Like what
he writes?
... Add *pinnaker to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *pinnaker a private message | | | *pinnaker's profile:Yes that is me in the photo. No clip art no nothing. I love halloween and have several dozen complete costumes. In case you are wondering heh
I have been a business manager for several years and a student of psychology and human nature for several more.
If you have any questions please post them to the dearcupid website. Sorry but I will not answer questions over email.
Just some tips I have learned over the years that could help you:
(1) Wise is the person that understands the nature of things
(2) you have a right to feel how you feel. When you do not think you have that right, you are allowing someone or something to control you.
(3) The more you work on #1 the better equipped you are for #2 and any other numbers you wish to add to the list.
(4)BE consistent.
(5) never be afraid to admit you are wrong. Also never be afraid to admit you are not wrong.
(6) be honest with yourself and you will in turn be honest with others.
(7) Love is an action word - not some ooey gooey feeling
(8) Do not make promises in the moment.
(9) the Bible says "Sorrow may continue for the night but joy comes in the morning"
(10) You are not being respected because you do not respect yourself and are allowng this to continue.
(11) Men do not change and things never get better. If he is a certain way when you meet him chances are he will be that way in 20 years.
(12) You are not that important for people to always come to you. Make yourself visible by interacting.
|
|
I've been hurt and I'm not sure how to proceed with this new relationship..
Q. Hello everyone. I need quick help with my situation. It might be a little long but your time and attention would be most appreciated. Some background information (I have again and again posted on this site about myself and in my profile too and got ...
A. 13 May 2011: aunt honesty could not be more right here! ... (read in full...)
I've been hurt and I'm not sure how to proceed with this new relationship..
Q. Hello everyone. I need quick help with my situation. It might be a little long but your time and attention would be most appreciated. Some background information (I have again and again posted on this site about myself and in my profile too and got ...
A. 12 May 2011: It would be nice to have a magic 8 ball to predict the outcome of these things. Too bad one does not exist. If you are going to start dating again, be honest with yourself and consider the following things. You may avoid some trouble. - are you... (read in full...)
Unexplained Pain and Bleeding After Sex-Really Concerned, Please Help Me! :(
Q. Hey, Well I started taking the pill for the first time around two weeks ago. It's all working fine and I was having no problems, but then the first time I had sex while on the pill I had a stinging feel after i my vagina and i bled quite a bit too....
A. 10 May 2011: You may wish to consult the person who prescribed you this medication. ... (read in full...)
She has finally said she doesn't like me, so how should I act around her now?
Q. i liked/like this girl a lot !! for one whole year now and nothing happened because i new she doesnt like me. and eventually after a long year in hope, i got the answer saying that she doesnt like me. This was when my friends asked her about ...
A. 10 May 2011: She really enjoys stirring the pot and trying to get a reaction out of people.
Unless you enjoy being the target of this type of attention seeking and manipulation, you should limit your contact with her. ... (read in full...)
We broke up because of the distance and now she has a new boyfriend, I'm worried she will fall for him and I will lose her for good!
Q. Need some help regarding long distance romance I had LDR with girl overseas - we were away from each other for 8 months and some personal issues/work came up and i coldnt return home and i told her that i could not see her, i have to stay in this ...
A. 10 May 2011: Its a pity you are a victim of "out of sight out of mind." She toys with your affections and at the first sign of a challenge, you are abandoned on the desolate emotional highway like a puppy. IT sounds also like you are expected to jump th... (read in full...)
He's leaving in 2 weeks, should I try and get his number and stay in contact with him?
Q. So theres this guy i really like him i think he likes me too.he would ditch his friends in class for me.and sit next me..and when i asked him to hook me up with his his cousin but i was only joking and every time i asked him he a smile on his face ...
A. 10 May 2011: It couldn't hurt to keep in touch.
BE mindful of your feelings because it is oh so easy to get emotionally close over phone and email then become disappointed in person. ... (read in full...)
Should I enlist with the Military?
Q. I've been looking into joining some type of reserves for law enforcement, but I hear that people in the reserves are often first to get deployed opposed to people in active duty. Is this true? I would talk to a recruiter, but I do not think they w...
