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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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How do I tell my mother why I don't come to see her?
Q. My boyfriend, Mason and I have been together for 8 months now. He's 26. I'm 22. I'm constantly at his place because I feel that it's so convenient since my college is two blocks away and so is my workplace. And I like being with him. He makes me ...
A. 7 September 2013: To echo YouWish, seriously ?! You love your mom, you get along, you enjoy being with her ,....( and, let's not forget it, you are her DAUGHTER, so you also have moral obligations to her, it's supposed to be an emotional give and take between you ... (read in full...)
Is this a form of verbal abuse or am I being overeactive?
Q. So, I was discussing with my boyfriend how a woman got rescued from being kidnapped. I then proceeded to make a comment that one always needs to be aware of ones surroundings. My boyfriend turned to me and said "No one would kidnap you." I ...
A. 6 September 2013: It was a joke. Not an excellent one, maybe, but there was no malice behind it.
Do you ever watch old TV comedy shows ?... Think of Fred and Ethel Mertz .Or the Honeymooners . Or, in later years, I don't know... George and Mildred Roper ... the ... (read in full...)
We really like each other, but he dated my friend in high school? What should I do?
Q. I've known this man since high school. We had casually talked and flirted while in school, and even after we graduated, but nothing ever happened. Then a few weeks ago, I happened to see him on a dating site I was on, so I sent him a message. We ...
A. 6 September 2013: Pursue the relationship. If this frendship is so frail that it would be terminated by your " friend " seeing you happy, then it's a friendship you can also do without.
It was 6 years ago. It was high school. It was a short, not part... (read in full...)
Online dating: How long do you wait to ask someone out on a real date?
Q. I have been messaging this girl on a dating website for 3 weeks. How long do you think I should leave it until I ask her out for a drink?...
A. 6 September 2013: Ask her out now. Why waiting ? If she is on a dating site, supposedly she wants to date, i.e. get to meet people in real life , not just find a pen-pal. ... (read in full...)
Why would he ask me if I would be a good girl while he's gone out of the country?
Q. What does it mean when your man goes away on a trip and asks you if you will be a good girl while he is away? Is he worried I will fool around while he is gone? Is he trying to make sure I don't? What do you all think?...
A. 6 September 2013: I think it does not mean anything in particular, it's something often said jokingly when people take their leave : " Be a good girl " , " Behave " ,stuff like that.
Unless you know him for a very insecure, jealous type who is always paranoid abou... (read in full...)
How can I tell if she is having an orgasm or not?
Q. I don't know when my girlfriend orgasms. right now all i can do is trust her but i would like to know if she orgasms for real or if she is faking it. When she tells me she orgasms i can't feel her contracting even if i use my fingers. only until ...
A. 5 September 2013: Sage, this one you got it from the " Book of exaggerations that guys use when talking about their sexual prowess " , I suppose ? ...:)... (read in full...)
Has anyone been in therapy and tell me how long it took before they saw any positive results?
Q. Has anyone been in therapy and tell me how long it took before they saw any positive results? I suffer from severe depression. This particular episode (which has lasted nearly 4 years) has been really hard to shift. I have been seeing a therapi...
A. 5 September 2013: May I throw in a suggestion, WHILE ( not in lieu of ) you figure out what to do with your therapy and how to get the most effective one at the lowest possible cost ?.
Call the Samaritans. They have tons of branches in UK, and in many of thos... (read in full...)
I want to have children with a man who is experiencing it for the first time too
Q. I recently met a lovely man off a dating site. We chatted for around two months online before we met, and we've been dating for around five months. He's a little older than me, I'm 24 and he's 32 but the age gap doesn't bother either of us....
A. 5 September 2013: I doubt that you are really concerned about yourself becoming a first time parent while for him it would be the second time . What do you think, that when parents have their second baby , they go " Yawn. How boring. Been there, done that " ? Think ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling excluded from meeting his child and wondering if there's more to his relationship with the child's mother
Q. My boyfriend of 9 months has a 2-year-old child with another woman. This woman won't allow him to take the child out of her sight. She also won't allow him to bring me around, so he has to drive up there (1.5 hours away) every Saturday to see her ...
A. 5 September 2013: OP, pardon me, but I have read your update and, what a naive comment is " believe it or not, there were also a lot of great things in him too, which it's was why I was with him in the first place ".
Believe it or not, there were a lot of great thin... (read in full...)
My grown son wants to be independant. My ex is the one digging his heels in. Can anyone give me some good advice?
