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... Send *pinnaker a private message | | | *pinnaker's profile:Yes that is me in the photo. No clip art no nothing. I love halloween and have several dozen complete costumes. In case you are wondering heh
I have been a business manager for several years and a student of psychology and human nature for several more.
If you have any questions please post them to the dearcupid website. Sorry but I will not answer questions over email.
Just some tips I have learned over the years that could help you:
(1) Wise is the person that understands the nature of things
(2) you have a right to feel how you feel. When you do not think you have that right, you are allowing someone or something to control you.
(3) The more you work on #1 the better equipped you are for #2 and any other numbers you wish to add to the list.
(4)BE consistent.
(5) never be afraid to admit you are wrong. Also never be afraid to admit you are not wrong.
(6) be honest with yourself and you will in turn be honest with others.
(7) Love is an action word - not some ooey gooey feeling
(8) Do not make promises in the moment.
(9) the Bible says "Sorrow may continue for the night but joy comes in the morning"
(10) You are not being respected because you do not respect yourself and are allowng this to continue.
(11) Men do not change and things never get better. If he is a certain way when you meet him chances are he will be that way in 20 years.
(12) You are not that important for people to always come to you. Make yourself visible by interacting.
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He's 20 years younger than me, I think of him as a nephew, but he's showing too much attention to me
Q. a little advice im so confused i dont know what to do i have knowen this boy since i was in my twentys he was only a young boy then and as he become a teenager he did the usual harmless flirting im like his auntie but he is now an adult and when he ...
A. 26 May 2011: Glad to hear you put this to rest.
You may have saved this kid's chances for a prosperous future by making him aware of his behavior. If he is not aware of his behavior in, say, the work place - well, you don't need me to figure that one out. ... (read in full...)
I'm going to lose him if I end things, but I don't want to be the other woman!
Q. there's this guy i met on a penpal site last summer in July; he's from Jamaica and when we started talking; we just clicked; we had so much in common especially since my background is jamaican as well. we talked every single day for hours on the ...
A. 24 May 2011: The proverb "crap or get off of the pot" comes to mind here with this guy. He has little empathy for your emotions in this matter. Think about what you can control here and that is your time with him. You can break it off and in a little time yo... (read in full...)
He's 20 years younger than me, I think of him as a nephew, but he's showing too much attention to me
Q. a little advice im so confused i dont know what to do i have knowen this boy since i was in my twentys he was only a young boy then and as he become a teenager he did the usual harmless flirting im like his auntie but he is now an adult and when he ...
A. 24 May 2011: you most assuredly need to put the brakes on this behavior because by doing or saying nothing, that is tantamount to encouragement in his mind. The next time he says something forward or does the little not-so-incidental-brush-of-the-hand, you need ... (read in full...)
Why do I always dream of my ex?
Q. Im always having wierd dreams about my ex its itheir that I have twins of him in my belly or a baby in my hands I wonder why they also look like him and sometimes I dream wonderful dreams about me and him I wonder why?we been seperated for a year im ...
A. 22 May 2011: Dreams are a purging of the subconsious and may contain a myriad of different things. If you had one time imagined children, imagined your ex or imagined a 1979 lincoln continental chances are there will be a dream with all of those things happening ... (read in full...)
Why is he rubbing my nose in this ?
Q. im close friends with a guy who i adore. ive been a great friend to him and the other night we were talking and i got onto the subject of dating. he said in order for him to date me he would have to feel chemistry. i was shocked as we've been pra...
A. 22 May 2011: A+B does not always equal C. That describes his feelings toward you.
It seems you suspect that his Facebook Girlfriend is a fraud? If that is the case it would seem your friend shows all the signs of a manipulator/ emotional abuser. If you feel... (read in full...)
My best friend is blowing me off for a guy I hate!
Q. My best friend is dating the one person I DETESTE and I'm cool with that but she keeps using the same excuse every time I ask her to go somewhere 'oh I'm ill' or 'I had a bad night's sleep' and really all she's doing is blowing me off so she can go ...
A. 22 May 2011: If you recoil at the mere mention of this person's name, it is not surprising that your friend will take the path of least resistance and lie to you. This is also your friend saying to you that it is none of your business who she spends her time ... (read in full...)