A. 10 May 2011: Military service is a one or the other decision. If I were Mr Miagi I would say "Military Service like walking down road. One side - safe. Other side - safe. Walk in middle - squash like grape."
The recruiters will of course be persuasive but they... (read in full...)
He's awesome. But Why doesn't my boyfriend want to come to my graduation?
Q. Hi everyone, I have been dating an awesome guy for a couple of months now...we met through mutual friends and began working together, after which we became closer and realized how much we have in common (similar educational background, same musical ...
A. 10 May 2011: If he does indeed have anxiety related barriers, that should answer many of your questions. Being around all those people and meeting your parents presents a tremendous amount of stress.
Do ask him directly as in "last chance" if he is going to... (read in full...)
Why do I get butterflies when I think about her?
Q. hello everyone i want to know about these feelings that i have been having. i like this girl alot and everytime i see her or speak to her i get butterflies in my stomach and i also get this when i thing about being with her which is all the ...
A. 10 May 2011: You answered your own question, pal - you like this girl and a lot.
The butterflies is your body's sympathetic reaction to the stress.
My advice is quit piddling around on the internet asking questions and ask her out. ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him I was just flirting to have a little fun?
Q. So I have a problem with what to do with this guy now. Today I met this guy and I was flirting a bit. It was harmless, not meant in anything serious at all I was just having a bit of fun. Anyway he started showing quite a bit of interest in me. So ...
A. 10 May 2011: What may have been innocent and meaningless to you obviously wasn't the case with this person. You just need to have a very upfront conversation with this guy and let him know. Do not be afraid to take responsibility for this minor indiscretion that ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel jealous if he's just a friend?
Q. Ive known this guy for a long time and have only recently got to know him well and see him for who he is. We have a great laugh and have become closer than we were before. He is older than me and has a girlfriend who he has been dating for a long ...
A. 10 May 2011: Your jealousy and bitterness could stem from the fact that he shares similar good times with his girlfriend and you feel a bit marginalized.
It is a competition over someone's time and not neccessarily someone's heart. ... (read in full...)
Why won't my GF let me go down on her?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for about 9 months now. We had sex for the first time about 3 months ago. (She has a 6 month rule, like Joan Clayton from the show Girlfriends.. lol) Anyways, I really like her alot, and she's the only girl ...
A. 10 May 2011: She doesn't like it - nuff said. There is nothing wrong with her - such is just her preferences.
Why would you wish to persuade her to do something that would make her uncomfortable? ... (read in full...)
Will I regret marrying him if his family hates me?
Q. Is it my fault my in laws hate me? At first they were ok with me but I knew straight away that his brothers wife instantly didn't like me and has always been a total cow including saying nasty things to my son any chance she gets, she refuses to ...
A. 10 May 2011: You need to have a very frank conversation with your soon-2-b-hubby about the role of his family in your relationship. Before you say "I do" you need to be assured that this band is not going to be allowed to interfere with your marriage ... (read in full...)
Am I foolish for waiting for him to leave her?
Q. My 9 year marriage had been doomed for a few years now, so I broke free and have been seeing this other man for 5 months. At first, we were casual, nothing serious. After 2 months we realized we had fallen in love and expressed it to one another. ...
A. 10 May 2011: This guy certainly has the best of both worlds using you and this 19 year old simultaniously. I am sure his stories are very popular around the office water cooler and he would give great advice on how to get what he wants out of women.
Do yo... (read in full...)
How can I talk to him about not trusting him anymore?
Q. My ex left me for someone else and shattered my heart completely. Was my first broken heart in life. Since then, we have been trying to reconcile but every so often I lose it a bit. If he takes too long to call back, text back, or if I feel he is ...
A. 10 May 2011: What are you attempting to reconcile? It sounds like he has already made up his mind with his actions. Be careful so as not to allow yourself to get strung along and have your sympathies taken advantage of.
What would be your objective in any c... (read in full...)
Will watching porn make me lose my imagination?
Q. I've started watching porn, and I now masterbate at least twice everyday, before i could only cum with vibrators and now I orgasm every day since the last two months, but do you think that by watching porn I will lose the ability to use my ...
