I don't want to seem weak when I end it
Q. I've been casually seeing a guy for about 6 months and I think for my own sanity I need to end it. He's probably the most rude and arrogant person I've met and he makes me feel worthless with the way he speaks to me. Now do I tell him that's ...
A. 1 May 2014: Whatever you do don't say his behaviour hurt or upset you or that you felt worthless because that will definitely sound weak. Without getting roped into an in depth discussion simply say his behaviour is off putting and you've had enough. Be calm ... (read in full...)
Can my boyfriend change his controlling, possessive ways?
Q. Is it possible for a person to change there controlling ways? Been together with my boyfriend for 4 years and he is everything I could wish for but the last 6 months he's become very controlling. I have started a new job which is very physical...
A. 28 April 2014: The short answer is 'yes' but ONLY if you change how you deal with it.
Understand that your recent weight loss has merely triggered insecurities and possessive, controlling tendencies that were always there. It's not just that you are now more att... (read in full...)
Is it OK for married people to have opposite sex friends?
Q. Simple question ; after you get married and settled down, is it okay to have friends of the opposite sex? Text them? Hang out with them? Strictly platonic that is....
A. 28 April 2014: It's perfectly normal and reasonable as long as you're transparent and the boundaries are made very clear to EVERYONE and maintained at all times.
That means no flirting with male friends 'as a joke' or because it's you're 'nature'. And the mome... (read in full...)
What is a sensible waiting period after a date and when should I accept that the guy is simply uninterested in me?
Q. Hi, i have a question to ask, as i am feeling slightly confused @ present. I finally got to meet my online date for the first time, this weekend just passed and we hit it off so well and spent more than 8 hrs together, doing all sorts of...
A. 28 April 2014: If you initiated contact some of the time and he other times before the date then I would continue doing that. Do the same thing now that you were doing then.
Give it a week or so before you mention a second date and if/when you do you could sa... (read in full...)
I want to keep this private. What should I say if classmates ask about my absence, without sounding rude and mean?
Q. Hi I'm 14 and need advice on what to tell people when I go to the therapist. I will go on Monday for the first time. It is weekly and will fall on the same day, time and lesson. The teachers know but I'm unsure about what I'll say to my 'class...
A. 25 April 2014: How would your classmates even come to find out? Will these therapy sessions take place in school during school hours? If so, then don't volunteer anything, but if it comes up be casual and matter of fact and just tell them it's additional tutoring ... (read in full...)
Too Good to be true? Yet he can be VERY controlling. To the point that he scares me sometimes. What to do?
Q. I would like some level-headed unbiased advice on this please. My boyfriend is so good in so many ways but a few traits let him down and I don't know whether these should be deal breakers. We've been together 2 years. I have two children from a...
A. 25 April 2014: Leaving him would be a reasonable course of action. It's not enough that he is good some of the time or even most of the time. He has to be good ALL of the time.
That doesn't mean he has to be perfect obviously, but that no amount of good beh... (read in full...)
Dating just 3 weeks, I'm discovering more and more things about him that don't match what I'm looking for. Am I right to ask?
Q. I've been dating a guy whomImet online for about 3 weeks now and I'm finding that as we're getting to know each other, I'm discovering more and more things about him that don't match what I'm looking for. I'm a fairly private, reserved woman a...
A. 25 April 2014: I don't think you have the right to dig into his past, but he did volunteer enough details about himself to let you know he wasn't compatible. So as SVC says, what's the point in digging any further?
By confessing to having cheated on his ex wife,... (read in full...)
My husband is having an affair. Am I stupid for staying with him?
Q. I discovered when I was 8 months pregnant that my husband of 10 years was cheating on me. I confronted him and his lover in a text message and was assured by both that it would not continue. I had several times where I caught him texting her but her ...
A. 25 April 2014: If she's telling him to come and get his stuff, then it sounds like the affair is over, though only recently.
Without recommending it, I can understand staying with him, for the time being, if you're financially dependent on him, but I would st... (read in full...)
