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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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My married lover's wife knows about us but he still wants to be in contact with me. Why doesn't she just stop him?
Q. I don't know where to begin, I am asking for an opinion, maybe some advice, no cursing or calling me names please. I am already in a lot of pain as it is. I was having a relationship for 6 yrs with a married man. We spoke everyday, saw each other 2 ...
A. 6 August 2013: OP : balderdash.
You are saying, you politely asked him to stop, and he said no, I am not giving up. It figures : he is having fun, and getting eactly what he wants , - while you are suffering and cryng , and not getting what you want ( a man ... (read in full...)
Is there a "polite" way to find and pursue casual sex?
Q. I'm not sure what this community thinks of "casual sex", but let me start by clarifying about myself. I'm a 28 year old guy, never had sex, never had a girlfriend, never gotten anywhere with a woman. What I always REALLY want(ed) was to find a ...
A. 5 August 2013: @ anon male, I am not totally sure I feel your pain... I mean, I do , but, are you surprised ?... sex, and the distribution of sexual resources ,is not a democratic and equalitarian process , it does not come from a place of " equal opportunity ... (read in full...)
One white lie and my boyfriend ended the relationship. How can I fix this mistake?
Q. So recently I told my boyfriend a white lie, take in mind we've been together over a year and this is honestly the first lie I've ever told him, we've usually been open books with each other. It was something so stupid on my part and I take ful...
A. 5 August 2013: OP, thanks for the update , and pardon me for being pushy, but , I admit I am curious... your update still makes no sense, insofar it does not explain how that irrelevant drink even come to be talked about ( did he ask you : how much did you ... (read in full...)
My married lover's wife knows about us but he still wants to be in contact with me. Why doesn't she just stop him?
Q. I don't know where to begin, I am asking for an opinion, maybe some advice, no cursing or calling me names please. I am already in a lot of pain as it is. I was having a relationship for 6 yrs with a married man. We spoke everyday, saw each other 2 ...
A. 5 August 2013: Why does not she put her foot down and makes him stop ?
I have a better question : why don't YOU put your foot down and tell him to stop ?
See, she is willing to pay a high price, too high in my view, but at least she gets something back, sh... (read in full...)
How do you get over your first love?
Q. How do you get over your first love? My friends tell me i should be over him by now but he was my first everything and it is hard to let go. He still tries talking to me once in awhile and i always have a weakness for him and end up talking to him ...
A. 5 August 2013: How can he realize you won't be always there waiting, if you ARE always there waiting ?
And what you feel is probably correct- he is using you to kill time and feed his ego between girlfriends.
If you are seriously tired to wait that maybe af... (read in full...)
Should I continue to leave my ex alone or reach out?
Q. My ex and I started talking again. Feelings resurfaced, he expressed them first. However he started freaking out when he thought I was going to move to his city for him alone. Unlike when we were originally dating, we live in different cities now. ...
A. 5 August 2013: I'd say leave hom alone, and if you can, leave him alone for good.
Actions speak louder than words, so no, he did not care and feel about you exactly as he said he did. Talk is cheap, and from a safety distance even cheaper. After the break up, ... (read in full...)
I am terrified to give blowjobs!
Q. I am wondering if this problem is common or if there is another qoman who has learned a way to deal with it. I am terrified to give blowjobs. Not only is the smell and taste horrendous to me, but i begin panicking, shutting down mentally, and go...
A. 5 August 2013: Don't feel bad, OP- just skip the BJs. It's not as if you haven't tried, or have refused on principle, - you tried your best, but... it did not work. I really don't think giving oral is something worthy making yourself sick about, or , worse , ... (read in full...)
Do women like man who is in demand and valued by other women ?
Q. My girlfriend would tell me that I'm too much into her, like spending time with her, calling , texting and sending her gifts . So she said that I should socialize with other people as well so that I couldn't not be hanging on her head 24/7. Thought ...
A. 4 August 2013: Come on don't play dumb. Your gf must be a very patient girl, I don't know many women that would tolerate your bad faith and smartass attitude.
Your gf thought you were acting too needy and clingy , I am sure she appreciated the attention, but ... (read in full...)
Do women really enjoy anal sex?
Q. I had a fairly normal but boing sex life with my now divorced wife. I met a nice woman and have been dating her for 6 months. We had our first sex about 2 months into the relationship. She is quite adventurous sexually, way more than my x wife who ...
A. 4 August 2013: As far as I know, in general women are not fond of anal sex. Many won't do it , or will do it just to please their partners, not because they find it particularly enjoyable. BUT : women are all different from each other , and have a lots of ... (read in full...)
I'm talking to my ex, but where do we go from here?
