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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Why do girls ghost a guy who only treats them like a queen?
Q. Hi all, we'll my question is who an why they ghost us, to me girls if a guy, treats you bad then ghost him, if he hits you ghost him, if he is a drunk, drug addict,ghost him, if he doesn't have time for you, but he does for his friends, ghost ...
A. 2 June 2016: There are ghosters and there are non ghosters. Gosters will ghost you anyway, whether you treated them wonderfully, horribly or anything in between.
If , for whatever reason, they want out, they'll take the simplest, easiest, less bothersome ( fo... (read in full...)
My introverted daughter is in her 30s and loves animals. She hates her work and hates being single. At 71, what advice can I give her that will help her?
Q. I'm worried about my daughter. Recently she was upset about something and she blurted out that she hated being single. She is in her 30s and a highschool teacher, and she never got married but she always seemed okay with it. Recently, sh...
A. 30 May 2016: If the best Vet schools are in UK and Australia, and your daughter has the financial means to go study abroad, in other words if somehow hers is an actually feasible project and not just a pipe dream, by all means she should go and you should ... (read in full...)
Do I have a chance? What should I do?
Q. Background: I'm a 13 yr old boy of Sierra Leonean descent(African) who lives in a south London flat, and I go to a private secondary boys school on a bursary in the center of London. I'm an only child and I never really knew my dad but that's beside ...
A. 30 May 2016: What you should do , IMO, is sort of go on a hyatus. Sort of freeze away this crush for the time being, to possibly be resurrected at a later time .
I would focus on myself. Work on my school grades, on making friends, on getting better at my spor... (read in full...)
He is not the ideal choice, but I love him!
Q. Hello aunts! I broke up with my bf a year ago. People who love me dont like him anymore because he could have cheated on me (not sure, however proofs led to break up). Though we broke up for the public, we have been meeting and talking. The relation...
A. 30 May 2016: No no no, OP, listen to Mom. When we get posts from women in your country who are threatened with arranged ( and unwanted ) marriages, or who risk losing a true love in order to respect social conventions ( difference of caste or income ) I usually ... (read in full...)
He's sending me mixed signals. How should I proceed?
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles, I am 25 and never been in a long term committed relationship. I always just focused on school and college and then my career, so i've been quite comfortable with being single, that is up until recently. My close friends hav...
A. 30 May 2016: His signals do not sound so mixed to me, I'd say he has been pretty clear : " why women always have to complicate sex ".
Then, it's about sex. It's a physical relationship- carried on in a friendly, relaxed, amiable way, nevertheless phys... (read in full...)
We had our problems. Now its much later and I've moved on. Should I unblock him???
Q. Hi, I'm new to this website so sorry if i make any mistakes. There is this guy I know that is the most confusing... one day my friends and i were playing a game where we had to tell everyone who we liked (on facebook messenger). i liked him bu...
A. 30 May 2016: No, what for ?
You say you have moved on, so you don't even hope for anything romantic anymore.
And as for being " friends " , - he has not acted as a true, good friend. He is a " friend " you can easily do without. ... (read in full...)
Feeling obsessed and desperate. Who really is my baby's Daddy?
Q. Hello there, I am really hoping someone can help me here with some advise and no judgment. I am 31 years old and married for 5 years. My husband and I share a daughter that is 3 years old. Last year we are having a lot of trouble in our marriage ...
A. 30 May 2016: If there is a way , as a reader suggested, to find out the baby's paternity without taking DNA samples from the fathers, you should do that immediately.
Then, you can take it from there.
If both babies are your husband's- well, the right, d... (read in full...)
How can I get my man to kiss and cuddle me?
Q. My boyfriend/partner dislikes kissing and cuddling me.He has had a troubled past; We have sex most days,which we both love,but no kissing and not close to my body during sex.But he caresses and strokes my arms and back which I find very loving a...
A. 30 May 2016: I know mine may sound like a lame answer, but some times the best solution is the simplest, so : just ask him.
Tell him that you 'd love more physical closeness, more cuddling to enjoy your lovemaking even better. Same as you would not have scru... (read in full...)
When my BF was younger, before he knew me, he slept with some women who, then, were in their 40s. Why didn't he tell me earlier? I'm disgusted and very upset
Q. My boyfriend is older than I am. It seems like he loves me very much but yesterday, I found out that he slept with a couple of some who were in their forties when he was about twenty years old ( he slept with them at different times). This really h...
