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My boyfriend is travelling with another woman and told me not to call him

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Dating, Long distance, Online dating, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 January 2018) 11 Answers - (Newest, 26 January 2018)
A female United States age 26-29, *urse712 writes:

My bf told me to stop texting him for 2 weeks. I am on my 8 days of no contact it's really hard specially I am seeing him online all the time. We've been together for 7 years. But recently for the past 2 years we do not see each other in person due to long distance tho we've been seeing each other in webcam. We had some argument he keeps telling we are going to see each other in person but he never make plan. I find out Jan 1st this year he traveled to Dubai to spend vacation with Indonesian girl.(before that incident I caught him sexting with that girl, that Indonesian lady asking him to send her a porn he said they haven't see each other yet and the girl was virgin he said it was nothing ugh I'm so stupid to believe)

I'm so hurt because I've been longing to see him for 2 years but he never came back to see me in person. When I confronted him that I knew about that girl he said like this ;

"Stop texting me for 2 weeks I cannot take this" maybe it's my fault I shouldn't confronted him about other girls maybe he is still talking to me now. Do you think he will still contact me after 2 weeks?

Is that Indonesian girl is really better than me? He didn't see me in. Person for 2, years but to that Indonesian girl he spent one month this year and they are traveling together

View related questions: long distance, porn, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2018):

I agree with everyone else he is treating you terribly and you deserve better sweetie. It sounds as though you’re a lovely person, maybe you’re just lacking some confidence in yourself . You need to value yourself more and know you deserve better 3

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2018):

This guy is not your boyfriend. If he was he wouldnt treat you like that.

Tell.him to. never contact you again and end your.unhappiness. Go on tinder and meet men enjoy yourself. Dont waste your time on someone who hasnt got time for you.so many men out there you have nothing to lose. You have to do whats right for yourself take control back to your life

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (12 January 2018):

What's wrong with you, sweetheart? I don't mean to be mean, but you need to be shaken until your teeth rattle!

Snap out of it!!! He is being psychologically-abusive and working to break your spirit. The fact he has treated you badly and you still cling to him; tells him you're nearly obsessed with him. You sound like the victim of the classic narcissist. A glassy-eyed and totally-infatuated zombie. Is there any light still left in your teary eyes?

How you've lasted 7 years with a guy like that is mind-boggling! Then you send us a post concerned about some Indonesian girl with whom he's obviously traveling and dating.

Dubai is a beautiful playground for the wealthy in the UAE. Fabulous shopping, night-life, and architecture like no other place in the world!!! The cheapest car you see driven on the streets is the S-Class Mercedes Benz! That's what the poor-rich drive!

Let me guess, your man is from that part of world, is he not?

My dear, it is time to let him go. I think it has gotten to the point you might require some professional-counseling to help you. What you've endured has definitely taken an emotional and psychological toll on you. You've literally conducted your relationship entirely through devices. He has gone dead-air on you, and you still won't let go.

This is the most unhealthy relationship I've read about in a long-time. You're probably a very beautiful woman, who has been used strictly as his arm-candy. Well, I bet you're far from the lovely woman you were before you met him!

Please get help, you have to let him go now!

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (11 January 2018):

This guy is not your boyfriend. You need to stop contacting him, permanently.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2018):

I can’t use curse words here but...WTF. He is stringing you along, not wanting to see you in person and would rather spend his time with this other woman, has now demanded you not text him when you have a right to be upset with him.... and you are wondering why HE won’t choose you?

No no no. You get to decide whether YOU want HIM, and the answer is NO! Stop wondering if he will contact you!! YOU can give yourself the best definite answer by NOT choosing to be with someone who has rejected you and disrespects you. There. Nothing to wonder about now.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (11 January 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWhat are you getting out of this relationship? You haven't even seen this guy for 2 whole YEARS. Come on, this is not a relationship.

I promise you, you will feel a lot better if you take back control here. Stop contacting him COMPLETELY (never mind for 2 weeks). BLOCK him so he can't contact YOU.

He is treating you like sh1t but people can only treat us how we allow. Stop being a doormat. You are worth better than this. Cut this user out of our life and find yourself someone who want to be with you.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 January 2018):

Honeypie agony auntOP, I think you need to consider yourself single.

He is WITH someone else, not just on vacation but WITH someone else - that is why they were sexting and travelling together.

Time for you to let him go. CUT all contact, DELETE all contact, BLOCK all contact.

Is the Indonesian girl better than you? Probably not. But he got tired of a relationship that consisted of webcam chats and decided he wanted some physicality and he wanted it with someone else, again probably knowing that you would sit ans wait faithfully in case the other girl doesn't work out.

Someone who LOVES you would NOT ask you to stop contacting him for two weeks. This guy don't CARE about you. He just wants peace and quiet with his NEW lady while on vacation.

Also, in what World is it OK for a partner to travel around the world with another woman that he had an online emotional affair with?

Do you really value yourself so little that you are going to WAIT for those two weeks to be over so you can text him? seriously? Where is your SELF RESPECT, OP?

Stop acting like his doormat!

CUT him off and take some time to be single. And next time you date a guy, find a QUALITY man - not a piece of crap like this one.

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A female reader, SillyGirl123 United Kingdom +, writes (11 January 2018):

SillyGirl123 agony auntThis guy is treating you like crap! Don't let him walk all over you. He's clearly having an intimate relationship with this Indonesian woman. Block and delete him out of your life. You are worth so much more than someone who treats you in that way.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (11 January 2018):

N91 agony auntCome on, where's your self respect?

I'd say I'm 99.9% sure that your bf (hopefully ex after reading this) will be having sex with this other girl. On what planet is it acceptable for a person to tell their partner not to contact them whilst they're travelling with another girl they've been having sexually explicit chat with?

Read your post back and see how silly it sounds. Read it as if someone has asked you and what advice would you give? To get out and not look back? Dump this cheating asshole? Something along those lines surely.

I'd happily oblige his request of not contacting him, except I'd extend it indefinitely. Why are you wasting years of your life on someone like this? How can you not see your partner for 2 years and think it's a quality relationship? Break up with this ass and find someone that you can actually spend time with.

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A female reader, frogs84 Ireland +, writes (11 January 2018):

frogs84 agony auntI think that from what you are telling us, you already know the answer to your question. Why are you being kept a secret? Why is he with another woman? Maybe he’s in a relationship with her and doesn’t want to cause a row when your messages pop up!

I think you should cut ties and concentrate on yourself. Don’t be anyone’s secret and don’t settle for men who sext other women. Know your worth!! Be happy, be strong and be done with this waster xx

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A female reader, ashleighkaylin United States +, writes (11 January 2018):

ashleighkaylin agony auntYou should absolutely leave him alone like he asks. Eccept: don't text him after two weeks AT ALL. In fact, DELETE and block him. If you have to delete all your own accounts and make new ones that exclude him, DO IT. He's stringing you along because you put up with his garbage. He has no intention of seeing you, he's only using you. You are getting NOTHING out of this but wasted time you could have been spending finding someone better or enjoying being single.

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