Older men equals fetish?
Q. Is it a fetish to be attracted to older men? I only seem to like men 45+ ...
A. 22 May 2011: To say fetish implies that it is unhealthy or compulsive. Such attraction as you say is not unhealthy and not all that uncommon for someone your age. If you can describe what qualities attract you to older men we can explore this a little mo... (read in full...)
Boyfriend turned on by pregnancy porn?
Q. Hi, I'll make this quick...me and boyfriend just started dating a few months back... We have amazing sex life as his very open and so am I! We have totally fallen for each other and his wonderful to me and my 2 kids... However...he recently told me ...
A. 22 May 2011: one person open is another person's weird. Some people are attracted or curious to many different things simply because of the novelty it presents. ... (read in full...)
He says there is no chemistry between us,...
Q. im close friends with a guy and we was talking the other day and we spoke about dating, he said 'to date someone you have to have a chemical reaction and i dont feel that with you' he said i had lovely eyes and a brilliant personality but couldnt ...
A. 18 May 2011: He is just not attracted to you thats all. You did nothing wrong - take it from a guy who consistantly hears the line "You're a nice guy, but..."
His stringing you and secrecy is that he does not wish to appear too decisive and cold about it. Just... (read in full...)
How do I get my hubby to tone it down a little?
Q. Hi, i need some advice. My husband speak loud. He said this is his normal way of talking. Im trying to get used to it. The problem is im having now a nervous attack. Only one little loud thing i got totally nervous. I try hard to explain that to ...
A. 18 May 2011: What is your home environment like? Are there televisions and radios on? Bright lights? Any other noises in the background? What color are your walls and floors?
If your home has TVs and radios on constantly, bright colored walls and floors, ... (read in full...)
How do you get into a relationship?
Q. I'm a teenager, and I have never had a girlfriend. I have had a couple of friends in school, but I never really got down to that. How can I get a girlfriend? What can lead to eventually getting in a relationship with someone? And how can I be ready ...
A. 17 May 2011: Relationships take a little time to develop. Sadly, many people rush into things and make rash decisions in the moment.
You did not mention how much you get out there and socialize with people but the more you get out there the more likely y... (read in full...)
I need advice to get over my ex lover & focus on my family...
Q. I had an affair w/a married man that lasted 2 years. He is my co-worker and was my husbands best friend, what makes it worse is that his wife was also my best friend. We were "soulmates" and very much in love. I got pregnant and asked him to ...
A. 17 May 2011: This is going to require lots of time and lots of discipline. What helps is if you establish a tactic that will bring you back to earth if you start thinking of this man. Make a word or phrase that you can say allowed when your thoughts begin to ... (read in full...)
Is my wife of 21 years cheating?
Q. Well here goes. I suspect I already know the answer to this question but here goes anyways. I suspect my wife of 21 years is cheating on me. Over the last 2 years my wife has really changed. She is from the Philippines and the last time she went ...
A. 17 May 2011: While the checking up may not have been the most aboveboard thing to do - that is not the issue here. Besides there is mountains of other evidences that suggest infidelity. I also wonder if those who decry such clandestine investigative me... (read in full...)
How can I get my girlfriend's trust back?
Q. Well I didn't have trust with my girlfriend. Do it let to a big situation. Bottom line her mom cursed me out. And my gf doesn know what to do. Because she doesnt know if she could trust me anymore:( how can I prove it to her that ima change and give ...
A. 16 May 2011: You are not very forthcoming with information. If you can update what had happened that caused this falling out with mom, people reading would be better to help you.
Generally, someones trust is very difficult to get back. It is a painstak... (read in full...)
Does Smiling REALLY matter?
Q. Does "smiling" REALLY matter?? Been "told" I'm "pretty" and have a nice "smile" (hardly ever use it though) but I never believe it. I don't think I'm "pretty" at all. ...
A. 16 May 2011: What standard are you using to evaluate your attractiveness?
Smiling displays approachability. As one who seldom smiles, myself, I give off a lousy first impression. But over time people warm up to me. Unfortunately in many cases the first im... (read in full...)
Do rebound relationships work?
