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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Should I trust him this time? I still feel he may go away again, off the radar.
Q. There was a problem with a question I posted about a guy I met online who I subsequently had over 100 conversations with over 35 days, he got really sick, we never met and he fell off the radar screen. He called me a few days ago, is doing be...
A. 17 January 2016: Thank you for the update ; now let's hope that yow will not only talk the talk but also walk the walk ! :) If you can really just relax and see what happens, without having any particular expectations or making any special emotional investment, ... (read in full...)
Should I trust him this time? I still feel he may go away again, off the radar.
Q. There was a problem with a question I posted about a guy I met online who I subsequently had over 100 conversations with over 35 days, he got really sick, we never met and he fell off the radar screen. He called me a few days ago, is doing be...
A. 18 December 2015: Don't beat yourself up too much. The best way to learn is through experience, through trial and error. Now hopefully you are best equipped to screen your candidates and weed out the flakes.
I reiterate my advice to be quite more ....self serv... (read in full...)
My girlfriend doesn't have alot of time for me. She says take it or leave it
Q. Haven't heard from my girlfriend in three days, don't know why, we get along real good I thought, she is a busy person with work ,an working out, paladies,her dogs, about five months in the relationship, I treat her like a princess, every one says ...
A. 10 December 2015: I guess maybe we should look more into " she has not much time for me ".
In other posts you mention that you meet once a week, sleep over, leave unhurriedly around noon.... that may be not enough to fulfill you, but it may also be honestly the ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has a fetish for bald guys. Should I shave my head for her?
Q. I used to notice that my girl liked to check out older guys when they walked past her, before I realized it was actually guys with clean shaven heads that she has this weird thing for. She said she found bald guys really hot. Well I found it weeeird ...
A. 10 December 2015: Your gf has not got a fetish for bald men, or men who shave their heads ( as proven by the fact that she is perfectly fine dating and , I assume, having sex with a guy like you with a full head of hair ). She just has a preference, and frankly I ... (read in full...)
I love my husband but will he actually change and put his family as a priority?
Q. hello, not sure how to start but im desperate for some advice...... im in my 20's married to an squaddie (army) we been married two years and in those two years have moved around 3 times with the army. I have a 6year old from a previous ...
A. 10 December 2015: I am afraid Denizen is right. And tbh I am also surprised that you quote as one of the main reasons why you'd choose to stay stuck in an unhappy marriage... the fact that you don't want to displease your ex and don't want to deal with his ... (read in full...)
How can I forget I kissed another woman at my wedding
Q. My husband and I had an amazing ceremony and reception, but at the after party we both got extremely drunk. A song started playing about kissing a girl, and I shouted "I can't believe I'm married now I've never kissed a girl!" or something like ...
A. 9 December 2015: There's bad news and good news ...
- I have to respectfully disagree with my esteemed colleague C.Grant . ( Maybe it's a cultural thing, I am quite aware that Northern Americans have a very high social tolerance for drunken shenanigans ). Tbh,... (read in full...)
Ladies: If a man sprinkled rose petals at your feet would you have kept them?
Q. Last night spent a night with the woman I've been seeing for about four months, watch the football game together, she really likes football, am a romantic kind of guy, well this morning, ihad her put on a CD, of George Strait, cross my heart, when ...
A. 9 December 2015: OP, you are a stubborn one :) who ever advised you to become a cold selfish prick to have sucess with women ??!
Why, does it have to be either black or white , no in between ? There's no other possibility than either be wussy , desperate and clin... (read in full...)
I've been told I'm proud, why can't I change?
Q. Hello cupids, I have posted on this forum about being called proud. But I would like to remain anonymous right now. I am at the brink of breaking down as I type this. I have a strong personality and I am self reliant. I would not do what people s...
A. 9 December 2015: If all you report in your update is the actual exact truth ( I am not calling you a liar, OP, just stressing how there are always two sides in the story and we all can become a bit too attached to our view of a certain situation, dismissing or ... (read in full...)
Ladies: If a man sprinkled rose petals at your feet would you have kept them?
Q. Last night spent a night with the woman I've been seeing for about four months, watch the football game together, she really likes football, am a romantic kind of guy, well this morning, ihad her put on a CD, of George Strait, cross my heart, when ...
A. 8 December 2015: Too bad that apparently being romantic , at least in the peculiar sense you mean it, apparently has not brought to you the results that you want.
