A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi All, Im 19 and have a 23 year old BF, I love him very much and he loves me too. The problem is he doesnt like using condoms, Im not on any form of birth control and I dont want use any, except condoms as I feel more safe. I really DONT want a baby at this age. and i always tell him that but he says If I get pregnant then parenthood would be upon us, we would have to accept it! To me it seems he wants a baby with me, I dont mind mothering his child but not now. We He makes up stories like the condom suffocates his penis (I dont know how true that is) and that When it suffocates it his kidneys get affected, he feels pain. We have a disagreement every time we have to get intimate coz I insist on the condom n he refuses to use it. he ends up saying i dont love him n I say he too doesnt love me coz he wudnt insist on sumthing i dont like, he says I also wudnt. then we agree on using it once then on the 2nd round we dont use it. But Im scared of feeling scared for the whole month thinking I might be pregnant :( What must I do? Plz I dont wanna use birth control pills or whatever. causes a lot of uncomfortable changes in my body. Help!!
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female
reader, dr.2.be  +, writes (13 November 2009):
 You have some options here. You could:
a) say no condom, no sex.
b) go on birth control pills
c) explore other types of birth control methods such as a diaphragm or IUD.
Let me tell you that what your boyfriend says about condom use is just bull. Condoms don't do any harm to your kidneys and don't effect your urinary tract in any way. Unless you two are totally faithful to each other, condoms are they best way to go because no other form protects against STD's the way condoms do. If you want to explore other methods, try getting a diaphragm. You can get one fitted at your gyno and with the use of spermicide, they are pretty effective.
A
female
reader, Accountable  +, writes (13 November 2009):
 He shouldnt put you at risk or try to coerce you into unprotected sex like this, but you yourself are refusing to take any responsibility - BOTH partners are responsible for birth control. If you don't want a baby, its up to you to make sure you're using some kind of contraception; one of the many kinds of pill, the coil, the implant, injections, and so on. You could easily put a stop to this argument by accepting your role in birth control.Of course, I'd advise he use a condom as well to be extra safe, but honestly it seems like you're being just as stubborn as he is. That might not be what you wanted to hear, but its your body, your responsibility. You could always just use the female condom. Get yourself protected.
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A
female
reader, tjazzy  +, writes (13 November 2009):
Your guy is a first class bast**d who does not care for you at all. All i have to say is - RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! There are more sensible young men out there. And though I may sound old fashioned for saying this, I think you're not mentally mature enough to be having sex. I'll advice you abstain until you better understand the consequences of sexual activity. I wish you well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009): i have never heard such utter rubbish like he is making up before! unless he is allergic to latex he is being selfish and immature and tell him no condom then no sex. if he is allergic which considering his lies is unlikely you can find special made condoms for allergy sufferers. however in his defence i will suggest you using a more permanent form of birth control. take care.
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A
female
reader, bitch +, writes (13 November 2009):
WRONG! Do not have sex without a condom or some kind of birth control. Do not! Unless you are perfectly happy with the idea that you could be tied down to this man for the rest of your life and possibly be living in poverty due to the fact that you have a child with him and cannot support this child because neither one of you finished college or make enough money.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 November 2009):
 I expect that wearing a condom diminishes sensations for the wearer. However, you might point out that slightly lessened sensation with sex is better than ZERO sensation with no sex at all, which is what he's going to get if he doesn't wear one.
I cannot believe that he would put his sexual gratification 'needs' ahead of your future and your well-being; worrying about getting pregnant every single month must be a pretty awful way to feel. I personally would weigh the advantages of sex with him (feels good, keeps you close) against the disadvantages of sex with him (panic, worry, having your feelings considered less important than his sexual gratification). It's the risk/benefit ratio, and frankly, for you, it's not so good. Are you quite sure he's worth it? Selfish in bed tends to equal selfish in life.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the answers, I trully appreciate your taking time to anwer my question.