Q. My ex girlfriend broke up with me a month ago after 2 years together...and now she already likes someone else, and i have a feeling that this is her rebound relationship. We're still friends and talk every once in awhile and I think that that she's ...
A. 16 May 2011: Sure there are the exceptions but as a rule they do not.
Here's why. When a person suffers a break up, a void is created in that person's life. Another person comes along and that person simply plugs the hole.
Instead of being broken up ... (read in full...)
I'm getting bored with our relationship, we never talk. What can I do?
Q. I've been in a relationship for almost a year now and things are not good at it is when we first started.. I'm getting bored with our relationship..I'm working and my bf is studying. he doesn't want to get disturb during his review, so i don't call ...
A. 16 May 2011: The relationship may have run its course - that is possible but it sounds more like you two are in a staring contest to find out who will incorporate a little excitment into this relationship.
If you do value this person in your life you need to ... (read in full...)
Do sociopaths attach strongly to their victims--even if they don't feel empathy?
Q. I was with a girl for a long time who I believe was a sociopath. I dont wanna go into the details, but she had all the characteristics: she lied constantly, said very sweet things to me--as well as a bunch of other guys, was promiscuous and viewed ...
A. 16 May 2011: Odds - the term sociopath has a negetive stigma attached to it so it is not used officially. Anti-social personality disorder is the official term. ... (read in full...)
Is my wife of 21 years cheating?
Q. Well here goes. I suspect I already know the answer to this question but here goes anyways. I suspect my wife of 21 years is cheating on me. Over the last 2 years my wife has really changed. She is from the Philippines and the last time she went ...
A. 16 May 2011: I'm sorry to have to say this but you have probably answered your own question
Emotional infidelity is just as destructive as physical infidelity but oh so much easier to fall into.
Be very careful as to how you bring this up because if you a... (read in full...)
Wife will not have sex with me if she's sober
Q. My wife will not have sex with me unless she has several drinks in her. We have been married for over 20 years and this has been the case since the begining. When I was younger, I knew that this was kind of disfunctional and I tried to talk to her ...
A. 16 May 2011: She sounds like she is a little POed that you are digging up some 20 year old dirt. Also consider the wording you used when you brought it up to her. It may have been interpreted as you insisting she has the problem.
Since counseling is out of t... (read in full...)
Without explanation I'm horrid to my boyfriend!
Q. I have been seeing/dating a guy for over a year. He has changed my life in many wonderful ways; I am a much happier, confident person because of him. I love this man very much, more than I have ever loved anyone; he is very kind, very sweet, and ...
A. 16 May 2011: HAve you discussed all this with him? Based upon what you say he seems a reasonable man.
One thing that could help you is if you write down some questions or a simple word to bring you back to earth when you feel you are being unreason... (read in full...)
Has anyone been through this with choosing a life path or partner?
Q. My BF who I love and care for a lot is studying to become a Geologist and work in the mines. This will require him to be away for long periods of time. But then have quite a bit of time of as well. He has a couple of times tried to convince me to ...
A. 15 May 2011: Does mine geology inspire some interest in you? If not don't do it for him. In fact, do not make any life altering or heavy investment decision on the basis of someone else. You will end up miserable if you do. No relationship is worth it. A de... (read in full...)
Could you tell me what I'm feeling?
Q. To be honest, I just really don't know how I feel inside and was wondering if people could give me an idea of what I feel. I am emotionally restarted right now, like I know what makes me laugh and I can feel okay, but anything more its just a ...
A. 15 May 2011: You have a different outlook on life than this girl has right now - nothing wrong with that. You are feeling a depressed mood (does not mean you have depression) and anxiety when you see her driving around with a new guy on her arm. In time the... (read in full...)
How long should I leave him to have his space?
Q. Well it seems every relationship i have ends up a distaster! Been with my bf for 4 months so not that long really but we get along great and we also work together in the same company so share mutual friends. Recently hes been distant with me ...
A. 15 May 2011: Perhaps things are progressing too quickly for his comfort. Men seldom come right out and say what is bothering them. They typically withdraw or become disinterested - especially if they feel someone is muscling in on their time. You were not c... (read in full...)
I think a guy at my workplace is following me around at lunch time.
