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... Send *ayney Y a private message | | | *ayney Y's profile:I originally spied this site when I was looking for an answer on a personal question about something weird that happened to me, and subsequently became engrossed in other people's 'issues'. I love talking to people about the basics of life....family, romance, and emotional attachments, because that's pretty much all life is about. We all have hobbies, passions, etc, but it's the emotional stuff that makes us all tick along. I like connecting with other people on that level. Sometimes a complete stranger is the best person to talk to. |
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Do I stand up and keep fighting or let him go? Male opinions needed!
Q. So - I'm in need of male advice/guidence. I was in a 4 year relationship. 2 years or so into it, he had an affar with the 23 year old receptionist at his work. (I am 33 he is 30). We were not doing well, so I took that into consideration and decided ...
A. 6 October 2009: Well, I'm not a guy, but I don't think you need a set of balls to figure out that this guy is a player and a jerk. Find yourself someone who has a clue about respect for other people and get the happiness you deserve instead of confusion from this ... (read in full...)
She's just not that into me and should I forget it!!!
Q. Hi :) I've been seeing the lady for 5 months now. She is 41, 2 kids separated for 3 years and her life is upside down - no job, bankrupt and mentally exhausted but an amazing women. She is trying to get out of it and probably will but who knows. I...
A. 6 October 2009: Seriously.....you are being used. You are providing moral and emotional support for her while she's going through difficult times. I'm going to be harsh here....... she's separated 3 years but not divorced yet, no job, bankrupt, emotionally ... (read in full...)
If she's not in love with him anymore, why is our love so wrong?
Q. I have fallen completely in love with my best friend's husband and I don't know how to stop it. It has been going on for over nine months. I love my best friend, but knowing her and him I know they have been having lots of problems (for years). They ...
A. 4 October 2009: Don't tell her whatever you do! Let him deal with his marriage, it's not your job, and if he has a shred of decency he'll be compelled to be honest with her. If he feels responsible for her because she doesn't have friends, then that tells you that ... (read in full...)
Is divorce inevitable? Any way I can wake her up to our situation?
Q. Ladies, please tell me what to do. My wife of over 8 years seems to have lost interest in me. She spends almost all of her time talking about how much she hates her work, and the rest of her time sleeping, working out/running, or fighting with our ...
A. 4 October 2009: Have you considered a separation? So many married people these days just take their partner for granted, and I think separation can be a good way to make someone see what they're going to lose if they go down the divorce path, and, unlike divorce, ... (read in full...)
I can't stand my husband anymore and I don't know what to do!
Q. I'm so sad, I feel I can't stand my husband anymore, and I don't know what to do. I tried everything to try to improve things , but nothing has happened. He feels cold loveless, and passive. Yet he keeps saying he wants to be with me. I don't even...
A. 1 October 2009: Why does a future without him look so bad? Perhaps a separation may work, as it sometimes makes people stop taking their spouse for granted, which is what it sounds like he's doing to you. If it doesn't stop him taking you for granted, it may just ... (read in full...)
If she's not in love with him anymore, why is our love so wrong?
Q. I have fallen completely in love with my best friend's husband and I don't know how to stop it. It has been going on for over nine months. I love my best friend, but knowing her and him I know they have been having lots of problems (for years). They ...
A. 1 October 2009: Hmmm, what goes around comes around. I can't answer this without being biased. As a female who has earned everything I have through my own hard work, never sponged a lifestyle off of a man, I have the utmost contempt for women who stay with men ... (read in full...)
Emotionally abusive daughter in law
Q. My daughter in law in emotionally abusing my son. I stepped back from their relationship some time ago as they were having problems. My support or advice was not required by his wife. Her mother and I started to contact each other by text or email ...
A. 30 September 2009: So, she not only finds fault with him constantly, but also sneaks around stealing other peoples correspondences from their private devices in order to cause problems? And dictates as to whom may speak to whom? Nasty piece of work. Best thing you can ... (read in full...)
I've had fictitious allegations made about me at work! Any suggestions?