Q. My only child is a grown man, but with a mental illness. He was on his own and became severely ill and unable to care for himself. His healing team told me this was a unique situation and he needed to come home. I was engaged and living with my ...
A. 5 September 2013: Ooops ! Yes, I meant " your ex's mother ". Darn Saxon genitive, it still tricks me some times.
I did not know that you need to get a legal eviction notice to get rid of an unwanted housemate ,of course make sure that everything is done prop... (read in full...)
My boyfriend lied to me about his past and his sex life and I don't know how much to believe him now.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now. Things have been fabulous, we’re looking at getting engaged soon. However, there are some things which are bothering me and I need some men’s opinions on this. I was a virgin when I met him b...
A. 5 September 2013: So he had THE PROBLEM and he could never perform before you.
Yeah right.
The other posters have covered abundantly all the psychological angles of this situation ( unrealistic expectations, intentional deception, etc. ) so I won't go over tha... (read in full...)
Dating a man who treats me right but who I dont' find attractive enough. Help!
Q. I know this is shallow but I can only get myself to put in an effort with a guy if I find him good looking.. I'm in a relationship with this guy for 4 months,I don't find him all that attractive, he's a pretty decent looking guy but when women co...
A. 5 September 2013: I don't think you are shallow. At least, when you say " I can't put in effort if I don't find him good looking " I take it you do not mean it as in " I won't bother unless he has the body of a Greek god and the face of an angel in a Raphael's ... (read in full...)
Has anyone been in therapy and tell me how long it took before they saw any positive results?
Q. Has anyone been in therapy and tell me how long it took before they saw any positive results? I suffer from severe depression. This particular episode (which has lasted nearly 4 years) has been really hard to shift. I have been seeing a therapi...
A. 5 September 2013: Hard to say. Therapy is a very individual path, it's never a quick fix , and its benefits kick in sooner for some people, later for others. Is it only talk therapy or are you on antidepressants too ? If not, have you discussed with your doctor ... (read in full...)
My grown son wants to be independant. My ex is the one digging his heels in. Can anyone give me some good advice?
Q. My only child is a grown man, but with a mental illness. He was on his own and became severely ill and unable to care for himself. His healing team told me this was a unique situation and he needed to come home. I was engaged and living with my ...
A. 5 September 2013: My advise is simple : if the lease is in your name, grow a pair, get tough and put this guy out by the scruff of his neck. Call law enforcement if necessary- but if you are calm and form enough, and you show him you mean business , I don't think ... (read in full...)
Why does he say I'm the only girl for him and then ignore my suggestions of meeting up?
Q. I find this man so confusing please please help!!!I have known him for about 7 years. We have both been away and travelled etc...but always been 'casual sex buddies'. We ahve a lot in common but I think have both enjoyed being single. He lives about ...
A. 5 September 2013: Just like Janniepeg says , he is fidelizing the customer :). If he says something sweet and cute, you'll go " awww that 's so sweet and cute " and will keep being at his sexual , and exclusive , beck and call regardless of the low energy he puts ... (read in full...)
Should I accompany my boyfriend, who will leave for another country for 13 months?
Q. Hi, Not sure if you can help me but I need some advice. I was married for 5 years and then divorced (married a bad man) anyway didn't think I would find someone so soon after but I did. I met my current BF 1 year after my divorce was final. Anywa...
A. 5 September 2013: Funny, the last anon female advise exactly the opposite of what I would. Well, that's the beauty of DC - different opinions, different suggestions among which choosing from.
But this particular suggestion sounds as good and PC in theory as dang... (read in full...)
I finished a relationship with a divorcee because he is too tied to his family and I was a secret to his children. Why does he keep in contact with me?
Q. I had a mind blowing intense, although only 4 months in length relationship with a divorced man. I am also divorced. We both have kids from our previous marriages. There was a lot of chemistry and tenderness between us and we were both happy to have ...
A. 4 September 2013: Bullshit. The kids are kids but hopefully are not stupid, they must have got wind of what the " real " situation is. If they go to school or have playdates, they must have noticed that when there IS a dad ,he lives with mom in the same place, and ... (read in full...)
She hasn't invited me to her friends' wedding?
Q. My girlfriend has been invited to one of her friend's wedding next month (an ex, but they're still friends, which is totally fine with me by the way). It's in the middle of a week we both have off on holiday. Anyway, she told me that it didn't come ...
A. 4 September 2013: ...Which means that you have let it go officially, while still steaming inside about it.
I wonder why. Is it really such a big deal ? That's not your brother's or best friend 's weddong you have been excluded from. These guys did not invite you ... (read in full...)
