My temper got out of control. How do I show my g/f that I would never hurt her?
Q. I've been dating my gf for almost four years now. Last night we all went out to a pub and got drunk afterwards we came back to my apartment. Everyone was having a good time so I'm not sure who things turned so bad. Apparently my gf and I went I t...
A. 27 August 2014: Hayden, I'm very glad to hear it. This is something you can conquer and while it may be a bumpy road now and then, I'm confident you'll be successful and happier for it.
A couple of things to remember:
1. This is a lifestyle change, a proces... (read in full...)
Is everyone guilty of victim blaming in some way?
Q. I know this is controversial, but I've been discussing it with my boyfriend and some female friends that I have. It's hard to get insight from guys I know because they just "leave it alone". I would LOVE to get insight from social workers or police, ...
A. 20 August 2014: There are folks who hold women to a higher standard and will blame us no matter what. I'm not even going to address those because they don't have valid arguments and therefore they just don't rate.
What most people are referring to is when the... (read in full...)
With an abusive family, at what point do you say enough us enough?
Q. My father used to physically abuse me all the time when I was a child, and my mother and older siblings (I'm the youngest) used to back him up in this, emotionally abusing me and telling me that I deserved it. My father was also on the verge of ...
A. 20 August 2014: I don't think you need to cut them off entirely, but I do suggest you limit your contact with them to special occasions, for the time being anyway.
You know what they say about familiarity breeding contempt. Keep your visits or conversa... (read in full...)
How do I get the old me back? I'm sick of everything being on his terms!
Q. I've been living with my boyfriend less than a year. I'm 43, he's 45. When we first got together, he was very giving, caring, loving. We went out and had fun, and we also stayed in for romantic nights. Now he rarely even takes the time to notice me. ...
A. 20 August 2014: Glad to hear it!
Best of luck and thanks for the follow up. ... (read in full...)
We agreed to be exclusive, she says sex with another woman doesn't count!
Q. I've been with a woman for about a month, we just recently had the talk and decided to be exclusive but not official. Deciding to take things slow. Last night she decided to attempt to see if she could do anything sexually with another woman. She ...
A. 19 August 2014: We understand she wasn't able to 'seal the deal', but it wasn't for lack of trying. TRYING to cheat is just as bad as succeeding. ... (read in full...)
He said he would help, we had sex, and now, no help!
Q. A fee days ago I asked my ex boyfriend if I could borrow some money from him to invest in my business. He is a millionare so I knew he could spare it. We broke up 2 years ago and we hadn't spoken in 5 months since the last time we met up- mainly ...
A. 19 August 2014: That you would even approach an ex boyfriend for money, claiming not to care what he thinks of you, speaks volumes about your character and maturity level.
If you were a serious business woman with a sound plan and good credit, you would have sec... (read in full...)
I think my friend stole from me ......
Q. I think my friend may have stolen from me and I feel awful thinking like this so I need some advice... A mutual friend of ours was getting married and we were both invited to the wedding. Unfortunately I wasn't able to attend as I was going o...
A. 18 August 2014: I agree. This is no friend and I do think she pocketed the voucher herself.
If she really had lost it she would have come to you straight away and not offered, but gone ahead and bought a new voucher with whatever funds she had.
Not only did ... (read in full...)
We agreed to be exclusive, she says sex with another woman doesn't count!
Q. I've been with a woman for about a month, we just recently had the talk and decided to be exclusive but not official. Deciding to take things slow. Last night she decided to attempt to see if she could do anything sexually with another woman. She ...
A. 18 August 2014: It counts.
Being bisexual, if that's what she is, means a person is attracted to both. Not that they're HAVE to have one of each.
Exclusive means 'no one else'. Period. Very simple. So I agree with you on this.
... (read in full...)
How do I get the old me back? I'm sick of everything being on his terms!
Q. I've been living with my boyfriend less than a year. I'm 43, he's 45. When we first got together, he was very giving, caring, loving. We went out and had fun, and we also stayed in for romantic nights. Now he rarely even takes the time to notice me. ...
A. 11 August 2014: I meant to include...
What would you be doing right now if you were single? I don't mean going out on dates with men, but how you would be spending your free time if you lived, what hobbies do you enjoy. Then ask yourself what's stopping you. May... (read in full...)
How do I get the old me back? I'm sick of everything being on his terms!
