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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?
Q. I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...
A. 17 May 2016: OP, really ! Do you even read anything of what we write ?, do you ever trust that ,who knows, any of us may have the wisdom and life experience to be telling something sensible ?
Again : you don't need a precise match , sexually speaking. It's... (read in full...)
When travelling, what are your pet peeves about the people you meet and the places you visit outside of your own country?
Q. This is not a relationship issue, it's just something recreational if any of you wants to humour me up. So : yesterday I was reading on a travellers' forum a thread called "Why Italians are so rude." Now, .. Italian can be rude, I am not argui...
A. 9 May 2016: @ Tisha -1 : and you please forgive my tardiness in thanking you for joining my little survey, it was much appreciated. I am sorry if I caused you a writer's block :),... I must say you make it sound as if I were some minor Dorothy Parker , ... (read in full...)
Hookups where the women only get oral?
Q. Hookups where the women only get oral? I've seen some women mention that they do this online and that it's a mini-trend now, but I wanted to see some stories. What did the guys do or how did they react when you made it clear you only wanted them to ...
A. 5 May 2016: Oh Lord-love-a-duck !, as the Brits would say .
You are not being naive here, OP, you are just being , pardon me, thick-skulled :
it would not be having vaginal sex ( or not having vaginal sex ) per se, or having / not having oral sex which wo... (read in full...)
How does a teen get over a celebrity crush?
Q. I have a celebrity crush. I understand that at my age, this is completely normal, but I think that I have crossed the line. I won't explain how (I'll leave that to your imagination) but I know that I've gone too far. I've tried to find obtainable ...
A. 4 May 2016: How did you go too far ? Did you hide naked in their hotel room's cupboard ? ... Yeah, that's going too far. Don't do that:).
All the rest is normal. It means that you are young and healthy and you have imagination, and zest for life .
Just ... (read in full...)
Hookups where the women only get oral?
Q. Hookups where the women only get oral? I've seen some women mention that they do this online and that it's a mini-trend now, but I wanted to see some stories. What did the guys do or how did they react when you made it clear you only wanted them to ...
A. 4 May 2016: OP, I hope that the last sentence of your submittal was written in jest, because if you mean it literally, you ARE playing with fire, you are opening yourself wide up to be raped or beaten up.
You would not be fooling with the boy next door or y... (read in full...)
What do women think of very hairy guys?
Q. What do women think of very hairy guys? Is it a turn off and a major deal breaker when a guy is very hairy on his body? Be honest....
A. 4 May 2016: I doubt you'll find a general consensus . Preferences vary.
If you ask me , for instance, yes, honestly it's rather a turn off ( although not a " major dealbreaker ": a man is more than just the sum of his body hair ! ). I love smooth ches... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't have respect for my religious beliefs!
Q. Hi Dear Cupid! I have been dating this wonderful guy for about 8 months now and I am worried about one thing . . . . he doesn't respect my religious beliefs. He says he's not an atheist, but he also says he doesn't really believe in anythi...
A. 3 May 2016: I wish I could be as optimistic as Denizen, but I am not because I have seen many times love NOT conquering it all. But my perplexity is, assuming that love could conquer it all, ..it also SHOULD ? At expense of your most sacred values and moral ... (read in full...)
Why do low-income families go on to have more children when it's hard to make ends meet?
Q. Just curious, as I see tons of family's that have sometimes 4 or more children, yet have an extremely small income. You'd think it'd be the opposite, because the low-income families have neither the time nor the money to properly care for these ...
A. 3 May 2016: I guess there's a different answer for every different geographic location / culture.
Several Aunts quoted a social system where you get tangible rewards and benefits for every new kid you make. This , for instance, can't happen in Italy, wher... (read in full...)
Our long distance relationship is a struggle! Advice?
Q. My girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. I love her to absolute death, but there are two major problems. Number one is the fact that long distance relationships are already sexually frustrating, but she isn't even interested or ready ...
A. 3 May 2016: OP, I know you'll be disappointed but the Aunts , although some times can come up with useful advice, do not have a magic wand to cancel your real, factual life conditions and limitations. So : there's nothing to do.
If you are 13-15 and your... (read in full...)
