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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I can't get over a guy I have been speaking to online
Q. I had been talking to a younger guy on a dating site and he is the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen. He said I was very beautiful in my profile and we had a few chats. He has called me hun from the beginning and it made me feel nice. I am 47 and ...
A. 28 July 2013: It sounds like a good plan. The only thing is that, for actually DATING the type of person you like , you 'd have to attract / intrigue / interest the object of your desires enough that he could bother to come and see you in person , and ... (read in full...)
He doesn't want a relationship but I do. Should I end things?
Q. Hello, advice desperately needed! Firstly before everyone says it I know I am an idiot for getting myself into this situation but I've fallen for a guy who doesn't want a relationship. We have been 'seeing each other' for about 5 months now - by ...
A. 27 July 2013: Yes, I know it's hard but you probably should be brave and stop right now. The potential for getting hurt is quite high.
You know what all this " not wanting a relationship " is about, right ? ... It does not mean that he does not want to meet... (read in full...)
Is he rebounding or is he just crazy?
Q. So, my boyfriend of two years and I have recently broke up. It's been a rocky relationship for quite a while but we love(d) each other very much and were one day planning to marry and have kids etc. We could not be without each other. Since we'...
A. 27 July 2013: I think he was never planning to choose unless forced, if possible he wanted to keep his cake and eat it too. When he got busted, - he went with the new toy, just because it's newer and more exciting. I think that he wanted both the stability he ... (read in full...)
I can't get over a guy I have been speaking to online
Q. I had been talking to a younger guy on a dating site and he is the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen. He said I was very beautiful in my profile and we had a few chats. He has called me hun from the beginning and it made me feel nice. I am 47 and ...
A. 27 July 2013: Then if it is so, OP, ....i.e. you are just normally flattered by the sexual attention of a younger man, you attach to it no particular expectations and no depth of feelings, you are only after a pleasant little ego boost ( venial sin which we ... (read in full...)
He didn't tell me at first that he had kids even though I specified I didn't want to date someone with kids. Now what?
Q. Well I met my boyfriend online over a month ago. I specifically said I don't want someone with kids. I was seeing him for about 2 weeks when we decided to make it official then he told me he has 2 kids. I let it go because at the time I thought I ...
A. 27 July 2013: @Dionee' : there are lies by omission. You don't want to call them lies, call it dishonesty, same difference. So do you really think that if you apply, say, for a position in a bank or jewelry, is OK to forget informing them that you just ... (read in full...)
Why does my family have so much to say about my mom's well being when they don't lend a helping hand at all?
Q. Dear Cupid ,I have wrote many times to you about my situations about my mom and sibling not wanting to help me with her so two weeks about she had a terrible accident and it landed her in the hospital now she is in a seniors home getting therapy to ...
A. 26 July 2013: Oh no OP, it would not be wrong. I can understand that the idea of leaving your mom in the nursing home makes you sad and a bit guity, you want the best for your beloved mom, and maybe this solution is not the ideal ( emotionally, because physically ... (read in full...)
I think I need to leave this troubled marriage of abuse and lies
Q. Hi readers, I am in need of some advice and hopefully I can get it through those of you who are or have been in a similar situation as me. I am 22, and I am newly married for about three months now. We are in a love marriage and he is 29. We h...
A. 26 July 2013: Pardon my bluntness, but you are in NO dilemma at all- unless you are insane, or a complete fool.
So.. you believe his words ( " I love you " )...but you don't believe his actions ? ( beating you repeatedly to a pulp ). If there is some... (read in full...)
After a month boyfriend wants to have sex but I don't think I'm ready yet
Q. Ok, i have known my boyfriend for a month now he wants to have sex in a way i do too but then i realize im not ready. What should i do?...
A. 26 July 2013: Tell him that you are not ready! If he cares, and he respects you , he will understand and wait ( although maybe chomping at the bite a bit :).
What else would you want to do, do something that you are not ready for , convinced about, and only... (read in full...)
Do guys when they are stressed push people away who care about them?
Q. Do guys when they are stressed push people away who care about them? What is going on with me is this guy and I have been talking a lot about relationships, the future, our goals, work and mainly everything. We been getting super close that way...
A. 26 July 2013: This is just my personal theory and I don't have enough hard evidence to substantiate it but, FWIW, : no, it's bullshit that guys push you away " because they are under stress ". Or, to be precise : they do when they do not care and do not even ... (read in full...)