Otherwise you would not be on DC moaning about these cold hearted women who do not treasure your... (read in full...)
Is it all my fault because I didn't tell him I wanted a serious relationship?
Q. So I really like this guy and he used to really like me but now I'm feel so sad that I have lost him forever. We first hit off and the meeting was quite magical. When we started conversing over the phone, he asked me if I wanted to mess around w...
A. 8 December 2015: So he chose her over you ?... lucky you !! Poor her !
He used to abuse you verbally and emotionally, he lied to you, made a fool out of you, treated you awfully in general---- why would you want him back ??! Are you such a glutton for puni... (read in full...)
Would a guy still bother to text the girl he's slept with even if he's not interested?
Q. It was my second date with this guy and I wasn't really sure if I liked him but I was 100% sure i was physically attracted to him and I really wanted to sleep with him. The date lasted for about 26 hours. He let me stay over at his place he was ...
A. 8 December 2015: Now, OP, don't get mad at me if I tell you that probably those social rules you scoff at ..have been invented just to protect thin skinned, tender hearted people like you :)
I'll try to explain. Obviously it's not that if you sleep with some... (read in full...)
Should I confess all to my husband or should I not?
Q. I really need some advise without being judged because my guilt is turning into depression and I really don't know what to do at this point.I cheated on my husband with our neighbor. It all stems from a few months ago when my husband and I we...
A. 8 December 2015: So far the advice you received is based on the assumption that you should, or should want, to save your marriage.
But "... and he even hit me a couple of times ".
Fine- then basically you have no marriage anymore, it ìs over, or it SHOULD be over.... (read in full...)
Says she'll miss me so why am I blocked?
Q. Is this a blessing in disguise? I get dumped by a girl who I feel cannot be replaced, at all. During the conversation, she said she was going to miss me. The next day, she removes me from her contact list on our Instant Messaging program, and u...
A. 7 December 2015: I think she is simply moving on with her life and she knows that the best- the only, perhaps, - way to do it is to go NC . Maybe she is moving on with regret ,yet she is moving on.
I don't find it that strange, it happens often in fact : you know... (read in full...)
While hiking during rough weather my boyfriend would go ahead and just leave me. Are men like that?
Q. My boyfriend and I had a week end planned which involved a 3hr hike. The weather ended up being really bad with a storm that hit the country. It wasn't so bad where we had planned to go hiking. It was however very windy and wet. We decided to go ...
A. 7 December 2015: No,they aren't all like that and yes, you should be wary .
Leaving you behind to fight against wind gusts strong enough to topple you over is not just selfish, it's reckless to the point of almost criminal.
To tell you the truth , I have noticed ... (read in full...)
Troubled because I can't match his Christmas spend
Q. I would like to get advice on Xmas presents ie. buying for family when you live together. I live with my partner. Prior to this we lived separately. He moved from partner's into house he'd bought, and I moved in with him. I have grown-up kids. M...
A. 7 December 2015: I don't think it's unfair. He has more income and he will use X £ to buy presents for his family, you have less income and you will use Y income to buy presents for your family.
It would only be unfair if his Xmas shopping resulted in YOU not havi... (read in full...)
Ladies: If a man sprinkled rose petals at your feet would you have kept them?
Q. Last night spent a night with the woman I've been seeing for about four months, watch the football game together, she really likes football, am a romantic kind of guy, well this morning, ihad her put on a CD, of George Strait, cross my heart, when ...
A. 7 December 2015: No I would not have kept them. And personally I would not even have much appreciated the gesture itself because to me it would have felt ostentatious and a bit tacky.
This is "all about you ", isn't it ? You are so wrapped up , as from your prev... (read in full...)
I'm angry that my partner returned the iPhone he found to its owner
Q. What would you do if you found a I phone? My partner found one by his car and it belonged to a woman because it had a case with flowers on to protect it and a photo of her and her fella. My partner said to see if she rang for her phone and if...
A. 30 November 2015: You can't be serious, can you ?.....
Not all people are nice, true, but it's also true that not all people are avid,entitled and dishonest either .
In fact, most people would have done just what your bf did , or else brought the Iphone to a pol... (read in full...)
Should I trust him this time? I still feel he may go away again, off the radar.
Q. There was a problem with a question I posted about a guy I met online who I subsequently had over 100 conversations with over 35 days, he got really sick, we never met and he fell off the radar screen. He called me a few days ago, is doing be...
