My husband is flat out lying to me!
Q. Is it ok to snoop if i am being lied to? My husband keeps telling me that his 'penis is broken'. We havent had sex in two months or so. Hes massively stressed out. The thing is that in the last two weeks i have given him two blowjobs and we have act...
A. 5 November 2017: It's not wrong to look for evidence if your hubby is being evasive, but it isn't helpful at all. Just because he can master bate and become erect doesn't mean he's lying about his penis being broken. He might have performance issues where the ... (read in full...)
How do I tell them I'm moving out without making it worse for myself?
Q. So I have a friendship question here. I am currently in uni and live in a uni house with three girls, however it is a bit icy between some of us at the moment. Now, a bit of background, for the past few days/weeks I have felt like I am almost...
A. 5 November 2017: You don't have to convince us that the people you live with are bad people, in fact I'm pretty sure they probably aren't. And while we're at it-unless you're five noone can 'leave you in the house on your own'- You either go with them, or you do ... (read in full...)
He had affairs while buying my IVF
Q. My ex and I planned a pregnancy. I was having fertility issues and so we decided to proceed with an IVF. It was his idea and he has even funded the entire procedure. I am about to get pregnant and I found out that he has had numerous affairs ...
A. 4 November 2017: I'm sorry to say but it looks like you have chosen to do a deal with the devil to get pregnant- he repeatedly showed you what he was like and you chose to ignore the obvious signs and deal with him because you wanted to be pregnant. If you are now ... (read in full...)
Friend sponges off everyone. How do I deal with her?
Q. Hi, I have a friend who's used to living off other people. She's funny, smart and she still takes money from her parents (she's 39 years old!), "borrows" money and promises to pay back at some point. Goes out for drinks, meals and almost never...
A. 3 November 2017: You will never see that money if you buy it for her and want her to pay it back. You know that. Is she magic? How has she got this far without having to take responsibility?
You must ask for the cash upfront. Or she will have found a way arou... (read in full...)
Do you ever get trust back in a relationship and if it’s possible how on earth do you get it back?
Q. I have been with my partner for just over four years now. We have had a rocky relationship, many hurdles along the way but overcome each and every one of them. I have trust issues, I don’t partially trust people and find it difficult to ope...
A. 2 November 2017: At Dear Cupid we tend to have a very binary view of relationships, mainly because that is what suits most well balanced people the best- ie you are either with someone, or you aren't. When you're with them. You are sexually monogamous, and you can ... (read in full...)
A coworker eats smelly food right next to me!
Q. Hi everyone, this might sound like a trivial problem but it’s really bothering me. I recently started a new job and the man that sits next to me is a bodybuilder and as such eats an entire tub of cottage cheese at his desk every day at 9am. I think ...
A. 2 November 2017: OP just seen your addendum, I apologise for giving you so much heat for not going to him first. Think about how you approached his cottage cheese eating- were you dispassionate enough that he merely thought you were curious, or did you let on that ... (read in full...)
A coworker eats smelly food right next to me!
Q. Hi everyone, this might sound like a trivial problem but it’s really bothering me. I recently started a new job and the man that sits next to me is a bodybuilder and as such eats an entire tub of cottage cheese at his desk every day at 9am. I think ...
A. 2 November 2017: I'd agree, it isn't super wise to start asking established members of staff to change their habits for you, and shame on you for not having the chops to ask the guy before going to your boss. It seems you boss isn't going to help you so you have ... (read in full...)
He wants to propose and I'm just not ready!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years. Recently, he has been hinting A LOT that he wants to proposed. He also keeps asking me to find time for him to see my mom.. I know he wants to ask her. Any girl would be super happy... and I am happy... ...
A. 2 November 2017: If your bf would dismiss what you say about marrying him, literally going against your wishes and asking your mom, why on earth would you want to be with him? It infantilises you that he's asking your mom, it infantilises you further to ignore the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I are unsure of our future!