Anonymous - I cant and wont go through so much (IUD) just to gratify his sexual needs. I've always used condoms and will continue using them and according to all of you, he will understand if he loves me.
PS: Anonymous male reader, I found your answer to be very eye opening and it made me laugh at the end. Of course Im not refering to breathing suffocation LOL:-) & I certainly didnt mean to sound naive, But i dont have a penis and have never worn a condom so I dont know how it feels, I was saying along the lines of like squashing it, or constricting it thus the "suffocating" *FEELING*
Thans AlL x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009): He has as much right to refuse using condoms as you have to refuse other birth controls. You don't wanna take pills and he doesn't wanna use condoms. You both are right. You just don't match. So you decide it. You can move on. There are millions of men who would insist on wearing a condom even if you object to it, coz they are afraid of getting diseases from you.
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A
female
reader, KQM +, writes (13 November 2009):
 I think your BF certainly is selfish and self centered, he obviously has an ulterior motive. However, the question is not about him, but about you. If you were to fall pregnant now it would change your life drastically. A baby is not something you just let happen. it should be planned for, between two loving parents in a permanent relationship. don't think about what he wants, its about what you want. It is your body, how dare he force you into this situation. If he loves you as he claims, he would not be asking this of you. We haven't even talked of the implications of sexually transmitted diseases. AIDS being only one of many.
If you want to continue this relationship, there are many other forms of contraception you can use, ask your doctor or the local clinic.
Just stop and think, don't alter your life forever for a romp in the hay!!!
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl +, writes (13 November 2009):
 Hun, in all fairness... it is your body you tell him what you want - and as you well know, our country is riddled with HIV and STI's... so no condom means no sex!!
He is trying to force you into doing what he wants and surely if he loved you he would consider you and your concerns??
He is talking rubbish about his penis being suffocated by the condom, he is just finding excuses not to wear one!!
By engaging in unprotected sex there is a very good chance that you are going to fall pregnant.
Tell him that if he doesnt want to use a condom EVERY TIME you have sex, well then there will be no sex.. you are going to have to stand up to him on this issue.
Honeygirl
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009): Agreed, all previous answerers - he is bullshitting to Olympic Standard!
If you dislike the effects hormonal BC has on you, have you considered having a coil (Intra-uterine device; IUD) fitted? A simple proceedure and it lasts for years without your having to remember to take pills, etc. and makes no changes to your body, hormone levels, etc.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (13 November 2009):
I dont know how good your sex education is where you live, but either your bf has been not educated properly in sex, OR he has been fully educated and he is just so selfish that he doesnt care about you.
What he has told you about the condom suffocating the penis etc and it causing pain is not true. He is saying this to MANIPULATE you into doing what he wants. That is very selfish.
His words of "if you loved me you would do it" are also selfish and emotional abuse. He does not respect you.
He seems controlling. Also, I fear that he may want to get you pregnant so then you are 'stuck' with him.
You need to stand up to him and not let him change your mind. If he doesnt respect you and your decision to use a condom then you need to end this relationship. If he cares about you, your health and feelings then he would not force you to have sex wihtout a condom.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009): He's acting as though he is the important one and you, that will eventually have to do all the work, are relegated to just accepting whatever happens even though a baby will conflict with your present circumstances.
You have to tell him that it is a condom or nothing.
What makes you so sure that he will stick by you if you do have a child?
Think you decision through, several lives may be in the balance and I am not considering your selfish boyfriend's.
p.s. I've never heard of a penis suffocating. I didn't know that your boyfriend used it to breathe. He sure knows some cock and bull stories and you're coming across as pretty naive.
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A
female
reader, shnookims +, writes (13 November 2009):
 If you seriously don't want to use ANY form of birth control; the loop, pill or injection and you DON'T want a baby now and he refuses to use a condom then you need refuse to have sex with him. It's not a question of whether you love him or not. You aren't ready to have a child and that is your decision, a wise decision.
It does sound like he wants a child but if you're not ready and you fall pregnant you could end up resenting him anyway.
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