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... Send *pinnaker a private message | | | *pinnaker's profile:Yes that is me in the photo. No clip art no nothing. I love halloween and have several dozen complete costumes. In case you are wondering heh
I have been a business manager for several years and a student of psychology and human nature for several more.
If you have any questions please post them to the dearcupid website. Sorry but I will not answer questions over email.
Just some tips I have learned over the years that could help you:
(1) Wise is the person that understands the nature of things
(2) you have a right to feel how you feel. When you do not think you have that right, you are allowing someone or something to control you.
(3) The more you work on #1 the better equipped you are for #2 and any other numbers you wish to add to the list.
(4)BE consistent.
(5) never be afraid to admit you are wrong. Also never be afraid to admit you are not wrong.
(6) be honest with yourself and you will in turn be honest with others.
(7) Love is an action word - not some ooey gooey feeling
(8) Do not make promises in the moment.
(9) the Bible says "Sorrow may continue for the night but joy comes in the morning"
(10) You are not being respected because you do not respect yourself and are allowng this to continue.
(11) Men do not change and things never get better. If he is a certain way when you meet him chances are he will be that way in 20 years.
(12) You are not that important for people to always come to you. Make yourself visible by interacting.
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So many failed relationships. What am I doing wrong?
Q. I'm almost 23 years old and have had a lot dating experience over the past 4 years of college. I have no problem attracting men. They start off very interested, always telling me how attractive and smart and great I am but they always end up ...
A. 25 April 2010: Sometimes the best thing to do is work on your own goals in these situations. Too many times we are attracted to someone and the goals they have and once we start getting close to them we tend to abandon such things for a relationship. Over time ... (read in full...)
He didn't ask me to move in with him. Is this a warning sign?
Q. I (23) was talking to my boyfriend of 8 months (26) the other night about apartments, as I am moving out of mine as soon as my lease runs out in the summer. He was giving me advice of different neighborhoods to look into, since i was going to be ...
A. 25 April 2010: you maybe just overreacting. Just because he was looking for that live in girlfriend then and not now is in no way meant to be personal to you.
Sometimes when you get settled into your place you find a little peace in not having someone there ri... (read in full...)
I want more than friendship and I think she does too but she has a very low self esteem
Q. I have really liked this one girl for about 6 or so months now, and we have got to know each other quite well. But i want more than just friends. i have tried hinting to her, but we are both rather shy and she has really low self esteem. My frien...
A. 25 April 2010: sometimes you just have to throw the obvious pass out there, brace yourself and see what happens. You have everything set up and all you have to do is act...sometimes thats the hardest part but Brunel is absolutly right, tell her what you told all ... (read in full...)
Should I take sexy classy pictures for my boyfriend??
Q. My Boyfriend wants me to take sexy pictures for him but he also said he don't want me to take nudes just sexy classy one like EX1) Me wearing my pjs shorts and a tank top.To be truthful I'm really shy and I only take pictures of my face lol. Not ...
A. 10 March 2010: You should never do anything you feel funny about doing no matter what it is or who it is fore.
Just so you know that once you hit the send button on a sexy picture you better be prepared to deal with the long term consequences of where that pic... (read in full...)
Help!!! Should we break up?
Q. well.. I have been with my partner for nearly 2 years, we live together and have a child! But just lately i'm questioning if we should really be together! He's extremely lazy, he leaves plates and cups lying around, throws his clothes on the ...
A. 10 March 2010: I hate to sound rude here but maybe you should have considered all of this before you had his child. Sure you can run out and go it all alone but running away is not the answer. Regardless of if this bother is worth it all is not what you should be ... (read in full...)
Please help me decode his signals...
Q. okay so i'm talking to this guy on MSN, i met him recently but he just moved a few hours away so we talk a lot on msn and through text msgs. any ways before we would talk a lot and stuff, he mostly initiated the conversations, or we would take ...
A. 10 March 2010: Tryiing to decode meanings from text messages or msn conversations is next to impossible. I can think of 100 different reasons why this all could be occurring.
If you value his conversation there is no rule saying you are not allowed to initiate... (read in full...)
Should I tell my girlfriend that I went to my mum for advice about the sexual abuse in her past?
Q. Hey I met this girl and we became real close, anyway she was sexually abused when she was young by her father, I needed advice about all this and I asked my mum about it, I told her about the sexual abuse. Now I feel real guilty, shoud I tell my ...
A. 10 March 2010: It is no one else's business whose advice you seek. Besides you went with the motive to seek help on helping her, not to gossip.
Let it drop but if you really need assurances go to your mother and ask her to keep it to herself because it is a sor... (read in full...)
How do I end this affair? And should I tell my wife?