He didn't tell me at first that he had kids even though I specified I didn't want to date someone with kids. Now what?
Q. Well I met my boyfriend online over a month ago. I specifically said I don't want someone with kids. I was seeing him for about 2 weeks when we decided to make it official then he told me he has 2 kids. I let it go because at the time I thought I ...
A. 26 July 2013: .. Simple, you don't date him. You break up, which, after just a month of dating, should not be so terribly heartbreaking.
First, you say you don't want to date a man with kids ,while he HAS kids- ergo, he's not the man for you.
Second, and this... (read in full...)
How can long distance relationships work?
Q. I had two failed long distance relationships. One was within the country. Other one was with the a girl from US. Here, in our area, dating and having girlfriend is consider a taboo thing. I don't like arrange marriages . So most of the time, I ...
A. 26 July 2013: They may have worked for some people, but they don't work for most people. First, because if you haven't even ever met the person, ever spent time with her IRL consistently, you can't say you love the person, what you love is the fantasy, the ... (read in full...)
What is fair to expect from a wife?
Q. I have been married to my wife for almost 21 years and there are many things about her that endear her to me. However, of late I am finding it harder and harder to remain with her. That's not because of what she or has not done in some sense, but ...
A. 26 July 2013: She " says " she is depressed ? meaning that you are not sure it is so and you see that as her version , not the factual truth ?... Why ? She ACTS like a depressed person, and, as Tisha says, it sounds high time to consult a specialist.
You have... (read in full...)
We break up, make up and then he wants to break up again
Q. Ok my bf of about a year and I have been going thru things. First off he really tried to break up with me ON our 1 year anniversary OVER THE PHONE I could not help but cry and plead for him (which I know was all based on instant emotions). We ...
A. 26 July 2013: Let him go. Don't cling nails and teeth. The guy obviously wants out , just is not a very ballsy individual ( ..tryng to break up over the phone.. ) and could not go through with it in front of your tears, pleads and desperation. So now he is ... (read in full...)
I think I need to leave this troubled marriage of abuse and lies
Q. Hi readers, I am in need of some advice and hopefully I can get it through those of you who are or have been in a similar situation as me. I am 22, and I am newly married for about three months now. We are in a love marriage and he is 29. We h...
A. 25 July 2013: Dear OP, I am sorry that you have to go though this ordeal, but, really,... what advice do you expect ? what anybody could suggest , I wonder, other than simply : leave, it's over. Pack your stuff and go back to your parents if you need some time ... (read in full...)
I don't want to pay off boyfriends debts. How do I teach him to be more responsible?
Q. He's 21, and i'm 20. We've been together for 10 months now, and we're serious and in love. However, we're having money issues that are putting a strain on our relationship.. He has ADHD (not taking meds), is very irresponsible, and LOVES to spe...
A. 25 July 2013: Do NOT pay his debts, don't even THINK about it !
Since when ADHD is a good excuse for being a moocher ?!
And, you can't teach him to be more responsible, because you can't teach to those who have no desire to learn, and are not willing ... (read in full...)
I can't get over a guy I have been speaking to online
Q. I had been talking to a younger guy on a dating site and he is the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen. He said I was very beautiful in my profile and we had a few chats. He has called me hun from the beginning and it made me feel nice. I am 47 and ...
A. 25 July 2013: Hey, it's on line. Not the real life. You've got to take everything with a pinch of salt. The guy is 25, you can bet he's talking to dozens of other women, and he's telling them too they are special, unique, the best. Because he needs to keep them, ... (read in full...)
Is my Ex sleeping with his family that's why he can't be in a real relationship with me?
Q. Dear Cupid , I love my ex with all that I am made of but we went our own ways do to a lot of cheating ,fighting,and arguring.But there is one thing that I am very puzzled about I don't want to think like this but I believe his entire family ...
A. 25 July 2013: Do you even have to ask ?.. no that it won't be agood idea.
And this, regardless of the incest issue, which is only a vague suspicion not a conclaimed fact ( and anyway it wpuld not be your ex's fault if his relatives have incestuous tendencies ).
... (read in full...)
"Girlfriends before friends" -- why?