A. 29 November 2015: Scottie aren't you the same lady who posted another question about another on line suitor , assumedly a secret agent ? He too, after a prolonged and intense e -mail exchange, just vanished off your life, no notice and no explanations.
If this... (read in full...)
We have a big decision ahead of us and he's not willing to discuss it!
Q. I'm in medical school and my boyfriend and I (I'm 25, he's 24, dating for 2+ years) have a process we are going through next year called "the match". We each basically have to match to a city and specialty and it involves this complicated algorithm. ...
A. 29 November 2015: Yes, it is selfish for you to think it like that. Totally
" all about me ". You are putting your nesting instinct before your bf's future and personal and professional realizarion, in a way that would affect not only him but, who knows, many... (read in full...)
Should I insist on her leaving her husband before I move to Germany to be closer to her?
Q. I have met a German married woman. I am in UK, 57 divorced. She is 44 with 3 children. We met at a party in Germany and she told me her husband no longer has sex with her since 6 years. We talked all night. The past 4 months we talk every day on...
A. 29 November 2015: You should insist on her giving you actual proof that she HAS left her husband before moving to Germany ! ( unless you'd love living there and would be moving whether you can be with this woman or not ). Promising costs nothing, and talk is cheap. ... (read in full...)
I know I need to end with my child's father first but do you think my ex is right to be holding back contact?
Q. I have been in what does not feel like a relationship since 1999. Looking back he was great dad to by older kids and the one we have but he did not move things on with me. We never lived together, he never bought me presents or remembered my ...
A. 29 November 2015: Yes, I think he is right, your ex is being wise and prudent. Although you may be unhappy in your relationship, and although it may not be very sexual atm, you are still very much IN a relationship with no actual plan or set date to leave it. Your ... (read in full...)
What could have happened to this great guy I corresponded with and did meet, once?
Q. A man I am extremely interested in is supposedly in the counter intelligence community in the Middle East. It is hard to determine if this is so as these individuals can never speak very much about their work and you can only operate on blind fa...
A. 29 November 2015: Yes,but , as far as you know, he only has disappeared from your PC screen, under the name or moniker you knew him with.
If I wanted to " disappear " from Dear Cupid as Cindy Cares and reappear on it , - or somewhere else on the Web, as ,say , Cr... (read in full...)
How do I keep my college-age daughter from falling away from our church and family?
Q. I am a proud mother of six children from the ages of 27-10. I am a stay-at-home mom and part-time Sunday School teacher and I volunteer for many church activities as do all members of our family. All of our children attended or attend our small ...
A. 29 November 2015: This is not a joke.... it 's the latest literary effort of a long-time repeat poster :). Who, by now , has developed her own unmistakeable literary voice, ( which is a very good thing, btw ), with her own choice of words, rythm of narration, ... (read in full...)
I'm 67, she's 54 and she thinks I'm too old for her
Q. I am 67 year old man, widowed and I have met a 54 year old lady but she thinks I am to old for her. We have gone out several times and I feel like I am in love with her. But she thinks that I am too old for a relationship with a woman her age. ...
A. 27 November 2015: You cannot.She is entitled to decide what's the max.age gap she is comfortable with and,trust me, by now, at the age of 54,she knows very well what she is comfortable with or not.Some women do not mind a 13 years more age gap;many others do mind and ... (read in full...)
Her daughter is a nightmare at bedtime! Ideas on how to deal with her?
Q. I'm in a relationship with a lovely woman who has a 9 year old daughter whom I absolutely adore. She is a great kid, but has quite a problem when it comes to bedtime. And it is driving my gf completely insane to the point she is at her wits end. ...
A. 27 November 2015: I think this kid's sleep problem is VERY related to her ADHD- considering that one of the main symptoms of ADHD in children is the diffuculty to fall asleep or stay asleep,- and also one of the main side effects of medications for ADHD ( so , alas, ... (read in full...)
Should I take my own advice? Or let down the wall around my heart?
Q. The woman I've been seeing, for over four months, I've, been treating her really good, but the problem is I've been very romantic, but emotional, a good emotional, telling her all about my past, not holding nothing back, but I find my self not, ...
A. 25 November 2015: OP, while I am sorry that you got disappointed and I wish you that you may get over this soon and may find your perfect match in a near future, nevertheless.. I am biting my tongue to not say that because I feel you are very disheartened,but... ... (read in full...)
I lashed out at him. He says we are done. What should I do?