Should I tell his girlfriend he cheated?
Q. Hello all, Apologies for the length of this question, but I'm trying to figure out what to do about a tricky situation. 3 years ago I fell in love with an old friend, and we started a long-distance relationship. I was 18 at the time, but was su...
A. 22 April 2014: Just disappear, OP. This is a classic case of sour grapes. Your desire to tell his girlfriend is not altruistic, but entirely self serving.
You of all people should understand how he was able to lie to his girlfriend all this time, because ... (read in full...)
He wont ever let me have an opinion.
Q. I love my boyfriend to death he means every thing to me. Today we got in to a hugh argument. It was over some thing so small. I gave my opinion and he got so mad said I was stupid and called me other names so I stood up and told him i was done and I ...
A. 21 April 2014: OP, no one can stop you from forming an opinion and unless one is prepared to tie you up and gag you, no one can stop you from voicing it. They can only give you an incentive not to voice it or choose not to listen to it. Whether it was fair or not, ... (read in full...)
Fighting, trust issues -- I don't know what to do
Q. My boyfriend and I have been having a ton of problems lately this will be somewhat long and I apologize. To start with in February we had been fighting A LOT! It was every day we was fighting about something and then he started talking to another ...
A. 19 April 2014: Yes, you should end it. You aren't getting along, he doesn't feel the same way about you and you know he's the kind of guy who will leave after he's got something more solid lined up with someone else. Why stick around waiting for that to happ... (read in full...)
I only reconnected with my ex so we could be friends, but I think he wants more
Q. A bit of an odd question. I reached out to an ex of mine because enough time had passed where we didn't speak and I thought of just asking to remain friends. We dated for only 4 months, nothing too serious. The awkward part is that he seems to...
A. 19 April 2014: You should steer clear of him entirely. He's not a former friend, but a former lover and reaching out to him leads him to believe you want to rekindle the romance. Finding out you don't will lead him to believe you're playing games with him.
He th... (read in full...)
No longer engaged because of his habit of staring at other women. I don't know what to do!
Q. I've been seeing a guy for 2 years. We generally get on well and plan to live together soon, we got engaged recently - that's on hold now... and I'm really not sure about it all because of one massive aspect of his behaviour. He has had this sta...
A. 19 April 2014: The way he behaved on your first date was indeed a huge red flag you should have acted upon right then and there. That WAS his best behaviour. There should have been no explanations, no second date and no communication afterward. YouWish is rig... (read in full...)
Am I stupid for wanting my cheating boyfriend back?
Q. Okay so, me and my boyfriend have been going out for about 5 months and today I figured out he cheated on me...We have been arguing a lot lately and I heard through a friend that he was cheating and I addressed him about it and told him to be 100% ...
A. 19 April 2014: You would be stupid to take him back, yes.
OP, having a quality life requires us to make difficult decisions. You've got to give yourself a chance to get over this instead of quickly trying to cover up the pain with methadone (which is what he ... (read in full...)
I asked him to delete his ex's number ...
Q. I am seeing a guy for two months and i found out that he texted his ex last week saying how much he misses her and how she would feel if he got a new girlfriend. Ex said it'll be weird but nothing I cant get over and I'll be happy for you. He ...
A. 19 April 2014: OP, when you discovered those texts (were you snooping?) you should have immediately dropped him. No arguments, no big scene, no blaming or finger pointing, no crying or carrying on. You should have just gracefully walked away.
He wants back wit... (read in full...)
My soon-to-be-deported husband is spending my money on his mother and told me not to spend it on my own parents! Any ideas what to do?
Q. My husband is to be deported and is currently detained by immigration. I have financially supported him for a long time now and also whilst he is in immigration detention i have sent money and visited 3 times per week. He has been detained now for ...
A. 17 April 2014: Those questions do sound very similar so I'm going to assume they're all from or about you.
Have you heard that saying about the golden rules? He who has the gold makes the rules? That would be you. What is stopping you from simply not giving h... (read in full...)
Should I just tell him I can't afford this very expensive trip?
