My girlfriend is worried about our future
Q. I need help and i dont wat to do. My gf and i who ive been with for 4 and a half months and we both love eachother, are having a weird issue thats happened b4. We both go to the same school and hang out all the time, however recently, since the ...
A. 20 November 2009: Stop pressuring her by insisting on talking about your future. I'm your age and if my boyfriend started putting those sorts of expectations on me it would scare me a bit, even though i know i dont want the relationship to end anytime soon. Mapping ... (read in full...)
What does he mean by 'you have to be more discreet'?
Q. I am married but I also have a guy friend at work who is also married. We both aren't happy in our marriage but neither of us is willing to give up on it yet. We have been exchanging favors if you know what I mean. But it's just what I said it is ...
A. 20 November 2009: He means you're being too obvious around other people that somethings going on between you, and he wants it hidden away so nobody finds out. This is ridiculous, if you're both unhappy with your marriages you should work on them, rather than fur... (read in full...)
Is there a problem with falling in love with a girl who is older than you?
Q. Hi cupid, i have serious question about my relationship with a girl who i met on the internet. am 22 and she's 23. she senior me with a year. she knows that. we have dated about two months now and we also shared pictures and web cam.she's very happy ...
A. 19 November 2009: One year is absolutely nothing :) the more prominent problem here is why you wan a platonic relationship with somebody you love, a bad experience in the past shouldnt stop you (and your girlfriend!) from enjoy sex. I would suggest some kind of ... (read in full...)
She reaches climax too soon!
Q. hey this is my first time asking for help...anyway.... I'm 19 and I love my girlfriend so much,but I'm having problems with her in bed. What I mean is that she cums really really fast. 5 minutes fast. This is frustrating caus it takes me about 45 ...
A. 19 November 2009: Honestly it sounds as though she could be faking it to avoid sex lasting longer, especially if she is uncomfortable with her body and was a virgin before she met you.. Did you rush into sex early in your relationship?
Obviously whatever the reas... (read in full...)
Surely he must be really into me if he doesn't mind that I had a baby with someone else?
Q. there is this guy i know for about 5yrs we dated at one point in time, prior to that we were friends so we had known each other on that level before we became intimate, however we broke up, we both were seeing other people, we then met again about a ...
A. 18 November 2009: I am in complete agreement with Uncle Phil.. You've seen the advice people have given you, can't you just process it and proceed with your situation on your own from here? Privately, since you now seem indignant as you feel people are pressuring you ... (read in full...)
I haven't been myself lately and I am worried I am pregnant!
Q. im 17 years old and have been with my boyfriend for almost a year he is 24, we are in love and are very close. there have been a few times over the past few weeks that the condom split...i put it to the back of my mind and told myself i'll be okay. ...
A. 18 November 2009: It could just be the worry thats making you think these 'symptoms' mean more than they do, but that said there is always a chance. Try not to stress about it until anything is certain; worrying may delay your period, so try to keep your mind off it. ... (read in full...)
What songs should I listen to after finding out he doesn't like me?
Q. To cut a long story short I have recently found out that the person I like, likes someone else, and to be honest... I'm gutted. But rather than moping around any longer [I like him A LOT] I want to move on. I need some songs that I can listen to ...
A. 18 November 2009: "Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen)". Look for the Quindon Tarver version - its more an inspirational speech than a song really, but you should really listen to and think about the words :) particularly those about youth and love!
I hope you star... (read in full...)
My girlfriend lives in a defense mechanism and won't let me inside.
Q. I've been in a somewhat new relationship. We've been talking for months and months, but only a few back actually made things officially exclusive. Anyway, my girlfriend has a tendency to keep to herself about things that bother her. She remains ...
A. 18 November 2009: I'm not sure you should worry about her distrusting you - I used to be like this when I was first with my boyfriend, and it was more that I was insecure and thought I was getting upset over stupid things which I was scared to admit to than thinking ... (read in full...)
My first time and I think I've fell pregnant. Help!
Q. hi i am 16 years old and i had sex the other day with my boyfriend. I have not been feeling that well lately and yesterday i was hungery even although I had been eating all day but today im hungery but i feel very sick. My parents and his are ...
A. 16 November 2009: Sounds like you have nothing to worry about :) just try to keep your mind off it, and make sure you carry on using protection in the future obviously! ... (read in full...)
My first time and I think I've fell pregnant. Help!
