A
male
age
30-35,
*ohndeere430u
writes:I have just found out my ex girlfirend is 5 months pregnant, she has just found out also she had no idea. Ive always stayed in contact with her and tried to help her. now i want to be there for the child, but i dont know if im ready for a child yet i want the child to have every oppurtunity to succeed and grow up in a good family im just not sure i can give it that. i dont love her and cannot marry her just for the kids sake. I have a current girlfriend that has went through a preganacy and lost the child at 7.5 months. she stands behind me in everyway having a child with my ex. The big thing here is that my ex wants me to get rid of my girlfriend, i dont see where that would help anything in this situataion. Am i just being selfish or what?
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male
reader, weparley +, writes (8 March 2010):
Honestly Bro. Everybody's comment is true and on point. But I gotta hit you with this.
"Your (CURRENT) gf may just leave on her own. "You ever thought about that?"
Your ex saying for you to leave her. She may leave you bro.
And do YOU & your EX a favor. how long have you been with your current gf?
If a short while, consider her gone! "I gotta be firm and dry"
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (7 March 2010):
 Are you sure it is yours?
Acting like it is, might make you liable, even if it is not.
See a family lawyer before you do anything.
-Frank
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A
female
reader, jc82 +, writes (7 March 2010):
 You're NOT selfish, your ex is just hyper-emotional and probably scared. Explain as nicely (and firmly) as you can that your new girlfriend stays, and you won't ever get back together with your her. Do your best to reassure her that you want to be there for the child, and then follow through with that.
You might wish she would give the baby up for adoption, I understand that, but its not a decision you can make on your own. So, unless your ex brings it up herself, just assume that its not an option.
Definitely be prepared and think this through. Get a DNA test, draw up a set of rules that you both plan to follow, and do your best to stick to them. If you can, get legal help while things are still amiable, just to try and keep them friendly. Here is a link to some free legal advice about custody: http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/article-29667.html
Good luck to you, you sound like a good guy!
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (7 March 2010):
 carng guy is right...regardless you need to make sure it is yours.
Also you need to understand that this woman is now seeking to rely upon you much the same as she relied upon you for everything else.
In short now is the time for you to think and not be emotional or sentimental.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (7 March 2010):
No you are not being selfish. For one even if you aren't ready for a child if the child is in fact yours ready or not its coming. Second you have the right idea not thinking that marrying someone you don't love for the child sake is the right thing to do. For the childs sake you pay your child support and you play an active role in their life. Looks like its time to grow up but that is not a bad thing. Good luck bud and congratulations!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 March 2010):
What on earth is your ex upto? You dumping your girlfriend has nothing to do with anything. That's got nothing to do with selfishness. She's an ex. That's it. You're not being selfish at all. There are two things you need to do. 1 - tell your ex you're there, but you're not dumping your girlfriend. 2 - make sure you get a DNA test done when the baby is born to make sure it's yours. You don't want to get trapped.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (7 March 2010):
 No your not selfish to say no. Your ex-girlfriend could be using this to get you back.
How do you know for sure the baby is yours?
Do you know for sure she is actually pregnant?
When the baby is born, if your ex-girlfriend wants you to support the child then get a DNA test first!
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