Q. I've been living with my boyfriend less than a year. I'm 43, he's 45. When we first got together, he was very giving, caring, loving. We went out and had fun, and we also stayed in for romantic nights. Now he rarely even takes the time to notice me. ...
A. 11 August 2014: It's good that you've decided to occupy yourself, but instead of doing it angrily or as a punishment, do things you enjoy doing just because you enjoy doing them.
If and when he complains ask him something like 'What would you like to do?' or ... (read in full...)
My temper got out of control. How do I show my g/f that I would never hurt her?
Q. I've been dating my gf for almost four years now. Last night we all went out to a pub and got drunk afterwards we came back to my apartment. Everyone was having a good time so I'm not sure who things turned so bad. Apparently my gf and I went I t...
A. 10 August 2014: I think you think that except for this one incident, everything is fine. As long as you don't actually hit someone, or don't do it often, and claim to not enjoy doing it and apologize afterward, you're okay. These are classic excuses bullies and ... (read in full...)
My temper got out of control. How do I show my g/f that I would never hurt her?
Q. I've been dating my gf for almost four years now. Last night we all went out to a pub and got drunk afterwards we came back to my apartment. Everyone was having a good time so I'm not sure who things turned so bad. Apparently my gf and I went I t...
A. 9 August 2014: HaydenMutch, booze and anger are a deadly combination and since you apparently can't be trusted to handle yours, I'd say one place to start is to stop drinking. At least until you quit having these emotional meltdowns.
I don't know if your gir... (read in full...)
Should I have attended a funeral of my husband's former employee
Q. My second husband leads a company in a small community. An employee of his that worked for the company for a long time and that he had to let go a few months ago, committed suicide. We haven't been married long, and I don't know the people that ...
A. 8 August 2014: I'm inclined to agree with the anonymous female below. I was wondering the same thing, if the suicide was in any way connected to being let go. I'm sure it didn't help. Even if it wasn't connected, your husband may think it is and doesn't want you ... (read in full...)
Are we crazy for moving in our son's girlfriend, to help keep her away from her abusive father?
Q. My wife and I and getting lots of grieve from family friends regarding a decision we made with our only son who ism20. He still lives at home during the summer and goes away ( 1.5hours from home) for school. He comes home most weekends. He has been ...
A. 5 August 2014: I don't think the OP is treating sex as something vulgar and disgusting. Having limits on what goes on in his home actually helps treat sex with the respect it deserves.
And while the son is 20, the girl is 17. That may be the legal age of sexua... (read in full...)
My anger is turning into depression - I want my husband to leave
Q. I have been married for four years. My husband has been emotionally abusive. He ignores me, wants me to plead for attention, for sex, calls me a whore, tells me he cant kiss me because am disgusting and all sorts of stuff. I have kids, and he does ...
A. 5 August 2014: Whatever you do, do NOT let your anger turn into depression. Instead use it to fuel you to take action. That's what it exists for. Having a plan, even a loose flexible one, will make a world of difference.
The first place I'd start is with you... (read in full...)
Are we crazy for moving in our son's girlfriend, to help keep her away from her abusive father?
Q. My wife and I and getting lots of grieve from family friends regarding a decision we made with our only son who ism20. He still lives at home during the summer and goes away ( 1.5hours from home) for school. He comes home most weekends. He has been ...
A. 5 August 2014: You're not crazy. In fact I think it's very generous of you. Everyone has an opinion and far too many people can talk the talk when it comes to helping someone in need, but you're actually DOING something.
That said, understand that it's not unhe... (read in full...)
Should I leave him for good for lying and verbally abusing me?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly two years, but from the second time I met him he talked about a 'friend' constantly. Every time I'd see him she'd be brought into the conversation somewhere. Then after a few weeks he said it was his ex ...
A. 5 August 2014: No, I do not think you should stay with him. He had 10 years to get her out of his system. People wouldn't need umpteen 'second chances' if they made better use of the first one. Consider this: Let's say your boyfriend had been honest and sat y... (read in full...)
His porn preference is for larger women, I am slim, should I worry?
Q. My boyfriend is into big girls who are pretty, but I am slim - he does love me and find me sexy but it makes me insecure. I know he is into lots of types of girls, but his porn preference is BBW. Do I need to worry? He wants to marry me and buy a ...
A. 4 August 2014: There is a big difference between romantic attraction and being horny.
Porn satisfies his horny hunger. In the real world he wants you. If he wanted a larger woman he could easily have found one.
There is nothing unusual about this at al... (read in full...)
