A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Right now im 3 months pregnant for the first time and it supposed to be a very joyful moment in my life but i feel so lonely and unloved. My husband is happy and excited knowing im pregnant but since then we never had sex. He will reject sex and says he afraid to hurt the baby and ask me to wait until i deliver this baby. He says we will have regular sex once im not pregnant. Our relationship isnt really well before this pregnancy. We argue alot and he has avoidance attachment. He seems to prefer spend his time without me and rarely takes me out. He has alibi he is working and go home late in the morning which his business require but since im pregnant he can go home earlier. He said he has teached his workers so they can operate without him he just controll them. We havent have sex for more than a month and he never initiate it. Yesterday i try to have sex with him and he reject it saying it will hurt the baby and ask me to sleep. I get so emotional and i show him the information from internet that its safe to have sex as long as we dont do it roughly. He read it but try to find reason to not to have sex. He read to me the part that said we should avoid sex if the woman has bleeding or spotting which im not. I told him its not happening with me and we are safe to have sex. He eagerly said oh okay then. Lets do it. But i lost my mood and feel so unloved. I think he just trying to get an excuse to not have sex with me. He will ask me to wash my hand after i touch his penis worrying that the bacteria will affect me. I dont know what hes thinking about. Im quite sure he use my pregnancy as an excuse to not have sex with me because before we got pregnant we always argue and barely have sex too. I can feel he is more thoughtful towards me but i feel he take me for granted. He even use bolster to make part of us so that he wont accidentally kick me or hurt me when he is sleeping. I think he used my pregnancy as an excuses to avoid me. What do you think? I feel unloved and unwanted
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2018): That last anon has it so right.Please get tested for STD for the sake of the baby.Then if you decide to stay with him get marriage counseling because you two need to figure this out before you bring that baby home.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2018): ‘Don't take it personal apparently it's pretty common for men to be turned off by sex with a pregnant woman.’
So what, women are supposed to put up with feeling unloved for 9 months then? I actually despair sometimes at the double standards some men expect us to put up with.
You can be sure it wouldn’t be the same story if I said ‘don’t take it personal, lots of women go through dry spells and don’t want sex with their partners’. Can’t see many men accepting that status quo can you?!
OP the thing that struck me about your post was the fact he asks you to wash your hands after touching his penis. Has he always been like that? Is he worried about germs in general or is it just sex related?
Honestly I’m wondering if he has an STI or something that he’s not told you about and he’s worried it could harm the baby. Have you been tested recently?
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse  +, writes (17 March 2018):
If I'm reading this correctly; you wanted sex but he didn't because he was afraid it would hurt the baby. You showed him that it wasn't dangerous and then he agreed to have sex but by that time you didn't want to because you were hurt.
It sounds like you have had a breakdown in goodwill with you husband. You seem to want to assign motives to his behaviour that aren't there. He, once assured agreed to have sex. But you didn't want to.
I have no doubt that you have further evidence to suggest that he isn't interested in being close to you but this incident isn't enough to say one way or another.
It's a bit late now but three months into a pregnancy isn't the best time to address problems in your marriage. If you aren't having sex and being intimate enough, getting pregnant definitely isn't a way to fix that.
At a time which is acceptable to both of you, you both need to discuss why you don't feel close. The lack of sex is both a symptom and a cause of this and you must get to the bottom of this using non blaming language. You must both want to get to the bottom of it and not be happy with the status quo. Be prepared to listen to things you don't like and not lash out. He must agree to this. Be frank and as gentle as possible as you can be to get to the heart of the matter. Good luck
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (17 March 2018):
Don't take it personal apparently it's pretty common for men to be turned off by sex with a pregnant woman.
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