Like what
she writes?
... Add *indyCares to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
|
| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
|
Older sister is turning family wedding into kids talent show as a surprise for the bride!
Q. I'm in a really awkward situation with my sisters at the moment and I don't know what to do without upsetting one of them. My twin sister, Natalie, is getting married this year and my older sister, Joanne, thought it would be a nice idea if her...
A. 10 February 2016: No OP, what you say does not make you or Natalie sound like awful child-hating persons. Only as two sensible , reasonable adults who realize that there's a proper time and place for everything , and that a wedding is not any party whatsoever, ... (read in full...)
Friend's wedding plans will break the bank
Q. My best friend is getting married in May this year and has asked my 5 year old daughter to be a bridesmaid. Of course my daughter is excited as this is her 1st time. We went looking for bridesmaid dresses and my friend is having to them m...
A. 9 February 2016: Sorry, I feel I have to insist and play devil's advocate for the poor Bridezilla. She is taking really too much flak. This was basically a misunderstanding, and a very awkward and unpleasant one. Sure , I myself or Slippers or Honeypie would have ... (read in full...)
I am happy and don't want negativity from family to ruin it!
Q. I am 28 years old women with no children. Well established in my career. My parents recently divorced so I moved back home to help my mother maintain bills. My love life hadn’t been much of anything because past relationships just didn’t work out. ...
A. 9 February 2016: What is negativity for you ?
If people applaudes blindly any idea or initiative of yours, no matter how risky, impulsive, whimsical it may be, then they are positive ?
But if they say " Mhh... your idea contains disadvantages and downside... (read in full...)
If your boyfriend was cheating would he suggest you follow him to see he is innocent?
Q. If you worry your boyfriend is cheating on you and tell him that you are worried about this, if he was GUILTY would he tell you point blank to follow him around and be discreet so that you can put your mind at ease? My boyfriend told me to follo...
A. 9 February 2016: Yes he could. In fact, it's rather typical of a liar.
" Could I drop dead this very second, if next month I am not going to give you back the money you are lending me ! " Next month comes, he does not drop dead , and you see no money :). ... (read in full...)
Older sister is turning family wedding into kids talent show as a surprise for the bride!
Q. I'm in a really awkward situation with my sisters at the moment and I don't know what to do without upsetting one of them. My twin sister, Natalie, is getting married this year and my older sister, Joanne, thought it would be a nice idea if her...
A. 9 February 2016: I disagree with the anon female. Weddings are not supposed to be about " families "- not in Western cultures, at least. Maybe Christmas, we can make it about families, and what every single member of the family wants , and try to make them all ... (read in full...)
How do I break my luck with women?
Q. Is it possible to be happy with your life as a man and be a virgin? I feel like I have a cloud over my life because women dont find me attractive enough to have sex with. I've tried many ways to improve my confidence and it all seems to be temp...
A. 8 February 2016: Great title :) It had me flipping frantically through my American slang dictionary, before I realized that you have a problem with women, not with web-footed birds ...
Back to business. So, OP, I have already answered your posts several othe... (read in full...)
Can't trust my boyfriend's motives
Q. Hi! Been with my boyfriend six months and have been very happy. I'm supposed to meet his parents this summer. I was kinda hurt that he didn't wanna spend time with my family (they had asked if he'd wanna come bowling). But he said it wasn't his ...
A. 8 February 2016: .. That you are doing a lot of thinking on behalf or your bf too, while he has his own functioning brain which does not need to be fed with your thoughts.
Maybe he just does not like bowling as a sport. Maybe he does not like the idea of rent... (read in full...)
Do I keep snooping around? I think my husband is up to something but he's denying it all
Q. Hi, Please can I get some advice, I think my husband is up to something... Several weeks ago my husband had an issue with his car so it had to be in the dealership workshop for 9 days and they were unable to give him a loan car. I gave him ...
A. 8 February 2016: Well, but if you have a vanity plate then it must have been your car . I mean, maybe your car is of a popular colour and make which would explain the " sightings " , but.... how many , say, " GOODWIFE 123 " plates can there be in your county and ... (read in full...)
How long can a person pretend to be someone else to make another person happy?
Q. I'm worried about a friend of mine and was wondering if anyone has an advice. He dated this woman for over a year. They fought a lot, he cheated on her, etc. During that time he confided in his close friends, including myself so we knew exactly ...