A. 29 May 2016: You proved my point excellently, OP. You don't like it when the shoe is on the other foot. You jumped up as if you had your buttocks stung by a swarm of wasps , when I suggested.. the unfortunate truth : that lots of people see mental ... (read in full...)
Naming issues for our new baby. Are my reasons wrong? Should I reconsider?
Q. Hey there folks! Just need some advice. I'm pregnant due June 26th with a little boy, now to my dilemma. My partner and I tried to conceive for 9 months (been together for 3 1/2 years), I became pregnant he seemed pretty excited. He has two kids...
A. 29 May 2016: Now I know better than arguing with a heavily pregnant lady over the name for her first baby ! ( congratulations , btw ) but if I have to be honest, it's not that your reasoning is wrong, it's just that... isn't the whole thing a bit futile ? Or ... (read in full...)
I have anxiety and trust issues. What can I do to trust my BF?
Q. Is it normal to worry that anytime your boyfriend is out of your sight, that he is cheating on you? I worry constantly. And it is affecting my peace of mind as it is eating away at me and causing me great anxiety and stress all of the time. I h...
A. 29 May 2016: Have you seen your doctor ? Your shrink, actually ?
I realize that telling a person who's paranoid about seeing doctors... to go to a doctor may not sound like good advice, but it is the only one which can make sense in the circumstances.
As J... (read in full...)
When my BF was younger, before he knew me, he slept with some women who, then, were in their 40s. Why didn't he tell me earlier? I'm disgusted and very upset
Q. My boyfriend is older than I am. It seems like he loves me very much but yesterday, I found out that he slept with a couple of some who were in their forties when he was about twenty years old ( he slept with them at different times). This really h...
A. 29 May 2016: I think some posters are , intentionally or not, missing the point. The OP is not disgusted by the fact that her bf engaged a couples of times in casual sex ; she is disgusted by the fact that casual sex happened with older women. It ìs the age ... (read in full...)
Someone stirring up trouble and losing friendships thick and fast
Q. hello agony aunts I've got a problem which I hope you can solve for me, I feel as though someone at work is plotting against me and is telling untrue stuff about me to my friends and to a girl who I'm friends with about my past, he doesn't like me ...
A. 28 May 2016: Keep it short and simple. Do not be gushy or dramatic or whiny, and do not bring up any " Conspiracy theory ".
Just tell her something along the lines suggested by Ivyblue. That you have got the feeling that something has a bit changed in your... (read in full...)
When my BF was younger, before he knew me, he slept with some women who, then, were in their 40s. Why didn't he tell me earlier? I'm disgusted and very upset
Q. My boyfriend is older than I am. It seems like he loves me very much but yesterday, I found out that he slept with a couple of some who were in their forties when he was about twenty years old ( he slept with them at different times). This really h...
A. 28 May 2016: Frankly, I think this must be your Asperger's talking.
" Dear Cupid, I am a 45 y.o. woman and I am very upset because I found out that my bf had a couple of one night stands with women who were on the autism spectrum, i.e. insuffic... (read in full...)
Is my friend is being passive-aggressive, or am I being sensitive?
Q. I've known my friend (we'll call him Ron) for almost 4 years. We met during the first year of university. I met a wonderful man (we'll call him Thomas) during my summer exchange program in another country. Over the past 1.5 years, I've been in a l...
A. 28 May 2016: I would not call Ron passive - aggressive , since in fact he is very open and clear in expressing his misgivings about your relationship.
The point is , has he got the right to express these misgivings ? Should not he simply accept that if you ... (read in full...)
Someone stirring up trouble and losing friendships thick and fast
Q. hello agony aunts I've got a problem which I hope you can solve for me, I feel as though someone at work is plotting against me and is telling untrue stuff about me to my friends and to a girl who I'm friends with about my past, he doesn't like me ...
A. 28 May 2016: Ivyblue gave you a good advice, you should follow it anyway.
In any case , there 's another possibility. This girl is not just " a friend ", she is also the girl you like. You do not quite spell it out, but the very fact that you are so upset abou... (read in full...)
Should I give my husband one more chance even though I have so many times before?
Q. So I am finally ready to be done with my marriage, I know it may not be the "right" thing to do. I have tried for years to get my husband to communicate with me and try, even after he has failed to be there for me, failed to follow through, failed ...
