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Please help me!! No one is helping me.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Social Media, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 March 2018) 9 Answers - (Newest, 13 March 2018)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Posting Questipn again as no one answered before.

Please help me.

Don’t ignore me please!

When people ignore you and your posts on social media, But respond to others what can do you do?

Why do people do this?

It’s like “Fomo” aka “ fear of missing out”

We Are sadly in a digital world”, feels like school or work cliques all over again.. online..

So I Ignore it?

Know I should not worry but as everyone communicates online now and rarely speak on phone etc it’s a valid point!

I have few friends and no family or kids/am single, but really value those friends I do have.

Even my friends don’t use the phone anymore, sad hey?

If I did call them it’d be awkward, “Why are you calling”?

But 3 years ago it wouldn’t have been! times change fast.

It s Iike I’m not important.

We are losing our verbal communication skills I fear, therefore the social media question.

And yes do I like, comment etc on others posts.

I don’t post stupid stuff, guess my quieter life is boring

Still feel left out though.

Why don’t people notice my posts?

12345

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (13 March 2018):

Ciar agony auntInteresting to note that you've had 9 replies to your two posts and you appear to have ignored all of them. One aunt, aunt honesty, was ignored TWICE. Not a 'thank you' or even so much as an acknowledgement from you that their well thought out answers have even been read.

Perhaps those answers were too 'quiet and boring'. Maybe it was because they didn't include their phone numbers so you could call them and have a meaningful, two way conversation.

Something I've noticed in both my personal and professional life about folks who claim to prefer 'the human touch' and 'face to face' is they tend to use up more of other people time, a great deal of it they spend talking about themselves, and one has to be firm when extricating themselves from a conversation with them. It may be that, without consciously realising it, you are one of those people.

As has been suggested, it might also be that you prefer deep, thought provoking, philosophical, spirit enriching discussions and either people are putting you off until they have more free time and energy to indulge you or you don't appreciate the time people DO spend with you.

Another similarity people with this type of problem have is they attribute their lack of success to a failure in society or some other large group. 'Women only want men who treat them like crap' 'Men only care about porn and boobs' 'we're in a digital age and everyone has lost sight of what is important' blah blah blah

The truth is people socialize all the time. People meet up for dinner, coffee or drinks everywhere. They socialize at their kids' soccer and dance practice, they chat with colleagues, they keep in touch with family and close friends. What we get very little of is quiet, ME time.

What does your ideal conversation look like? What kinds of things are you discussing? How long might this be? Where are you having it? You can either find people who share those interests or you can re-evaluate your expectations.

So, now this is 10 responses.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2018):

I share things on social media because I want time timeline an event, memory, food I ate, or interesting article or recipe for me to refer back to later. Sometimes I'll need to reference back to a certain time I did something and it's very useful that I have it on my social media timeline. It also helps me reconnect and keep in touch with friends I haven't seen in a long time ir on a daily basis. I post because I want to post and could care less if anyone liked or responded to my post.

However, I do see social media friends who seek responses. How they do it? They tag someone on each of their posts. What you do is go on to "Mary's" profile and see what she likes to post about. Let's say Mary loves ice cream. You post a picture or article of ice cream and tag Mary. It's social media courtesy to respond with at least a "like". So there you go, you got a response! Keep tagging people in your posts and soon you will start getting likes and comments... and of course continue to like and comment on things they post as well. Good luck and have fun!

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (5 March 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntI did not ignore your last post, I actually replied to you. I think you are focusing way to much on social media.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2018):

[EDIT]:

"You might be too cerebral or choose overly-sophisticated mature topics."

Maybe it's the other extreme. You're posting stuff people find weird or unsettling. YOU might think it's interesting.

People who live on social media aren't usually as interesting as they think they are. Only bratty millennials with over-done hair can round-up a bunch of numb-skull fanatic followers, and make tons of dough showing you how to apply make-up. There will be five hundred of these plastic people doing the same damned tutorials!!!

They take pictures of their food, post enormous close-up selfies, and speak in four to five-word phrases with a plethora of the most stupid emojis strung at the end! The only people who tend to enjoy social media the most are pin-headed trolls who say hateful disgusting things and attack people.

Leave it for the kids!