Q. I am totally devastated as a work colleague, who I thought I got on well with, has suddenly reported me to management insinuating some serious allegations about me that have supposedly occurred when this individual and I have been alone together. ...
A. 29 September 2009: You don't really give enough information. Is it male or female, and what possible reason could they have? Would they be next in line for your job if you were fired, or would they be able to get some sort of compensation? I would stand up for myself ... (read in full...)
Boss wants a relationship, but I don't like him that way!
Q. my boss wants a relationship with me but i dont like him like him in that way. im at college til march and then i will be able to get work in the trade that i am learning. i am trying to get an alternative job at the moment but i just cant get one ...
A. 29 September 2009: How annoying for you. Does he put the word on you in the work place? Because if he does, that's sexual harassment. If that's the case maybe next time he starts you could make a joke about sexual harassment, just to give him a subtle hint that what ... (read in full...)
Once I've passed my driving test should I tell my instructor I have a crush on him?
Q. i'm 42 and since january I've been taking driving lessons. my instructor is a lovely man. a brilliant instructor and a wonderful person, kind, gentle, considerate etc etc. we get on very well together and my lessons feel more like time spent with ...
A. 29 September 2009: Invite him por a 'thank you' drink when you've had your last lesson. If he says no you'll know he's not interested, and if he says yes you'll be able to ask him about himself and find out whether he's married/involved etc. If he's single and ... (read in full...)
Will their marriage last?
Q. My ex husband left me for another woman and she got pregnant while we were in the middle of our divorce. Does anyone think think the marriage will last?...
A. 29 September 2009: Does it matter? You're divorced from him. Wishing poison on the other woman isn't going to bring you happiness. If you're so nasty that you're hoping that your ex-husband will abandon this new baby, then there's no prizes for guessing why he left ... (read in full...)
Does she just look at me as a friend and not fancy me?
Q. I'm a married professional man and have befriended a younger woman at work. She has just got over some mild depression, which I may have helped a little with supportive chats and some confidence building (positive comments and so on). We talk quite ...
A. 29 September 2009: Perhaps I've misunderstood your point, but it sounds as though you think that she is fair game being as she has been suffering mild depression, and is obviously very lonely. May I ask, where does your wife figure in all this, or does she not figure ... (read in full...)
What could my ex possible want from me after all this time?
Q. A couple of years back my ex left me and our kids to move in with another guy. It was pretty messy and she hasn't really had anything to do with the kids since. Now she's emailed me asking me to meet with her to talk and I really don't know what to ...
A. 28 September 2009: Maybe she feels bad about her actions and wants forgiveness. Or maybe she wants money. If you're not divorced from her and you owned a house together, etc, I'd guess it's the second one. Good luck :)... (read in full...)
How can I light her fire again, now that she's post-menopause?
Q. I have been married to my wife for 23 yrs, over the yrs we have had many fights and even break ups due to my anger,I guess maybe that is the answered to my own question and reason for her actions and maybe i deseve whats comming to me. Recently i ...
A. 28 September 2009: I don't think menopause is really the problem. Unfortunately a lot of men become bullies in marriage, (ie; they feel free to vent their anger with no real thought for how it affects the other person), and the result is usually that the wife ... (read in full...)
She wants to get married even though she's told me she doesn't love me. What?
Q. She has asked me to marry her even though she hs told me she doesn't love me and that she is not 100% with me. What should I do now? A month ago I read my partner's notes (they were left laying around when I went to her place at her request to c...
A. 28 September 2009: She sounds like she has psychological problems, and as if she wants you to be a sperm donor and a lifestyle provider. I'd be telling her where to stick her ring and then running away as fast as I could. Best of luck :)... (read in full...)
I've never had to get over anyone before -- how do I do it?
Q. i was having an affair wed been seeing each other for about 7 years, his wife found some texts id sent nothing too bad, and hes managed to convince her that im nobody..im supposed or at least i thought i was the love of his life lol so now im not ...
A. 28 September 2009: Oh yuck, you got involved with a creep.....Men who do that are just sleaze-bags who don't care about their mistress OR their wife, no matter what they say. If he did he would never have let it go on for 7 months, let alone 7 years. If you were the ... (read in full...)
