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I think my boyfriend is cheating on me!

Tagged as: Dating, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 November 2012) 7 Answers - (Newest, 27 November 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I am concerned my boyfriend is cheating on me. I have had suspicions before as in our first year of University I heard him talking, drunkenly, to one of his other flat mates about how he would love to sleep with this other girl he lived with and also acts flirty around other girls when he is drunk, even when I am there. Recently he has been acting strange, whenever he goes to work on a weekend he always stays on after finishing and gets drunk with his boss (or so he tells me) and comes home early hours of the morning absolutely wasted and starts an argument with me. One of these nights, when he was out the room some girl kept trying to phone him. I didn't answer it, but it obviously looked suspicious so I checked his call log- and he had been receiving and making calls to her for the past few weeks and also they had been sending flirty texts quite often such as him asking her to go out for drinks, them both teasing each other about the other having to leave work drinks early because they were too drunk (which obviously counteracts what he told me about staying to get drunk with his boss), and a rather odd conversation where my boyfriend told the girl that he 'wouldn't tell anyone because he's not a gossip, and he is always there when she wants him'. I know that there are many different possibilities as to what this could mean, but lately he has been going off me. He never wants to have sex with me, doesn't really want to spend time with me and just makes me feel rubbish about myself in general through comments about my weight, or what I'm wearing. I am concerned as I have been around as much as what I usually am because of work commitments and such. I need advice as to whether he is cheating, or whether I am just being paranoid?

View related questions: drunk, flatmate, flirt, teasing, text, university

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A female reader, Staceily United States +, writes (27 November 2012):

Staceily agony auntWell you have already put up with far more than you should have. Going out for drinks after work with his 'boss' every single weekend and coming home late hours wasted? Unacceptable. In addition to that he displays every single thing a cheater does right out of the cheater handbook. Suddenly out late hours, check. Talking to a female frequently, check. No longer intersted in sex or you, check. I'd say it's about 90% chance he is cheating. All of the behavior is highly unacceptable regardless of the proof of him cheating. You deserve better and should know it. Give him what he really wants and dump him because he seems to be too much of a coward to end it himself.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (27 November 2012):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntWhy waste another minute with a guy who behaves like this?

EVEN if he weren't (isn't) doing s*x with this girl.... all the other "stuff" that you describe about his behaviour is plenty-enough to decide that you REALLY don't want to play whatever his game is....

Good luck....

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (27 November 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntHe never wants sex

he never wants to spend time with me

(he) just makes me feel rubbish about myself in general through comments about my weight or what I'm wearing

he stays out till all hours and comes home wasted

you've seen text messages from other women that are upsetting

tell me why you want to stay with this man?

even if he's not cheating he's not good for you and he "makes me feel like rubbish" that alone is enough for you to want to end the relationship.

Make it so.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (27 November 2012):

Honeypie agony auntWell considering HOW he treats you I would just end it. Cheating or not, that is not OK.

I would venture a GUESS, that he is in fact cheating, maybe not physically but emotionally with the girl on his phone/work and that is why he is pushing you away with going off on you, making you feel like crap and putting you down - I think he is hoping you will dump him - so HE doesn't have to be the bad guy and so he doesn't have to own up to what is really going on.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (27 November 2012):

janniepeg agony auntYou can say that he is already cheating. He is no longer making you happy. You don't have to wait for a solid evidence of penis in vagina for you to end it with him. When a guy can go off you just like that and not communicate what's up, he's not really a boyfriend.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (27 November 2012):

eyeswideopen agony auntSounds like he's cheating or is working on it. Time for a nice long chat.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2012):

you do not need anyone's answer to your question ! You answered it all by your self " by looking in his phone " apparently he's been lying to you. move on and start over.

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