Q. I know this is stupid, but I feel conflicted and need some advice. I broke up with my boyfriend as he was starting fights with me too often over pointless things. It was making me very unhappy. I hindsight, we both had a lot of outside stress in the ...
A. 4 August 2013: I am sure you won't follow this advice :), but ... I 'd do neither. I would not bother " staying friends " , since it is not friendship you want from him, and I' d try to move on. Exes are exes for a reason.... I vaguely remember you posted ... (read in full...)
One white lie and my boyfriend ended the relationship. How can I fix this mistake?
Q. So recently I told my boyfriend a white lie, take in mind we've been together over a year and this is honestly the first lie I've ever told him, we've usually been open books with each other. It was something so stupid on my part and I take ful...
A. 4 August 2013: Like everybody else, I feel there is some piece of info missing.
Had you solemnly sworn to never touch even ONE drink ? And for what reason ? ...
Without knowing that, it's hard to understand why he'd make such a fuss over ONE drink, in fact ... (read in full...)
Is there a "polite" way to find and pursue casual sex?
Q. I'm not sure what this community thinks of "casual sex", but let me start by clarifying about myself. I'm a 28 year old guy, never had sex, never had a girlfriend, never gotten anywhere with a woman. What I always REALLY want(ed) was to find a ...
A. 3 August 2013: Call me crazy, but I think that for an average Joe without particularly good looks and social smoothness, it's actually more difficult to find casual hook ups than a proper relationship.
First, because like anon male reader says, many women find... (read in full...)
Can you fall in love with someone without having ever talked?
Q. Can you fall in love with someone without ever having talked to them? I am in this date site. But I am not a gold member. So I can't talk to anyone, just when gold member contact me if I like their profile I can answer. I can get over hundreds em...
A. 3 August 2013: .. You believe in love at first sight, but he probably does not. If he had been your soulmate, destined to you by Fate, ... then he would have answered you. I have never heard of an unilateral soulmate.
If you proceed in your current course of a... (read in full...)
What's more wrong? Checking your boyfriend's phone or your boyfriend betraying you?
Q. What is more wrong? Checking on your boyfriends phone or finding out he has betrayed you? Seemingly he said I would never of got hurt and I shouldn't have gone looking...
A. 3 August 2013: If I were you, i'd take what he says with a pinch of salt.
easier said than done , " if I wanted to be with her, I'd just tale a plane and go " - when there is still an actual, official husband present on location and apparently engaged in sort... (read in full...)
My guy friend, who I have something going on with, got overly worried for me one night. What does this mean?
Q. Heyy So basically I just wanted to know what you guys think this means. I told one of my guy friends (who we got a bit of a thing going on) that I was going out drinking with a friend and he was like why you going out? Where you going and who ...
A. 3 August 2013: I think it just means he was concerned about the possibility of you going out and maybe hooking up with guys ( or the friend you went out with if we are talking about a male friend ) .
Come on,normally " a bit of a fun thing " does not ... (read in full...)
I asked my girlfriend to move in but she wants me to tell her what I plan for the future. I'm not sure what I want yet, what do I do?
Q. I am 25 and I recently asked my girlfriend of 4 years to move in with me. She is 28. She told me she needed to think about it for a few days, but when she came back she told me she couldn't decide until she knew for certain whether I want marriage ...
A. 3 August 2013: I think she is right, or at least she is within her rights. many women don't like, and don't see the point of, playing house and happy family when there is not a reasonable chance that you'll end up being a family.
She is not blackmailing you ... (read in full...)
When you are the only one who doesn't "connect" with yr boss socially at work? help!
Q. My boss,in her 30s, has been away doing another job for nearly a year, and will be back in 8 weeks. I work in a hospital, a very people cented workplace. very different to an offfice or a store etc etc!! She is super assertive, super c...
A. 2 August 2013: They say : do no evil, fear no evil. So no, you don't have to be worried, particularly because it sounds like your professional relationship is good even in lack of a social one. That's all it matters.
First, it may be that you are a bit sens... (read in full...)
Threesomes/ group sex after an adulterous like history, Good idea?
Q. in the past me and my gf broke up for two weeks and got back together. where she was with other men while we were not together. i was not with anyone, we came back and tried a mutually exclusive friends with benefits thing. and that's when i caved ...
A. 2 August 2013: That's a bit of a strange question. Regardless of your past of nutual cheating : if you are not sure you want to do it, and you are afraid you would react badly to seeing your wife with another man... and she feels the same, she is not sure she ... (read in full...)
Why didn't he know what he had until it was gone?