Q. I'm a married to a lovely wife with 2 fantastic children. I never thought cheating on my wife,never. But last January i met a single woman during a work project, we have a chat and we exchanged our phones. till there i was doing my job, nothing was ...
A. 10 March 2010: Sometimes you get a reprieve in life. Honesty usually is the best policy but sometimes it can be more destructive than sweeping it under the rug. If you have some trusted male friends, therapist or better yet, a pastor or minister, talk to them. ... (read in full...)
Is this just a crush or have I really fallen in love with a married man?
Q. i like a man who is 10 years my senior. he told me that he always quarrel with his wife . both of us are married with children. when he look at me i try to escape his eyes for fear that i might give myself away. he doesnt know that i like him. so ...
A. 10 March 2010: Ah two people each staring at the forbidden fruit. I would say that both of you need to drop this whole mess before it really gets out of control.
Any man who is willing to confide in another woman regarding the quarrels he has with his wife is ... (read in full...)
Does masturbating affect my sex life?
Q. Does masturbating effect my actual sex life??? I'm 15 and i started masturbating approx. 1 yr ago... ...
A. 9 March 2010: physically...no
Mentally...yes as you may start developing unrealistic expectations to what sex and relationships really are. Like anything else it can become an addiction, your own private little world you can escape to when things get tough. ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend embarrassed of me?
Q. ok so ive been going out with this guy for a month now and we went out last night with his mates, and he went to kiss me and i always close my eyes when kissing, but i had a look and he was looking around at his mates, and i cant help but think hes ...
A. 9 March 2010: Relax dear...maybe he is just as nervous as you probably would be kissing a guy in front of your friends. No doubt he was getting his chops busted later by his boys. Just relax and enjoy the time you spend together... (read in full...)
Torn between the army and having a baby...
Q. i'm 20 years old and im about to join the army. I have never thought about having a baby before. I always said i didnt want one. But for the past few months everyone seems to be getting pregnant around me and its making me want one myself. My mom ...
A. 8 March 2010: First of all having a baby is not something you get based on an impulse. IT is a lifetime commitment and it is obvious to all how the commitment is regarded less and less as time goes on by those who have neglected to count the costs or take ... (read in full...)
I need some opinions with some confusing behavior from a ex girlfriend.
Q. I need some opinions with some confusing behavior from a ex girlfriend. We met nearly 12 months ago and there was an instant attraction for the both of us,we became friends quickly and entered into a relationship for 8 months and fell very muc...
A. 8 March 2010: A full commitment may be difficult for her as you said. Maybe she just loves the feeling of a boyfriend without all the commitment and hard work of a serious relationship right now. Maybe things were moving too fast for her and she needed to hit the ... (read in full...)
How many young ladies out there (like me) are having a hard time finding a boyfriend?
Q. Hi guys, I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself but I'm wondering how many young ladies out there are having a hard time finding a boyfriend? I am 20 this year and have never had a boyfriend, I feel like I'm a really slow developer. Every si...
A. 8 March 2010: It is tough seeing everyone else with a hand to hold. Just remember during this time to stay true to your principles because it is easy to compromise to satisfy the moment.
At 32 if I were to go back 12 years to 20 I would be working on my own g... (read in full...)
I'm 17 and I've met a guy 15 years older than me on the internet...
Q. i am a 17 year old man and i met this guy on the internet nammed jeremy. we thought this would be a fun thing were we just got on cam and cum but instead we traded numbers and began to talk i like this guy we have showed our boddies off with pics ...
A. 8 March 2010: you need to stop it with this guy. He is already in trouble legally and you are not helping matters by continuing the conversation.
If you or he thinks anything lasting will come out of this little fling you are sadly mistaken. Once the novelty ... (read in full...)
We don't use a condom but he never comes inside me... so could I be pregnant?
Q. my boyfriend and i never use a condom when we have sex, but he never finishes inside me, but he has fingered me when he has seaman on his fingers. for the past week or so i have been feeling nauseated, my back has been hurting, i have cramps that ...
A. 8 March 2010: while anything is possible. Unless a guy ejaculates iside a woman it is highly improbable she will become pregnant. The precum is secretions from the bulbourethral gland that lubricates the head of the penis as well as neutralizes any acids or other ... (read in full...)
We hit it off, but she is my friends little sister. Help!
Q. I have liked this girl for about 3 years now, we hung out and we really seemed to hit it off, the problem is recently i found out that she is one of my friends little sister (i should have realized by the last name). He says he is cool with me if i ...
A. 7 March 2010: There is nothing wrong with going through with it. Just keep in mind that what ever bump you have with the sister you will have with your friend also...blood is thicker than water, remember?
Your uneasiness probably comes from the fact that kee... (read in full...)
My ex girlfriend is pregnant. She wants me to get rid of my current girlfriend. Am I selfish to say no?