A. 28 May 2016: ... Well, actually he sounds quite horrible to me, from what you have described him in this post and others ...but probably you have a higher level of tolerance than mine. Which, I am not quite sure it's a virtue, unless we decide that suffering ... (read in full...)
My sister is 3 years older than me and she bullies me. How can I distance myself from her?
Q. i am from india and i almost 21 years old, i have a sister who is 3 years elder, till before 7-8 months, we were very close like super close as far as i remember we did everything together only like parties, going out and shopping n all stuff. ...
A. 27 May 2016: I am curious ,like Honeypie, to know what happened 8 months ago. I mean, something must have happened, either in her life or yours, to turn you from best friends and " two peas in a pod " who do everything together into feuding rivals .
Love trou... (read in full...)
Should I stop cooking for my Bf after what he did? Any suggestions on how to get him to appreciate me more?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years now, living together for 1 year. He can be super sweet, loyal and sensitive and we have a lot in common... but sometimes he can just 'lose it.' Though he would never be violent he has lost his temper over ...
A. 27 May 2016: I have to agree with the other posters. The fact that your bf does not appreciate your cooking is the least of your worries. You could serve him , from now on,only cheese, cold cuts and takeway, so he can't criticize your cuisine- problem ... (read in full...)
Why do people want strippers at celebration parties just before they marry?
Q. Hi this is a weird question because its a hypothetical. I think its very strange that before two people get married they are encouraged to have strippers at their bachelor/ bachelorette parties. I've never been to a strip club even though it w...
A. 27 May 2016: But ARE strippers really such an important part of wedding culture ? I have been to a few hen parties, and none of them , none, included a stripper . Too bad (:,lol.
Anyway, no of course you do not have to be ok with strippers and out of cont... (read in full...)
Why do people want strippers at celebration parties just before they marry?
Q. Hi this is a weird question because its a hypothetical. I think its very strange that before two people get married they are encouraged to have strippers at their bachelor/ bachelorette parties. I've never been to a strip club even though it w...
A. 26 May 2016: So the first thing to do before you arrive to the point you discuss / organize a wedding, it would be to make sure that you and your hypothetical gf think along the same lines and adopt the same criteria about cheating .
Yours are rather rest... (read in full...)
It's a secret I've not told my long term friend. How do I reveal my autism to her?
Q. I've been friends with a girl from high school for many years and I have a secret I haven't told her about me. That I have autism and I can't find the right words to say or explain it to her, and as I've autism my words get cross wired and some...
A. 26 May 2016: I'd say you have done an excellent job on explaining your problem to us ! Clair, simple and to the point .
I think you could send her an email along the lines of your post . That you regret having kept your difficulty a secret from her, then agai... (read in full...)
My introverted daughter is in her 30s and loves animals. She hates her work and hates being single. At 71, what advice can I give her that will help her?
Q. I'm worried about my daughter. Recently she was upset about something and she blurted out that she hated being single. She is in her 30s and a highschool teacher, and she never got married but she always seemed okay with it. Recently, sh...
A. 26 May 2016: why does she have to adjust ?! she is in her 30s , not in her 80s. Why adjusting to something when you can change it ? Particularly if we are talking about jobs, because for finding a partner it takes two people who want the same, but for changing ... (read in full...)
I can't imagine breaking up with him, and I can't live with my married lover. How do I cope?
Q. I have been having an affair with a married man for 3 years this June. He has told me he does not love me. But he loves having sex with me. The passion we share and the sex we have is out of this world. Even after 3 years, we continue to reac...
A. 26 May 2016: Ok, so let's say that he, the seducer, is the main culprit. Be that as it may - what difference does it make in the greater scheme of things ? He misbehaved more than his mistress, because he had more obligation than her to not disrespect his wife. ... (read in full...)
Would it be appropriate, and not creepy, to send him a thank you message?
Q. This is the first time Im asking something like this... I recently had a conversation with customers support over the phone, and the man who took my call was so nice and helpful, and he sent me an e-mail afterwards with further information about my ...
A. 26 May 2016: Maybe your friends want to indulge in a bit of matchmaking :) ? and this makes them bad advisers.
Really, it's not a good idea to contact privately someone who did something for you in his public, professional capacity. Btw, he could have a par... (read in full...)