Q. My boyfriend and I are still in college but we graduate soon, like in the next year. He has a more laid back approach with things/life and is more up in the air/live in the now, whereas I'm more of a planner and I like to see more into the future. ...
A. 2 November 2017: 'How do you make God laugh?- Tell him your plans!' That's how the joke goes, and it's true. From what I can distil from your longer post you are thinking of breaking up with your boyfriend because his vision of the next chapter does not match yours, ... (read in full...)
Am I asking too little of him?
Q. I have posted before and thankfully we solved a little issue in our relationship. This may be hella stupid for me to be resentful of how he treated his ex, but I kind of am. Idk how true this is, I'm only hearing his side of the story, but ...
A. 31 October 2017: So you want to be treated like his ex? Do you want to BE his ex? You seem to be going the right way about it. He treats you respectfully and fairly but he doesn't give you treats. Can't you equate that she is now his ex for a reason? Maybe it was ... (read in full...)
He wants to propose and I'm just not ready!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years. Recently, he has been hinting A LOT that he wants to proposed. He also keeps asking me to find time for him to see my mom.. I know he wants to ask her. Any girl would be super happy... and I am happy... ...
A. 31 October 2017: I agree with Fatherly Advice- 4 years is a long time to be dating without co-habiting. You might be someone who compartmentalises their life too much to be married, you might be in love with your life as it is now, there is nothing wrong with ... (read in full...)
My past has led me to hate sex, relationships and even the human touch
Q. I hate sex, masturbation, porn and sex toys. I even despise human touch and being social, including relationships. I'm very happy being single being alone by myself, but my family and therapist pressures me to date and socialize, which angers ...
A. 30 October 2017: Well noone can make you have a relationship, so you don't have to worry about that, it's ok to be happy on your own. However when you list your past traumas as supplementary evidence as to why you hate sex and touching it implies you have been ... (read in full...)
Has my husband gone off me
Q. Hello I have a problem with my husband never wanting sex anymore we have been together 6 years and married just over a year ago and now have two children together.in the beginning we were sex maniacs and he couldn't get enough of me now he never ...
A. 28 October 2017: You might be right. It might be the fact that you have put on weight. It might be many other things. It could be the burdens of parenthood that make him worried and tired. It could also might be a buildup of small resentments between you. It doesn't ... (read in full...)
I have unresolved feelings about my wife cheating
Q. Like most guys I know, its not the easiest thing to talk about feelings. I have been struggling with this for a while and has grown more and more to bother me. Hate to divulge that my wife cheated about a year ago but its part of the thorn. S...
A. 28 October 2017: This is entirely due to the fact that your wife has not told you the whole truth. She has told you a half truth and has not owned her infidelity- how can you forgive her when she has not really admitted what she did. Your conscious mind knows this, ... (read in full...)
How do I end a FWB relationship and just be friends?
Q. How do I end a friends with benefits thing? I'm 18 and he's 21 and we were friends for about a year and a half before we started sleeping together basically, and he took my virginity. There was a point before we had sex where I thought I had ...
A. 27 October 2017: Why not use the reason that you would like to see where things go with this new man, without the complication of a FWB to explain. Tell him simply that you want more and your new beau might be that- no need to go into detail. If he protests... (read in full...)
Finding my move to a small town difficult
Q. I moved from the city to a very small town on the other side of the country. I know no one from this town and I find adjusting to "small" town harder then I thought. I've been here for three months and I have heard more stories about "me" then I ...
A. 27 October 2017: Well you have recognised the failure of planning, now how to make good! Firstly, you deserve praise for taking control of your life and making a bold move. You made a tough choice to escape a difficult situation as you should be proud of your ... (read in full...)
I want to help my friend but how?
Q. I’m in a bit of a pickle, dear Aunts and Uncles! I wish I could tell a friend of mine something that very much concerns her, but I’m afraid it may really hurt her and maybe force her to do something she otherwise wouldn’t. I know that she has pro...