A. 10 May 2011: There is a much more serious issue to consider. Porn has a way of desensitizing poeple when it comes to what is realistic in sex. I have dealt a lot with people who struggled with Porn and their biggest concern was how they view another person as ... (read in full...)
Have I blown my chance?
Q. I met a guy online, however it has developed more into a friendship, as we contact each other less and we have never actually met, But he has expressed interest in me and asks lots of questions. I know for a fact that it is not a good time for hi...
A. 9 May 2011: Ask yourself why you should feel the need to be exclusive with him at this point. By stating your intentions you are being honest with him and not giving any false impressions.
He could either give up or ramp up his game to gain your affectio... (read in full...)
My ex dumped me for a girl he talks to online but has never met in person!!
Q. my ex boyfriend has dumped me for a girl he talks to online but has never met in person . how can i get through this ?. it hurts so much. ...
A. 9 May 2011: This is quite the betrayal and it happens all to often. Things this guy should have been telling you, he has been telling someone else. Emotional infidelity grows in such ways.
this says more about this man than it could ever say about you. He ... (read in full...)
Do you think you can tell what a person is like by their photo?
Q. I am just curious: do you think you can tell what a person is like by looking at their photo? I do a lot of online dating and sometimes contact a girl by their profile photo...but I am thinking this might be a silly approach, since often you ...
A. 9 May 2011: Unless you work for the FBI or are some kind of advanced psychologist you are going to be hard pressed to decipher anything from a simple photo. You could learn alot from the context of the photos - like if your prospective online date is straddling ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has no feelings toward his ex at all, is this normal?
Q. My partner says he is over his ex. He has no photos. no mementos, does not speak to her, does not email her, and he has often said (on me asking) that he never thinks about her. Also, when she does come up (I bring her up btw) he is usually negative ...
A. 26 April 2011: Sounds to me he forced himself to be apathetic as means of blocking out the situation. Chances are he is still hurt and just doesn't want to deal with it. Don't expect him to open up and pour out his heart to you either. It could happen but do no... (read in full...)
One date, I want to buy her a small gift, is it too soon?
Q. I recently met a girl and we seem to get along great (common interests, fun to be around, laugh alot) even though we've only been on one date so far. We've talked on the phone quite a bit and texted. We have wanted to get together again real soon ...
A. 26 April 2011: something small within the context of "Hey I was out and about and thought you would appreciate this" is appropriate. Bonus points if the little thing you get matches an interest or preference she has informed you of. That shows you pay attention ... (read in full...)
My teacher kissed me! I don't know what to do or how to handle this!
Q. I KNOW ITS KIND OF LONG BUT PLEASE I NEED ANSWERS. Ok well i get along great with my maths teacher. hes funny, easygoing and a great teacher! We always have a laugh in class as well as getting the work done, but one day some of my friends started ...
A. 26 April 2011: Perhaps you should be going to your folks or to the school administration. This teacher is breaking several laws. ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is shooting blanks
Q. Hey guys I need a little help... Me and my boyfriend have been trying for a baby for 3 months now and wev still not got pregnant Im 21 and already have 2 kids from a previous relationship and my boyfriends 30 and doesnt have any kids Iv been pr...
A. 20 April 2011: his lifestyle could have affects on his spermcount
Even in the best circumstances there is a less than 5% chance of getting pregnant. The odds are pretty high to begin with. ... (read in full...)
Do you need to have sex to love somebody?
Q. I am a virgin. My boyfriend of 22 months is not. I love him to bits but he has said he cant love me until we have sex. He says theres an emotional connection there for him when it happens. I have always wanted to wait til i was married but he tells ...
A. 20 April 2011: Read what cererbus said a few times and understaind what is going on with this guy. He does not respect you at all. His affections are so shallow that sex is his only meaningful way of connecting with a person. Once that loses its novelty yo... (read in full...)
I'm only 16 and I think this 36 year old likes me, what should I do?
Q. Hey guys, i need some help..so i'm 16 and i'm pretty sure that my 'ex' neighbour at 36 (who i've had a crush on for a LONG time) is coming on to me. He used to live across the road from me with his partner and their daughter at 3 years old. I'v...
