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... Send *pinnaker a private message | | | *pinnaker's profile:Yes that is me in the photo. No clip art no nothing. I love halloween and have several dozen complete costumes. In case you are wondering heh
I have been a business manager for several years and a student of psychology and human nature for several more.
If you have any questions please post them to the dearcupid website. Sorry but I will not answer questions over email.
Just some tips I have learned over the years that could help you:
(1) Wise is the person that understands the nature of things
(2) you have a right to feel how you feel. When you do not think you have that right, you are allowing someone or something to control you.
(3) The more you work on #1 the better equipped you are for #2 and any other numbers you wish to add to the list.
(4)BE consistent.
(5) never be afraid to admit you are wrong. Also never be afraid to admit you are not wrong.
(6) be honest with yourself and you will in turn be honest with others.
(7) Love is an action word - not some ooey gooey feeling
(8) Do not make promises in the moment.
(9) the Bible says "Sorrow may continue for the night but joy comes in the morning"
(10) You are not being respected because you do not respect yourself and are allowng this to continue.
(11) Men do not change and things never get better. If he is a certain way when you meet him chances are he will be that way in 20 years.
(12) You are not that important for people to always come to you. Make yourself visible by interacting.
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Is it a crazy idea to have a baby at 15? Or a good idea?
Q. im 15 and i really want a baby. i know this is not really the best idea ever but i feel like i was born to be a mother. i have wanted a baby since i was 11 and like the idea of being a teenage mum. i currently dont have a boyfriend so it wouldnt be ...
A. 7 June 2011: Hopefully that cold glass of water in the face gives you a better picture of how your life is going to be and how you will be perceived if you proceed with this. ... (read in full...)
Is it a crazy idea to have a baby at 15? Or a good idea?
Q. im 15 and i really want a baby. i know this is not really the best idea ever but i feel like i was born to be a mother. i have wanted a baby since i was 11 and like the idea of being a teenage mum. i currently dont have a boyfriend so it wouldnt be ...
A. 7 June 2011: Are you even responsible for taking care of yourself yet? Baby's aren't playthings that you have when you want and then just hustle them off to your folks when you want to go to the mall or the lady gaga concert.
I am sure there is no shortage... (read in full...)
Should I block my ex on Facebook, again?
Q. Yes, it's a question involving the dreaded Facebook. My ex-bf and I don't really have mutual friends in real life, but on Facebook we do. I initially blocked him so I wouldn't have to see him keep popping up on other people's Facebook pages. ...
A. 7 June 2011: I am far from the facebook helpdesk but isn't there a way to block posts from people in that news feed thingy? You could always thin the facebook herd as well.
May I take this to the next level and talk about reconciliation with your self and your... (read in full...)
Am I reading too much into his behaviour or is something going on with someone on his team?
Q. I live in the States and my husband is part of the national fire team. Every summer he goes out with the "team" to manage and fight forest fires. Has anyone else had any experience with this; meaning if there are romances that go on within team ...
A. 7 June 2011: He may be gravitating toward the familiarity of his team mates and away from you.
Right now to him, maybe the fires probably make more sense and are easy to deal with than his marrage. It may be easier to communicate and interact with his team... (read in full...)
I cant find the courage to end this relationship for good.....
Q. Hi. Well im still having problems with my bf who i've been with for 2 years and 4 months. During those 28 months, he cheated 4 times that i've seen, probably more behind my back, he mistreats me, he's disrespectful, when we're having problems he ...
A. 6 June 2011: If you truly wish to end it you need to be decisive and stick to it no matter how convincing a sob story he cooks up.
The behavior continues because the consequences do not outweigh the reward of the behavior. In other words, he knows you will... (read in full...)
Did fate bring us back together?
Q. 1st post. Here goes.....(deep breath) So in 2007 I registered on a website to meet women of my age. A random girl gave me a glowing (yet conservative) compliment and I proceeded to converse with her based on that. We spent ridiculous amo...
A. 6 June 2011: Just be careful my friend.
I read in your original post: He doesn't like me and her talking, but she consistently defies this and I believe it's because she feels something for me that her relationship won't let her say.
She is hanging on to... (read in full...)
Would emailing him seem too desperate?
Q. Hi, well, last week I've finally talked to the guy I have been admiring for the past few months but stupidly I forgot to grab his information because I was in a hurry. I was able to find his e-mail through the university website. It wasn't difficult ...