A. 27 October 2017: Wow yes that's tough. I suppose you can approach it in two ways. The first and probably recommended is that your aim is to try and help her break a pattern of behaviour which is to find unavalible, disinterested men who meet her standards of ... (read in full...)
Why do people always tend to ignore me?
Q. People have always tended to ignore me socially, at work, in groups, meetung new people as I’m quieter, it’s made me want to give up? On meeting new friends and chatting to people Im always ignored or excluded, Im quieter but not snobby o...
A. 26 October 2017: There doesn't have to be anything wrong with you. You just have to be a little more difficult to talk to than everyone else and they will take the path of least resistance and talk to people that are easier to get to know. You must by now realise ... (read in full...)
He's changed how the trip expenses will be split!
Q. So, I'm in a relatively new relationship.....we met in June but things have gotten more serious in the past 2 months where we now are exclusive......he's been talking about an event he wants to attend in the big apple in december and so we've been ...
A. 24 October 2017: It may be because you are now doing much more there than the original plan. When it was just for him he might have envisaged it to be a single night. Now you are there for four days so it's a much bigger total expenditure. If you are relative... (read in full...)
How do I make him feel for me the way he once did?
Q. Guys, I need help. So my boyfriend broke up with me and it's different from most relationships so I don't know what to do. Let me explain our entire relationship, we were best friends for 3 years and one year he really liked this girl and couldn't ...
A. 23 October 2017: Sorry OP, at his age he won't feel anything at all for very long. At the ages you are at your brains are laying down connections at a terrifying rate, you will feel differently about things from week to week. At sixteen, I would look back at things ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend revealed a secret and my question is how do I deal with what he told me?
Q. My new boyfriend of almost 5 month has been suffering from ptsd i knew this when we first got together , he decided to be open tonight and told me a shocking secret he had kept from me , he admitted he sometimes smokes weed to help him relax and ...
A. 20 October 2017: As secrets go it's pretty low on my list of priorities. I realise that until relatively recently Marijuana has been a taboo, but in reality it's a far far less dangerous way to self medicate than the more socially acceptable drugs such as alcohol or ... (read in full...)
What should I do about feeling inadequate?
Q. First off, this is quite the premature question, but tonight, its all I can think about. A year ago, I had to escape a mentally, physically, sexually, and verbally abusive relationship. It was difficult to say the least. A few months after we ...
A. 18 October 2017: This man is just a man. He is a good,honest man and he works hard. Are there any of those qualities you don't think you can equal? In spite of the opinions of some previous posters, most men and women are pretty adept at pairing unconsciously with ... (read in full...)
How to tell him I don't want children?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, he is 32 and I am 24. We are moving in together in a few months (into his house), but I am worried about out future- I don't want to have children. I have several reasons for the fact...
A. 13 October 2017: I have nothing much more to add. All of the aunts and uncles have given good advice. BUT.. you can be as convinced as you want to be about many things in life, but never, never paint you self into a corner you don't have to by getting surgery that ... (read in full...)
I think I deserve better. I'm pushing too hard to make this relationship work?
Q. Hi all, Ive been dating this guy for the past 4-5 months. He's very different from my part relationships. I had a bad pattern to go for unavailable men but I changed it consciously. My relationship is going well with this person and there were a...
A. 10 October 2017: So you're in a relationship and it's going well. He's great and he is different from all the guys you have previously been with. So far so good. However the relationship of 5 months may yet become a long distance one for a year and the guy has doub... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my boyfriend want to delete his exes from facebook?
Q. Why doesnt my boyfriend want to delete his exes from fb? Hes sayin that they r just friends and their break up were amicable but i notice a constant interest of them on his posts and messenger and also hints and subliminal comments One of them ...
A. 10 October 2017: Why should he delete them? Has he ever done anything to suggest that he can't be trusted? These relationships made him the man you care about, and he values the friendship of these women, who in turn value his- you should be pleased that his exes ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend & I are not seeing eye to eye on the future. Do I hang in there or say goodbye and good luck?
