A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am hurt, Insulted and don't know what to do. My bf and i are together already for 3 years. Everything smooth and find. But there's one thing im asking him to do for me. A partnership ring. Yes ' not wedding ring but a partnership ring. He was married before but cheated by his ex wife from that he got trauma with getting married again. I was also married, a wonderful perfect marriage. But sadly my husband passed away already. I love being called wife, it's a shame but yes I asked my bf already 3x if we could get married and I was also 3x rejected. It's pain. He even mention to me how expensive his wedding ring before with his ex wife. So I told him if he don't wanna get married maybe a partner ring will work for us. I just really love wearing a ring with either husband or partner. And he said no! Instead he bought us a cheap bracelet which after 1 month got broken. So we both can't wear it anymore. I know he love me, I can feel it. But when I think of him doesn't like to wear a partnership ring for us I feel really really sad and so much insulted. I don't need to get married if he don't like. But I think a partnership ring is not bad at all but even that he did rejected qqme. You can find it childish but this ring really meant for me as a woman. I am on a point to separate with him because of that. If he can not wear it for me then what is that mean? I even accept that he can only wear it when we are together and if he go to work he can take it out. But even that is no! It's really pain. I love him so much but in his reactions he is pushing me away.. If he keeps hurting me in this matters one day i will give up on him because this is really important to me. Why man doesn't understand sometimes the feelings of their girls????!!!! Im tired of getting hurt I'm too old for that!
View related questions:
cheap, ex-wife, his ex, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 July 2018):
 You need to ask yourself what is more important to you in life, him wearing a ring or you being single? If the ring is a deal breaker for you then yes you should end the relationship because he has made his feelings clear and you cannot force him to want the same thing as you both. He met you in the middle and bought bracelets, he is trying and it does sound like he loves you but it is clear he does not want a ring on his finger again so it is up to you now what you do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2018): Here we are again; at that critical-stage and time-period; the 3-5/5-7 year phase within a long-term relationship.
It might be fair to ask, why'd you choose a guy with such an unhealthy bitterness towards marriage?
One woman can't completely turn marriage into hell from now until forever.
You personally don't hold that kind of eternal-grudge towards marriage; so it's odd you'd partner with someone so damaged by his ex-wife and their divorce. She may have cheated; but he's got a king-sized briar up his butt. He's the unforgiving-type. They go on my reject-pile. I'd like to be a fly on the wall; to see if things are truly as wonderful as you claim.
Yep, it has hit the 3-year mark. No marriage-proposal on the horizon; and one of the partners within the relationship is yearning for some sort of visible-acknowledgement of the commitment. Some symbol or tangible reassurance whether there's a remote possibility of a next-step. What exactly does the future hold? You're a different woman. You're not his ex-wife. So why are YOU paying for HER sins?
Hasn't the 3-year trial-period proven you wifey-material?
The ring is more than symbolic; this is a test! My guess is, he failed miserably! You can't take-back the 3 years!
BTW, friendship-rings or going-steady rings are more appropriate for teenagers. Not mature-adults who fully understand what commitment and devotion to a relationship is all about. He wants a perpetual-girlfriend, offering all the benefits of having a wife. The freedom to walkaway at the end, with no legal-strings attached. "Traumatized" my eye!
He has given you an answer. No ring! It would only spoil you and set your expectations even higher. At least that's probably what's going on in his mind.
Too often women submit/surrender to (settle for) relationships on their boyfriend's terms; assuming time will change his mind about establishing something more permanent. Maybe it will, and maybe it won't! How long are you willing to wait to find out? You claim you don't expect anything more. Well a ring is usually an indication of hope towards the future and something better.
You like being called a man's wife. You like evidence of a firm and established-commitment. Therefore, you have to find yourself a partner on the same page about that.
It's not just a ring you want. You want a real commitment; and you've settled for what he wants. Now you're unhappy.
If you were truly okay with things as they are; the ring-thing should be no big-deal.
Be honest with yourself. Maybe three years is a big enough chunk of your life for this guy. You want a husband.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (3 July 2018):
 If I'm honest, you seem to be settling for someone who isn't compatible and doesn't want the same future that you do. What you do about it is up to you. Sorry, OP.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2018): It's a ring! Who cares? A material possession is all it is. Why let it stand in the way of your happiness? If your relationship works, it works. Just let it be. You don't need a ring as a sign of love of commitment. Live in the moment and appreciate what you do have..
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2018): He has been seriously put off by marriage and doesn't want to go down that road again, at least not for the foreseeable future. I am guessing they was okay until they got married then it went downhill and he feels that he doesn't want that to happen to you two.
I can see why a ring, even a partnership ring is important to you, i am nearly 45 years old and my boyfriend has been married before and like your partner had a bad marriage so is in no rush.
But as has been said you need to figure out what is more important to you, a ring or being with him, but if you try and make him it will be under false pretenses and do you want a ring of any kind off him because he felt obliged to? Maybe take a step back, don't bring it up and see if he does it under no pressure.....
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (1 July 2018):
 I have read many times that someone who has experienced a happy marriage and then loses their husband/wife is far more likely to want to share the same experience with someone else than is someone who had a bad experience. This, I suspect, is the root cause of the difference in your attitudes towards the ring.
Your boyfriend obviously has bad memories of what wearing a ring involves, given that his marriage ended badly. You, on the other hand, only have positive associations. It is also possible that, despite the love you feel from him, he is not sure of your relationship, given that he probably didn't envisage his wife cheating on him. Perhaps, also, he feels that "if it ain't broken, don't fix it", or worries buying rings may jinx the relationship.
Whatever his reasons for refusing to do this, it doesn't sound like he is going to change his mind - not any time soon anyway. You, therefore have a choice to make: either stay with him and accept you are not going to get a ring from him in the foreseeable future, or leave him and find someone who thinks more along the same lines as you do in this area. What is more important to you: your boyfriend or your ring? Only you know the answer to that question.
...............................
|