A. 6 June 2011: 5 years is not a problem. 24 and 19 may seem odd but stretch that out. 40 and 35? Doesn't sound bad at all... (read in full...)
Would emailing him seem too desperate?
Q. Hi, well, last week I've finally talked to the guy I have been admiring for the past few months but stupidly I forgot to grab his information because I was in a hurry. I was able to find his e-mail through the university website. It wasn't difficult ...
A. 6 June 2011: If you think it is stalker-ish - chances are it is.
If there is a chance to see this guy again, strike up a conversation and don't for get your pen and paper. Keep in mind also you could accidentally on purpose bump into this guy if you just by ... (read in full...)
Did fate bring us back together?
Q. 1st post. Here goes.....(deep breath) So in 2007 I registered on a website to meet women of my age. A random girl gave me a glowing (yet conservative) compliment and I proceeded to converse with her based on that. We spent ridiculous amo...
A. 6 June 2011: One might say it is fate that the IPOD wearing jaywalker gets hit by the bus too.
I wouldn't read too much into the stars on this one , my friend, because (from experience) it sounds like she is using you as leverage against her boyfrien... (read in full...)
We kissed - then she found out I was seeing someone. Is there a way past this?
Q. One evening when i was in a bar with my friends this girl who i've known for nearly two years and used to talk to for hours everyday was also out. I've always liked her, literally from the moment i saw her! Well we were flirting a lot that night! In ...
A. 6 June 2011: If she is over it then you should be too. Not every issue needs to be reconciled. She simply did not enjoy being used for even a kiss. Some people can kiss (or even do other things) and simply regard it as such - others see a much deeper meaning.
... (read in full...)
Should I believe him or her? Help!
Q. ok so 7 mounths ago my boyfriend told me to move out because i had cheated on him more then once. said he needed some time to think so i moved out. and not even a week later he has his x moved in and i was like whats going on. well he told me that ...
A. 5 June 2011: You better find other pastures to graze in. Regardless of what you did, you do not need to put up with this as a way of penance. Think of all the possible ways this could become REALLLY dramatic and you will see the point.
1 of 3 things are happ... (read in full...)
Why is it that girls I'm not attracted to are attracted to me?
Q. Why is it that girls Im not attracted to are attracted to me? I have had this problem for over a year now and I really can't figure it out. To be fair its not a problem but I wish girls who I was interested in were more interested in me...
A. 5 June 2011: Join the club my friend. When you get in your 30's and beyond it gets even more fun. I don't prefer to date divorced people and when I politely say I am not interested because the other person is divorced - I wish I had captain america's shield to ... (read in full...)
How to take it slow with ur ex bf...after being in a 2 yr relationship him
Q. How do u take a relationship slow with ur ex...after being 2gether for 2 yrs..... :-/... my ex bf broke up with me last month after givn him some time in april to decide if he wanted to stay with me.. cuz he couldn't take the fact that I cheated on ...
A. 3 June 2011: Was their a reason why you told your boyfriend about your affairs with your 2 friends?
Remember there is no context to when you explain something like that to someone. It may have happened 8 years ago but in his mind it happened in April.
So n... (read in full...)
How to take it slow with ur ex bf...after being in a 2 yr relationship him
Q. How do u take a relationship slow with ur ex...after being 2gether for 2 yrs..... :-/... my ex bf broke up with me last month after givn him some time in april to decide if he wanted to stay with me.. cuz he couldn't take the fact that I cheated on ...
A. 3 June 2011: Was their a reason why you told your boyfriend about your affairs with your ex-husband's best friends?
Remember there is no context to when you explain something like that to someone. It may have happened 8 years ago but in his mind it happened... (read in full...)
Meeting my long distance boyfriend for the first time, but I'm not looking forward to it! Does this mean I should end the relationship?
Q. I don't know what i feel for him or what i want from this relationship. I have a long distance bf and we are supposed to meet in July for the first time. He's supposed to spend where I live 10 days and we're about to go to a concert together...
A. 3 June 2011: The problem with LDRs is that everything seems rushed when you finally meet. You are not obligated to be physically intimate with this person at all. Just like any other relationship guard your heart, your information and your body - and only let ... (read in full...)
So I'm Single. What can I say to people that bug me about it?