Q. Hi I want honest opinons in this. I;ve read so many questions about female friends being ditched their male friend gets a gf and I notice in every single one people say, "so they should" "girlfriends come first" etc. I have been on the receiving...
A. 24 July 2013: Because, whether you like it or not, there's a social and emotional pecking order that puts official gf first and best female friend far second, insofar the gf is supposed to be not only an object of love and lust but also his fist BEST friend, ... (read in full...)
Any wives of cops out there? My husband cheated on me
Q. I recently was told by my husband that he cheated on me. We have been together for over 6 years, married for 5 years. Our relationship has seen long working retail hours, opposite shifts, 15 month Iraq deployment, two beautiful children, and he r...
A. 24 July 2013: I am one of the naysayers. I think your husband cheated because he is a cheater , not because he is a cop.
Sure, it's quite possible that people in high pressure high stress work environments are more prone to cheating on their spouse, I even thin... (read in full...)
I feel a stab of pain because all my firsts wont be his firsts!
Q. This might sounds a trivial problem or I might sound ridiculously jealous to some people but I could really do with honest advice from people on how to deal with my feelings. Im in my first relationship with someone that already has a child...
A. 24 July 2013: I think you just aren't cut out to be with a man who's a dad already. It's not for everybody.
You don't have a problem with any other firsts. I mean, you are not worried for not being the first woman he kissed or made love to or even married. Ther... (read in full...)
He rarely calls me and only texts me now and then.
Q. Hi everyone I'm in a relationship with a lovely guy. We are both in our late forties and have been dating for 8 months. When we are together, it is perfect. We laugh all the time, hug, kiss,share the same interests and have great sex. He...
A. 24 July 2013: If your bf is in your age range or older, I'd say it's pretty normal and you've got nothing to worry.
Apparently you've got a " younger " mindset and attitude, which is great- except for this anxious attachment mode of younger pople that feel... (read in full...)
My girlfriend in my LDR is barely speaking to me anymore. Should I break up with her?
Q. I've been in a relationship for 3 years with this girl now. Last year, she moved to another city with her family. She used to call and message me all the time. After 3months,she joined a college for her further studies. She became friends with a guy ...
A. 24 July 2013: Well, obviously it's not OK in your book for YOUR girl to behave like this in YOUR LDR. You have got to do what 's good for you, and if what you get from this LDR is mostly aggravation, frustration and anxiety, is probably high time to call it ... (read in full...)
Why didn't he give me his number?
Q. Hi. Just wondering if anyone has any idea why he didn't ask for my number. In a quite busy night life area, I was with a friend and gave this very cute guy signals of interest. He came over and we chatted for about 10 minutes. As I enjoyed both h...
A. 24 July 2013: Uhm.. because he could not be arsed bringing it any further ?...
I don't see why you consider what happened so exceptional. The guy is out for a low pressure night of fun and frolic, not necessarily for finding a gf, or even a steamy fling. He p... (read in full...)
How can I find someone who will treat me right?
Q. iv been with this guy for a year now an when we got together it was just out of fun but then i got preagnt 5months later then lost it 2 weeks after anyway we havent been getting along for a while an it seems like he doesnt even want to be with me ...
A. 23 July 2013: Probably because you don't choose them right.
Never say never, maybe the next will treat you right, and I hope it's going to be soon if so you wish.
But in the meantime, what about learning to treat yourself right ?
You are not treating ypu... (read in full...)
My husband never listens to me!
Q. I don't think my husband really listens to me. Ever since we've been married, all my mother in law can do is talk about my husband's brother's wife. They are just two brothers but all she does is talk about the other daughter in law. CONSTANTLY. ...
A. 23 July 2013: I think that more than disbelieving you, your husband does not want to hear it, because it's only a big problem if you make it one, otherwise it's just a minor annoyance and you both can make it slide off your back.
So your MIL talks about the ... (read in full...)
I want his girlfriend to know he's been cheating on her with me!
Q. So I've been talking/hooking up with this guy and he has a girlfriend of a few years... I don't want to change my situation with him yet but I do want her to know what he's doing. She seems like a really good (virginal) girl... How could I do this ...
A. 23 July 2013: But why would you want to do that ?
It can't be in the hope of making them argue and break up so that you can have him all to yourself, because you are fine with the way things are currently.
It can't be on moral grounds because you are stro... (read in full...)