Was I in the wrong for asking him about the pictures and did he only tell me he wanted to make things work so he could have sex?
Q. Hey my ex broke up with me about a month ago. Everything was going really well we'd made plans to live together when we'd both finished uni as I finish this year but he has one year left. He said that he never had a connection like the one he had ...
A. 3 May 2016: I guess to answer your question it would help to know why he broke up with you.
The way you tell it, it 's a strange story.
I mean, you still are attracted to each other and you still love each other and you still feel a special emotiona... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?
Q. I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...
A. 3 May 2016: You'll be fine, OP, mark my words. You need, as you know, to keep working on your confidence and self esteem and then just ... dive trustfully into the sea of sex. Honestly, that's all. You are willing to learn and eager to please- that's the ... (read in full...)
Did he just need some time for himself? Or was my Bf trying to create distance between us?
Q. Would you be upset with your long time BF if you just spent two weeks on vacation and the last two days you had together when you got back back home he did not stay at your place? Instead he went back to his for some "me" time? He could have s...
A. 3 May 2016: Would I be upset... ? Not at all.
I guess that's because personally I'd get exactly where he is coming from. After 2 weeks of 24/7 intimacy and closeness and romantic bliss... I'd be clicking my heels and chanting "There 's no place like home... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?
Q. I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...
A. 2 May 2016: OP, I know that all this preys on your mind a lot so I would not want you to think that I am making fun of you, but tbh something you say is quite funny and made me ( godnaturedly, I promise ) smile :
Ah so you would be Ok if she had had lots of s... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?
Q. I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...
A. 2 May 2016: I know I just told you myself that if you wanted a girl with your same low level of sexual experience *for the right reasons * that would be fine.. but then I had a thought that I want to share. A doubt, actually.
I don't have an answer to this... (read in full...)
If you've already had sex, then which do you think is better - Affection or Sex?
Q. I don't think I want to have sex. I thought I did and I was getting ready to lose my v card soon. But every time I think about sex...I'd say ninety percent of the reason I'd have it is because the guy wants it. I know it sounds stereotypical bu...
A. 2 May 2016: It's difficult to " prefer " one, because it's not like you have to choose. You can have both at the same time, or in rapid succession. Couples ( not hook ups ) do not draw such a neat sharp line between the two things, one sort of spills into the ... (read in full...)
If our LDR is really over then why is he still responding to my messages?
Q. Hello, and thanks in advance for your advice you are able to offer. I was together with my partner for 16 months. It was a long distance thing, and we saw each other most weekends. Were have been apart for six weeks new, he finished it with...
A. 2 May 2016: Why not ? You contact him, he answers.
He has dumped you but that does not mean that he must hate you or mistreat you , unless you make a nuisance of yourself.
But if all you do is dropping a message every now and then, he feels that he... (read in full...)
Why is my partner dreaming about sex?
Q. Me and my other half have been together for 6 years, the last couple of months its become a little rocky. we haven't had sex in around 5 months. a couple of nights I have woken up to him touching me and kissing me. HES ASLEEP, only problem is ...
A. 2 May 2016: He could have sexual dreams about other women even if you were still sexually very active ! Dreams are not conscious and not rational, they are just the transposition in symbols of what's going on deep down in our psyche. You can't make ... (read in full...)
Is he just leading me on? Is he really in love with me? Or is it just sex??
Q. Okay so I'm bi not out! Please read full story I started seeing this guy in September 2015 and it was great but after a couple of weeks he started to tell me he had feelings for me. I continued to hide back my feelings and made him continue...
A. 2 May 2016: It's sex. Actions speak louder than words. He can say all the sweet things he wants, but when, at the end of the day, he still has a bf, and STAYS with his bf , and has to keep you hidden from him, well, isn't it rather self evident how the land ... (read in full...)
Holiday with others and my Bf. How can I get over my fears and actually enjoy this holiday?
Q. I feel really worried about a group holiday that my boyfriend has set up with his friends and their partners. In August, 10 of us are going on a joint birthday holiday for 3 of us the people. It's my boyfriend's birthday, and then one of the coup...
A. 2 May 2016: I am taking Janniepeg's view- how to cope during the vacation is the least of your worries. Worst case scenario, bring a pile of books, or book sightseeing tours for yourself, and take advantage of your alone time for resting well or having facials ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?