My girlfriend got mad at me for sending a Happy Birthday messsage on Facebook
Q. My girlfriend got mad at me for sending a Happy Birthday message to a girl I used to do sexting with on Facebook. She says she dosen't want to see me anymore , what should I do ? I don't see the big deal ! All I said was happy Birthday. My ...
A. 3 August 2014: I'm with your girlfriend on this one.
Keeping a former lover, even if she was just a sexting buddy, on your contact list alone is inappropriate. Sending her any kind of message raises questions about your intentions. It's a boundary you should n... (read in full...)
Mother-in-law's name for the baby's middle name?
Q. Background: SO and I have been together almost a decade. We are married and expecting a baby (our first) in 4 months. A few questions: Would you be okay with giving your baby MIL's name as their middle name IF... ...your MIL has in th...
A. 29 July 2014: If I genuinely liked the name, I would use it.
However bigoted and racist others consider her opinions, they are her opinions and she's entitled to them. What she expressed were concerns and she had enough class and decency not to throw them in ... (read in full...)
How can I show my partner I appreciate everything he has done for me since I gave birth with complications?
Q. My question is not a problem as such, id just really appreciate some suggestions. I recently had a baby and due to last minute complications I had to have a cesarean which also went wrong. It was quite a traumatic time, especially for my partner ...
A. 29 July 2014: The edible fruit arrangement is nice, but I'd nix the balloons and agree about the flowers. It's a bit over the top. Treating him to a nice dinner when when you've fully recovered is just as good.
Op, it's great that you're husband (that's ... (read in full...)
He doesn't seem to fit the stereotype of a guy who likes fighting
Q. I'm a college student and I volunteer in a biology lab. For the past 8 weeks we've had a physics and math major helping us out doing some calculations. This is his final week in our lab as the project is just about finished and I really like him. ...
A. 25 July 2014: This is a first. For me anyway. Someone who thinks a man playing hockey is a red flag.
OP, his hobby allows him to use up pent up energy. His off ice behaviour is not at odds with his interest in hockey. In fact the two support one another.... (read in full...)
My B/f seems to think I should be available to fit around his busy schedule. Am I being out of line?
Q. I'm looking for some advice on the argument I just had with my boyfriend please. He has been on vacation for 2 and a bit weeks, at a music festival in Spain. Before he left and during the course of him being away, I've asked him a couple of time...
A. 21 July 2014: You're right and he's wrong.
My advice is to adopt a happy steamroller approach. That means you go ahead with the plans you already made and allow your boyfriend to be upset for a while. Do not chase him or check up on him. He will get over it ... (read in full...)
My affair partner is leaving her husband but becoming distant towards me
Q. What could be the reason for this type of behavior? You would think that she would probably want to get closer to me now that she's "moving on" so to speak, but it almost feels like she's slowly distancing herself from me as well. We have been s...
A. 21 July 2014: The short answer: your relationship was her escape from an unhappy marriage. Now that she's been 'liberated' from that marriage she no longer needs you as her escape.
Women have proven throughout the ages that we are quite adept at separati... (read in full...)
I'm pretty sure my boyfriend is cheating. Do I confront him?
Q. I think my boyfriend is cheated on me?For the last week or two ive been having over time and my boyfriend doesnt want me to really go to his baseball games as much anymore and when he gets off work earlier than me hes always out somewhere one day I ...
A. 15 July 2014: Maybe it's the mood I'm in today, but I say toy with him for a bit. Maybe sweat him a little. He knows you suspect something, and is doing what he thinks he has to do to pacify you. Since he seems so amenable, you could use it to your own ... (read in full...)
Am I too polite?
Q. I have been single for 4 years now and am getting worse with women. I am too polite and too gentleman like at times , and when meeting a girl I like I go really polite I can occasionally have a chat with one but never see a signal for me to ask th...
A. 15 July 2014: Yeah, manners is not the issue here, but fear and possibly WHERE you're trying to meet women.
Nightclubs are notorious meat markets and people often drink too much so even if you managed to create a rapport with one woman you don't know how she'... (read in full...)
Why do all my relationships end up with me being used?
Q. My relationships always go south and I end up with guys who treat me badly or only want one thing. This last guy, I met at a meeting for this local political group we're both involved in. We ended up talking and flirting a little (no physical con...
A. 15 July 2014: Talk about walking away at the first red flag...here is a link to a post I just came across from another woman whose ex dumped her for snapping at him.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/-does-narcissistic-ex-miss-me.html
Notice how qu... (read in full...)