A. 8 February 2016: Yeah but it makes sense, doesn't it ?
If you are so sure that he is putting up a front, and sooner or later he will stray again... ( quite possible :
" once a cheater always a cheater " is not a scientific law, of course, but let's say is a... (read in full...)
Friend's wedding plans will break the bank
Q. My best friend is getting married in May this year and has asked my 5 year old daughter to be a bridesmaid. Of course my daughter is excited as this is her 1st time. We went looking for bridesmaid dresses and my friend is having to them m...
A. 7 February 2016: Ouch.
Technically, your friend is right.
Just as adult members typically pay for their own attire , the same applies for the youngest attendants i.e, the children's parents pay for the outfits.
That's the general way things go, so I can bel... (read in full...)
Does my personal trainer have a crush on me?
Q. I am 20 and he is 36 and is married according to his FaceBook. When I first met my personal trainer, he kept looking deep into my eyes with the biggest smile. He then texted me asking how my day has been and when I am starting, to have a good ...
A. 7 February 2016: No, it sounds like he is just being his normal personal trainer self. Personal trainers have a ) to drum up business for their gym b) keep the ladies happy , and motivated to train again and again , and a little attention and sensitive touch work ... (read in full...)
Did this married man just make fun of me, or was he falling in love with me?
Q. Hi. I've been attracted with this married guy for almost two years. When i first saw him i had a crush on him and i long to see him often. Last month we started exchanging messages. He said he wanted to know me better. We spent time together ...
A. 6 February 2016: Probabaly neither.
He felt an attraction for you and was tempted to act upon it. Then, either his conscience and morals caught up with him before things would go any further, or he got afraid of being found out and wrecking his home life, and ... (read in full...)
Would a guy invest his time for texting almost every hour and everyday only to get sex
Q. Hello everyone! I am wondering, if a guy would invest his time for texting almost every hour and everyday only to get sex (my fear)? I don't know him in real life, we met online. He's charming and all that stuff. We've been texting about ...
A. 5 February 2016: Oh yes they would.
I don't understand why many people think that texting is a special sign of effort and interest. Texting is quick, easy, requires very little attention and concentration. You can do it anytime and if you are just marg... (read in full...)
I broke up with him a year ago. Is it okay to wish him a happy birthday this year?
Q. I dated someone for three months a year ago. We had a wonderful relationship but realized we wanted different things in life. We ended up having a serious talk on his birthday and I ended up breaking up with him. It was on decent terms but he was ...
A. 5 February 2016: I would not do it either.
Personally I see it like Ivyblue . You only dated for 3 months, now , even if he took it bad then, in a year of no contact, he has had time to move on, so the average reaction would be, the guy thinks " WTF " and hits... (read in full...)
where are the decent girls out there and why am I always getting led on?
Q. how do I know if a girl is really interested or if she is just being polite or if she just likes my attention? I'll need some seemingly nice girl in the checkout line or at a bus stop or at a party or work and we end up talking for a long time and I ...
A. 5 February 2016: I agree with the other ladies.
If you act just half as entitled as you sound, no wonder that you collect a series of fiascos.
Do you really approach girls... then cut their words in their mouth and tell them what they are allowed or not t... (read in full...)
Am I being played like a sucker?
Q. I've been talking to this woman, I met on POF, over two years ago, we have only met, once, over coffee,not long ago, she told me, a guy from down south, moved in with her last year, he sold his house, left his job,but now she realized, it just won't ...
A. 4 February 2016: " They don't break my heart, I break my own heart " : I think you are right.
She is not playing you- you are playing yourself.
She TOLD you : she's got baggage. She has a live-in bf, and yeah maybe she's just keeping him around out of pity,may... (read in full...)
What do you say to someone who is thoroughly convinced no one will like them for who they are?
Q. This question isn't really about help for me, but rather for my friend. Some info on him: he's 40, been divorced for just over a year, and is looking to date again. The problem? He hangs out in bars, claiming he's just "people watching", then com...
A. 4 February 2016: Maybe his luck will change soon :)
A man in his 40s that hangs out in bars in the no so secret hope to pull up bar chicks, and when he gets disappointed, whines about it on social networks , spewing around old cliches and blaming his failures on ... (read in full...)
Is she not very sexually experienced and I'm just manipulative?