Q. I have just found out my ex girlfirend is 5 months pregnant, she has just found out also she had no idea. Ive always stayed in contact with her and tried to help her. now i want to be there for the child, but i dont know if im ready for a child ...
A. 7 March 2010: carng guy is right...regardless you need to make sure it is yours.
Also you need to understand that this woman is now seeking to rely upon you much the same as she relied upon you for everything else.
In short now is the time for you to think... (read in full...)
I feel hurt she's dating again even though I've met someone else
Q. I need someone to tell me to grow up. I don't think I deserve any sympathy or kind words. Here's my situation: Last year I split up with my girlfriend. We'd been together for 5 years and were always so much in love. She wanted children though ...
A. 7 March 2010: She will never be replaced in your life as your first love. There really is no such thing as blotting someone out of your memory. Fortunately for the both of you, there is no animosity to contend with.
You are feeling quite naturally and you reco... (read in full...)
I am away from my wife and I don't want to masturbate or have an affair, so what can I do?
Q. i am married but abroad away from spouse.i am feeling frustrated as i have not been able to have an intercourse and even i have not masterbated and have not had wet dream even for the last 3 months. how do i get relaxed,when i do not want to maste...
A. 7 March 2010: you need an outlet for your sexual energy (as you probably already know). You could try writing letters to your wife about things that are best left only said between a man and his wife. ... (read in full...)
She doesn't like me going out on the town with friends
Q. i am 19 and 4 of my friends go to university. When they all come back we have a night out in the town. This happens about once or twice a month. My girlfriend hates me going to town and has told me this. She doesnt hardly drink and hates going to ...
A. 7 March 2010: Her mood stems from her point of view not being taken seriously.
The real question is what do you want to do? There should be a compromise at some point and you should be looking for it. If being with her is important to you may be you should r... (read in full...)
Trust issues lead him to think that I'm cheating and I don't want to lose him.
Q. so my boyfriend of 5 months and i have been having problems lately. alot of trust problems! yesterday i feel asleep at his apartment on his sofa and my phone was charging. i still talk to my ex-bf and some guy friends back home. while i was asleep ...
A. 1 March 2010: 5 months is still a short time. HE seems to be moving forward with his expectations in this relationship faster than you are. Maybe he got burned by a girl who ran off with an ex and it is still a sore spot? The phone and you talking to your ... (read in full...)
Can't get him to leave me alone.
Q. ok so a little background...there was this guy who wouldn't leave me alone no matter how many times i told him i don't date guys. well it got to the point that i went to some friends for help. one of my best friends..lets call her Rachel said she ...
A. 1 March 2010: Rather than try the elaborate scheme you just explained you should have matter of factly told him that you want to be left alone by him and if he continues to bother you, you will consider it harassment and move forward from there. Generally they... (read in full...)
I found another man's underwear under the bed!
Q. I just found men's underwear under my side of the bed. I'd like advice on what to do. This weekend, I was searching for a pair of old sneakers and they were shoved way under our bed on my side. I have no clue how long they've been there, I usually...
A. 1 March 2010: the hidden cam thing is sort of the nuclear option. You pull the trigger on that and your marriage is over no matter what happens. If she finds it, you have a lot of 'splainin to do. If she is doing something sneaky it is not right to do some... (read in full...)
Does he want to be good friends, or does he "like" me?
Q. hello everyone, I'm really confused and really need to know how i should go ahead.I have been single for a while now and a friend of mine told his best friend about me.While randomly facebooking on my friends wall...this guy added me nd we start...
A. 1 March 2010: He seems to be having fun innocently playing the field and exploring his options. The fact that he is still social with his ex is cause for some concern. Still he seems to be having fun and not ready for anything serious at the moment. IF you e... (read in full...)
Boyfriend flirts and pretends to be single online. Should I dump him?
Q. I recently discovered my boyfriend has a networking account on which he behaves as if he were a single guy. He flirts, he apparently texts, and his status when I checked was "looking for random hookups". I called him somewhat hysterically and ...
A. 1 March 2010: It is likely a portion of his story is correct about wanting to "get off." People do the same thing with pornography. Part of the allure is fantasy about something you can not have. But like any drug he is playing a dangerous game because whe... (read in full...)
Emotionally confused.... Pretty messed up... Please help.
Q. Hey there, I was wondering if someone could help me in this confusing time. My girlfriend of 4 years just left me for very odd reasons. I support her through everything she does and tell her I love you everyday and that she is beautiful everyday, no ...
A. 1 March 2010: Miamine has very keen observation. She may already be pregnant with someone else's baby. Much of her behavior smacks of some sort of abuse or her being taken advantage of chemically through drugs or other such coercive devices. BE supportiv... (read in full...)