Why do all my relationships end up with me being used?
Q. My relationships always go south and I end up with guys who treat me badly or only want one thing. This last guy, I met at a meeting for this local political group we're both involved in. We ended up talking and flirting a little (no physical con...
A. 15 July 2014: The previous responses pretty much echo my own thoughts. I too, was a bit surprised to read you thought you were doing everything right, because from what I'd read, it's quite the opposite.
OP, once a man figures out that you're eager to pleas... (read in full...)
How can I move on and overcome all the drama that resulted from my sister's complaint about my Bf and I having sex in my parent's home?
Q. Me and my boyfriend started having sex about 2 months into our relationship. We both lost our virginities to each other so everything was need and exciting, we had sex every time we saw each other which was around 5-6 days a week. Problem was we ...
A. 14 July 2014: You're not owed an apology so don't expect one. If you're old enough to have sex, then you're old enough to figure out for yourself the appropriate time and place to have it. Someone else's home isn't it. Your family didn't spell that out for you ... (read in full...)
I feel disgusted he saved an inappropriate picture of his daughter's friend!
Q. Hi There, Agh, I am actually a embarrassed to write about this. I couldn't even bring myself to talk to any of my friend about it in the last 3 days. I have this habit of going through my boyfriend's email, phone, etc. It's a bad habit, I ...
A. 13 July 2014: I'm glad to hear it, OP. He doesn't sound like the cat's meow to me. Thanks for the update and best of luck.... (read in full...)
I have an embarrassing medical problem and I don't know how to tell my parents!
Q. I have a problem at the moment and I don't know what to do. Lately my vulva has become very itchy and sore and I really want to tell my parents but I am too embarrassed and afraid to do it. Its making me cry at night because I'm so worried but I'm ...
A. 10 July 2014: Google 'yeast infection' and see if your symptoms match the description. If that's what you have, a better understanding of this very minor and easily treated ailment might help you approach your mother.
... (read in full...)
My best friend showed me a picture of my boyfriend kissing another girl and he had the audacity to tell me I betrayed this relationship because I choose this "other source" over him!
Q. My best friend showed me a picture of my boyfriend kissing another girl. When I confronted my boyfriend he demanded who had told me. I ever gave him the name. He then told me I betrayed this relationship because I choose this "other source" over ...
A. 27 June 2014: You've heard the expression about offense being a good defense (I think I got that right). Well, that's what this is.
He's trying to deflect attention from what he did and on to how he feels by claiming you betrayed him. The idea is you're s... (read in full...)
I feel like he's been incredibly selfish
Q. Hi all, I would love some advice. Me and my boyfriend have been together for four and a half years. We obviously have our disagreements and bickers and I've learnt throughout the years how stubborn my boyfriend is. He can acknowledge he's...
A. 25 June 2014: I think you need to scale back your investment a little. When you put far more effort in than the other person it creates an imbalance which breeds resentment, on both sides.
Your boyfriend is not a reliable person, a fact you already know whi... (read in full...)
Should I end this friendship?
Q. So I am feeling totally betrayed and I'm not sure if I should end my friendship or not. I work with my very best friend. We both have told each other that we have never had such a great friend. We have always had each others backs and have always ...
A. 24 June 2014: Another vote for WiseOwl. You know what they say about mixing business with pleasure.
I don't think your friend threw you under the bus. It sounds like she's at the end of her tether. instead of being able to do her job and accomplish somethin... (read in full...)
Should I get my Mum to cancel her trip?
Q. I'm having a really hard time with my sister at the moment. We both live in the UK (and another sister) and our Mum lives abroad. I do a lot of theatre work (as a hobby) and a few months ago I landed a part in one of my favourite plays. It's one ...
A. 23 June 2014: You're not being selfish. If your sister thinks this isn't the best time for her to have your mum that's fair enough, but SHE should be the one to let her know (and she can offer whatever reason she likes). Why should that be on you?
Since... (read in full...)
He knew religion was important to me, but now he says he won't convert
Q. Hi, My boyfriend and I have known each other for a year and have been dating for about 6 months. We absolutely love each other and we have a very strong relationship. I am Muslim and he is Christian. We used to be close friends before we started ...
A. 23 June 2014: I second some of what SVC and jls022 have said.
If certain qualities in a potential partner are important to you, then it's best you find someone who already possess them. While their efforts may be genuine, the results may not bear fruit an... (read in full...)