Q. hi i am 16 years old and i had sex the other day with my boyfriend. I have not been feeling that well lately and yesterday i was hungery even although I had been eating all day but today im hungery but i feel very sick. My parents and his are ...
A. 16 November 2009: Did you use any protection at all when you had sex? When is your period due? Have you taken a pregnancy test?
Its possible that you're pregnant, but try not to worry about it until the day you are due on your period is well passed - worrying and ... (read in full...)
He keeps hurting my feelings
Q. Hi. At close to the beginning of this relationship, I set some boundaries with this guy, and one of them was not to call me or even joke about me being a bitch, because I'm not. This guy was my first. We got married and he still keeps joking o...
A. 15 November 2009: Can I be the first to say that it might not necessarily be a symbol of disrespect.. Is it only you that he teases like this? Because in that case yes, I would have an issue with it. But I know my sister encounters this problem with her boyfriend a ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his child?
Q. Just yesterday, I found out I was pregnant and it was confirmed by a doctor. My boyfriend and I recently split and he refused to give me a reason. Then only thing he told me was that he loved me but couldnt be with me anymore. But the night before, ...
A. 15 November 2009: That baby is as much his as it is yours, of course he deserves to know about it. Imagine the tables were turned and it was guys who got pregnant and therefore got to make all the decisions about the baby because its "their body, their choice", or ... (read in full...)
Should I end my hook up arrangement with a much younger man to save myself from being hurt?
Q. hi, i am secretly seeing a guy who is only 22 and im 37. iv known of him for a lot of yrs as hes quite friendly with my daughter. We have fantastic sex, but we both agreed that it was just for the sex. We have only been seein each other fo about a ...
A. 14 November 2009: Generally I'd say no, and that you should just see how things develope. But I would suggest you take your daughters feelings into consideration - how would she feel if she found out (and these things do get found out, sooner or later..) that you ... (read in full...)
What would you say if your 16 year old daughter asked for a hotel room?
Q. Hey, this question is mainly aimed at mum's opinions but any others are welcome, and I'd rather you say what you think within reason and without too much of a lecture thanks. Basically, I've been with my boyfriend 1 year 8 months, I'm fifteen and ...
A. 14 November 2009: I imagine she's come to terms with the fact that you'll be having sex, if not that night then some night soon. However I think asking her to finance the room might be a step too far! And I'm not going to tell you not to have sex, I was 16 my first ... (read in full...)
I had sex with both brothers, but fancy the younger one. How can I fix this?
Q. Okay, this is very dramtic. but heres the story. I met a guy. He is 15 and i am 15. he became pretty close friends and by pretty close i mean really close. he kind of ended up falling in love with me. Well he was a virgin and i took his vi...
A. 14 November 2009: You say the older brother shouldnt have told the younger brother so as not to hurt his feelings.. if you were concerned about the younger ones feelings why did you have sex with his brother in the first place? And none of this "ended up" having s... (read in full...)
Am I being unfair to my ex girlfriend?
Q. [Moderator Note: Question orginally poster under the heading 'Do I owe my ex closure?' Link: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-i-owe-my-ex-closure.html] Hi, I'm in a bit of a quandry. I posted before but there were a couple t...
A. 14 November 2009: Having read this version, my answer remains exactly the same.. in case you missed it;
"Reading that actually makes me fairly angry, I'll be honest. You were with this girl, apparently wasting her time, for 6 years and you're too much of a cowa... (read in full...)
Do I owe my ex closure?
Q. [Moderator Note: Additional information posted under heading 'Am I being unfair to my ex-girlfriend?' Link: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/am-i-being-unfair-to-my-ex-girlfriend.html] Hi I'm in a bit of a quandry. I was with my ex for 6 ye...
A. 14 November 2009: Reading that actually makes me fairly angry, I'll be honest. You were with this girl, apparently wasting her time, for 6 years and you're too much of a coward to tell her why you walked out on her? What the hell has she done thats horrible enough to ... (read in full...)
I feel insecure about not being his first. Any advice?
Q. Heya, I've been with this guy for awhile. He's my first everything. He's a few years older than me, and has more experience. He's my first relationship and love, while I'm not his. And this makes me feel insecure, does anyone have any e...
A. 14 November 2009: Hi, I am in exactly the same situation - 17 with a 21 year old who had a girlfriend for 2 years during college, before he went to university (I met him in his second year). I had never had a proper relationship before I met him. Like you this did ... (read in full...)