Lashed out at a friend, feel awful and need advice
Q. I need a bit of advice from some random people. I have an idea of what I need to do, but I am always open to others opinions. Anyway, where do I begin. I started hanging out with this girl back in February as friends. We literally started doing ev...
A. 4 September 2013: I think you are confusing two different issues.
If you feel that you and this girl have inesorably drifted apart and you can / want to do without her friendship , that's fine, it's a legitimate choice.
Ditto if you are not too sure yet if y... (read in full...)
How do I comfort him without looking nosy?
Q. Hi I've liked a guy for about 12 months now. We have said hi (the small talk) and he makes me laugh. His girlfriend of 10 months broke up with him like 5 minutes ago ( found out on facebook) I know its wrong to go after him but I want to comfort him ...
A. 4 September 2013: You don't . It WOULD look nosy- you are just at small talk level, not even friends,... and 10 minutes after his break up , Florence Nightingale is already there to offer tea and sympathy ? He would wonder how came you even know it, and what ... (read in full...)
Happily married men: when did you know you wanted your wife to be your wife?
Q. Question for the happily married men out there : when did you know your wife was "the one?". Did she have to push you to take the next step - or did you ask her? (whether it be moving in, marriage, or baby) I brought up the "next step" (moving ...
A. 4 September 2013: It's an individual choice , but yes, as a general rule ( not meaning that exceptions are necessarily doomed to failure ) , 7 months is early for thinking about getting married or even moving in. He probably feels you are rushing things.
Of cour... (read in full...)
Why is my height so unattractive?
Q. I have been rejected by hundreds of girls offline and thousands of girls online and have lost heart and all sense of my 'physical' self-esteem. It is very difficult to remain confident after that. My track record keeps me from trying now as I have ...
A. 4 September 2013: Excuses excuses.
Honestly, your modest height may be one MINOR contributing factor to your lack of success with women. Sure , why not . Same as you don't find attractive women who are over average weight, so some women won't find attractive a man ... (read in full...)
Is it a red flag when a 55 year old man has lots of female friends young enough to be his daughters?
Q. Hello. I am 35yrs female (single). I am dating a guy who is 55yrs old (divorced). I like him very much and we are taking our time knowing each other. There is not intimacy between us yet and I like the way he respect it and we share quality time and...
A. 3 September 2013: I am the same as SVC - I don't find age is THAT big of a factor in connecting with people. I have friends my age, but also older, and also much younger. One of my best friend whom I often spend time with is a woman of 28 , she technically ... (read in full...)
Should I pursue a relationship with a man who feels down most of the time?
Q. Hi guys ; I need some advice.I have known this guy for four months.He is 31 years old. He is a really funny person, always makes me laugh, sensitive and kind caring soul.We are friends at the moment and we have met up few times, every time we me...
A. 3 September 2013: ... I'd say that when the answer is not a clear yes, then it's a no. You are not sure you could handle a partner like this guy- that to me means you could not. You can't fix him, and you should not even try, - that's a job for trained professionals ... (read in full...)
If he doesn't care about me then why does he put so much effort into?
Q. Right before I graduated college a few months ago, I got the courage up to talk to a guy who I had liked for awhile. It turned out he had felt the same way but was too shy to speak up either. We didn't go on dates or anything but would hang out at ...
A. 3 September 2013: No you don't. While it's not surprisisng that you got attached and became a bit territorial, it's just human nature , if you are willingly, participating in a casual , no title, " if it happens it happens " arrangement, he is absolutely ... (read in full...)
He told me I shouldn't try to wear a bikini again! Yet he looks at porn when I'm out of the house! Am I wrong to take this to heart?
Q. My stomach was severely covered in stretch marks after having our first baby. Its been 3 years and I've worked really hard to get back down to my college weight. So I said something to my husband about trying to get back into a bikini. He told me ...
A. 3 September 2013: I wonder if that is an American thing ? maybe because ( but for California ) is not a beach culture ? American women seem to be so assertive and together in ref. to work, career, personal telationships etc. - and then , it seems to me, they have a ... (read in full...)
Rhetorical question: is this true love?
Q. Imagine a situation: An average-looking guy meets a girl that suffers from some light physical handicap (that also includes some dis-figuration like a scar on her face). Supposedly, the girl does not get any attention from other guys becaus...