I don't know how to deal with her bad behaviour at work!
Q. Dear cupid, in these last few months iv watched my work friend/collegue slowly turn into an absolute cow. She started off by admitting she didn't like certain members of our work team which surprised me and it was just a downward spiral from there ...
A. 22 June 2014: Management has a business to run. They don't need to become involved in this sort of thing.
You can't stop the woman so I suggest you distance yourself from her. Be business like with her and limit your time together to that which is absolute... (read in full...)
Wondering about the "swinging" lifestyle
Q. My wife told me one of her friends recently confided in her that she and her husband have been visiting swingers clubs over the past few months. It started off with her fantasies to have two men at once, but since then has escalated and both of them ...
A. 18 June 2014: Unfortunately 'taking one for the team' is no stereotype. That's not to say all women who participate in this do that, but many have and when any kind of sharing goes awry it's generally the women who suffer most. If you want to be sure, let her... (read in full...)
My ex is on a dating website already. Does that mean he never cared?
Q. I just broke up with my ex after nearly two years and he's on a dating site now, does it mean he never cared? It was a 'break' and shortly after a 'break up'. Too many arguments and such however for the most part we were really happy, enjoyed e...
A. 18 June 2014: No, it doesn't mean he never cared. It just means he started moving on sooner than you have (probably before you'd broken up) and doesn't want to be alone. ... (read in full...)
Gambler lies about gambling, what else is he lying about?
Q. My husband travels and has a gambling issue. I've already took out a 70000 second mortgage to pay off his credit cars before we were married. After we were married he continued to gamble several thousands dollars of our money. He said he was ...
A. 16 June 2014: Your husband has a very serious problem and is exposing you to big risks here. And clearly he has no intention of doing anything about it.
Speak to an attorney at once. You have got to protect yourself because he won't. He doesn't have your bac... (read in full...)
I've developed an attraction for my friend's husband
Q. Hi there, I really hope this doesn't make me sound like a total bitch. I have become really good friends with the husband of one of my oldest friends. We all get along really well together but we are also friends in our own right. We text back and...
A. 16 June 2014: This friendship may have started out innocently, but it isn't any longer. At least not on your end. And this should hardly have been a surprise to you.
I don't why you would think that you'd be the only one hurt here.
I know it's difficult, ... (read in full...)
Before I visit a doctor does anyone have any idea what this could be?
Q. About two months ago I had sex and the lips of my vagina swoll up really bad. It was unfortable and it burned to pee. I haven't had sex since then. Then a little while after that I woke up and one side was swolen (I think I might have been playing ...
A. 16 June 2014: Google yeast infection and see if the description resembles what you're experiencing.
If that's what it is, it is easily treated. ... (read in full...)
I feel disgusted he saved an inappropriate picture of his daughter's friend!
Q. Hi There, Agh, I am actually a embarrassed to write about this. I couldn't even bring myself to talk to any of my friend about it in the last 3 days. I have this habit of going through my boyfriend's email, phone, etc. It's a bad habit, I ...
A. 14 May 2014: 'But he also admitted that I was right about the picture and why he saved it and had it one his phone.'
He's already admitted he didn't save the picture because he thought it was funny. ... (read in full...)
I feel disgusted he saved an inappropriate picture of his daughter's friend!
Q. Hi There, Agh, I am actually a embarrassed to write about this. I couldn't even bring myself to talk to any of my friend about it in the last 3 days. I have this habit of going through my boyfriend's email, phone, etc. It's a bad habit, I ...
A. 13 May 2014: I.m sorry this one didn't work out, but I think this is probably for the best, as you say.
Trusting men is only half the equation, OP. Ultimately it's YOU you have to be able to trust in to make good decisions regardless of what happens around y... (read in full...)
I feel disgusted he saved an inappropriate picture of his daughter's friend!
Q. Hi There, Agh, I am actually a embarrassed to write about this. I couldn't even bring myself to talk to any of my friend about it in the last 3 days. I have this habit of going through my boyfriend's email, phone, etc. It's a bad habit, I ...
A. 12 May 2014: Anyone who has eyeballs in their head and can see is a visual creature, OP. Men don't get a wider latitude to indulge their baser instincts.
Like you, I find this off putting and having been that 15 year old girl myself once upon a time (before ... (read in full...)
| *iar's friends
These are mutual friends, so *iar has
added them and they have added *iar!
|
