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I think I'm a great catch so why don't more guys go after me?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 July 2018) 8 Answers - (Newest, 12 July 2018)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I’m in my early 20’s and I’ve been single for a few months now, and I’m having a hard time figuring out why guys don’t really approach me when I go out nor message me. Even on dating apps like Tinder, I don’t have as many guys as I’d like try to message me first. I’m not cocky at all but I feel like I’m a great catch. I’ve been told I look like a model (face and body wise),I’m in great shape and take care of myself, I wear flattering makeup and dress well, I have a lot going for me (entering an MBA program now), but for some reason I don’t have a lot of guys messaging me or trying to come up to me when I go out. I’m starting to feel like something is wrong with me. Is it some vibe I’m giving off?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2018):

In my experience and observation the prettiest and nicest people are ones who have no idea how pretty or nice they are.

I have a friend on social media, known her a long time, she is well into her forties but boy she doesn't half love herself. Constant posing pictures screaming me me ME and guess what yes she is attractive enough but she is also single and I don't ever recall her being in a serious relationship with anyone, I wonder why....my advice realise there is much more to you than looks, they fade. Learn some humility and stop bigging yourself up like an inflated peacock, it's a boring way to act. There is nothing wrong with loving yourself but no one is attracted to 'I love me who do you love' big heads, it's a major turn off for men and women

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2018):

You do sound very fullnof yourself I'm sorry to say and somewhat arrogant . How do you feel about women who 'don't look like models ' or perhaps 'older women '. Are they less worthy of dates or men's interest than you . If that's how you feel then maybe that explains why your sitting there wondering why they are getting more interest than you . It's because personality shines through and nobody wants a person who thinks they are better than everyone else

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (11 July 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony aunt"I’m not cocky at all but I feel like I’m a great catch." That really contradicts itself - especially when you add in the "look like a model" stuff.

Most of the things you mentioned were appearance-based too. More to people than that, OP. You shouldn't be shown an interest in just because you think you look like a model and your friends/dates have told you that. The attitude is off-putting and it can easily come across early on, even if you're not aware of it.

What do you do to approach guys? What guys are you after? What type of relationship are you after?

Personally, I think you need to lower your "I'm a great catch" stuff and take some time to be single - a few months is no time at all, especially when you've been looking for someone else for most of it! Learn to be happy by yourself, but please don't say you already are, as it's clear you can't stand not being given attention.

Work on the areas of yourself that aren't superficial. Be the one who approaches guys, but spend 6 months single without trying to date anyone. you need to avoid relying on dating and jumping straight back in when one ends. You need to be independent, but you don't want to have a break from being with someone.

Seriously, "as many guys as I'd like to hit on me first" -.- OP, you know the term "he thinks he's God's gift to women"? That's how you're coming across.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (10 July 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntWell considering you have only been single a few months you are not giving yourself much of a chance. I mean what is it you are looking for? Lots of dates? Hook ups? A relationship? Give yourself a chance at being single and enjoy life, you dont need male attention to be happy! If guys don't approach you maybe you are giving off the vibe that you are cocky. I mean you say your not but it does come across from this post that you think highly of yourself! Which don't get me wrong it is great that you have confidence but sometimes being like this can come of has being a snob and being in love with yourself and some guys just tend to swerve girls like that! Do you try chatting to guys or messaging them? Do you show interest in them? I mean if you are playing hard to get and wanting a guy to do all the work and chase you then maybe they just don't know where they stand with you. You also need to show interest. As for tinder well there are a lot of young single people on there, it appears you do get some guys chatting to you but you want more, what is it you are wanting? Do you ever message a guy you like on there first and show interest? I mean with tinder it goes off looks and not much more! Why the need to want a lot of guys message you? I am sure you are a great catch but you also need to be realistic and ask yourself what it is you want? Is it to find a guy that you like or is it to get a lot of attention from multiple guys? You take care of your body and how you look which is great, but maybe some guys don't like to much make up ect. It could also be that if you look like a model guys are intimidated by you, and if that is the case again you need to take the next step and show interest. Are you friendly and chatty? Do you smile? Do you feel you are high maintenance? You keep saying you don't get a lot off guys messaging, so you must be getting some, is that not enough? The vibe from your message to me is like you do think highly of yourself and you seek a lot of attention, but unfortunately for you there are a lot of good looking girls in the world with lots to offer so I don't think you are going to get every man to fall at your feet. Maybe try and make the first move if you see someone you like, that is if you are looking for a relationship or to date.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2018):

I don't writing long essays in reply to posters because I know nobody has the time or the patience to read them beyond the first few lines so as usual I keep my opinion short and sweet and tell you that perhaps you give out as being too snob . In fact this is a common complaint of most good looking girls. I suppose this is the price you pay for being too pretty. You just have to be patient and wait. You have no other choice.

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A male reader, Code Warrior United States + , writes (10 July 2018):

Code Warrior agony aunt"on dating apps like Tinder, I don’t have as many guys as I’d like try to message me first."

"I look like a model."

"I’m in great shape"

"I have a lot going for me"

"I’m not cocky at all but I feel like I’m a great catch."

"Is it some vibe I’m giving off?

What vibe?

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (9 July 2018):

Dating apps offer far too many options. It's like shopping on Amazon, you have a variety of choices; and you have to choose one out of hundreds of selections.

Being pretty and a good-catch doesn't mean much; when you can scroll through hundreds of faces and bodies with exactly all the same attributes and more.