A. 20 April 2011: Stay away.
If he was a respectable man he would not not be warming up to you in this way. ... (read in full...)
Why does she want to marry me when she doesn't want to be with my physically?
Q. hi guys and galls. I was just hoping for some views on my situation. I an due to be married next year after 5 years in this relationship. Over the part 8 months me and my future wife have had sex 5 times. This is not normal for any relationship ...
A. 20 April 2011: What did she say when you and she talked about the issue?
Does she have any history of abuse or any bad experiences with touch?
How does she react when you hold her hand hug or kiss her?
Does she avoid physical contact (hugs, handshake... (read in full...)
I haven't seen my mother-in-law in 6 years, and now she wants to see my husband and son, but not me. What should I do?
Q. My mother inlaw has hated me for elven years now. My husband went 6 years without speaking to her. Because of the disrespect to has to his wife. She is not a good grandmother to our son because of the hate she has towards me. She wants us to meet ...
A. 20 April 2011: Time to sit hubby down and explain to him how this makes you feel. He really needs to stand his ground and explain to mom she needs to respect his decisions. She doesn't have to like you but she can respect you and be civil.
... (read in full...)
Would it be weird?
Q. A couple days ago I met a girl, we got a long great I was just wondering if it would be weird if I added her to msn, I already have her on facebook, but shes never on and I dont want to come off as creepy...
A. 20 April 2011: If you think it is weird it probably is. At least something similar may be uncomfortable to you
take your time. No rush
you could always take the direct approach and ask as well... (read in full...)
What shape type do men like best on a woman?
Q. What Shape do Men Prefer??? my measurements are 38-35.5 to 36-43 Bust 38. Waist 35.5 to 36. Hips 43. (Trying to lose weight) lol! I wanted to know, I read all over the internet how the "hourglass" is the perfect female form and what...
A. 20 April 2011: Are you losing weight to please a guy or to please yourself. Why do you wish to make yourself an object to win over someone's shallow affections? ... (read in full...)
Experiences in dating foreign women?
Q. Ok...so I have finally reached the point where I am literally forced to realize the great bulk of American women are not material for marriage. However, there is a great alternative and I have gathered enough information to set about it next summer ...
A. 20 April 2011: I have had the pleasure of dating 2 women that were not from the US. The cultural differences are striking and make the most memorable of conversations. The problem with US culture is the expectation of timely gratification. In the US it would ... (read in full...)
It seems he doesn't want to help financially, am I expecting too much?
Q. So, I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 months, we're extremely close, and I love him a lot. I just have one minor issue that keeps coming up. I had major surgery a few months before I met him and then upon returning to work, I was laid off due to ...
A. 26 June 2010: You feel comfortable expecting him to pay your bills but you feel uncomfortable asking?
I concur with the fellow aunts, at 5 months it is a little short to be floating loans.
Mind you, he may not be fully aware of your circumstance. It... (read in full...)
I saw my boyfriend put his hand on my roommates breast
Q. HI, I have been dating a guy for four and half years. He is very simple and shy guy. He treat my roommate as a sister. Last night we three were drunk but I was that drunk. I don't know how high he was, I saw him putting his hand in my room mate bre...
A. 26 June 2010: BEing under the influence of alchohol, Pot and other drugs or a combination does lower your inhibitions and considering that you were all in such a state, some latitude should be given to his actions.
... (read in full...)
We are worried my girlfriend might be pregnant
Q. Hello I am 21 years of age and my girl is 20. About 10days ago we had sex for the 2nd time in our 3 years relation. It was a protected sex, the condom was on and everything went smooth (However I am not sure of some dried up precum on my fingers ...
A. 26 June 2010: the precum is secretions from the bulbourethral gland, which is designed to facilitate insertion of the penis into the vagina. It is also designed to clean the uerethra. It is extremely unlikely that any remenent sperm would have enough energy to ... (read in full...)
She won't accept that her weight is the reason men are not interested in her.
Q. My girfriend and I have a very close friend. She is a wonderful girl. It's always the same scene with her. She meets a guy, they are really into each other for a few days / weeks, then the guy realizes how heavy she is and distances himself. (I'm ...