Q. I lashed out to my boyfriend for the 3rd time after a party again and now we are broken up. I lashed at him about his daughter but Ive been very stressed with him for the past couple of weeks. He just has not been nice to me and I was going to...
A. 25 November 2015: Are you really surprised ? You lashed out once, you lashed out twice... third strike you are out. Most people dislikes to be " lashed out " at, whether there's good cause for the lashing out or not.
Particularly, I am pretty sure he felt you, as a... (read in full...)
He said he's, "marrying me because I want it and he doesn't".Is marriage still a good idea, in the circumstances?
Q. Im 28 years old and yave been with my boyfriend for 13 years. We have a 10 year old and a 6 year old. We are best friends and cant be away from each other for more than a few hours a day. We are in love. He never proposed but gave me a ring on my 2...
A. 25 November 2015: Did he literally use the words " you are forcing me " ? and did it just come out of the blue, or in the context of a discussion about some unexpected cost or hurdle or annoyance connected with organizing a wedding ?
Because my hunch is that he d... (read in full...)
Is he sick of me, and bored with me, that he falls asleep, soon after he arrives home?
Q. Is my boyfriend sick or just sick of me? He is fine and wide awake when he's alone and I'm at work. In the evenings he is fine and awake while out with his mates. He will call me to talk on the phone during his 15 min ute drive home. But once...
A. 25 November 2015: I am not too convinced about the sleep apnea explanation... My father was a heavy smoker and the loudest snorer you can imagine, I could hear him from my room which was in the very opposite corner of our house ( and it was a big place with THICK ... (read in full...)
What should I pay for, in the first month, as I will be away, and not residing there with him?
Q. My bf and I are moving in together. He is paying for the rent, and i'm paying utilities and food. I unfortunately, will be gone for a month and a half with my mother on vacation. We planned this trip out, before I even met him because she is just...
A. 25 November 2015: Yes, you should pay regardless.
If your bf at some point should need to spend a whole month in a hospital ( knock on wood, of course ) , hopefully he will not tell you : "this month rent is on you, because I won't be occupying the apartment " righ... (read in full...)
Do you think this girl and I are right for each other?
Q. Hello, I wanted to ask whether this girl and I are right for each other. I think we are. I'd like some more feedback before I make a move. I care about this girl so much that the though of rejection petrifies me. I want to be as certain as possible ...
A. 24 November 2015: It sounds all pretty good to me, and definitely worth giving it a shot.
Of course there is no totally 100% safe bet in life, so insuccess in any enterprise it's always a possibility . But the odds seem in your favour and if you don't try beca... (read in full...)
Is it selfish that I don't want my Bf's sons living with us?
Q. I need Help.. I'm 22 years old and my boyfriend is 35, he has 2 kids 18 and 13 both boys. I am currently 3 months pregnant and couldn't be any happier I'm so excited for my baby we both are, after months of waiting we finally are getting our new ...
A. 24 November 2015: Selfish ? Yes and not. Yours is a very sensitive situation where unluckily everybody has very valid reasons for their preferences .
I mean, of course you need your space and your baby needs its space, is a very legitimate request, and of cour... (read in full...)
He hangs up on me when he thinks I'm asking stupid questions and now he's broken things off
Q. Hi there's this guy I been dating for a month, recently the last few days whatever I say annoys him he hangs up on me when he believes I'm asking a stupid question when I don't think I am. So yesterday he thought I asked stupid question when all ...
A. 23 November 2015: You are supposed to think that by now he knows you are a doormat, at least with him, and he feels he can treat you any rude and horrible way he wants since you'll just take it. Maybe with a bit of sulking and hand wringing, " oh my, what am I ... (read in full...)
I feel he may be simply taking advantage of my generosity, how do I ask him?
Q. I am 55, my partner 28...I feel he may be simply taking advantage of my generosity until he has gained what he wants and will then disappear. How can I know? How can I ask him this very difficult question?...
A. 23 November 2015: Why, do you think that if he just wanted to take advantage of your generosity, he would candidly admit it and say " Of course ! I am with you only to take advantage of you, bleed you dry and then disappear ! "??
I guess the proof is in the pudd... (read in full...)
Was it OK to ask my landlord for a female property manager when viewing requested repairs? The male PM seemed annoyed
Q. Hi, Guess I'm just looking for reassurance that I have done the right thing. I live in a rented flat and the landlord has a property Manager (PM) who does inspections which should only be done every 6 months or so or if I request a repair. Anyway...