Q. I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...
A. 2 May 2016: It would be fine if you were doing it for the right reason. Like, you want a woman who is not too impulsive and can exercise self restraint , or you want a woman who takes sex as seriously as you do and thinks of it not as a recreational activity ... (read in full...)
Why will a married man NOT leave his mistress, even when affair is in danger of being exposed?
Q. Why won't a married man give up his long time mistress EVEN when their affair is in danger of being exposed to the world and to his wife? For example: Some people in their work place are starting to become suspicious. But he still won't leave hi...
A. 2 May 2016: Why some people keep smoking a pack of cigarettes a day or drinking a bottle of vodka a day even knowing fully well that it will have consequences for their health, ,maybe even fatal consequences ?....
Why some people keep driving well beyo... (read in full...)
When travelling, what are your pet peeves about the people you meet and the places you visit outside of your own country?
Q. This is not a relationship issue, it's just something recreational if any of you wants to humour me up. So : yesterday I was reading on a travellers' forum a thread called "Why Italians are so rude." Now, .. Italian can be rude, I am not argui...
A. 1 May 2016: Thank you, it was a super entertaining reading, just as I had expected. Each of you gave me interesting info , food for thought, or just something to chuckle over, so ... you get an individual mini-essay too :
@Aunty BimBim. Surprising ! Mayb... (read in full...)
Why do guys want intercourse so badly?
Q. Why do they want to have sex so badly? I was skimming the online forums about this; like those pua forums with the creepy guys who do everything they possibly can to get sex. And...I was reading all the replies and different terms, and I want to ...
A. 30 April 2016: But it does matter, OP ! If somebody likes to brag , or to fib a bit about something, it does not mean that he hates that something or could easily do without it... just that he loves that thing AND also fibs a bit about it.
How to explain you ... (read in full...)
Wearing jewelry from an ex whilst out on a date with a new partner... thoughts?
Q. I want to know what everybody's thoughts are on wearing jewellery from an ex partner whilst out on a date with a new partner. Thank you!...
A. 30 April 2016: You know that it had not even ever crossed my mind that there could be anything wrong in wearing jewelry gifted by another man ?!
I got a gold chain that my ex gave me the day our son was born; I have always ,always worn it since then ( it's thic... (read in full...)
What are the main reasons that would motivate a woman to want to break up with a guy?
Q. I would like the opinion of the lady's an men who write in all the time, my question is what's the main reasons for women to dump the guys? Is it they found some one new, he cheated , he treats her bad, got bored of him, he was to nice, came on ...
A. 30 April 2016: Ah sure, there's a lot of people who does not like working without a net. After all, it's the same principle as not leaving your old job unless you have got something new lined up.
I think though it goes one step back, i.e. WHY he or she has ... (read in full...)
Why do guys want intercourse so badly?
Q. Why do they want to have sex so badly? I was skimming the online forums about this; like those pua forums with the creepy guys who do everything they possibly can to get sex. And...I was reading all the replies and different terms, and I want to ...
A. 29 April 2016: But are they ( obsessed ) ? I tell it to you just like I have read it. There was a reaserch carried on by the University of Austin ( Texas ) over a sample of about 2500 people, males and females. They have been asked to list all the reasons why ... (read in full...)
She wants us to start again. What would be the best thing to do?
Q. I have been seeing my girl for nearly a year. My pal is on a dating site POF. He told me my girlfriends photo profile came up in a search, so I checked it out for myself. He wasnt lying. It said she had logged in within the last 24 hours. I ...
A. 29 April 2016: Dump her. Pronto. Maybe if she had reacted differently when she got caught red handed... pleading temporary insanity :).... or at least admitting that, whatever her reason for putting up her profile, it was a bad decision, apologizing and ... (read in full...)
Should I just ignore my fiance until I return from my family vacation?
Q. I'm getting married to my fiance in October. At the moment I am on holidays with my mother and sister. I have to send the first text to my other half always. It's like "out of sight out of mind". Why? Should I just ignore him now until I get home...
A. 29 April 2016: Why ? You answered yourself why :
because he tends to be busy, because he hates messaging, and because he's got ADHD tendencies so he gets easily distracted, I guess, from what he is " supposed " to do.