Q. Hi Hope someone can give me a bit of advice, as I have totally lost my mind. I have been through so much rubbish recently and I decided enough was enough so ended things. Here is my story and hope others can learn from it to some extent! I me...
A. 2 August 2013: Well, it makes sense that he is missing you, if you were providing him all this stuff , no expectations,no reciprocation and no questions asked. He got an excellent deal : sex, affection, interest free money loans, free counseling and advice, ... (read in full...)
When you are the only one who doesn't "connect" with yr boss socially at work? help!
Q. My boss,in her 30s, has been away doing another job for nearly a year, and will be back in 8 weeks. I work in a hospital, a very people cented workplace. very different to an offfice or a store etc etc!! She is super assertive, super c...
A. 2 August 2013: You do nothing special. You keep doing a good job, being a hard worker, being polite and pleasant but not over friendly and stop making ouvertures that are not particularly encouraged and may be seen as inappropriate.
Your boss is being a norm... (read in full...)
Could he still be in love with his ex g/f?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend on, off for almost a year. I have a problem with his ex who he is very best friends with. I looked at messages on his phone and he tries to horny chat with her, he even told her he was just with me to pass the time, ...
A. 2 August 2013: Yes, you do have a lot to worry about.
But I think you'd have it anyway even without the ex gf. On and off, and in the very first year, is generally a very bad sign of a , basically, non-relationship that it's cranked up by other reasons than... (read in full...)
Girls seem to be able to cope with every emotion except anger ...
Q. My every relationship got off to a good start and girls seems to fall for me quickly. They like my laugh and jokes. As soon, they see my other emotion: Being angry, they just start looking for reason to end things and that has already resulted in a ...
A. 2 August 2013: Because anger is an emotion that can only be expressed to a limit and within proper channels for people , and girls, to still feel safe and comfortable around you.
So if by angry you mean yelling, screaming, becoming verbally, or ,worse, phys... (read in full...)
How do I clear my mind of the man who was with my girl before me?
Q. I'm with a girl who I love, just before me she had a 4month fling with her work colleague, fair enough, but in the last 4 months we've been together she's thrown a few things in my face without thinking (videos of him and her friends messing around, ...
A. 1 August 2013: . She is also probably still using with you the same bed , mattress, sheets she had sex on with the other guy. The other guy has probably parked his butt over the same chair you sit on now, - or over the same toilet seat.
How come you have... (read in full...)
I've known so many men who don't look at other women, so why have I been unable to find one for myself?
Q. I have a curiousity that's been on my mind for awhile now. I've heard it said many times and read on here and other websites all men look at other women even if they are happy with their partners, it's in their genes, they are visual. You name it. ...
A. 1 August 2013: It's got nothing to do with looks or perfection, it's more about difference and noveelty and variety. There are lots of men who cheat on their partners with LESS attractive women- Arnold Schwartzenegger and the frumpy housekeeper he had a child from ... (read in full...)
Went against advice and lost my virginity to a FWB and I loved it. Has anyone else done this and not regretted their actions?
Q. Hi. I have a question concerning my first time. I lost my virginity about a month ago to my fwb. Many people advised me against it seeing as there is no emotional attachment or significance. However i loved it so much. It was such a thrilling and ...
A. 1 August 2013: Just out of curiosity.. then what happened after that first night ? Is he a FWB, or..was he an one night stand ?
Not that it would make a big difference, as long as it was your unpressured choice and you are happy with it.
No, I don't believe ... (read in full...)
My fiance and I are currently planning our wedding for December 2013 but I don't want his friends there.
Q. My fiance and I are currently planning our wedding for Decenber 2013. The problem is I don't want his friends there. Please advise me on how to handle this. Six months ago (when we were already engaged), he was invited to a wedding without ...
A. 31 July 2013: Then you would have to change the way you think and fell about that, wouldn't you ?...
Come on, I can't believe you want to have the start of your wedding life , and the excitement for your big day, tainted by something basically so petty.
It w... (read in full...)
How do I keep this relationship without having contact with his friends?
Q. How to tell him that's not what I want? I was on a trip, and met this guy. The way he dressed and acted I didn't know he was so young, 30. I am in my 40s with grown child. We spend couple days together, and on a second day I stayed with hi...
A. 31 July 2013: I think you may be overthinking this. Probaly he does not see taking you to this wedding as some major stepping stone toward a more committed relationship. Simply,.... he does not want to miss ot on anything. The wedding is in the same few days you ... (read in full...)
Does my ex have feelings for me, or is he just messing with my head?
Q. So this question is about my ex. We dated about 2 years ago for a very short period of time. We went to the same school for 4 years and remained friends after dating. He didn't seem that into me and we were both young. We would still text and flir...