Q. I think a guy in my workplace is following me around when I'm on lunch... Now I don't think it's anything sinister but I'm finding it annoying. It all started after some post from his department came to mine by accident so i bought it down for...
A. 15 May 2011: If this behavior is bothering you tell him so and tell him to stop. If it keeps up after that tell him that you will interpret this as harassment and go to the boss. If it still doesn't stop, go to your manager and inform the manager o... (read in full...)
Why does my bf want me to call him "daddy" during sex???
Q. My boyfriend wants me to start calling him 'daddy' during sex. Can anyone explain this? He says that it is really hot and something that will get him off. Why does he find this so hot? It's incest foreplay! It's disgusting! Has anyone done it? Why...
A. 15 May 2011: If you are not comfortable with it don't do it. If he does not respect that wish you have clear evidence of a guy with control problems. ... (read in full...)
Dealing with guys who have just been through a breakup. I don't want to be their rebound!
Q. How do you deal with guys who just broke up with a girlfriend? its hard b/c i wana talk to this guy and he seems interested but i know i could possibly be the rebound girl. I like him though and i think something good could come out of this so what ...
A. 15 May 2011: The key is establishing boundaries. He just broke up with his girlfriend and you do not wish to be the rebound gal. What boundaries do you think you need to set in order to prevent becoming the rebound gal?
A few big boundary issues coming u... (read in full...)
I don't know what's in his mind. Is something wrong with me?
Q. there is this teacher who teaches me physical eduction(around 25-26) who likes to stare at me. Once i caught him staring at me, when i was about to leave the hall. he was standing near a pillar and when i turned around i saw his eyes moving ...
A. 15 May 2011: It is obvious he is sexually attracted to you based upon what you are saying. It is also obvious you are uncomfortable about it. You should have a talk with either your parents or the school guidance counselor because these increasing levels of ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid I'll bring the boyfriend home to my parents' dirty, drink smelling house and he'll think the gap between us is too wide.
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for months and he really likes me. He has recently started to pressure me to introduce him to my family. This has been happening the past few weeks and I haven't let it happen. My boyfriend is convinced that ...
A. 15 May 2011: You should explain these concerns to your boyfriend. Taking someone home to meet the folks is a pretty big step and that implies you should be comfortable discussing such things with him.
It is a great pity that your parents live in such a way bu... (read in full...)
He cheats on her with me and he enjoys it. I feel so bad because I am a terrible person.
Q. I met this guy my senior year in H.S. He is one year younger than me. Our relationship started bad because he wanted to keep us on the 10th floor. On any other floor of the school we were just friends. I got mad when he asked this of me but in the ...
A. 15 May 2011: While the FWB relationship is not something I would condone as "healthy" in the long run, it is still subject to boundaries just like any other relationship. IF you were in the FWB you are compromising that by falling for this guy and confiding in ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid it won't last because he "gets bored with girls easily!"
Q. i'm literally at a loss for what to do. i've been talking to my brothers best friend, who is his college roomate. Im younger than both of them by a year. We had a thing that lasted about 3-4 weeks, although nothing official. things were great, like ...
A. 15 May 2011: If "getting bored with girls" is a primary reason why this guy leaves girls on the trash heap, it is because he seeks the novelty of new relationships. Remember all the excitement and butterflies of meeting someone new and getting to know them? Many ... (read in full...)
Do sociopaths attach strongly to their victims--even if they don't feel empathy?
Q. I was with a girl for a long time who I believe was a sociopath. I dont wanna go into the details, but she had all the characteristics: she lied constantly, said very sweet things to me--as well as a bunch of other guys, was promiscuous and viewed ...
A. 15 May 2011: Someone does not have to exhibit all of the behaviors of a sociopath in order to be officially diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. Keep in mind that this woman may have had some circumstances in her life that had influenced her b... (read in full...)
How do I get girls to notice me?
Q. I don't really have any friends, and I want to know how can I make friends, and get girls to like me. Throughout life, I haven't been good at this at all. I don't go to regular school, I attend cyber school. I realized that by attending cyber ...
A. 14 May 2011: The odds are pretty small if you do not take the initiative. Say hi to someone. Strike up a conversation. The Book store is perfect because there are millions of things to talk about. ... (read in full...)