She had sex a week after our break up, two years later I still feel betrayed! Please help.
Q. I have been dating this girl for a little over 2 years now. Everything is great in our relationship and we both have sex regularly. There is one thing that came up and keeps coming up. When we first started dating, I had a jealous friend on the side...
A. 14 November 2009: To be honest I feel sorry for your girlfriend - she was in a vulnerable place; im sure that if she felt the same way about you as you did about her that breakup devastated her. She probably believed there was no chance of you getting back together, ... (read in full...)
My b/f is in the middle of a divorce, his wife is making my life hell, help?
Q. Ok, I am near my breaking point and need an unbiased opinion. My bf is in the middle of a divorce, yet they still live in the same house, both for financial reasons(hers) and both lawyers are telling them not to leave until one is ordered to. They...
A. 14 November 2009: Honestly if I were her I can't say I wouldn't be doing the same thing - he and you effectively destroyed this marriage when you both betrayed her trust, why would she allow him to get away unscathed? Maybe you think she drove him to cheating by ... (read in full...)
I lied about a pregnacy and abortion to hurt my ex...should I come clean?
Q. I lied to my ex by telling him I was pregnant and aborted the baby. I only did it to hurt him because I found out he was sleeping with my friend. I know it's horrible and at the time it made me feel good to hurt him like he hurt me, but now I feel ...
A. 13 November 2009: Yes you should tell him it was a lie! You might be able to just let it go, but he cant - as far as he's concerned he's lost a child, and nobody should have to go through those sorts of emotions, and especially not if its all fictional.
I can unde... (read in full...)
I need advice on how to get this married guy out of my mind! Please help!
Q. I jumped into an unhappy marriage 4 years ago. Although I've been working at it, I've always felt like I never found "the one". For the last 18 months however, I've found myself falling for a married man with children. I've never spoken to him ...
A. 13 November 2009: I think the best way to move on from this is to recognise that you're reading into these occurences way too much.. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but eye contact doesnt mean he likes you, and definitely doesnt mean he wants to throw away a marriage ... (read in full...)
He doesn't like using condoms and says if I get pregnant, so be it!
Q. Hi All, Im 19 and have a 23 year old BF, I love him very much and he loves me too. The problem is he doesnt like using condoms, Im not on any form of birth control and I dont want use any, except condoms as I feel more safe. I really DONT want a ...
A. 13 November 2009: He shouldnt put you at risk or try to coerce you into unprotected sex like this, but you yourself are refusing to take any responsibility - BOTH partners are responsible for birth control. If you don't want a baby, its up to you to make sure you're ... (read in full...)
My teacher just got tooooo close!
Q. Im 14 and My teacher touched me today and I don't know what to do. She is 34 and a woman, she is pastoral care and i really like her, I don't want her to get in trouble but she hurt me and kind of took it a bit far, i have found myself falling f...
A. 13 November 2009: Don't worry about being thrown out - thats what she should be scared of, not you. Whatever you think she has on you, im sure it isnt on par with this. Report it to somebody.... (read in full...)
My teacher just got tooooo close!
Q. Im 14 and My teacher touched me today and I don't know what to do. She is 34 and a woman, she is pastoral care and i really like her, I don't want her to get in trouble but she hurt me and kind of took it a bit far, i have found myself falling f...
A. 12 November 2009: No matter what your feelings for this teacher are, cases like this have to be reported. I don't mean to offend you or be harsh, but from what you have written it seems hugely likely that this teacher has no feelings for you whatsoever other than ... (read in full...)
I'm scared to give him a hand job in case I do it wrong!
Q. I'm 17 and i've only ever kissed and made out with guys. I'm now going out with this guy who's 18 and more experienced and i want to give him a hand job, but i dont know how to do it and i'm scared he might judge me if i do it wrong. Should i tell ...
A. 11 November 2009: What's the kind of relationship you have with this guy? I was 16 when i gave my first, and to a 20 year old so was terrified I'd do it wrong! And did, at first :P But we'd spoken about it beforehand, he knew i hadn't done it before so was patient ... (read in full...)
Why won't my wife go down on me?
Q. Why is it my wife wont go down on me yet she has no problem with me pleasing her orally? Before marriage i never had to ask. But now i only gotten head 3 times this decade yet i do her 3 to 4 times a month. Every time i even make a suggesti...