At our age, we should be out enjoying life free-range. Not cooped-up with some device sending unintelligible messages and hoping someone sends us a "like!" Collecting pics of random unfamiliar-faces they call "friends;" they've never never met in-person, and wouldn't know if they were sitting right next to them! Knuckleheads!!!

Get-out and socialize among those who can relate to your life-experiences and born in the same era. If you want to talk to people; go public, and do interesting stuff!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2018):

Getting people to respond to you takes creativity and wit. If you don't have many friends or you don't socialize publicly; you'll be alone and will complain about it.

If you're on social media and you don't post anything with mass-appeal, you get no attention. You have to share your activities, post articles of popular-interest, and humor. Stay relevant and curb your complaints. If you can find one, go online and join a blog; where people have an ongoing chat about things.

If you're sitting around waiting for people; that is all you're going to do. Sit waiting.

It's up to you to add some fun and action to your life. Get involved in sports, join a gym, take self-defense classes, or participate in some form of physical activity. Do some travel, or join an adventurer's club to mix and mingle with people who do interesting things. Give your contented little life a jolt.

Get off social media. Maybe you're just a little too mature to appeal to the interests and tastes of the typical age-groups that are so wrapped-up in it. You might be to cerebral or choose overly-sophisticated mature topics. People these days are more interested in pop-culture and entertainment; rather than politics or the environment. They get nervous when you post rants about stuff you don't like. It's too hostile and serious. Keep it light and humorous.

Join a cause, and you'll find passionate people who won't shut-up or leave you alone. If you join advocacy-groups, they need people with time on their hands. Help improve your community, organize events, be more visible publicly. You'll recruit followers and draw more attention from people who are more in your own age-group.

Nobody's sitting around waiting for your calls. So start dating. You need some social-interaction and romance to awaken your dormant-lifestyle. Sitting around fuming or pouting about people ignoring you is mostly your fault. You can complain about the times; but life is what you make it, my friend.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (5 March 2018):

mystiquek agony auntI didn't answer the first time because I don't use social media. I find it rather laughable and people get way too caught up in it. I still believe in talking on the phone, emails, letters. It seems to be to often be a place where people try to outbrag each other. Its so easy to make up things on there that aren't true just to look good.

If your friends are not responding to you does that mean you aren't important?? Of course not! We can't answer why they don't respond or comment back but THEY can. If its so important to you, why not ask them?

Maybe you need to find different friends? Get a new hobby, get out, meet new people, expand your horizons. I wouldn't be sitting around fretting all the time over people that don't respond to me..I'd go out and find people that WILL acknowledge me.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (5 March 2018):

Honeypie agony auntSorry, you feel that this is an answer that strangers can give you.

I didn't answer your original question because 1. I don't DO social media and 2. I call people, e-mail or text if I want a conversation and my family & friends ANSWER when I call.

Why your friends and family don't notice yours? I can't say. I just don't believe that the amount of "likes" is equal to how much people CARE about someone else or a topic as a whole.

Maybe ASk them?

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A male reader, Allumeuse United Kingdom +, writes (5 March 2018):

Seriously without knowing what you post how can we tell you why people don't notice them? Perhaps they are not interesting or not relevant.

No-one online owes you their attention- it's up to you to get it, if that's what you crave. Try making what you post more pertinent to a small group of friends or even a single friend to garner interest.

Honestly I think you need to have a good look at what you value. It seems you are lacking validation in your life. Your importance isn't down to how many people notice your social media output. Try organising some real interaction between you and your friends, days away, meals out, charity sports etc, where you'll make real memories and have meaningful connections as well as achieving things that are worthy of posting as inspiration rather than the usual. But really you're a grown up, you should be deeper than this and draw your self worth from elsewhere.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (5 March 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntOP, GET OUT OF YOUR BUBBLE. I'm ignored on social media too and it sucks, but it is NOT real life.

Start LIVING in the real world. Accept that your social media presence is invisible and learn to be visible in real life.

You don't even call your friends for fear of it being awkward. ASK THEM TO DO THINGS! Go out, have fun.

Do you want children? Do you want a partner? Do you want a hobby? Do you want to travel? You have to (sensibly) act on anything you want.

Don't get hung up on social media - most people's lives are very different to what they post.

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