Q. My partner and I have been together for almost 3 years. We love each other, but have always fought in our relationship. I put it down to the fact that we don't see eye to eye with a lot of things. He is a city boy...his work + home are there. ...
A. 8 October 2017: He has told you what he wants, you have told him what he wants. They are not the same. Neither of you are willing to compromise for the other. Does that not say something about what your priorities are?
I would say that if you are not willing to m... (read in full...)
A years long troubled friendship has turned into a family obligatory relationship. What should I do?
Q. Hi! I'd very much appreciate some perspective on a friendship I've had since childhood. Is it really a friendship, or an inherited relationship? Am I overreacting after 30 years, or have I been to patient and accommodating? Our parents were bes...
A. 8 October 2017: It sounds like your friend has some sort of personality disorder, I'm loathe to call it a mental illness because I'm not a mental health professional, however this behaviour sounds obsessive and self absorbed. A friendship is where two people ... (read in full...)
How do I make this work for us both?
Q. I've been talking heavily (throughout the day and he calls me everydau) to a guy that I have known for that I have really grown to like. He works two jobs and at first this was really trying on the budding relationship in that, he was really ...
A. 4 October 2017: I'm sorry but a man who is really into just won't be tired or flaky. He'll move heaven and earth to be with you. If he's going to the gym he isn't physically exhausted. He's young. He has the energy if he wants to use it. I think he just isn't that ... (read in full...)
I'm heartbroken but he said he wouldn't get back together with me because I was acting crazy!
Q. Okay so I'm looking for a little perspective... I was dating this guy (both in our early to mid 20s) for 6 months. During this time it got very intense. In the beginning he was incredible... suggested we go on holiday together after 1 month, a...
A. 1 October 2017: Don't listen to his words, look at his actions. He lied to you about a woman when he could have told the truth and made this woman into a thing that she didn't have to be. Then when you were truly on your guard he repeatedly used her as a stick to ... (read in full...)
I'm considering breaking up with my girlfriend
Q. I want too break up with my girlfriend because i cant satisfy her sexually, ive asked her about it and she claims it could be better but she doesnt know what she wants when i ask her how, i want her to be happy both psychically and mentally. I know...
A. 30 September 2017: Top marks for wanting to satisfy your woman,but man you give up easily! Rome wasn't built in a day and you are so so young. That you are trying is what matters. Above all you need to be attentive to all the signals she is giving you. Here's a curve ... (read in full...)
What are the best ways to make new friends?
Q. Recently people have been complaining to me that it is difficult to make friends in the city I currently live in and that most people are either superficial or out for themselves. I agree that busy people with busy lives just dont have time for new ...
A. 30 September 2017: Are you asking some people on the internet about whether the unnamed city you live in is a place where it is difficult to make friends? We're good but not that good!
I'll bite though, often cities can be places where connections are difficult to m... (read in full...)
Can smells and tastes affect a perfect blissful courtship?
Q. Im blessed with a beautiful and very loving, caring partner who im sure would do anything for me and I would for her as well. So when I have this seemingly silly problem, I do not know how to overcome. Her odors. She uses deo but it wears off either ...
A. 26 September 2017: I can't really tell whose issue this is, yours or hers. Humans like to think they are above other animals but they aren't. If you don't like the smell or taste of your partner I don't know if anything can help you. It might be you being very ... (read in full...)
How do I get this woman out of my life without hurting feelings or jeopardising the other relationship with the mutual friend?
Q. I was on here a year or two back about a friend I have had for a while who was always putting me down, trying to be smart and reminding me in her jokey way of any 'blunders' I may have made in years gone by. She is friends with another mutual f...
A. 20 September 2017: You just have to stand up to her. She is a bit of a bully, the next time she says something- call her out. something like-Look I really don't like the way you talk to me when you do that, so can you stop? She'll respond by saying something like 'It ... (read in full...)
Is this something I can fix by correcting a few actions in our relationship? Do I give her space and trust that she will end up with me? What do I do?