A. 10 November 2009: I think you completely missed the point devastated was trying to make. Instead of focusing on how she's depriving you of something and wrapping yourself up in that, talk to her about what might be missing from your relationship for both of you. ... (read in full...)
We fell in love on the internet and want to meet. Any advice?
Q. i've known this guy for 3/4 months and we are in love with each other and would do anything for each other. But there is only one problem. we met on the internet and we live so far away. were in the same country but about 10 hours away from ...
A. 10 November 2009: Hi, having been in a situation very similar to yours when I was about your age, I hope you don't just disregard my advice.
I know it feels like telling your parents would be the end of any chance of a relationship - theyd freak out and forbid you ... (read in full...)
Why is it so hard to let go of a person who's not treating you right?
Q. im stuck in one of the worst situations ever. i think im in love with this man who doesnt care at all about me. all he wants is sex and because i care about him, i neva minded. but now im so hurt, to a point where i cant do anything but cry. i want ...
A. 10 November 2009: Well done for doing the smart thing and getting rid of this guy, you'll thank yourself for it in the future!! :) Things will get easier, just surround yourself with your friends and family, the people who love you x... (read in full...)
Twice I had unprotected sex. Am I pregnant?
Q. help! ok soo me and my boyfriend broke up a few days ago. but just last weekend, i slept over and we had unprotected sex twice that night and again in the morning. i usually get my period from the 10th to the 12th of each month. its the 5th now. soo ...
A. 6 November 2009: Maybe if you don't want to risk your mother losing her faith and trust in you you should do the intelligent thing and use birth control.. you can get free condoms (or pay like I do..) or go on the pill, its not hard and you're clearly not ready for ... (read in full...)
Through wife-swapping, we fell in love, but are distraught about the hurt we've caused!
Q. Here is my heart-hurting situation. I have been with the mother of my son for almost 15 years. We met when we were in our late teens. About two years ago, we began something that has made me realize I wasn't really in love with my fiancee but more...
A. 5 November 2009: For somebody who seems very religious (based on various blessings and notions of Agape in your responding posts) I don't really understand how your moral and religious code allowed you to get into this situation - i wasn't aware that adultery was ... (read in full...)
Does she like me or am I just mad?
Q. Situation overview University second year Me: 20 years old, never had a relationship her: 20 years old, six months older than me, no idea about past relationships Well me met about 9-10 months ago. We started just meeting every week or e...
A. 2 November 2009: Sorry to not reply to this post/your message earlier, have been away for the week!
I suppose it just seems from your actions, and the way that you portrayed your situation, that you're well educated, respectful of women, caring, all round a very... (read in full...)
Should I stop spying and let trust develop?
Q. Hey everyone, I have another issue. You see, I have sent my girlfriend a keylogger and it was secretly installed on her pc. The thing is that I know she wouldn't be cheating on me, but I just needed to have evidence to verify that she was bei...
A. 25 October 2009: Hi, can i just clarify something from your post? Just from reading it i got the impression its an LDR/online relationship, have i got that right? If thats the case then I think talking to her openly about your insecurities is even more important, as ... (read in full...)
Is it shallow for me to pursue women with small breasts?
Q. I have a strong physical attraction to women with small breasts. Is it a shallow thing to actively pursue women with this physical feature or given that it is both not a common thing for a guy to be attracted to and that it is a source of self ...
A. 25 October 2009: There does have to be a balance between pursuing somebody for their physical qualities as well as their personality traits, opinions, etc, but I see nothing wrong with you wanting to find somebody with specific characteristics - you just know what ... (read in full...)
Does she like me or am I just mad?
Q. Situation overview University second year Me: 20 years old, never had a relationship her: 20 years old, six months older than me, no idea about past relationships Well me met about 9-10 months ago. We started just meeting every week or e...
A. 25 October 2009: Hi, I realise I didn't answer to your question originally, but I read it and was pretty touched by its genuine and sweet nature, I think this girl is missing out on something special! Please don't be discouraged by this, you sound like the kind of ... (read in full...)
Surely he must be really into me if he doesn't mind that I had a baby with someone else?
Q. there is this guy i know for about 5yrs we dated at one point in time, prior to that we were friends so we had known each other on that level before we became intimate, however we broke up, we both were seeing other people, we then met again about a ...