Q. I'm single and have no problem with it, except people (family/friends) constantly ask if I'm dating anyone. Some friends of mine, who are married, asked if I was seeing anyone. When I said no, they then asked jokingly if I was a lesbian. This has ...
A. 3 June 2011: There is an overall pressure to be with someone - then the people you know bug you about that.
Being single is not a bad thing but the chop-busting can get bothersome. I have always considered it a veiled compliment - at least people I know tha... (read in full...)
She has a double standard when it comes to professional touching
Q. My girlfriend of 2.5+ years is an aesthetician. Included in her duties are the occasional bacial (men’s back massage/skin treatment) and men’s facial, which includes an oiled up shoulder massage. When we first began dating she was very controlling ...
A. 2 June 2011: With any profession including personal training, massage therapy, counseling or any other thing that requires 1 on 1 contact oftentimes with people of opposite genders, there are professional codes of conduct.
I would hope she is aware of that ... (read in full...)
Should I wait for her to make the first move??
Q. My ex-fiance broke up with me about a year ago, and just recently i just found out that she was asking about me, if i was dating or still single. I was shocked to hear about that because i never thought to hear from her again, but i can honestly say ...
A. 1 June 2011: I would wait until she makes the first move. When she gets up that courage she will contact you.
I am sure she thought of the heart to heart with your sister would get back to you but either way by acting proactively you may put your sister's... (read in full...)
I want him but just as a FWB, can this work?
Q. I'm in a bit of a complicated situation. This is a really long story, fair warning... I suppose this all starts back at the beginning of this school year. I met this guy who we'll call T. T was quiet, had below average attendance, and ...
A. 1 June 2011: This is what you want right now because there is a desire for this type of relationship right now.
In any relationship even the FWB variety there needs to be boundaries. And both people need to be on the same page regarding boundaries. If you o... (read in full...)
Is it ok for my ex-bf, who is married now, to help me find a job?
Q. My ex boyfriend, who is a married man now, is helping me to find a job abroad. He lives in another country. Sometimes he has written to me that he feels sorry for me not living there. He said I hope you and your family are doing well in these ...
A. 1 June 2011: There is nothing wrong with business networking and if it works out thats good for you. Congradulations on the job.
This secrecy on his part is very troubling indeed. Would you be working simply at his company or within his specific departme... (read in full...)
Should a 20-year-old mildly autistic woman marry a 47-year-old whom she met in a home for adults with special needs?
Q. My name is, well, I'll call myself Teralyn, and I'm 20 years old. I live in a home for adults with special needs, but I plan to move out exactly one year from tomorrow (Today is Tuesday, May 31st, 2011, and I plan to move out on Friday, June 1st, ...
A. 1 June 2011: you are asking if a grown woman should be able to date a grown man?
Just because you have some challenges you face every day does not mean you can not enjoy the things any other person out there can enjoy - like dating.
Just remember you do ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure how to take the last text he sent me.
Q. I began a long distance relationship about 7 months ago. We would text each other from the moment we woke up until we would call each other to say goodnight. Distance eventually got the best of us and we broke up. We hadn't spoke since. A mutual ...
A. 28 May 2011: Him being nice very well may have been the case. You could send him one more text and see whats going on - no harm in that just to clear your head. If no response - well, you probably would get the idea.
It is a shame that people still do the t... (read in full...)
How do I let go of the anger at the woman who was responsible for my leaving my last job?
Q. I left my management job paying over £40,000 a year due to institutional bullying and due to one very insecure member of staff I was managing nearly a year ago. After nearly a year I have only JUST got another job at 1/3 of what I was earning ...
A. 28 May 2011: Glad to hear you are looking forward to this new beginning. Good luck with this and let us know in a little while how things are shaping up. ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure how to take the last text he sent me.
Q. I began a long distance relationship about 7 months ago. We would text each other from the moment we woke up until we would call each other to say goodnight. Distance eventually got the best of us and we broke up. We hadn't spoke since. A mutual ...
A. 28 May 2011: did you reply back with anything since?... (read in full...)
Should I believe him when he says he loves me?
Q. I really believe my boyfriend doesn't love me anymore. We have been together almost three years, have a child together, and I am about two seconds away from walking out the door. We are at our last straw with couseling and because he picked a sex ...
A. 27 May 2011: Remember that love is an action word. Love is followed up by action. If his words are not followed up by actions and behaviors they are empty. It is a shame that most powerful word of love is used so recklessly. There is far more here than I susp... (read in full...)