Q. I can't believe this situation! 6 months ago I meet a guy in a coffee shop. We were attracted to each other instantly. Sex happened a week later, and in couple months I was having dinners with his parents and siblings. We spend with each other ...
A. 17 April 2014: He may understand on an intellectual level that you earn far less than he does but that doesn't mean he fully grasps what earning less actually looks like on a day to day basis. Plus he has no children of his own so he can't appreciate what it's ... (read in full...)
Should I go back to my husband with a new set of rules?
Q. After 5 years of relationship and 10 years of marriage,which both work and I was happy with a lot of things,but in the middle of the marriage things started to happening. At the beginning of our marriage he would play a game like loosing his wall...
A. 15 April 2014: No, I say don't go back.
Your rules mean nothing because you have no way to enforce them. You've already given him terms and he's declined them.
He said he misses you but not enough for him to change his behaviour.
Speak to a lawyer.
... (read in full...)
What's worse? Being in a relationship with a cheating coward or an arrogant know-it-all?
Q. What's worse? - Being in a relationshpip with a cheating coward or a arrogant know-it-all? Or are both types equally undesirable? Any related comments or thoughts would be very helpful. Thank you ...
A. 15 April 2014: I'm with eyeswideopen. I was thinking something similar myself, though I might see it slightly differently if I suddenly found myself with herpes or HIV through no fault of my own.
Both are bad. Find someone else.
... (read in full...)
He has found himself a "girlfriend"!
Q. One of my best guy friends has been ignoring the usual gang since he found himself a "girlfriend". Lets call her J. They are not officially together because she has a boyfriend who is studying overseas but she is cheating on him (physically and ...
A. 15 April 2014: You don't have to give up the friendship entirely. Just stop inviting him out. The gang can go ahead and make plans for those who are present. If he gets wind of it and wants to be included, fine, but don't change the plans any to suit him. He ... (read in full...)
I'm text dating but she won't ever give me her number!
Q. One of my friends knows I am single, so he suggested text dating. I started texting this K who lives local to me (the advert was in the local paper.) The texts went well, she was kind, seemed pleasant enough. With those adverts, you cannot send ...
A. 15 April 2014: If you have these concerns this early on, then I'd let this one go. I can understand her hesitation as she doesn't know if you're a serial rapist or killer, but if she's that scared of electronic dating, then she should stick to meeting people in ... (read in full...)
Shouldn't people be more honest on online dating sites or do I expect too much?
Q. After a long break from online dating, I recently re activated my account. Maybe out of boredom, I don't know. I am making new friends and trying to meet people that way, but making no progress in finding available men. So I starting exchang...
A. 15 April 2014: I think a person who still lives with their ex (assuming she really is his ex) is only looking for a casual arrangement with someone who wants the same thing and doesn't care about his personal circumstances.
If he really wanted to find a new li... (read in full...)
Why won't he talk to me? And does his behaviour show he wants me back?
Q. Me and my on off partner have been together nearly 2 years - we do argue over silly things but always make up. Usually he will not speak to me a few days then get back in touch... We split up last Sunday and he hasn't really spoken to me since. I ...
A. 15 April 2014: I'm not sure how not talking to you could ever be construed as wanting you back. It suggests quite the opposite to me.
If you and your boyfriend break up so often that you can call what you have as an 'on off relationship' then I would suspect ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is involved in criminal activity!
Q. This is going to sound like a really weird question but I feel like I'm going round and round in circles and going mad. I think my boyfriend is into some criminal stuff. I don't actually have physical evidence of this, apart from what I have seen ...
A. 15 April 2014: I think you're crazy but not for the reason you're asking here.
I too believe he is up to no good, but his criminal enterprises are only part of the problem.
The guy is unemployed and unmotivated. He's quite content to let you finance the rela... (read in full...)
Teen daughter asked me to get her a vibrator
Q. caught my daughter (15) using my vibrater she finished then came to me she said that had sex once and did not like it she like pleasing her self better than she asked if I could get her a vibrated of her own an teach or help her to makes sure she is ...