What can or should I do? I can't stop thinking about another man
Q. So I'm in big trouble. I haven't been happy in my marriage for years now. I still love my husband and like him but not like I used to, he is an alright person but does some questionable things. He has been unfaithful with another woman. However he ...
A. 26 May 2016: I'd keep the two issues separated : your " on its last legs " marriage and your crush for this guy.
In a way , crushing on a kind semistarnger is a way to keep things vague and confusing, and to not take responsibility or make firm deci... (read in full...)
Does he still like me? Friends think yes. I thought so too, but now I don't know
Q. So I like this guy in a bar and he's working there and for the past few weeks whenever he's there he always looks at me and tries to strike up a conversation, but I'm always with my friends and it's kinda hard to have a decent conversation with so ...
A. 26 May 2016: If I were you I would not bet the family farm on the odds of this bar guy really liking you. Bartenders are routinely friendly / chatty / flirty with female customers, it's sort of part of the job description and it's a way to make a boring job ... (read in full...)
I can't imagine breaking up with him, and I can't live with my married lover. How do I cope?
Q. I have been having an affair with a married man for 3 years this June. He has told me he does not love me. But he loves having sex with me. The passion we share and the sex we have is out of this world. Even after 3 years, we continue to reac...
A. 25 May 2016: You want compassion but you do not show a lot of compassion for his wife. She is human too, and she is being hurt too. If she knows or suspect, she is hurt. And even if she hasn't got a clue at all, she is being hurt anyway. By the half amused ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him about my concerns?
Q. Hi again, so I am trying really hard to stay in my marriage but some things need to change in order for that to be possible. I need to talk to my husband.... But I don't know how to do it, if I talk to him about anything serious he shuts down and ...
A. 25 May 2016: I would start by asking myself WHY exactly I am " tryng really hard " to stay in my marriage.
Of course he must also have good qualities, nobody is a total irreedemable monster, but, if as you admit yourself, the bad greatly outweighs the good... (read in full...)
Would it be appropriate, and not creepy, to send him a thank you message?
Q. This is the first time Im asking something like this... I recently had a conversation with customers support over the phone, and the man who took my call was so nice and helpful, and he sent me an e-mail afterwards with further information about my ...
A. 25 May 2016: It does not sound appropriate to me. It comes off like really creepy and invasive. Like you said, who wants be pestered at home etc. Plus, you met this person through his work, for work related issues, and benefited from his professional, not ... (read in full...)
Do I have a right to feel disrespected, or wondering if any loyalty exists, anymore, between us?
Q. What would YOU think? How would YOU feel? How would YOU react? Couple months ago made friends with a woman. Weve gone for coffee. Visited, visited others together, gone for walks, just spent time together, getting to know each other. A couple ...
A. 23 May 2016: OP, if you are going to feel disrespected any time that a person has a different opinion from yours, or that refuses to head your advice , then I am afraid that you are going to feel disrespected for the rest of your life !
I am referring to t... (read in full...)
Yes my BF smokes but does that justify my family humiliating me and say abusive things. Is there a way to stop them doing this?
Q. My boyfriend smokes weed and is open about it, I have been with him for a few years now. I only smoke every now and again My sister has called me all sorts of names daily such as stoner, etc...if I question anything anyone says or say anyth...
A. 21 May 2016: As I am sure you know, weed is illegal in Ireland- everything, possession, sale, use , distribution. The law works basically on a 3 strikes system, third offence and you are hauled to court and jailed.
Note I am not saying this is right or wron... (read in full...)
Anxious every Friday that boyfriend will be drunk when I get home. What therapy will help me?
Q. Hi. Can anyone advise what type of therapy would help me. Every Friday I become so anxious wondering whether my boyfriend will be drunk when I get home I can hardly to my work. He knows I don't like it when he drinks too much and it usually ends in ...
A. 21 May 2016: I guess that if your bf drinks every Friday through Sunday and he see nothing wrong with that, i.e. he is not going to change his drinking habits although he knows how much dislike them,... well, you do not have anything to wonder, you'll just ... (read in full...)
How can I stop? My fiance is going to leave me if I don't stop this behavior.
Q. I am getting married in four months time, and my problem is this: basically I have been constantly obsessing over my partner's past, and all the things that he did wrong at the start of our relationship. I know it is irrational but cannot stop, and ...