Q. So I've been seeing this girl for a month now- I am very sexual with her but just over the weekend we had unprotected sex and I came inside her.. She was pretty nervous afterwards but we kept doing it for the next 4 days. We have basically fallen in ...
A. 3 February 2016: So, both old enough to know better !
Are you wondering if she is intentionally tryng to trap you by getting pregnant ?....
I don't think so. She should be totally dumb for doing that. Unless you are the only heir of a billionaire ; otherwis... (read in full...)
My girlfriend slept with someone else when we were seeing each other. Can't get over it. Help!
Q. I need advice from the outsiders. As a summary, my girlfriend and i have been together for a year and a half now. A few months ago, we were on holiday to an exotic island, i pop the question, she said yes and we were all happy. At the end of our t...
A. 3 February 2016: Your girlfriend slept with someone else when you were seeing each other... with no title, no committment, no exclusivity, and you going away without any exact plan or promise to make things last.
In this light, I don't even agree that she made a mi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is always late and doesn't see anything wrong with it
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. We live 40 mins apart. I get very irritated because he is always late with me it seems. I am a punctual type of person and if I happen to run late I will apologize and let the person know and get ...
A. 2 February 2016: It's true that you have to pick your battles wisely, but I happen to think that this is a very wise battle to pick.
You can't expect Swiss -watch punctuality from everybody, even if you are very punctual yourself. Some people do struggle to get ... (read in full...)
He never asks me out just talks to me on the phone and he lies to me!
Q. dear cupid, this guy i fell in love with i been talk over three years over the phone. he never ask me out all he whats to talk over the phone he tells me his marry and has kids. but hes not marry or has any kids and most of the time he likes to talk ...
A. 1 February 2016: Cease and desist, please, this guy is sooo stringing you along and wasting your time. Unless you are just happy with a voice on the phone for dirty talks.
3 years and you haven't ever met ?
I would take anything he says with a pinch of salt.
S... (read in full...)
On average how many weeks should yu message someone online before suggesting meeting?
Q. I am a gay female,retrying online dating. On average how many weeks should yu message someone online before suggesting meeting? I have met people before online but the site I'm on now is different. We were matched 3.5 weeks ago and ha...
A. 1 February 2016: Why should we be nasty to gay women ???
I admit I do not qualify as an expert on internet dating, or , in fact, that my experience goes back a few years, and I have the vague sensation that some things have changed from then also re. Internet dati... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a guy to only want anal and never vaginal sex?
Q. I recently met a guy from a dating site. The first time we met, we engaged in anal sex without a condom (he had a fantasy of ejaculating inside my anus) as a way to avoid pregnancy. Everytime we meet he only wants to have anal and never vaginal. ...
A. 1 February 2016: Is it normal for a woman to engage repeatedly in a condomless sexual act that hurts her and that gaves her no physical pleasure whatsoever, just to ingratiate herself to some random guy from a dating site whom she owes nothing to and whom she ... (read in full...)
I want a baby so badly that it hurts!
Q. I want a baby but i do want to get marryed first but i see babys evey where i got and i almost cry when i see them i just want a baby so bad it hurts to not have one plz help....
A. 1 February 2016: I suspect that you see babies everywhere but you do not live with babies,or spend regular time with babaies, or take care of babies.
Then , it's a bit like all those people aching for a puppy. They only see the cute, sweet and adorable in it, and ... (read in full...)
What is wrong with me that I get involved with a married man? Why am I such a mess?
Q. What is wrong with me?? Please tell me what's wrong with me. I am ending an alcoholic marriage and am getting divorced. It has been very sad for many years and then i get involved with a married man for the last 18 months cos he was kind and car...
A. 1 February 2016: Loneliness, sadness, feeling vulnerable and dejected. A bit of low self esteem too, divorce does that to people even if they initiate it, it's nearly inevitable to see it as a personal failure ( " I could not make it last " or " I am not good ... (read in full...)
How do I handle this invitation?
Q. I am in a conundrum! So I am planning a destination wedding. Mostly to weed out a lot of family members I have no close relation too. This way it will be simple, relaxed, and a nice time with people I care about and care about me. I recentl...
A. 1 February 2016: Yes, you should have asked your fiance' first . But no big deal. First, there no such thing like a casual wedding invitation, unless you elope to Vegas and pick up some fellow gamblers at the casino. I think most people is wise enough to know not ... (read in full...)