A. 3 September 2013: It obviously would not be love, because it would come , on either side, not from a place of love but from a place of fear and need- the " need " for being socially accepted, part of a couple " like everybody else ", for having someone beside you, ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend spends so much time with his friends that I feel we are missing quality time together.
Q. I am in a relationship with someone for a year. He is the love of my life..we are both in our late twenties. I know we love each other very much. He puts me first in so many ways and I do the same as well. I know I want to spend my life with him and ...
A. 2 September 2013: I think you are going to get very mixed answers, because there's really no right or wrong, it's up to individual personalities, socialization styles and emotional needs.
So, if you ask me, I have to say : but you SHOULD be in group if you have... (read in full...)
I like her, but she is going through a divorce and I'm confused
Q. I'll try to make this quick. I'm 33, I met this girl(mid 30's) who I would see occasionally at her work when I stopped by there. I'm kinda shy and she was always busy so we didn't talk much. I got her number, texted her but her responses seemed ...
A. 2 September 2013: ...But she does want you to ignore her. She is brushing you off hoping you'll either get the hint, or lose steam and let her be. She probably should just tell you : no can do , I am not interested - but most people, women particularly,do not ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to text a FWB every day?
Q. I am recently out of a relationship, but I would still like to find a guy to have a no strings attached kind of relationship. I have met this person I think. I think he may actually care about me which is great and makes me only not sure what is ...
A. 2 September 2013: Yes, dear OP, it sounds like your ideas are a bit confused about what the situation would entail . I am afraid you'd be biting more than you can chew.
First of all , not only texting him daily is very relationship-y and I think he'd be far from... (read in full...)
Should I accompany my boyfriend, who will leave for another country for 13 months?
Q. Hi, Not sure if you can help me but I need some advice. I was married for 5 years and then divorced (married a bad man) anyway didn't think I would find someone so soon after but I did. I met my current BF 1 year after my divorce was final. Anywa...
A. 2 September 2013: You don't say how long you have been dating this man , and this makes a noticeable difference. If he is a new entry of the last 3 or 4 months , what you are planning to do is totally reckless : following a man at the other end of the world out ... (read in full...)
Why would a married man flirt with an employee if his marriage is secure?
Q. Hello all. I really need some advice so here goes..one of my managers at work constantly plays and jokes around with me unlike with any other employee..for example.. he makes sexual comments..he has given me a tight side hug..he gives me compliments ...
A. 2 September 2013: Because secure does not necessarily mean blissful, fulfilling or exciting. It just means " it's going to stay. The married status is definitely not going to change ". Ergo, the not-so-subliminal message is " I am hitting on you , you may never ... (read in full...)
He used me but I still can't get over him
Q. So, I'll cut to the chase as quickly as possible, and i'm not trying to sound desperate if it comes off that way. This boy I've liked for almost a year is just absolutely amazing. But i found out some things about last year that is too much to ...
A. 2 September 2013: Honey, if you were buying ME lunch everyday,I'll be overjoyed too to see you back :). That ( the convenience ) and the POWER. Users really hate when the people they use get wiser and stop being at their beck and call - an user will get his ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend acts like I am a stranger in public.
Q. Hi there i just want to put a situation out there about my friend and see what people think, so.. Over the past few years I have noticed whenever my friend invites me to places and to meet people his actions/mood towards me change, such as ...
A. 2 September 2013: He does not want people, and particularly single ladies, equivocate and think that he is not single and not available . He wants to make very clear that, just because you showed up together, it does not mean you are an item.
He does not mind goin... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is convinced he is not "BIG" enough.
Q. Hello dear internet, I have nowhere else to turn and thus I find myself here requesting your genial and honest advice. This is mostly an appeal to men, personally as a woman I don't understand it but anyone who can offer advice I will be very ...
A. 1 September 2013: Aunty Babbit said it more scientifically, but everybody ( but your boyfriend ? ) knows there are " showers " and " growers " . A smaller flaccid penis can become thrice as long in erection, while a bigger one ( thankfully ) cannot.
Btw, that... (read in full...)
What can I do to publicly turn him on to the point where he just can't stand it anymore?
Q. Okay, my boyfriend is the sweetest guy ever. I so glad that I found him when I did.. Every girl in my town wants him, he makes music, art and he makes everyone around him feel amazing! He's leaving for University in three days and we are going to a ...
A. 1 September 2013: Yeah, I have a problem with the "publicly " too - poor kid, what do you want him to do, go around all night with a boner until you can drag him ...under a bush, or in the broom's closet ?:). Wouldn't that be embarassing for him ?