A. 21 May 2016: ... But the reason to see a therapist is precisely because your mind is taken over by "something silly " !, i.e. because you are consuming yourself over things that your rational mind knows are non-issues .
If you had obsessive thoughts , say,... (read in full...)
At wit's end. My husband is icing the cake of frustration. What's my next step?
Q. I have been married for almost four years, and of those four years, my commute to work has been 45 minutes to an hour. My husband, however, has only worked the past three years. His job is nearby, so his commute is quite short. I was recently pre...
A. 19 May 2016: I think you posted yesterday about other problems in your relationship so I will base my answer on this assumption.
Note though that the answer would be basically the same also in case you are another poster ; it just fits even better if you are ... (read in full...)
My parents forced us to breakup. Two months later what should I do?
Q. Hello all :) I am writing seeking some advice from you good people as I have been facing the pain of a breakup for the past 2.5 months now. I have become depressed and mentally unstable through all of this, but am working really hard to become m...
A. 19 May 2016: I am a bit baffled , about how in practice your parents
" forced " a break up on you , if you, an 19 y.o. adult , were obviously unwilling to break up.
Well, of course they could have threatened to kick you out to fend for yourself, not one ... (read in full...)
I need advice! I'm young, married and unhappy!
Q. Hi looking for advice. My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for 6. About two years ago I moved for work, we had talked it over and agreed he would move the rest of our stuff and then come join me in a month. However he ended up ...
A. 18 May 2016: I feel mean for suggesting this, since apparently it has never crossed your mind, but remember, often an outsider, not being emotionally involved, sees certain aspects of a situation that the involved people can't see clearly. A bit like when ... (read in full...)
I am happy she's happier but what's going on?
Q. I am 6 months in and my girlfriend always has had trouble sleeping, She goes to bed late and has been getting a little better going to bed at 11:00 or 12:00. All of a sudden she started going to bed at 10:00 or 10:30 and she says she's getting nine ...
A. 18 May 2016: ... Are you saying that cheating makes people sleepy ? :) Strange, I would have thought that , if any, a guilty conscience would keep people awake....
Anyway, it's very curious that you notice a change of behaviour in your gf and the very firs... (read in full...)
My bf thinks I'm scared of sex because I'm still a virgin?
Q. But the truth is...I am nervous about doing it with a real person. But I've also been using sex toys for over a year now. And some are bigger or the same size as my bf (I gave him handjobs so I know his size). To me the toys are really private so I ...
A. 18 May 2016: You are together since last week and " most people would have sex by now " ??
Well, maybe. But lots of people also bring home perfect strangers from some bar and are in bed with them half an hour after " Hallo, my name is... ", which does not ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is punishing me for his ex girlfriend's behaviour
Q. I've had this boyfriend for about 8 months, in general we have a very steady relationship, but he has trust issues. His ex girl friend hurt him and i feel as if he punishes me for it sometimes, i told him that i made plans with two of my good ...
A. 18 May 2016: Look, I don't know if this is valid advice, because normally the classic, and sensible advice when a couple has communication issues , and about minor, mundane stuff, is to tell them to sit the partner down and talk it out, in a calm, non ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?
Q. I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...
A. 17 May 2016: OP, really ! Do you even read anything of what we write ?, do you ever trust that ,who knows, any of us may have the wisdom and life experience to be telling something sensible ?
Again : you don't need a precise match , sexually speaking. It's... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?
Q. I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...
A. 3 May 2016: You'll be fine, OP, mark my words. You need, as you know, to keep working on your confidence and self esteem and then just ... dive trustfully into the sea of sex. Honestly, that's all. You are willing to learn and eager to please- that's the ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?
Q. I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...
A. 2 May 2016: OP, I know that all this preys on your mind a lot so I would not want you to think that I am making fun of you, but tbh something you say is quite funny and made me ( godnaturedly, I promise ) smile :
Ah so you would be Ok if she had had lots of s... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?
Q. I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...
A. 2 May 2016: I know I just told you myself that if you wanted a girl with your same low level of sexual experience *for the right reasons * that would be fine.. but then I had a thought that I want to share. A doubt, actually.
I don't have an answer to this... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?
Q. I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...
A. 2 May 2016: It would be fine if you were doing it for the right reason. Like, you want a woman who is not too impulsive and can exercise self restraint , or you want a woman who takes sex as seriously as you do and thinks of it not as a recreational activity ... (read in full...)
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