I've been dreaming of my ex. Should I send him a valentine message?
Q. Please help me make a decision. I meet up with my first love in the Summer last year. It was great seeing him after not seeing him for over 10 years. We dated a few times, the chemistry between us was amazing. After date 2 he really came on t...
A. 1 February 2016: No. Sending a sentimentalish Valentine card to a guy whom you had few casual dates, and casual sex, with IS chasing him. ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried that I have puffy areolas? I am worried they will be a turn off for guys.
Q. So I'm 16 and I have really puffy areolas. I read somewhere that they level out as puberty progresses but I guess I've passed that stage already and I'm stuck like this. I hate it because I always have to wear a bra, even around the l the house I ...
A. 31 January 2016: But you should not get yourself to go braless, even around the house. You have E size boobs !, you need support to prevent sagging in time, and to avoid awkward,ungainly bouncing and dancing of your breasts. Plus, when you have a very voluminous ... (read in full...)
Am I over sensitive about the mean things my husband says to me?
Q. Hello I am a middle aged woman and have been married for 12 years. My husband is in his early 60s. Our marriage has had its up and downs but we have made progress, we are both from different countries. We live in Canada. My family live in UK. ...
A. 30 January 2016: Yes, it is you acting abnormally. Or , normally for a person who is still unwell , and emotionally vulnerable because of a bout of severe depression. You are on the mend, you are getting better, ... but it takes time, as you certainly know, and you ... (read in full...)
Do women get scared of a man, when all he does is try to make her happy?
Q. Do women get scared of a man, when all he does is try to make her happy? I mean, can he do something that makes, her feel like he is getting to like her too much, an then she runs, but down the road, she goes out with other men, an she compares, the ...
A. 30 January 2016: I agree with jls022. Of course it is a generalization. There will be women that break up with someone only to realize in time that they made the wrong decision and they should have stayed in the relationship.
But in general, if someone does not ... (read in full...)
How would you label this relationship?
Q. I've got a general question I'd love some feedback on. Friends with benefits? F*ck buddies? Dating? Friends? What are we? So I am friends with this girl and have been for some time now. That I do know. We do things together and talk about all s...
A. 29 January 2016: If you really have to label this relationship, I think FWB fits perfectly. In fact, it would be the "real " FWB as it is in theory. Two people that like each other's company, and also like each other physically and every now and then act on this ... (read in full...)
Tired of being Mr Nice Guy. How do I find women who will treat me as well as I treat them?
Q. Well,in the last two months, to failed relationships, so girls, would you rather be ghost, or cheated on, at least cheated on, you know why, it ended, so at fifty nine, do I change, stop being romantic, no more opening car doors, helping putting on ...
A. 28 January 2016: OK, so let's recap :
you are doing all the right moves, there's nothing in your demeanour / attitude / habits/courting strategy that could/should be modified or improved.
You are a flawless, all around nice guy that can't ever do wrong, a... (read in full...)
Is he being insensitive or really think of not wanting to meet so he plays this *game*?
Q. So Ive been in a relationship with my BF for 7 months. He likes to call me by 30+ pet names and at one point started playing a game where I should say my real name is not my name or he will count strikes and skip meeting days we meet up on. He even ...
A. 27 January 2016: That's absurd. But easy to put a stop to.
Tell him that you are NOT playing anymore. It's a stupid game , you are sick of it , and any game should only last as long as all the players are having fun.
So, tell him that for you from now on t... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my boyfriend's gaming female friend
Q. My bf follows a lot of cosplayers/models on social media. A lot of the time, he usually has a picture of one set as his phone or computer background, which he changes pretty regularly. This never really bothered me until now. One of the things he...
A. 27 January 2016: I would defnitely agree with Chigirl, if it wasn't for a small but meaningful detail.
He has given her money .
Why ???
She is just a fellow gamer, they basically know each other only online. She is not a close friend, lover or relative.
... (read in full...)
Tired of being Mr Nice Guy. How do I find women who will treat me as well as I treat them?
Q. Well,in the last two months, to failed relationships, so girls, would you rather be ghost, or cheated on, at least cheated on, you know why, it ended, so at fifty nine, do I change, stop being romantic, no more opening car doors, helping putting on ...
A. 26 January 2016: If you keep doing the same things you'll get the same results.
And if you keep asking the same questions, you'll get the same answers :).