I don't know what my rights are when it comes to renting this new property, how do I confront my new landlady?
Q. I think my new landlord is trying to fob me off and I really need some advice before I confront her! I moved into my new property on Friday. I am renting it through a letting agents. When I first went to look around the place, the estate agent tol...
A. 1 March 2010: kc100 is absolutely right. Make sure you have copies of the advertisement and all other accompanying documentation. Try to do as much communication through email or letter and avoid any conversations that would not have witnesses. If you agree t... (read in full...)
Am I bad in bed because my boyfriend lost his erection during sex?
Q. i have this problem well actually its not me that has it, however i think i am contributing to it. My boyfriend lost his erection during sex and this is the second time it has happened.. We were in the missionary position and to be honest when it ...
A. 1 March 2010: There are far too many factors involved here to settle on the conclusion that it is you. And dwelling upon such thoughts only encourages you to do and become something that you are not.
You say this only recently begun happening or it happens ... (read in full...)
How can I make them pay for what they did to me?
Q. i recently broke up with ma guy because he cheated on me with my best friend.they both denied it and it hurt me so much because he took our love for granted and she also took our friendship for granted. what can i do 2 make them pay and see the pain ...
A. 1 March 2010: This is what accountants refer to as a sunk cost. There is nothing you can do to recoup it and the only thing to do is move on.
What you do from this point speaks volumes about your character and not so much about the two pain dealers you spea... (read in full...)
Has my friend's husband crossed the line with me?
Q. I would like your opinions please as to whether you think my friend's husband has "crossed the line" with me? I have been close friends with them both for over 20 years. There has always been a bit of a spark between us and even my friend has joked ...
A. 1 March 2010: The main question you should ask is if you feel comfortable with this behavior. On the surface it sounds very suspicious. When alcohol is a factor more protective barriers are lowered (it tends to do that to even the most dedicated people).
It is... (read in full...)
Can precum on fingers cause pregnancy through clothing?
Q. If precum (I think it was, it could have been rainwater) soaked very little through my pants and got on my fingers from readjusting myself, and I subsequently went on to rub my girlfriend from outside her panties and pants, is there a possibility ...
A. 24 February 2010: The odds of pregnancy in any condition are pretty staggering. Even if you ejaculate inside of a woman, half of sperm cells die in the acidic vaginal environment. The rest have to make it all the way to the fallopian tubes when only 1 actually ... (read in full...)
Why do people have such big regrets about losing their virginity?
Q. I'm an almost 18 year old virgin, and I've heard other women say that they've regreted their first time and wish they had waited. I don't understand. Why did they regret it and what did they wish they had waited for? I've been a bit upset about wh...
A. 23 February 2010: The reason for the regret is all the emotions that are involved with sexual activity. IT is not just an act and the more sexual partners you have the more dull you become to those emotions.
Please do not feel pressured. Usually the people who are ... (read in full...)
His friends hate me, so we've kept our relationship a secret!
Q. i went out with this boy for 4 months but one of his best friends liked me so once me and my ex was over me and his best friend started going out but we had to keep it in secret because his two friends hate me and they were going to fall out with ...
A. 23 February 2010: Are you dating him or his friends? Your relationship should not be a popularity contest. Though if several friends do bring up a valid point or objection it should be taken into consideration. 10 people can't all be wrong about the same thing, you ... (read in full...)
Should I be leery of my boyfriend after all he's done?
Q. Okay, so me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year now with a break. the break was caused because i had been told he was talking to girls online seductively, so i went online on a fake account and he then did things on webcam etc. thi...
A. 23 February 2010: You either trust him or you don't. If within a year you are finding infidelity or hints of it keep in mind that this will be hanging over everything for as long as you are with him unless you simply make a choice whither to trust him.
One t... (read in full...)
Can't find the right one! Am I too picky?
Q. I have trouble relating to a lot of girls......so I am 20 Years old and to put it bluntly most girls 18-20 aren't exactly the brightest ones around my parts. I have gone through my "partying" phaze and all of that and yea of course I still party ...
A. 23 February 2010: MAybe the ladies haven't quite gotten tired of the partying phase. Stick to your guns now and it becomes easier later. BEsides women are attracted to men who are consistent and principled...it is a quality not found in most 50 year olds let alone ... (read in full...)
Why are men so cruel when it comes to dating us curvier women?
Q. Ok..I previously posted a question...I went on a blind date with a gentlement who I was talking to for 2 weeks..we were constantly on the phone and texting galore..It felt fantastic, he learned about me and I of him... I'm not big, but I'm not a ...
A. 23 February 2010: BElieve it or not at one time the more curves you had the more attractive you were. Look at the paintings of say 500 years ago and you will very seldom see stick think women. I believe much of it is that some men tend to succumb to the media view of ... (read in full...)
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