For the most part, guys on Tindr are tools or players; and they feel they're as much of a catch. Considering there seems to be a lot more single and available women, than men to go around. You're dealing with egotistical dudes who will date three or four females at a time. So if you're not getting as many hits as you want; it's probably because your profile is decent, and not as beckoning as the blonde with pouty-lips and her boobs hanging out.

Don't sell yourself cheap, depending on validation and approval for your looks. There's way too much of that.

There aren't many people with depth or character these days; and finding someone who appreciates you for more than your looks may take time. Good men and women are like precious stones; rare and hard to find. They are protected by angels. If you have a good heart, and you have the best intentions; then you deserve a good man in your life. Don't let your vanity offset or obscure your true-value and worth; as a woman, or a person. It's flattering to get a lot of hits; but coming from drooling-dogs and squealing-pigs it's no real compliment, my dear.

I know social media has taught you that your hotness is measured by the number of likes and thumps-up you get.

Social media has created a superficial and brain-dead society; and encourages people to be the worst human beings that have ever walked the planet. Don't get caught-up in the hype. Old principles of courtship still apply. Social-media's brainwashing has to be neutralized and counteracted by smarter people, with true social-skills. People who have actually developed a personality, as opposed to a virtual-persona.

I understand how you feel. You've ended a relationship; and your self-esteem could use a boost. You're used to drawing attention with your stunning beauty; but you're up against a lot of competition online. Kim Kardashian wannabees, and plastic princesses. Where there is literally a warehouse of females of all shapes and sizes, all colors, and some blatantly offer guys what they're searching for. Willing to shed clothing and bare it all; for the price of a dumb emoji with his tongue hanging-out with hearts for eye, from some knucklehead.

Unlike someone like you; a great-catch, considered "a keeper!" A real-woman aware of what she's truly worth. A majority of online-guys don't want girlfriends, or to go on simple dates. They want quick hookups, and off to the next conquest. They are shallow and empty people. They need to troll online. They can't be shot-down on-sight like in true reality.

You want and deserve better than that. There are a lot of people out there looking for cheap-thrills or quickies; and their profiles (may as well be porn ads) get the most attention. Sometimes, youy pretty profile is over-looked, because there is so much catfishing out there; and you seem too good to be true.

You're competing with porn models and prostitutes who use these sites to advertise and lure men and attention; or a lot of ladies using fake profile pictures. It's hard to believe someone that hot is seeking dates online; there is a broad presumption that attractive-people shouldn't have trouble finding dates. The reality is, they do! Some don't have personalities to match their fine exterior. They're dreadful people, vane and narcissistic, or just plain psychotic! Others are the sweetest people you'll ever know; but nobody cares about what's beneath their skin, and in their hearts.

Don't gauge your appeal by the number of hits you get; but by the quality of men that take the time to read your profile and decide you're they kind of woman he's looking for. Attractive, smart, and a good person. Rather than being taken for some poor needy-female using her looks and depending on her appearance to attract male-company; but getting the short-end of the stick in the process.

You're going to kiss a hundred frogs before you find a true prince. Most of the jerky-males and flaky-females get all the attention because they're hot. The ladies with their flashy pics and braggadocious profiles with boob implants and bee-stung lips. The guys with the pics they took next to some parked sports car or motorcycle they don't own, flexing his abs and biceps, and looking totally stupid. Profiles that look more like lifestyle and travel ads than someone looking for a real date.

Just be patient. Don't give-up on meeting guys the old-fashioned way. The "Me Too Movement" has also been as detrimental to women as it has helped. It has turned dating into a tense experience for men; hoping not to cross the wrong lines, or be accused of sexual-impropriety. So guys may not be as outwardly flirtatious as they used to be. Some feminists hate men, and they've pushed the movement in the wrong way. There's always the few that spoil it for the majority.

So you have to let nature take it's course and make sure you don't settle for less than you deserve. Flattery and compliments are meaningless! You want a guy of true character, good-looks, a good work-ethic, and a personality to match the outside. It might take awhile to find him, but don't give-up the faith.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (9 July 2018):

Honeypie agony auntAre you just looking for hook ups or something more substantial?

As for "not having as many guys as I like" messaging you first.. It happens, even to attractive people. You are but ONE out of many.

Having MANY guys "lust" after you or interested in you why is that important? Is your value tied to how many men wants to chase after you? You would want guy to chase you because you are pretty?

It's great that you have high self-confidence and you probably ARE a great catch, but you do come across as needy when it comes to attention.

If you are on Tindr many of the men you will encounter are looking for casual, if you are NOT looking for casual you are not what they want (pretty or not).

Also do YOU approach guys YOU find interesting or do you "sit" and wait for a men to approach you? It's not like you have to go HIT on men, but if you see a good looking possibly single guy when you are out with friend, it's not to hard to just say hi, compliment the guy on his shirt, hair or whatnot, smile or SHOW that you ARE approachable. Maybe a lot of guy presume that a good looking girl like you ALREADY have a partner, thus do not hit on you.

As for the "vibe" - I can't say, I haven't met you in person.

I doubt there is anything WRONG with you (aside for thinking you are OWED attention because you are pretty and a good catch.) Looking like a model doesn't bring ALL the boys to your yard.

Looks aren't everything, OP - but they can help if you also have a great personality. Even for women.

If you ask yourself, WHAT do I have to offer - what besides looks and a degree do you have to offer a potential partner?

And WHAT are you looking for? If it's just attention, there is ALWAYS social media like Instagram where people post endless filtered pictures of themselves to get attention.

If you are actually looking for a partner, you might want to "participate" more. Actually know what you want in a partner.

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