A
male
age
36-40,
*s77
writes:We're together for a few months, our sex is great but she can't orgasm with me. I asked her why and she said she can't orgasm and that she had just one orgasm in life once with other guy in the past. I'm very jealous and insecure about that and don't want to date her anymore, I'm devastated. I love her so much! Am I not good enough? Is there something wrong with my size (6 inches)? Anyway I don't think our sex will be the same anymore!
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insecure, jealous, orgasm Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2018): I have to say me and my boyfriend were having the same problem and his size is big! Its the clitoris that only gives me an orgasm so when he did oral that's when I got my orgasm. So oral is the way to overcome this problem
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2018): What a guy needs to do is be very patient with a woman.
Problem is in this porn and hook up obsessed society, guys think women are blow up dolls who need to perform to make them feel like a man. And that's why we fake it!!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (20 March 2018):
 Let her go. She'll find a man who thinks with his head, not his penis.
Seriously, OP: "I love her so much, but I don't want to date her anymore".... all because YOU aren't giving her an orgasm. It's YOUR problem, not hers.
Do research about women's bodies and orgasms; most don't orgasm because of penises!
Your sex life is great FOR YOU because YOU are getting what you need and not focusing enough on her.
She deserves better than a guy who would want to leave her because HE ISN'T DOING ENOUGH to make her orgasm.
Besides, you can't "love her so much" after only a few months, especially if you don't want to date her anymore because YOUR technique is inadequate.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 March 2018):
 Read up on female orgasm, please. If you think its related to your penis in any way, then no wonder you cant make her orgasm...
Second, buy her a vibrator.
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse +, writes (20 March 2018):
Come on buddy. Where is your fighting spirit. You haven't given her an orgasm- Yet.
If she is the same age as you and only one man has given her an orgasm then she is dating the wrong guys or she needs to give them more information.
I'll be straight with you, if you think most women orgasm using your penis you are remarkably ill-informed for a man of your age. You are much more likely using your mouth or your fingers so try that first.
If she is younger than you or less aware of her body she might not know the best way to get herself off. That is a voyage of discovery!
But ask her to show you what feels good. You won't regret it. Put your ego aside and learn about her if you love her. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (20 March 2018):
 Why are so many men fixated on size? Your penis sounds completely fine in regard to size. What DOESN'T sound fine is your attitude towards your girlfriend. If you are truly so jealous and insecure that what she said will stay with you and affect your sex life, cut her loose now to find someone who will treat her better.
If you CAN get past this, then start TALKING to her and finding out what feels good for her. Everyone is different in what they find pleasurable. Penetration is seldom the way women orgasm. Explore each other's bodies and communicate what feels good. You should then be able to find what really works for her and - HOPEFULLY - move past your unreasonable jealousy.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 March 2018):
 Oh dear! What a thing to say! Did she have a fight with you and was trying to hurt you? Because I don't think any sane person would make a comment like this which is guaranteed to hurt their partner, no matter how "cool" they are with their partner's past.
Well now that the damage is done, there's nothing much left to do. Just know that it's not that your penis isn't the problem and in any case, I don't know of anyone who's got an orgasm through penetration. You have to stimulate her clitoris, rub it gently, play with her breasts... Do anything that you can to make her feel good and that will (hopefully) make her climax. No matter how much or how hard you try to jam your penis into her, it's not going to get her off. It feels good, yes, but it's not going to give her an orgasm. 6 inches or 10 inches it really doesn't matter.
Since you've decided that it's over there's not much left to do but in the future, ask your girlfriend how she masturbates and you'll know what to do. She will guide you herself and let you know what she likes. You don't need to whip your penis out for this, your fingers and tongue will do the trick.
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A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (20 March 2018):
 Instead of being down on yourself why not see this as an opportunity to become better at your sex game. Our struggles are usually what help us to grow and whenever we grow we become happier people.
She said she orgasmed once. You can make her orgasm multiple times. Take the time to find out what she likes and what you can do to help her get there again. Allow her to be your teacher if she's up for it (which I think she would be). You just squashing the entire relationship is of no help to anyone involved. It just makes you seem like you a low self esteem issues.
We can't always control what life throws at us but we can decide how we respond to it.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 March 2018):
 OP, you do know a penis is NOT a magic wand, right?
You will have a MUCH greater chance of getting her to climax by using fingers, hands or mouth/tongue than you penis.
And, not it's not about you not being "good enough" or "big enough" - it MIGHT just be about YOU not knowing her BODY well enough and it MIGHT be how she is "build" Not all women can orgasm from penetration alone - some studies suggest that 80% of women CAN'T!
Can she get off from masturbation? Have you tried a small EXTERNAL (buzz buzz) vibrator for her clitoris? a cock-ring with a buzz-buzz on it?
You have ONLY been dating for a few months. Being comfortable sexually might take a while still, but being open and WILLING to explore your partner should be an ONGOING thing for a couple.
So maybe stop making such a big deal about this? (if she is not) And try new things with her. Ask her to VERBALIZE what feels good, use your hands, find all the "gooooood" spots and leave the penis out of it for a bit.
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