My mother is dating a man the same age as my fiance, who on top of everything is rude and pokes fun at my fiance's height
Q. My mother is turning 60 next year but she is dating (secretly she thinks but everyone knows) a man the same age as my 35 year old husband to be. I'm 29 and I think a 35 year old is an acceptable age for my future husband. I do not think my almost 6...
A. 22 July 2013: No wonder if your mom keeps her liaison a secret, if you are so vinegarish and judgemental now that it is unofficial, imagine what would you say and how you would make her feel if it was official !
So you don't approve of your mother's choi... (read in full...)
Amazing passion with my sexy neighbour, then the ex pops up again
Q. Hi I desperately need some advice as in a real mess ! I dated Jon three years ago for about a year. I totally fell in love with him but became frustrated that he seemed to lack interest in me and the relationship seemed very one sided. He broke up ...
A. 22 July 2013: You like them both, but it's not as if you must take either one by doctor's orders, even if they are not right for you , is it ? You don't HAVE to be with them if you basically know it leads to nowhere else than heartbreak- and this just because ... (read in full...)
Should I carry on until he leaves and let it die out or do I tell him it's wrong?
Q. Dear aunts and uncles, I think I'm in deep with this one. Someone I met through work recently started talking to me a lot more than they used to. We had a flirty relationship at work but he was like it with everyone so no one took it too seriously...
A. 22 July 2013: Why the concern about safety ? What can he do if you just ditch him ? He is the one who is married and who cares about staying married, reason why his wife never knew he was " talking " to you , and why he does not want to risk geeting " in ... (read in full...)
I really like this guy but I didn't follow "the rules"
Q. There is a guy I messaged on match. I was instantly attracted to his pics and his style so I messaged "you are so fine" and he messaged back saying, "I was going to say the same about you!" I didn't think too much of it though because I wanted to ...
A. 22 July 2013: I don't know where you get from this prohibition to talk to the opposite sex during the Ramadan, I know tons of Muslims from various countries and they never heard about it.
The prohibition pertains to sexual abstinence,not words. Of course the ... (read in full...)
I broke off a bad relationship, what can I say to him so that we can be on good terms?
Q. I broke up with him about a month ago because he was mistreating me, yelling too often. I know I broke his heart. We had a bitter breakup, he got very cranky and both of us said we didn't want to speak again. After less than three weeks of no ...
A. 22 July 2013: Why do you worry about being in good terms with someone who was mistreating you and yelling at you ? He was cruel, he never apologized, you agreed you did not want to be in touch anymore - he changes his mind, and you shot him down, as it was your ... (read in full...)
She's been acting her age and it's getting on my nerves
Q. ive been with my girlfriend just over a month now, shes 17 and im 20 shell be 18 in december. we were friends before we got together and everythings been great. shes my first ever girlfriend and its been great but now im having thoughts of leaving ...
A. 22 July 2013: I have to strongly disagree with WiseOwle, ( which it happens seldom, btw ). So being 17 is a free pass for being rude and obnoxious ? If you are 17 you are incapable to understand " Knock it off, this bothers me " ?! What part of it can she not ... (read in full...)
Married for 32 years and she's never given me oral sex. Will I die never knowing what it's like?
Q. I am 56 yrs old, sitting here late at night ready to cry - in that I have known my wife (55) for 35 yrs., married for 32, with 3 grown children and 2 grandchildren - and through all these years, she has never given me oral sex. I made some subtle ...
A. 22 July 2013: I like the comment of male anon reader of July 21st.
Look at the bigger picture. In the sad eventuality you die without having gotten your BJ, you can always comfort yourself with the thought that you also don't die alone and childless like many... (read in full...)
Can you love someone and still cheat on them for so long?
Q. I have been in a true heart dilemma for the past year. It all started when I went back to work after my maternity leave, I was 34 at the time. I was married at the time going through a separation. I found my work to be a relief from the stress a...
A. 21 July 2013: 19 No.
2 ) Yes and no. Meaning yes, you were for this guy just a mean to the ned of his physical release, in this sense he has used you same as you'd use a tissue if you need to blow your nose. But, the misunderdasting and the ambiguity could only... (read in full...)
Would you date a guy with a background like mine?
Q. Hi, I'm a 26 year old guy and I've never been in a relationship. I'm going to give an explanation as of why. In my teens I was essentially very shy and insecure and so didn't really dare to approach girls that I liked. When I was 19 I started to ...