A. 31 July 2013: He is messing with your head... actually he is nostly messing with your butt, since it's the part he is always reaching for.
What a smug, self serving wanker. I don't know how you have the patience to put up with this. He knows that you have a so... (read in full...)
My fiance and I are currently planning our wedding for December 2013 but I don't want his friends there.
Q. My fiance and I are currently planning our wedding for Decenber 2013. The problem is I don't want his friends there. Please advise me on how to handle this. Six months ago (when we were already engaged), he was invited to a wedding without ...
A. 31 July 2013: Noblesse oblige. You invite them because same as you 'll have your friends at the wedding, your husband will need to have HIS friends, you play gracious host, thank them for attending... then ship them back to California and forget about them. ... (read in full...)
Any and all advice on different things that would work for lovers with a height difference would be greatly appreciated.
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, My boyfriend and I are high school sweethearts, we've been dating for over two years now and while we've gotten really physical, we haven't had sex yet, although we are ready to. We intend to soon - with protection, we are p...
A. 31 July 2013: Dear OP, the height difference is totally irrelevant , and you can trust a 5'3" woman with a marked preference for very tall guys . Think about it : during intercourse you don't line up at the shoulders, or at the ankles , right ? What you line up ... (read in full...)
I feel jealous because this guy gets a girl who is a virgin even though he probably is not one.
Q. This question might sound childish but it has been on my mind for quite sometime. I was dating this girl for awhile and found out she is a virgin. Now that is not the problem because I am one too but about a month ago I found out she was actually ...
A. 30 July 2013: anon male reader : perhaps... but we should also wonder how normal is a normal male who still lives or demands to live by values that his culture and society have rejected since a long time.
MY society used to validate " honour killings " - less... (read in full...)
Vvirginity! why does it matter ..... or not!
Q. I'm reading a few of the questions on here and I'm super intrigued (and angry) about males' obsession with a girl being a virgin? Like really? Why does it matter? I would honestly rather not be a virgin (when I get married). But that's just ...
A. 30 July 2013: I don't think the virginity obsession reflects at all what's really going on IRL and in society ( at least, in Western society ).
It's because this is an Agony Aunt column. Same as we never get letters from people who are happily in a heal... (read in full...)
I am hurt that my boyfriend of 4 years is going on a 3-month music tour without consulting this with me!
Q. My boyfriend of 4 years is a music teacher, and I just found out he has agreed to go on a 3 month tour with his friend's band (their normal bassist can't do it) without thinking to discuss it with me. I am so hurt! Surely after 4 years this is so...
A. 30 July 2013: Ah the joys of premarital cohabitation. You get to live like a married couple, to split bills, share income, take on responsibilities , keep house just like a married couple.. then something " dreamy " comes up and he ( or she of course....) gets ... (read in full...)
My bf of 3 years wants us to take a break as he thinks I'm too clingy.
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 3 years wants us to take a break as he thinks im too clingy. This all happened during our recent vacation. I wanted to spend time with him but he wants to hang around the bar which made us to fight. We made up during the trip ...
A. 30 July 2013: Wait a minute wait a minute.
" When he gets angry he gets physical too " ?
By that ,do you mean that when he gets angry he gets violent and abusive, he hits you, pushes restrains you, slaps you or whatever ? Has he been physical abusive ?
Then... (read in full...)
I feel jealous because this guy gets a girl who is a virgin even though he probably is not one.
Q. This question might sound childish but it has been on my mind for quite sometime. I was dating this girl for awhile and found out she is a virgin. Now that is not the problem because I am one too but about a month ago I found out she was actually ...
A. 30 July 2013: Typo. What I meant was : I ended up MARRYING a guy who etc.etc.... (read in full...)
I feel jealous because this guy gets a girl who is a virgin even though he probably is not one.
Q. This question might sound childish but it has been on my mind for quite sometime. I was dating this girl for awhile and found out she is a virgin. Now that is not the problem because I am one too but about a month ago I found out she was actually ...
A. 30 July 2013: Heck no. Most women don't care about this stuff.
I ended up meeing a guy who was a virgin when we met, and while obviously his being a virgin was not a deal breaker for me , neither it was a bonus or an added value or anything special for me. In f... (read in full...)
What is nervous porn?
Q. Hi I'm in a six month relationship with a great guywho I recently saw has masses of nervous porn deleted from his pc in his recycle bin. He's 45 and I'm just wondering what this is? I haven't restored these files. Im worried because I have a teen ...
A. 29 July 2013: I too see it exactly like C.Grant.
His reaction sounds disproportionate, - after all, he may like " all kind of porn ", but you don't have all kind of women ( or men, or transgender ) living with you , you only have a teen / barely legal girl... (read in full...)
