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I got accepted to a different college and don’t know how to tell him!

Tagged as: Dating, Long distance, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 February 2018) 5 Answers - (Newest, 19 February 2018)
A female United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

So.. my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years now and our senior year is going to come to an end soon. For the majority of our relationship, he had been living in a different city from me. We spent 3 years apart from each other and for our junior year, he surprised me by enrolling into my school. Now when we talk about college, he wants us to go to the same college, but I got accepted to attend a different college. I'm afraid to tell him because he said that he can't stand to be apart from each other for 4 more years. What should I do?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (19 February 2018):

Honeypie agony auntIf you have gotten a scholarship THAT takes priority over how HE might feel that you will be at another college. Seriously.

I get it, you two have been together a long time (WAY long for you age group) your EDUCATION is more important.

The sooner you tell him, the sooner you two can figure out what the next step will be.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (19 February 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntOP, this is a childhood relationship. You have been children for most of it (under16). You're not going to stay together for the rest of your lives, except perhaps if you spent a few years with other people and ended up finding each other again in adulthood.

The most important thing for you to do for the next 10 years is focus on schooling, then building a stable career. You may have a boyfriend or two during that time, but no relationship should be prioritised over your independent future.

You just have to tell him and be prepared for a break up. I'm all for LDRs, believe me, but it's not for teenagers. You need money, stability and time to keep an adult relationship successful over distance - even then, they are very challenging. Most teen/young adult LDRs don't last because, as great as technology is, it doesn't fill the emotional and physical void.

When you're at uni, most likely working one or two days a week to help with costs, you'll have no time to regularly chat. That's why my LDR fell apart. We still talk because we care deeply about each other, but it's nowhere near enough to sustain a healthy relationship. If you're both focusing enough on uni, assignments and possibly a part-time job, you *shouldn't* have enough time to invest in an LDR.

I know you don't want to break up, but it's almost certainly inevitable. It's better to start uni single, than stress about trying to fit everything in and spread yourself too thin, worry about cheating, getting behind on assignments, not having the time or money to hang out in person frequently, little time to yourself, restrictions on time to make new friends and do some self-discovery, etc.

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A male reader, Allumeuse United Kingdom +, writes (19 February 2018):

Well I'm not sure what to tell you. You have already made the decision. He's going to find out when he goes to college and you aren't there!

I'm guessing that you got applied to both Colleges and chose the other one. If you didn't and only got accepted to the 'wrong'one then that's a tough break. If you accepted one not the other then you made your choice-he'll know you chose your preferred college over him (which is the right decision) and he'll be hurt and may(probably will) break up with you but the best way to start college is single and unhindered.

If you didn't choose but the decision was made for you he'll be sad not hurt and he may still break up with you and you will be hurt but it'll be ok in the end because the best way to start college is...

The thing you absolutely worst thing to do is not go to college to continue the relationship. He may be great but here is a video to cut through the myth of 'the one'

It's going to be a tough conversation. Perhaps just hand him the letter and then let him digest. Then answer his questions. He's likely to be unhappy in a myriad of different ways but if he makes it on you remember, if you are meant to be together you can be. He doesn't have to break up with you. If he wants to know reasons why you chose college over him then say education will be with me forever. You have you own path to follow as does he. If he says why not his college, you don't have to logically explain why you chose what you chose- if he is a good man he'll accept it,if he demands an explanation then he is young or stupid because your decision is yours alone and no man deserves more than that as painful as it seems. This may be the beginning of becoming a woman not a girl, and adult and with it the hard hard decisions that come with it. Good luck

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (19 February 2018):

You've been dating since you're 11?!! Well, life moves on and you've got your education you need to focus on. He needs to get more focused on school and not a puppy-love. Tell him. It's time he grew-up a little and handle things like a man.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (19 February 2018):

N91 agony auntWell there isn't anyway that you can avoid telling him is there?

I really don't think attempting long distance relationships is good at any age, but even more so at an extremely young one like yours. It's just unnecessary stress.

I think this might be a good time to end the relationship and concentrate on school.

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