A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I (23) was talking to my boyfriend of 8 months (26) the other night about apartments, as I am moving out of mine as soon as my lease runs out in the summer. He was giving me advice of different neighborhoods to look into, since i was going to be moving into his city (easier commute). I asked him how why he choose to buy his particular condo, which is a very large and somewhat expensive 2br that he bought a year before we started dating. He said, "Well, I wasn't planning on being single forever..." He wasn't dating anyone at the time, although he said he had a really close female friend that he liked a lot and a relationship never worked out. I was incredibly hurt by this comment, because he didn't ask me to move in with him, and he was looking for a live-in girlfriend...Am I overreacting, or is this a warning sign? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): Wow everyone shared sound advice - so I won't repeat.
I help people buy homes, and have owned four homes and can say if some of my clients and I could change how we shared our investments, we would consider allowing a partner to move in after: 1. A long time of independent living until the relationship fully matured, and 2. A commitment including protection for both parties for "what if", because a mortgage is merciless and you've got to make sure people carry their weight to minimize liability.
A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (25 April 2010):
 you maybe just overreacting. Just because he was looking for that live in girlfriend then and not now is in no way meant to be personal to you.
Sometimes when you get settled into your place you find a little peace in not having someone there right away and would like to have things "your way" for a while until you move to the next step. He probably realized that and is happy for now.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (25 April 2010):
It's only been eight months, so I don't think you need to worry at all at the moment. And him saying he wasn't planning to be single forever is more of an indication that he could be thinking about asking you at some point in the near future anyway. Give it more time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): 8 months is not a long time and you are still so young. Living with a boy is not all its cut out to be really. I moved in with my boyfriend when we were about 21 and frankly it sucked. We ended up breaking up and moving right back out. My best advice to you is take it sloooww. What's the rush? There should be none.
I'll admit as I got older, living with boys became easier and better. But at your age I think you should enjoy having your own place. Doing it on your own to start off. Have your own place. Your own life. He'll think you are cooler for it and may eventually want to ask you to move in.
Don't be offended by his not offering you to move in with him. He isn't ready. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. He may eventually feel like he is ready. And frankly as an outside perspective, you guys are still relatively new. Give it time. Yes I think you are overreacting. Relax! Enjoy your youth!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): Yep, overreacting. You've only been dating for 8 months. He'd be insane to ask you to move in, and you'd be insane to do it.
I doubt he bought the condo because he was looking for a live-in girlfriend, he bought the condo because he wants a WIFE.
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