A. 25 October 2009: Insulting the aunts on this site's intelligence is no way to get good advice, be grateful theyre taking a concern in your life at all.
Yes, its possible for him to like you despite having a child, unless theres some cultural thing where you live... (read in full...)
How can I keep from being jealous of my married lovers flirting with other women?
Q. I fear I have lost my married lover due to one jealous outburst in a year. I have always maintained complete discretion but last night I found myself angered by him talking openly with other women at a bar when I don't feel that I can even look at ...
A. 24 October 2009: Why on earth are you upset at the prospect of losing him?? He's proven himself to be a cheating, lying, manipulative piece of shit - surely Dating 101 dictates that these are the types of guy that you avoid at all costs?? What do you expect to get ... (read in full...)
How do I ask my sis for help..
Q. hi, my one year younger sister has boyfriend and she is not virgin...she enjoys sex with him. i have a girl friend now but I m virgin and now i want to learn how to carry out sex in order to get max. pleasure... I know that my sister can teach...
A. 24 October 2009: Alright, you should definitely not ask your sister if you can WATCH her having sex - I'm sorry, but that is borderline disturbing and there is no way she'll help you at all if you pitch that to her. And how do you think your girlfriend would feel if ... (read in full...)
How to get my boyfriend to be less distant?
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend alex for a long time now but for the last month or so hes been very distant. He wont answer my calls or texts but when i see him its amazing!! he takes me on road trips and long walks which i love but recently he wont...
A. 24 October 2009: Aw, ok well firstly I wouldnt panic about the girl being there - just think about your boyfriend, is he really the sort of guy who would cheat? Try to stay calm and if he's still behaving like this in a week or so, ask him about it, in as ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a guy to like you but not text or compliment you anymore?
Q. My friend has been showing signs that he likes me. He stares at me when I’m across the room, talks to me, remembers what I say. On the bus if I don’t say anything because I don’t want to talk he will just look at me then look away then look at me ...
A. 24 October 2009: Yes, its definitely possible that a guy is too nervous to make moves like that despite liking you! Especially if he does really like you - guys can be vulnerable and fearful of rejection as much as girls, and particularly if its one theyre really ... (read in full...)
Was my boyfriend just trying something new or was I right to react the way I did?
Q. im 16 and my boyfriend is 19. we had been fighting lately and just got back together last night. i went over his house last night and we worked it out. so we were just sitting there watching tv, him on the couch and me in the chair next to ...
A. 24 October 2009: No, he's not right. The fact your boyfriend was turned on by you crying while he was using you is pretty disturbing, in all honesty. If you hadnt made it clear that you didnt want to do it, then yes I can understand that he was just wanting to "try ... (read in full...)
How to get my boyfriend to be less distant?
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend alex for a long time now but for the last month or so hes been very distant. He wont answer my calls or texts but when i see him its amazing!! he takes me on road trips and long walks which i love but recently he wont...
A. 23 October 2009: Sounds like a good plan to me, i hope everything works out well for you guys, im sure it will with a bit of time! :) xx... (read in full...)
How to get my boyfriend to be less distant?
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend alex for a long time now but for the last month or so hes been very distant. He wont answer my calls or texts but when i see him its amazing!! he takes me on road trips and long walks which i love but recently he wont...
A. 22 October 2009: Aw, that is a tough one.. perhaps it is best to just leave him to it for a while then, if you trust that he'll come back to you once things are sorted out? At least he knows that you're there if he needs you. Alternatively you could try to ... (read in full...)
How to get my boyfriend to be less distant?
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend alex for a long time now but for the last month or so hes been very distant. He wont answer my calls or texts but when i see him its amazing!! he takes me on road trips and long walks which i love but recently he wont...
A. 22 October 2009: You said you've been together a long time so I assume you know each other well, can you think of anything thats going on in his life that might be stressing him out, or causing this distant behaviour? After so long you shouldnt be afraid of looking ... (read in full...)
Why is it so hard to let go of a person who's not treating you right?
Q. im stuck in one of the worst situations ever. i think im in love with this man who doesnt care at all about me. all he wants is sex and because i care about him, i neva minded. but now im so hurt, to a point where i cant do anything but cry. i want ...
A. 20 October 2009: There is a psychological explanation for why women struggle to leave abusive relationships - its called learned helplessness, and the idea is that even though you know the relationship is bad for you, it becomes all that you're used to so leaving it ... (read in full...)
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