A. 19 July 2013: Ah OP, I think everybody at some point beat themselves up for all they could /should have done differently, sooner, better ,faster. At least, I certainly do. Or perhaps, I may say I DID. Because at some point you also realize that this is a vain ... (read in full...)
Would you date a guy with a background like mine?
Q. Hi, I'm a 26 year old guy and I've never been in a relationship. I'm going to give an explanation as of why. In my teens I was essentially very shy and insecure and so didn't really dare to approach girls that I liked. When I was 19 I started to ...
A. 19 July 2013: Honest answer : SOME girls might mind, because they buy into the mystique of the expert, been- there -done -that man about town . But I think many would not , particularly in your case. In a nutshell : you haven't been social enough because of ... (read in full...)
I'm wondering if girlfriend was a virgin?
Q. hello dear aunts, I have recently start dating this girl, she has just turned 21. she recently confessed she was a virgin when we did it for the first time, however I've been skeptical. (sorry for being graphic) I gave her oral a few times, only ...
A. 19 July 2013: I'd say yes, where the blood would have been coming from if she was not menstruating ..? As for the pain, defloration is really a draw of luck , some women find it very painful, others feel nothing and don't even realize it's happening. In ... (read in full...)
We broke up because of distance not because we weren't in love. Its so hard!
Q. Hello. I would like to ask for some advice if possible. Myself and my girlfriend have just split up due to her moving back to Italy and me being forced to stay here in Ireland. We discussed this at length and decided that things would be better ...
A. 19 July 2013: No, don't drag this on. You both have decided, you have decided to close a door on your shared past and go on from there. Stick to your decision, looking back will only make things harder.
It's a tough situation... I think what you can help cope... (read in full...)
I want us to be together for ever -- am I gearing up for heartache?
Q. Okay, so me and my boyfriend have been together for some time, and even though we are only 15 I know I love him deeply. We have started thinking about a future together, and even though we are young I could see myself with this boy for the rest of ...
A. 18 July 2013: The odds are not in your favour, the percentage of high school sweethearts that actually go on to get married and stay together all their life is rather low. Then again, it 's not even an unheard of possibility, some times it does happen, so you ... (read in full...)
I'm willing to give them a deposit on a home, but I want them to make some contribution too
Q. Following a divorce over 20 years ago I haven't lived with children who are now both in their mid twenties. Over that time I have maintained a good relationship with them and have always seen and spoken to them regularly. I am now in the position...
A. 18 July 2013: You are a generous doting parent, but the problem is that a gift should feel like a gift, not like an imposition. No point pushing on people gifts that they do not really want or ask for. Your 20something kids may not feel ready / fit yet for ... (read in full...)
My husband just doesn't want to do 'normal' things.
Q. My husband just doesn't want to do 'normal' things. He is very fond of drinking whilst I'm not bothered. All his plans involve drink and drinking buddies as I call them. He won't make plans with me to go out or walk with the dog, take me out a ...
A. 18 July 2013: I think you might have to come to terms with the fact that you have married an alcoholist.
While 3 or 4 cans a day do not sound such a terrible alcohol intake even to a non-drinker like myself,... and while even getting drunk once a week in many... (read in full...)
A new potential step parent vs a teenager
Q. I need constructive advise about a situation that is bothering me. Im widowed 5 years now and have 3 kids (14, 11 and 10), I finally met the most amazing man and he proposed to me recently. A background on the guy, he is the type of guy that is a go ...
A. 17 July 2013: OP, ultimately it is always a matter of opinions, we can tell you what we THINK is right in this type of situation, or what WE would be doing if we were in your shoes, but, since there's no perfect parent handbook or perfect second marriage ... (read in full...)
A new potential step parent vs a teenager
Q. I need constructive advise about a situation that is bothering me. Im widowed 5 years now and have 3 kids (14, 11 and 10), I finally met the most amazing man and he proposed to me recently. A background on the guy, he is the type of guy that is a go ...
A. 17 July 2013: Pardon me, but... you are kidding right ?
This is your own daughter that has been 14 years with you, vs. a new entry that you just met 5 months ago, shows a ridicolous hurry to close the deal (proposing after 5 months ?! ), wants things his own ... (read in full...)
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