Am I just a thing for him?
Q. hello aunts... me and my boyfriend , though we were never ever in a relation but always behaved so speaking on hours on phone or texting each other or chatting online but after an year i asked him out but he said he was already in a relation and w...
A. 27 May 2011: gotta echo the chorus here. You are the spare tire in this line up.
If this person regards you in such an inferior way, would you really wish to be with them?... (read in full...)
The girl my cousin is dating likes me! What do I do??
Q. Today I found out my cousin's fling likes me and my cousin is really depressed and I want to talk to her about it, but I don't know how. I feel really bad because my girlfriend told me she liked me but I thought she was being paranoid. I also want ...
A. 27 May 2011: This is a time to be definitive concerning this person who's eye you have caught.
Essentially you have answered you own question as you do need to approach this girl about your loyalties to your cousin and let things fall where they may.
Firs... (read in full...)
How can I make boyfriend feel more positive before he loses all motivation?
Q. My bf has this job which is pretty intense and the training is very hard. He is struggling and doubts he will pass his exams. I've done the standard "you'll be fine" prep talk, but it doesn't wash. What can I do to make him feel more positive? I ...
A. 27 May 2011: I come to the conclusion that your BF has only been at his job for less than a year? IF so in 6 months he will look back on this moment and wonder why he got so worked up in the first place. Experience is the best teacher. He will learn the ropes ... (read in full...)
How do I let go of the anger at the woman who was responsible for my leaving my last job?
Q. I left my management job paying over £40,000 a year due to institutional bullying and due to one very insecure member of staff I was managing nearly a year ago. After nearly a year I have only JUST got another job at 1/3 of what I was earning ...
A. 27 May 2011: Cicero said that time is the healer of all wounds. And while that may have worked for Cicero that may not make you feel any better. forgiveness is coming to terms with a wrong and being able to functionally move from it. Some think that forgi... (read in full...)
We don't see each other much, he hates to text, but when we're together, it's great! What to do...?
Q. okay so this guy i have been dating for just about two weeks tomorrow (i know not a long time) but usually for me it's really easy for me to be with any guy. But this guys is so difficult! I don't get to see him everyday, I see him at church on ...
A. 27 May 2011: You are thinking way to much about all these things when you should be enjoying those moments you have with this guy.
Maybe he is a face to face kinda guy and not a person to sit there with his nose pressed to his phone screen - consider that a b... (read in full...)
How do I deal with being unable to see my boyfriend??
Q. i haven't seen my boyfriend for 2 months because he fell out with his family and went to other relatives for a while. we called each other every day and i think it was ok but now hes moved closer to his aunty's and he has to go on a police tag ...
A. 27 May 2011: Of course you can try and make it work. Distance can be a blessing because it gives you a good chance to work on the things that interest you.
One of the most common deaths of relationships is when people forget that they are individuals that nee... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my boyfriend contact me?
Q. Dear Cupid, Please help me with my boyfriend who i've been with 11 months almost a whole year in 11 days. We have never gotten into a serious fight. he used to tell me he loves me all the time, even after our small break up that lasted only 10 minut...
A. 27 May 2011: You wait as long as you wish to really. I have fish that have greater attention spans than most people so keep that in mind when dealing with others especially over texting and facebook.
My advice is to give it a little time and text him again ho... (read in full...)
I'm not sure how to take the last text he sent me.
Q. I began a long distance relationship about 7 months ago. We would text each other from the moment we woke up until we would call each other to say goodnight. Distance eventually got the best of us and we broke up. We hadn't spoke since. A mutual ...
A. 27 May 2011: Firstly his welfare is not your responsibility. Some poeple use the sympathy card to maintain control of others around them
Sure he may have taken your break up pretty hard but you are only responsible for what you can do.
I would take the t... (read in full...)
I'm paranoid because he turns round suddenly at a short skirt!
Q. I nudged my boyfriend for looking round quickly at a very pretty woman in a short skirt. I notice he looks round at blonde women in short skirts a lot and its embarrassing. I'm slim.and attractive and not insecure but every time I gently nudge him ...
A. 26 May 2011: He is just upset he got caught casting a covert leer and is embarrassed about it.
While he shouldn't be consciously looking, men do instinctively look at women and anyone who doesn't is either extremely nearsighted or lying.