I am sure it is a generational thing, b... (read in full...)
Can you change a player just a little?
Q. I'm trying to decide if I should have sex with a guy who's a player. If i don't have sex he'll just ignore me. If I do, then I'll get ignored after...but I was thinking, even if I can't get him to commit, what if I got him to at least do nice things ...
A. 29 April 2016: I forgot :
tell us , OP, and be as sincere as you can, please...
I don't know why but I get this strange feeling that you are not into sex at all and you are like tryng to whet a feeble sexual appetite with hot , sought after guys...
I mean, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend sometimes blurts out something that just sounds wrong! What do I do in this situation?
Q. Hello, Need some advice. My boyfriend is a really wonderful guy! My only issue is that sometimes he means to say one thing and it will come out wrong, especially with friends/acquaintances or when a little tipsy. For example, we were meeting ...
A. 29 April 2016: For once I disagree with YouWish ( which is cool, because I know she likes a good debate :). I'll try to explain why... but let's start with the OP's boyfriend first.
Who owns the words owns the world , said somebody- and unluckily your bf does... (read in full...)
What should I do with my gamer boyfriend?
Q. As if my boyfriend didn't play games already enough. Now he wants to play 4 hours straight two nights. While he plays every night for 3 hours. Like is he serious!?!? When were supose to be spending time together. I want to spend time with him, e...
A. 29 April 2016: Militaryman, your advice makes a lot of sense... in a different context.
This poster has posted at least 20 times since she is having this relationship, every time about a different issue.
If they solve the gaming issue... it will just be somet... (read in full...)
Can you change a player just a little?
Q. I'm trying to decide if I should have sex with a guy who's a player. If i don't have sex he'll just ignore me. If I do, then I'll get ignored after...but I was thinking, even if I can't get him to commit, what if I got him to at least do nice things ...
A. 29 April 2016: Oh but you DO go for old fashioned views.... all your post is delightfully cliche' and comes straight out of some romantic comedy of the 40's or 50's.... the nice naive girl " taming " the inveterate playboy... a frashfaced Doris Day using her ... (read in full...)
When do I raise the awkward subject of menstrating with boys I am dating?
Q. When is a good time to tell a guy you're on your period? Seems like every boyfriend since high school gets really grossed out or mad at me when I tell him. In high school I didn't have to because I only had three boyfriends. The one I only dated...
A. 28 April 2016: To begin with, you are not " supposed " to shave down there.
If you are particurly bushy, you may find it more practical and hygienic to trim down or pare down somewhat,because sweat and odours do tend to get trapped into hair - ( but that appl... (read in full...)
What should I do with my gamer boyfriend?
Q. As if my boyfriend didn't play games already enough. Now he wants to play 4 hours straight two nights. While he plays every night for 3 hours. Like is he serious!?!? When were supose to be spending time together. I want to spend time with him, e...
A. 28 April 2016: Simple ; you leave him. You accept that you two are widely incompatible, and that not all relationships, even the most passionate and romantic, are made to last.
Why are you so stubborn, Midsummer ?
Judging from the number and content of your ... (read in full...)
Do I stop making our favorite food because it bothers our 80 year old neighbor?
Q. Hello We live in an apartment building and are a mid aged couple. I cook for my husband on daily basis, we are both Canadian. We really enjoy curry and maybe twice a month I will cook it. My neighbour who is in her 80s and frail health mention...
A. 27 April 2016: I don't know about Germans... I thought that nobody liked lingering food smells ! I mean, food smell delicious and enticing while it is been cooked, or just fresh out of the stove... but if you can't /won't air up the place, wait a few hours and, ... (read in full...)
I’m expecting my first child with my boyfriend but he isn’t happy and is calling me a liar!
Q. I have recently discovered I'm expecting my first child with my boyfriend of 3 years. It seems like it would be great news but he isn't happy at all and keeps calling me a liar as I had always believed that I couldn't have children naturall...
A. 26 April 2016: Anon female, I don't know what doctors and nurses you have been dealing with but in any case.... change hospital :)
It's not international and it's not the standard line, it's simply BS.
Most women with PCOS can eventually get pregnant , unless... (read in full...)