A. 26 June 2010: You are arrogant and presumptuous to generalize your friend's circumstance in such a way. And you are even more arrogant to think you can generally determine what is attractive to men.
Not everyone can be a size 2 and to encourage a woman to... (read in full...)
Does masturbation affect virginity?
Q. when i do the secret happit, does that may affect my virginity cause iam getting maried after few months and i must be virgin ? and how can i knew or be sure...
A. 26 June 2010: masturbation may rupture the hymen but playing a sport like gymnastics can do that too.
Virginity is a much more complext subject than what you are lead to believe here. IT involves physical contact and the sharing of sexual intimacy with ano... (read in full...)
My wife has been having an affair, I want his name and details
Q. My wife was caught having an affair by his wife, a couple of days later I caught her out, she admitted it and said she didn't love me anymore, she has since changed her mind but refuses to give any details about the affair, I have said as a minimum ...
A. 26 June 2010: Caringguy is absolutely right in this. This is an issue between you and your wife and you must work it out alone.
Moreover what do you plan to do with this iformation if it is afforded to you? Go after the guy? Compare yourself to the person? ... (read in full...)
He's ready for sex, but am I?
Q. dear cupid ive been dating my boyfriend for 6 months already thats half a year. we really know each other. i really love him and he has shown me alot // he shows me he cares and that he loves me. were both virgins. iam 16 and he will be turnin...
A. 14 June 2010: NEver let anyone push you into what you don't feel totally comfortable doing. Sure he has feelings for you and you for him but "love" maybe an exaggeration at this point and it is irresponsible of him to incorporate his desire to have sex with your ... (read in full...)
What do men find sexy in a woman?
Q. I am newly divorced, 35 years old and have no idea what men think sexy is anymore. The last couple of guy I was involved with was kind of REI, so I got used to wearing outdoor hiking clothes, and basically dressing down. Now I'm working in an office ...
A. 7 June 2010: To me sexy is comfortable and all about confidence and attitude. "Trying" to be sexy is in and of itself the antethesis of such.
I would consider it tragic if you would be willing to change anything just to masquerade as what you would think so... (read in full...)
How does one overcome bitterness, or should I say pettiness?
Q. I know a lot about myself and why I react a certain way to certain situations. But I want to know how I can overcome my pettiness complex. I am still twisted and angry that all the girls at school and university ignored me. Is this being petty? What ...
A. 11 May 2010: IT is good you recognise some qualities about yourself that may be harmful. You may wish to consider that it is not as though the whole female population is ignoring you...you just have not been seen.
All these negative feelings are noticed ... (read in full...)
This dating site sent him a text! What should I think?
Q. Help please. My partner received a text message saying Enter your pin (----) at m.zoosk.com I know I shouldn’t look and I mostly don’t, but I do if he has been nasty to me for a while - because I start wondering what is really behind ...
A. 27 April 2010: it is quite possible it is spam. He could have been surfing one night doing somehting as innocent as reading the news, stumbled onto a popup and a data miner nabbed some info.
It could also be a trojan and malwarebytes takes care of that.
... (read in full...)
Is there anyway I can help my on-line friend?
Q. Im having contact with this girl I met trough the internet for about 3 years or so now, first everything was ok and just for fun.. but I have fallen in love with her.. but that isnt the real problem, the thing is that she might have some mental ...
A. 27 April 2010: This is not really a mental problem as much as it is a co-dependancy which is a desire to control or to be controlled. Many people in abusive (emotional physical or both) fall into that trap.
She fantasises about a white knight coming in (you) an... (read in full...)
So many failed relationships. What am I doing wrong?
Q. I'm almost 23 years old and have had a lot dating experience over the past 4 years of college. I have no problem attracting men. They start off very interested, always telling me how attractive and smart and great I am but they always end up ...
A. 25 April 2010: Sometimes the best thing to do is work on your own goals in these situations. Too many times we are attracted to someone and the goals they have and once we start getting close to them we tend to abandon such things for a relationship. Over time ... (read in full...)
| *pinnaker's friends
These are mutual friends, so *pinnaker has
added them and they have added *pinnaker!
|