How do I get girls to notice me?
Q. I don't really have any friends, and I want to know how can I make friends, and get girls to like me. Throughout life, I haven't been good at this at all. I don't go to regular school, I attend cyber school. I realized that by attending cyber ...
A. 13 May 2011: What interests have you? What things do you like to do? Are there any groups or clubs or organizations around that line up with your interests and where you can go meet people that enjoy similar things you do?
The issue is not that people are unwi... (read in full...)
The choice between self-respect and love.....
Q. i need help in making a decision, i dont know whether me and my boyfriend should be apart, my family have come between us. my brother accusing my boyfriend of sleeping with his wife, which is absolutely ridiculous, as he doesnt even know what she ...
A. 13 May 2011:
Did you take time to sit down with your family and discuss this issue with them? Plan a time to sit with them and respectfully ask their help and advice. If you plan a conversation, it is far less likely to have raised tempers involved.
If ... (read in full...)
My partner wont help with the finances......
Q. Hi, I need some advice. I have been going out with this guy for over a year. We get on well most of the time. But he constantly insults me - he doesn't mean to but it offends me. He doesn't make me feel special anymore. We work togethere and no...
A. 13 May 2011: You are trying to evaluate so many things on very little information. These questions need to be directed at this guy - in a constructive way and not a confrontational way.
Explain to him how not being included with his friends makes you feel, ho... (read in full...)
I've been hurt and I'm not sure how to proceed with this new relationship..
Q. Hello everyone. I need quick help with my situation. It might be a little long but your time and attention would be most appreciated. Some background information (I have again and again posted on this site about myself and in my profile too and got ...
A. 13 May 2011: aunt honesty could not be more right here! ... (read in full...)
How do I reset my feelings?
Q. A while back I realized I had fallen in love with my best friend, and he was constantly on my mind. In November last year he started dating this girl at my school but I could see that she wasn't really for him. He changed, and became two different ...
A. 12 May 2011: Why would you wish to forget about this person? It isn't like he is dead. You still care about him after all. There is now instant or easy way to grieve over a lost opportunity - you need to go over this process and get used to the change in yo... (read in full...)
I'm SO confused about my sexuality it's killing me. Is this normal? What on earth do I do?
Q. I'm 21 and I have come to accept that I am gay. I've had a long term girlfriend before and was sexually attracted to her. But now I'm single I barely see girls as sex objects anymore. I am only attracted to guys. Now, I can't see myself having sex ...
A. 12 May 2011: Sounds like your confusion lies in the curiosity of what it would be like to be with a man instead of a woman. Do these attractions come natural or are you forcing them along? ... (read in full...)
I want to be there for both friends, but they are making it hard. Any advice is welcome.
Q. I'm worried about what to do about my two friends. The background info is that last time my friend who I will refer to a 'Beth' had a boyfriend my other friend who I will call 'Cyndi' started sleeping with him at the same time. They both fell o...
A. 12 May 2011: Sorry to hear you are caught in the middle of this quagmire and the more you try to help the worse things get. Keep in mind that you can only help those who wish to be helped. IT sounds like the dust still needs to settle on this fiasco. My advic... (read in full...)
I like a player. What can I do to get him to like me?
Q. Hey ! (: Whenever I used to go out with my group of friends I used to notice a very pretty guy there... so when we all went out he would look at me and smile , at first we didn't speak very much... UNTIL the last Friday. We were at a friends b...
A. 12 May 2011: Part of the womanizing psychology is making the lady think she is the only lady in the world - you are unique like every other notch in his bedpost. HAve some respect for yourself and invest your time in someone who has grown up ... (read in full...)
I've been hurt and I'm not sure how to proceed with this new relationship..
Q. Hello everyone. I need quick help with my situation. It might be a little long but your time and attention would be most appreciated. Some background information (I have again and again posted on this site about myself and in my profile too and got ...
A. 12 May 2011: It would be nice to have a magic 8 ball to predict the outcome of these things. Too bad one does not exist. If you are going to start dating again, be honest with yourself and consider the following things. You may avoid some trouble. - are you... (read in full...)
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