A. 14 April 2014: I mean the appropriate time and place NOW, such as in the shower when no one else is waiting to use it or in her room with her door closed. The toys come later (pardon the pun) when she's old enough and earning the money to buy them herself.
It's ... (read in full...)
Teen daughter asked me to get her a vibrator
Q. caught my daughter (15) using my vibrater she finished then came to me she said that had sex once and did not like it she like pleasing her self better than she asked if I could get her a vibrated of her own an teach or help her to makes sure she is ...
A. 14 April 2014: I agree with SVC in that you should not have involved your husband in this. This is mother/daughter domain. Men have enough issues with women's sexuality and they're often times no more insightful or rational when it comes to their daughters'.
... (read in full...)
Pregnant despite the pill -- how to tell the new b/f?
Q. Hi everyone I have a bit of a problem and could do with some help I have been with my boyfriend for 9 weeks now I am on the pill but have just found out I am 4 weeks pregnant I'm in total shock does anyone have any advice on how to break this news ...
A. 14 April 2014: The first thing I think you should do is confirm with a doctor, if you haven't already done so, that you are in fact pregnant. FYI, antibiotics decrease the pills effectiveness.
The second thing I would do, after receiving that confirma... (read in full...)
Break or no break?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and lately we've been having more conflicts than usual. We've been spending a lot of time together these past months and seeing each other almost every day unless we each other have plans. He's usually ...
A. 14 April 2014: If you're just going to continue doing the same things after the break that you were doing before then, no, a break won't help. In fact it will create more problems because it confuses expectations and blurs the lines. You're together but not ... (read in full...)
I left this woman to go back to my ex but I've never stopped thinking of her. Should I contact her?
Q. Hello, well about two years ago i met someone, it lasted about three months, she treated me fantastic, but then my ex poped back into the picture, she treated me really bad , even hit me but I was in love with her, so i dumped the new one, went back ...
A. 14 April 2014: Having re-read your original submission I'm going to revise my answer. I assume this woman has some inner fortitude and after only 3 months of dating and two years with no contact I daresay she's long since gotten over you. In fact she may be ... (read in full...)
I'm wondering if I need to just be blunt, ask him his salary and then maybe nip it in the bud if it is too little money. Should I be honest?
Q. I'm in my early thirties, I have to think about starting a family. I barely make any money and would maybe prefer being a full time mom. I went out on one date with a sweet guy that seems interested. He told me his job.... I think he makes very ...
A. 13 April 2014: Income is very personal information and the only time you should ask a potential life partner about it is when you're about to rent or buy property together or enter into some other financial arrangement with them. Presumably by then you'd have ... (read in full...)
How can I get my ex to actually talk to me about the way he feels about me?
Q. How do can I get my ex to actually talk to me about the way he feels towards me? I recently broke up with my boyfriend and not on good terms I basically wrote to him on Facebook messages that I was cheating on him and it's best if we called it ...
A. 12 April 2014: You dumped him, via Facebook of all things, and told him you'd cheated on him. What do you think he thinks of you? Why do you want him to spell it out?
What you did was dumb, cowardly and callous. He thinks very poorly of you and even if he did h... (read in full...)
I've caught LDR boyfriend lying. Should I just end it?
Q. I've been dating a guy for 6 months and the entire relationship has been long distance. I met him through friends last year while on vacation in his state and we talked for months online before I flew there to spend a week with him. For the m...
A. 12 April 2014: I don't think you should have taken up with him in the first place. Unless either of you has concrete plans to relocate a long distance relationship is pointless. All you're doing is calling dibs on someone you can't yet have.
You have no reason t... (read in full...)
I left this woman to go back to my ex but I've never stopped thinking of her. Should I contact her?
Q. Hello, well about two years ago i met someone, it lasted about three months, she treated me fantastic, but then my ex poped back into the picture, she treated me really bad , even hit me but I was in love with her, so i dumped the new one, went back ...
