relationship in general. I don't know where you have heard such nonsense.
The whole idea of taking a "break" if things aren't good or working out serves LITTLE purpose. Either the people involved sit down and figure out WHAT is not working and HOW to fix it (if possible). They don't walk away and presume things will fix itself in their absence.
Can you imagine a company where people or the owners go on holiday when there are problems? Thinking Oh, the problem will fix itself while I'm gone?
No, because it's NOT realistic.
How is "taking a break" going to fix anything? If you two spend "too much time together" or don't feel there is enough time for friends/hobbies and family then TAKE the time for those too. A "break" doesn't fix anything. Identifying the ISSUE and working on it... might. Planning to "fix" things.. doesn't work either.
And what about WHILE you two are on a "break" have you two set up boundaries or are you BOTH totally OK with the other partner perhaps hooking up with other people?
I would just break up. And work on moving forward. I would REFUSE to pretend to be "friends" and cut all contact. The only way for him to see if it's YOU he isn't feeling "the same" about or life in general is by removing yourself from that equation.
And WHILE you are broken up, decide if he really is the right partner for you. 1 1/2 year is not THAT long of a time so for him to be "not feeling the same" probably means he either ISN'T really ready for a long term relationship, immature or just not in the right place in his life for something serious.
Sorry, OP I know that is not what you wanted to hear.
ON the other hand, there are times where people break up and then realize THAT was such a mistake! The thing with that is, you can't turn back the time, you can't erase the hurt you put the partner through by wanting a "break" or breaking up. Eventually what FIRST make the person think, this isn't working for me will crop up again and again.... And then you end up on/off dating a yo-yo.
...............................
|