I dreamt about kissing another man and now I feel guilty
Q. Hey everyone, I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 months now,and just last night both of us had a bad dream he was telling me his,and I was reluctant to tell mine,but he made me.. I dreamt that I made out with another guy(a guy we bot...
A. 29 July 2013: Naaah. That of dreams is a symbolic language, not literal-, it just uses certain images to represent a " story " going on in the depth of your mind, but the story does very seldom , almost never, coincide with the images that you see on your ... (read in full...)
I told my girlfriend's friend she was hot, and now there is friction between them
Q. Dear cupid, Just eight days ago , I said to my girlfriend's close friend , in front of her, that "Oh my God, you are one hell of a hot girl." . Her friend just smiled whereas my girlfriend said "Enough" . Ever since that happened, my girlfrie...
A. 29 July 2013: Seriously ? That's your mindset at 35 ?... that just because something is ( in your personal, subjective opinion !) true, then it NEEDS to be told regardless of context, occasion and whom you are telling it to ?...It's OK to blurt out anything you ... (read in full...)
Do I believe the things he tells me when he's sober or when he's drunk?
Q. I have been talking to this guy for a while now. We were once best friends but we have decided to take our relationship a little further. (we're not officially together though). He likes to go drinking with his friends but he's not a heavy dri...
A. 28 July 2013: Personally I think it's the liquor talking, I have seen too many affectionate drunks to not believe that. Some people, when they drink, become mean or aggressive, some others become instead emotonal and effusive : " I love ya man... you are my best ... (read in full...)
After losing my virginity to an escort I am left wondering if sex is overrated
Q. Hi all, I just wanted to confess that I had just lost my virginity to an escort. She came to my place and had arranged a 1 hour session. To my surprise, I didn't couldn't stay fully erect all the time. I thought I would finish very quickly beca...
A. 28 July 2013: I think it will get better when you do it with someone you actually LIKE or maybe love. Someone you are comfortable with, and have some level of closeness with, and do not have to worry about not looking like a fool, or hiding your inexperience ... (read in full...)
I can't get over a guy I have been speaking to online
Q. I had been talking to a younger guy on a dating site and he is the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen. He said I was very beautiful in my profile and we had a few chats. He has called me hun from the beginning and it made me feel nice. I am 47 and ...
A. 28 July 2013: It sounds like a good plan. The only thing is that, for actually DATING the type of person you like , you 'd have to attract / intrigue / interest the object of your desires enough that he could bother to come and see you in person , and ... (read in full...)
Is it ok for me to send a fan letter to a singer I admire?
Q. Hey guys :) Okay, so for a while I've become a huge fan of Josh Groban (a singer). Now, I've never been very talkative with my family e.t.c. about what I like and stuff, but I really want to write my first fan mail to him by post. He's fr...
A. 27 July 2013: Sure, go ahead, what's the harm in it ? Yes, to any adult it MAY sound a bit silly, but - you are not an adult yet and you have full right to being a bit silly on occasions, as long as it is harmless.
You can surely send a letter from UK to USA,... (read in full...)
He doesn't want a relationship but I do. Should I end things?
Q. Hello, advice desperately needed! Firstly before everyone says it I know I am an idiot for getting myself into this situation but I've fallen for a guy who doesn't want a relationship. We have been 'seeing each other' for about 5 months now - by ...
A. 27 July 2013: Yes, I know it's hard but you probably should be brave and stop right now. The potential for getting hurt is quite high.
You know what all this " not wanting a relationship " is about, right ? ... It does not mean that he does not want to meet... (read in full...)
I can't get over a guy I have been speaking to online
Q. I had been talking to a younger guy on a dating site and he is the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen. He said I was very beautiful in my profile and we had a few chats. He has called me hun from the beginning and it made me feel nice. I am 47 and ...
A. 27 July 2013: Then if it is so, OP, ....i.e. you are just normally flattered by the sexual attention of a younger man, you attach to it no particular expectations and no depth of feelings, you are only after a pleasant little ego boost ( venial sin which we ... (read in full...)
I can't get over a guy I have been speaking to online
Q. I had been talking to a younger guy on a dating site and he is the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen. He said I was very beautiful in my profile and we had a few chats. He has called me hun from the beginning and it made me feel nice. I am 47 and ...
A. 25 July 2013: Hey, it's on line. Not the real life. You've got to take everything with a pinch of salt. The guy is 25, you can bet he's talking to dozens of other women, and he's telling them too they are special, unique, the best. Because he needs to keep them, ... (read in full...)
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