Do I stop making our favorite food because it bothers our 80 year old neighbor?
Q. Hello We live in an apartment building and are a mid aged couple. I cook for my husband on daily basis, we are both Canadian. We really enjoy curry and maybe twice a month I will cook it. My neighbour who is in her 80s and frail health mention...
A. 26 April 2016: Eh but if this is an 80something lady , in poor health and suffering with asthma, what can you do ? ... Even in lack of formal complaints or ripercussions by your landlord, I don't think that you'd want to have on your conscience the asthma or ... (read in full...)
How do I tell potential FWBs or hookups that I only want oral or manual sex, not intercourse?
Q. I want lower std risks and no pregnancy risks. So I decided to try having hookups but only going as far as foreplay. What I'm worried about is what if they think I'm childish since we're all over 18? Or they may even be angry we're not f*cking... ...
A. 26 April 2016: Counseling , probably. And assertiveness training.
And read books about self esteem and how to increase it.
As a matter of fact if I were you I 'd start working seriously on myself before starting with hook ups left and right.
Tbh, at a f... (read in full...)
I want a second chance, how can I show him it will work?
Q. Hi all, me and my ex decided to be friends because we didnt get to spend much time together ( together 4 month ) and thought itd be better as friends even tho we both still want the same things . he said he wanted to keep me in his life and wanted ...
A. 26 April 2016: Not such a great idea. At times being persistent gives rewards, but other times being persistent is simply equivalent to keep banging your head against a wall, and at some point one has learn to see the difference and act accordingly.
The main... (read in full...)
I lost my erection just before sex, is this ED?
Q. Hi all Ive been with my partner 7 years now, we are both in our 40's and in decent health Recently we were intimate, i gave her oral to orgasm, then went to have sex....to my horror i had gone semi hard, and couldnt have intercourse My p...
A. 26 April 2016: You just have been verty lucky so far :).
The occasional loss of erection can happen even to a young stud in his 20s, you know ?. Lack of sleep, stress, anxiety, physical fatigue , too much drink, too much food, ... or just not really being in t... (read in full...)
He’s been chatting with women online and now has booked a solo trip to a country where one lives! I need opinions on this!
Q. Hello everyone, Me and hubby have been together 7yrs and married for 3. We have a 4 yr old daughter..He has been talking to women who he has friended from social media. He doesn't know any of them. But to some he will start talking in a way...
A. 26 April 2016: He is feeding you a lot of BS and you are enabling him.
First , if he gets so stressed out driving a city bus, what should all the guys say who are firemen, policemen, E.R. doctors, stockbrockers, prison guards, cab drivers and tons of othe... (read in full...)
I really liked him, we made out and the next day he pretended it never happened! What made him not like me anymore?
Q. Hi i had this boy i knew i really liked him and he liked me and one day we made out at night.The next day he pretended like it never happen like he never liked me and i texted him and told him did it mean anything and he said no and that broke my ...
A. 26 April 2016: ..The fact that he never liked you romantically to begin with. He just wanted to make out, to experiment a little, and ... he liked you enough for that but not more.
Valuable lesson which is never too early to learn. Words mean nothing if not back... (read in full...)
I’m expecting my first child with my boyfriend but he isn’t happy and is calling me a liar!
Q. I have recently discovered I'm expecting my first child with my boyfriend of 3 years. It seems like it would be great news but he isn't happy at all and keeps calling me a liar as I had always believed that I couldn't have children naturall...
A. 26 April 2016: Oops ! fair is fair, so , my apologies, OP, for having overlooked what you stated clearly in your post, that your bf was informed when you stopped taking the pill.
It does not alter substantially , though, the gist of my post. Ok, your bf can'... (read in full...)
I’m expecting my first child with my boyfriend but he isn’t happy and is calling me a liar!
Q. I have recently discovered I'm expecting my first child with my boyfriend of 3 years. It seems like it would be great news but he isn't happy at all and keeps calling me a liar as I had always believed that I couldn't have children naturall...
A. 25 April 2016: I agree with Tisha . What have you done so wrong ? If you don't get it,...yes, you must suffer from a remarkable lack of imagination.
What you have done wrong, to begin with, is being lackadaisical and " whatever " about your reproductive heal... (read in full...)
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