Q. My gf of 1.5 years recently told me that she likes a guy from work as as more than friends but is unsure about what to do. She said she loves me and she doesn't love him because it is too early to tell. She said she recognizes that it is unfair to ...
A. 20 September 2017: You don't have any cards to play. She is being kind to the point of cruelty. She wants to meet other people, you cannot stop her, you cannot change to please her, you should let her go and if she comes back, she will be yours, but don't count on it. ... (read in full...)
What should I do about this date with a man who suffers from PTSD?
Q. This is quite a lot to read but theres a lot of detail to it. ive been trying online dating for a while had a few dates but nothing special yet. A guy messaged me and we got chatting i could tell the relief in him that i wasnt stuck up and and ...
A. 20 September 2017: I think you have to do what's right for you. You can't make too many allowances for his condition when ultimately you won't feel comfortable during the meeting and it will suffer as a result. Remember, no matter what anyone's mental health status is ... (read in full...)
If he doesn't trust me then I can't stay
Q. OK, so i have fucked up..... Multiple times and i obviously haven't learnt my lesson else i wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. Some history: I'm a single mom of a beautiful boy (Almost 3 years old). I left his father as i was no longer ...
A. 7 September 2017: You may never be able to get him to give you the space you need. You will never be sure what came first, your cheating or his desire to control you, but that is the way he is now- You may have tested his trust but this is going way too far- the ... (read in full...)
How should this family go about dividing my late Grandmother's jewelry?
Q. My family is dividing my grandmother's jewelery this weekend. The divide is between my mother (daughter), my cousin (granddaughter), me (granddaughter), and my cousin's 15 year old (great-granddaughter). My mom insists that my grandmother told her ...
A. 7 September 2017: Unless it has been written down, I'm pretty sure It will be your Grandfathers decision about how it is divided. You can take legal advice about it to be sure. Normally when someone dies without a will the belongings will fall first to the spouse and ... (read in full...)
How can I stop being so weak towards men?
Q. How can I stop being so weak towards men? I come from I guess an abusive(verbally) broken home where whatever I did was not good enough or was always compared to someoene else. 28 years later I suffer from very low self worth/esteem- on...
A. 4 September 2017: The self worth you are looking for comes from beliving you are worth knowing for your capability, knowledge, sense of humour, competence and so on not just for your looks. As Denizen said, you need to validate yourself in those terms not just in how ... (read in full...)
A fight, zero contact for 3 weeks. He should apologize, not me. What should I do?
Q. I left my BF 3 weeks ago after a fight. There's been zero contact since I left. I haven't contacted him and he hasn't contacted me. Yes, I'm the one who left, however he was the one who was in the wrong and should apologize. I'm not sure how to ...
A. 4 September 2017: Honey after three weeks of silence you are broken up. You don't have a boyfriend. He would have apologised by now if he was going to. If you didn't mean to break up then you are going to need to learn to fight with your SO more constructively. Good ... (read in full...)
Should I go meet my baby's father's family or have them come to meet us even though we really don't have the room?
Q. My baby father just turned up after not being present for two months. And right now I have been dealing directly with his mom since he apparently doesnt want to deal directly with me So the thing is his mom invited me over one day becauss she had ...
A. 30 August 2017: Just go there. If there isn't room for them to come to you then regardless of whose turn it is the physics of a small apartment means they can't come! I am so so sorry that the father of you child appears to me a huge pain in the arse, and I wish ... (read in full...)
Our fighting has gotten worse, could this be the final breakup?
Q. My long-term girlfriend and I have had many ups and downs over the years. Unfortunately, we're both hard headed and when we disagree, we fight. More unfortunately, those fights usually result in her breaking up. Within a few days I am always the ...
A. 29 August 2017: Well it seems that yo have correctly identified that your methods of conflict resolution are very poor, and that this cycle of fight, breakup and reconciliation needs to be broken. But you have chosen silence as your response, not as would seem to ... (read in full...)
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