A. 23 November 2015: Asking is always Ok, as Chigirl says, and if you felt uncomfortable being alone with this guy, also a good idea. Always better safe than sorry !
On the other hand, suppose this guy is not some sick perv but simply some innocuous older dude... (read in full...)
Plan to marry in 5 years time. We are cautious about a sexual relationship. Should we wait, or not wait??
Q. Hi, Im 22 yrs old and my girlfriend is 21 yrs old. We got into a relationship for a year already. We are both willing to explore each other body and practice safe sex. However, we are concerned about whether we should wait until marriage. For ...
A. 23 November 2015: It depends !
Your question would not make too much sense in the Western world and I can't answer you the same way I'd answer to a Western guy.
I assume that you come from a religion / culture / society that puts a prize on virginity and disappro... (read in full...)
My man is 22 yrs old and very fit. So why can he only last one round? what needs to be done?
Q. 2 issues: One that I stopped moaning during sex and the second that my healthy man only lasts one round at a time. When we first met and had sex, this was exciting and new and sensuous for me. I would moan and thrash around and be involved m...
A. 22 November 2015: With all due respect to biology, .. Garbo's calculations would only apply to an average man in his 60's.
The refractory period ( that period of time between one's last ejaculation and orgasm, and the moment you can have the next ) lenghtens cons... (read in full...)
My long distance girlfriend accuses me of being abusive
Q. I am on a long distance relationship I find her that she wouldn't tell me everything she does until the last moment. It upsets me a lot and I tend to think she doesn't trust me. Last week she would buy dress, she only told me after wearing it...
A. 22 November 2015: So your gf called you abusive... well you are lucky she called you something, at least. Most girls I know would just call ...everything off between you, if they happened to chance into someone so controlling.
Why does she have to tell you firs... (read in full...)
She's dating me but seeing 2 other guys for just sex
Q. So, I have been seeing a lovely woman for about a month. We get on extremely well and have alot of fun,we have tons in common and love nearby. We laugh like crazy and there's never a dull moment or awkward silences. She texts me every day from ...
A. 22 November 2015: I am afraid WiseOwlE is right : you have been " cuddle-buddy " zoned. My impression is that she does not want to hurt your feelings , and lose the benefit of your companionship, but , she feels no chemistry and can't see herself going further than ... (read in full...)
What could have happened to this great guy I corresponded with and did meet, once?
Q. A man I am extremely interested in is supposedly in the counter intelligence community in the Middle East. It is hard to determine if this is so as these individuals can never speak very much about their work and you can only operate on blind fa...
A. 22 November 2015: I vote for " not the real deal ". Admittedly , my knowledge of intelligence services only comes from the James Bond movies :), so I am not an expert... but it stands to reason that if this guy is a field agent in a political hot spot of the world, ... (read in full...)
Ladies: Would it bother you if the guy rarely called and acted like he really didn't care if he seen you or not?
Q. Does it bother you girls, you been seeing a guy for four months, and if he doesn't call or tex, for a couple days, an only has time to see you, once a week even though you live in the same, small town, but when you are together, its fantastic, but ...
A. 21 November 2015: It depends . Personally I would not be bothered by the once a week meet ups ,per se. I value quality over quantity. And, in fact,in many periods of my life ( most, maybe ) due to work, school and / or other committments ,once a week was the most ... (read in full...)
A friend has a crush on my BF. What needs to be done to discourage her unwelcome attention ?
Q. Hello aunts and uncles, I need some help here regarding a female Friend who has been asking my Boyfriend out. My Boyfriend and I discuss about boundaries with opposite gender friends and we both agree hanging out one on one with the opposite gender ...
A. 19 November 2015: OP, I just answered your previous and identical question a few hours ago. I imagine that , if you reposted the question right after, unluckily you have found the answers you've got, including mine, ineffective or unhelpful, and you want to hear ... (read in full...)
She I forgive her and resume our relationship, which is what she wants?
Q. So I have a issue and I need some help from people with experience. My girlfriend and I of 5 years split up for a few months and she ended up sleeping with someone else during this time. Now she wants to get back together but idk how to handle t...
A. 19 November 2015: You got nothing to forgive. You were broken up , and she got on with her life, as it is expectable ,even healthy,that she would do. For all she knew, you might never be getting together ever again, so what was she supposed to do, stay single ... (read in full...)
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