Plus, what's the ... (read in full...)
She forgot that I'd booked a trip for us and made other plans
Q. In March I booked a weekend away for me and my girlfriend, as a gift for her birthday. Now, she knew about it when I booked and apparently wrote it in her diary, the weekend away is next weekend...she's just told me she is now going out that weekend ...
A. 31 August 2013: Right. Calling OP . OP, before taking the discussion any further we'd need you to clarify : did you tell your gf that she had doublebooked ? If not, why not ?
I had assumed that the OP had told her gf about the doublebooking, just beca... (read in full...)
Fell for my FWB -- should I try to be just friends?
Q. So i've been seeing someone from work for the past few months now. We've both just came out of long term relationships so decided on a no strings attached/friends with benefits situation. The thing is I've totally fell for him! So when i last saw ...
A. 31 August 2013: Well, not to be negative, but it's quite possible that you will drift apart and/ or won't meet each other anymore. If the main , or whole point of meeting up was to have sex together, taking sex out of the picture would strongly reduce or even ... (read in full...)
She forgot that I'd booked a trip for us and made other plans
Q. In March I booked a weekend away for me and my girlfriend, as a gift for her birthday. Now, she knew about it when I booked and apparently wrote it in her diary, the weekend away is next weekend...she's just told me she is now going out that weekend ...
A. 31 August 2013: Let's agree to disagree ,Chigirl. Obviously there are several ways to skin a cat and several ways to see any issue - which is good, otherwise DC would get very boring.
But, as for me, it will take eons before I am convinced that " hey that's the ... (read in full...)
How could she move on so quickly?
Q. My wife and I had a six week break before we got back together and got married. She was 19 at the time. During that time she was living with a family member who had a male roommate who was the same age as her father. She had a sexual relationship ...
A. 31 August 2013: There you have it. She did not actually " move on so fast ", she was under the false impression , due to lies spread by her family , therefore by people she probably trusted , that you had betrayed her, and maybe she wanted to sort of get back at ... (read in full...)
She forgot that I'd booked a trip for us and made other plans
Q. In March I booked a weekend away for me and my girlfriend, as a gift for her birthday. Now, she knew about it when I booked and apparently wrote it in her diary, the weekend away is next weekend...she's just told me she is now going out that weekend ...
A. 31 August 2013: Parents who forget their kids at school ?! ...No, I don't know any. Not that's impossible. I have read , at times , of parents that forgot their babies in the coffee shop of some highway service area , or stuff like that . Once , a guy forgot ... (read in full...)
She forgot that I'd booked a trip for us and made other plans
Q. In March I booked a weekend away for me and my girlfriend, as a gift for her birthday. Now, she knew about it when I booked and apparently wrote it in her diary, the weekend away is next weekend...she's just told me she is now going out that weekend ...
A. 31 August 2013: @ Chigirl, not to be contentious, and no disrespect meant to you or your relationship, but, naaah, I don't buy it.
People , unless they have some health problem, like a rampant , savage ADHD, ... remembers what they put their energy/ attention on, ... (read in full...)
She forgot that I'd booked a trip for us and made other plans
Q. In March I booked a weekend away for me and my girlfriend, as a gift for her birthday. Now, she knew about it when I booked and apparently wrote it in her diary, the weekend away is next weekend...she's just told me she is now going out that weekend ...
A. 31 August 2013: If she has been reminded once a month, plus last week too, - and the trip was to go and see her favourite band !- she can't just have " forgotten ", unless she has some severe mental disability. She uses this excuse as a passive - aggressive ... (read in full...)
How could she move on so quickly?
Q. My wife and I had a six week break before we got back together and got married. She was 19 at the time. During that time she was living with a family member who had a male roommate who was the same age as her father. She had a sexual relationship ...
A. 31 August 2013: I think it is unreasonable that you STILL married her if this bothered you so much. That must have happened maybe 10 years ago, or more, and after all this time you still haven't got over it- imagine how negative you must have felt about it at the ... (read in full...)
She hasn't invited me to her friends' wedding?
Q. My girlfriend has been invited to one of her friend's wedding next month (an ex, but they're still friends, which is totally fine with me by the way). It's in the middle of a week we both have off on holiday. Anyway, she told me that it didn't come ...
A. 26 August 2013: I'd say , just shrug it off. And , contrariously to what many posters say, do NOT get upset with your gf, she has not been inconsiderate, she has just been well-mannered. One never ever fishes out for wedding invitations, - whatever the bride ... (read in full...)
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