Its the secon... (read in full...)
Should I stop stretching and bending my fingers?
Q. Hi Cupid. This isn't about love but it's a small question. When im in class or just bored I start messing with my hands. I gently yank my fingers and then I bend them one at a time to each side. I was just wondering if this helps in any way to ge...
A. 26 May 2011: Moving and stretching the fingers does help limber up the soft tissue around the joints and the finger muscles. This is actually a form of massage as the movements circulate the fluids that would otherwise be trapped in those soft tissues. Just... (read in full...)
My husband treats me with no respect!
Q. i have been with my husband for 3 years. i think we married too soon after meeting. hewas the most amazing caring considerate person. would always think of me and look after me and i inturn did the same for him. however while i have not changed ..he ...
A. 26 May 2011: Regardless of if you got married too soon, you are married now and unless you wish to go through the process of underwriting the attorney's vacation to the grand cayman by getting a divorce, you need to access what is going on and where the levels ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is becoming distant
Q. My ex fiance and I have gotten back together and have been looking at apts. Now he is acting strange. We have gotten back together after breaking off our engagement last summer. Before I broke the engagement off, he had gotten distant and no matter ...
A. 26 May 2011: It appears to me that the discussion has heated to a point where nobody is listening to anyone. When guys are overwhelmed they withdraw. They withdraw even more when they feel they are being badgered. Sure he is being childish by ignoring the iss... (read in full...)
He's 20 years younger than me, I think of him as a nephew, but he's showing too much attention to me
Q. a little advice im so confused i dont know what to do i have knowen this boy since i was in my twentys he was only a young boy then and as he become a teenager he did the usual harmless flirting im like his auntie but he is now an adult and when he ...
A. 26 May 2011: Glad to hear you put this to rest.
You may have saved this kid's chances for a prosperous future by making him aware of his behavior. If he is not aware of his behavior in, say, the work place - well, you don't need me to figure that one out. ... (read in full...)
How will I know she will want me to kiss her?
Q. im going to a party at the weekend and the girl i like is going. it seems like she likes me as well as we both flirt and she starts it off. i think that we may kiss or snog at this party. the thing is i haven't kissed a girl properly in my l...
A. 25 May 2011: No sure thing here. Sometimes you just have to take a chance and hope for the best. Don't over do it by groping her all over. ... (read in full...)
Met a girl online, but she has a boyfriend! Should I just stop contact?
Q. I've met some girl online we get along really well, Always talking (alot) Very open and honest, Play games together and even watch movies together..Problem is she has a bf :/ She knows how i feel and i beleive she likes me but i dont know anymor...
A. 25 May 2011: This certainly is an emotional affair that has run its course. You provided this insecure little girl with a break from her ho-hum relationship and now that you have no further use, you are on the outside looking in. By being her friend you need ... (read in full...)
He left me hanging without an explanation. How do I cope?
Q. I was dating a guy for two months, until he began avoiding me. He would take longer and longer to respond to my texts, and then he just stopped responding period. He hardly ever called me either. After he hadn't contacted me in two days, it ...
A. 24 May 2011: You are not entitled to any explanation, nor are you entitled to any consideration or common courtesey. This is the hallmark of what I refer to as "Generation Now" - meaning a majority under the age of 30, who's only focus is their own conv... (read in full...)
I'm going to lose him if I end things, but I don't want to be the other woman!
Q. there's this guy i met on a penpal site last summer in July; he's from Jamaica and when we started talking; we just clicked; we had so much in common especially since my background is jamaican as well. we talked every single day for hours on the ...
A. 24 May 2011: The proverb "crap or get off of the pot" comes to mind here with this guy. He has little empathy for your emotions in this matter. Think about what you can control here and that is your time with him. You can break it off and in a little time yo... (read in full...)
He's 20 years younger than me, I think of him as a nephew, but he's showing too much attention to me
Q. a little advice im so confused i dont know what to do i have knowen this boy since i was in my twentys he was only a young boy then and as he become a teenager he did the usual harmless flirting im like his auntie but he is now an adult and when he ...
A. 24 May 2011: you most assuredly need to put the brakes on this behavior because by doing or saying nothing, that is tantamount to encouragement in his mind. The next time he says something forward or does the little not-so-incidental-brush-of-the-hand, you need ... (read in full...)
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