A. 12 April 2014: No, I don't think you should contact the woman you dumped. The only reason you're even thinking of it is because things didn't work out with your ex and there is no one else waiting in the winds for you.
The time for an explanation has long pas... (read in full...)
He used to be annoying but he's changed and now I have a crush on him
Q. So yeah our story is a bit complicated. Sad is it not? It started me really not liking him and I mean REALLY not liking him because he was so annoying, rude, haughty and just blech. Always sticking his hand in my face, poking my sides, blowing in my ...
A. 11 April 2014: I think what you're getting here is a bit of pay back for all those times he annoyed you and you couldn't stand him.
He may have changed some, OP, but apparently not for the better. He's toying with you, not because he hates you or anything... (read in full...)
I found two long blonde hairs in my room and am worried my husband is cheatig again!
Q. Found 2 hairs that aren't mine. My husband of 5 yrs used to cheat on me via Internet and once I found out he apologised and continued it for 2 long years and perfectly made lies although I found them all out. The other day I found 2 blonde long hair ...
A. 11 April 2014: OP, normally a person should have some kind of proof before making a serious accusation. However those who have a track record for being dishonest are not entitled to the same benefit of the doubt or burden proof as one who has maintained a clean ... (read in full...)
I found two long blonde hairs in my room and am worried my husband is cheatig again!
Q. Found 2 hairs that aren't mine. My husband of 5 yrs used to cheat on me via Internet and once I found out he apologised and continued it for 2 long years and perfectly made lies although I found them all out. The other day I found 2 blonde long hair ...
A. 11 April 2014: A nanny cam is only useful if he cheats in front of one when it's on. Even if you placed one in every room in the house, you still wouldn't catch him because he is more likely to cheat outside your home than in it. And what if you did catch hi... (read in full...)
How do I gain his friendship back?
Q. I asked one of my closest friends "W" if he liked anyone because I like him and he said that question crosses the boundary and that we talked about boundaries. I told him that we did talk about boundaries but never set them, which was true. He got ...
A. 11 April 2014: Follow your teacher's advice.
And stop telling people what other's say behind their backs. It was sneaky and childish of you.
I have a very hard time believing this post came from an 18 year old.... (read in full...)
My friend cheats on her boyfriend, and I think he has a right to know
Q. My dilemma actually has to do with my best friend and her boyfriend. He supports her financially, pays all the bills, and even takes care of her newborn whom ended up not being his. He forgaveher once for cheating. Well, here recently sshe's had sex ...
A. 11 April 2014: It doesn't matter why she is the way she is. There are plenty of people like her in the world and life is too short to waste trying to figure them out. What matters is how you deal with it.
... (read in full...)
My friend cheats on her boyfriend, and I think he has a right to know
Q. My dilemma actually has to do with my best friend and her boyfriend. He supports her financially, pays all the bills, and even takes care of her newborn whom ended up not being his. He forgaveher once for cheating. Well, here recently sshe's had sex ...
A. 10 April 2014: Normally I would advise you to say nothing and stay out of it, but this situation merits speaking up.
Her behaviour is outlandish, self destructive and dangerous to others so I would tell her boyfriend and I would write her off as a friend. ... (read in full...)
His family and friends hate me because of our past
Q. Please bear with me as this could be long. I got into a relationship a while ago with a man who I'd been friends with for a while. Things were great to start and as we'd been friends so long our families and friends all got along with each other. I...
A. 10 April 2014: I don't think they hate you, OP. They're not concerned about what you will do to him, but what he will do to himself. Since they can't trust him to be reasonable and rational they're hoping you will be.
This guy is no different from what he was b... (read in full...)
Texting--am I asking for too much?
Q. My bf and I text throught the day and everuthing is fine but sometimes he disappears and doesnt txt me back in a long time, and when ge returns he said he went to do something. I dislike it a lot, because I think he should be courteous and ...
A. 10 April 2014: Yep, I think you're asking too much as well.
Unless you're sending specific information such as 'running late. will be there in half an hour' texting is an informal means of communication for people who are too busy or not in the mood for a proper... (read in full...)
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