You have asked this before, not long ago, and more or less the consensus was : yeah, tune it down. You are ... (read in full...)
Does my independence turn him off? I'm not chasing him!
Q. Cutting long story very short, I met up with my first love last summer. We had a few dates. Its like no time had past although it has been about 14 years since I last saw him. We got on so well. Eventually we became intimate. Happened twice. ...
A. 26 January 2016: You are doing fine. Keep so not chasing him.
By now you know is M.O. He comes close for a while and then he backs off. How are you not going to let it happen again, other than by giving him a wide berth - if and when he resurfaces ?
He has n... (read in full...)
He lied to me..he was cheating on his wife with me. Do I tell her?
Q. Dear Cupid I was dating a guy for a month, I was not attracted to him physically but sounded a nice decent person with a great job and everything. I asked him so many times whether he is single and he said he is and he never married since he...
A. 26 January 2016: I'd let it go.
You got played and you are understandably furious, but , as you say, probably you would not accomplish anything. You have no evidence whatsoever and it would be very easy for this guy to convince his wife that you are some delu... (read in full...)
He loves using the internet. Am I wrong to distrust him when he wants to stay up late while I sleep?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating and living together over 3 Years, we have had a lot of problems but seem to hang on... I have troubles with trust because he is a internet addict, talks to other women in a way he should not and also has been on ...
A. 26 January 2016: Are you wrong, in which sense ?... do you want to know how possible or probable is that he goes trolling the net for womeen as soon as you turn your back ?...
Sure, it's possible. Probable, in fact - quite probable, since you say he has an Inte... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a person to have crushes on other people while in a relationship and do nothing about it in the sense that they don't act on it
Q. Hello, I've been classmates with this girl for around three years now in college, and she intrigues me quite a bit. Let me explain: during our first year she seemed to be a rather shy and socially awkward person. Cute, but very weird. She was ...
A. 26 January 2016: Oh but you DID cross boundaries. Both of you. Why, do you think it's normal / fine for a partnered girl to have talks till 5 a.m. with a " friend " ? ( No you don't - you say that yourself : ) Would she stay up all night for having talks with a ... (read in full...)
The widower I am dating removed his daughter in law's jeans and put pajamas on her because she was drunk. Was this inappropriate?
Q. I don't know if the following question has ever been presented in this forum before. I'm starting a relationship with another widower and heard this perplexing event from him. Many of us are snowed in this weekend with members of our families not ...
A. 25 January 2016: Inappropriate ? personally I find it totally creepy.
I don't get why he had to undress his drunk DIL to put her in her P.J. bottoms, couldn't he simply leave her to sleep her wine off with her jeans on ?... But OK, suppose that he went auth... (read in full...)
How can my parents call truce when around me, then restart their fighting as soon as they depart?
Q. So, I suffered a hairline ankle fracture. I called my momma. She makes the 4 hour drive down to my campus. She picks up my dad. They are divorced. I hear them arguing outside my door. But then, they stop instantly when I finally get to the door. My ...
A. 23 January 2016: How could they not, I'd say.
You sound surprised and I don't quite get it. Would you have preferred that they had not stopped arguing and had continued chewing out each other in front of you, forgetting the task at hand, which was to see how you ... (read in full...)
I broke up with boyfriend because he still doesn't want to marry for several years
Q. Tonight,I broke up with my bf of 1 year. It's been a lovely year,ups and downs of course. We love and care about each other,But tonight I expressed to him that I wish to get married soon as my parents are traditional; we are 8 years apart,he is 20 ...
A. 23 January 2016: I guess you made the right choice ; actually, it was sort of an obliged choice. Romance is not enough to keep two people together , they also must have compatible goals in life. If for you it is important to be married, and not too late too,- ... (read in full...)
Should I break confidentiality to protect a relative?
Q. This is sort of an ethical dilemma. I volunteered at a transitional home for women most of whom were recovering drug addicts who had child service cases. One lady there, who I will call Shelly, opened up about her story and how she grew up in a ...
A. 23 January 2016: If you are bound to confidentiality, you are bound to confidentialy in any case ( unless if given by your higher- ups explicit permission to disclose informations, and also told which specific informations can be given to whom ). In ANY ... (read in full...)
| *indyCares's friends
These are mutual friends, so *indyCares has
added them and they have added *indyCares!
|
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