Well I'm Surprised - he called? Did I do the right thing?
Q. Like the story seems to so often go .... i was dating this guy and we were also becoming great friends as well as a growing romantic interest. Basically we were having loads of fun he introduced me to all his friends and met mine as well as our ...
A. 27 September 2009: My guess is that he met someone else and that it hasn't worked out, and now he's attempting to open the communication lines with you again because he needs someone to fill his void if you're available and open to it. The way he brushed you off was ... (read in full...)
He didn't really rape me as such... but what do I do for the best?
Q. so im going to tell u a rather lengthy story but i REALLY need to vent and get it off my chest and know an outsiders opinion about it before i go telling anyone that could know the people involved: im gona be 16 in less than a month and i went to a ...
A. 27 September 2009: Excuse me? He didn't rape you...but he was going to, and he also sexually assaulted you. Your sister's right, you need to tell your parents and then let things take their course. Any 'friends' who don't stick by you are not friends at all, (the one ... (read in full...)
I feel so guilty for not being able to try again with him...
Q. I am in a miserable situation. I have been married for 10 years and have a 9 year old child. For various reasons, I have grown to resent my husband, he has barely shown me attention sexually for years, hasn't bothered to play much with our son, has ...
A. 26 September 2009: It's not a crime to fall out of love with someone. Your husband took you completely for granted, and you've reacted by finding him repulsive, which is pretty normal. I'd like a dollar for every woman who wishes her husband wouldn't touch her. It's ... (read in full...)
I don't have the proof of an affair..but don't feel right about this
Q. My situation is a little different than I've read here. I haven't don't have proff of an affair but... My hubby of 10 months had an ex-girlfriend call him out of the blue. She first called his cell but we have poor reception where we live. She cal...
A. 26 September 2009: Umm, you were checking up on him....because he obviously needs to be checked up on! 'Suzy' needs to take her problems to someone else. No, you're not losing it. ... (read in full...)
Why can't women have young lovers?
Q. I am an attractive 40 year old woman currently in a relationship with a 24 year old strapping young jock. We initially hit it off as friends while playing on a co-ed softball team together. Then went out with a group and ours eyes met and have been ...
A. 26 September 2009: I agree with the question....why can't women have young lovers? No particular reason other than society's views. And the importance of society's views is.......zip. You do whatever feels good, he's an adult and is responsible for his own decisions, ... (read in full...)
I'm a babysitter and the father asked me out to lunch!
Q. I babysit a couple's child. His wife is expecting a baby in the new year. The husband asks me out to lunch when he picks up his child. Is this inappropriate?...
A. 25 September 2009: No, not at all. If he was inviting you 'round to their house for lunch and his wife was going to be there, different story. Baby-sitting doesn't involve husband-minding as well. ... (read in full...)
How can I find my real father just a first name?
Q. ok guys. i realllllly need some help here. first the basics.. im 17 years old, i have a step dad and 2 younger siblings (6 and 7). ok, so ive never met my real dad. i know that he was a bad person, he hit my mum (and worse) and has been in and out ...
A. 25 September 2009: Hi, Isn't his name on your birth certificate? If you don't have that and can't ask your mum for it, then you need to access the Births, Deaths, and Marriages Registry. This can be done online, or you can write to them, etc. There would be a fee paya... (read in full...)
Is our love fixable after 20 yrs together?
Q. We have been together for 20 years I am 40 and he is 39 . We were college sweethearts and very intensely in love. HE would play guitar and serenade me outside my window. Bring me flowers the whole thing. THen we had a child. I watch enough OPRAH to ...
A. 25 September 2009: Hmm, I'm not a fan of the 'open relationship' thing for those exact reasons. have you considered a separation. If you both really want to be together, being apart may bring back those feelings of desiring the other person because it takes away that ... (read in full...)
What do I do about my alcoholic wife?
Q. my question is about my alcohol wife Im married 15 years and the stories or horror stories I never thought that an alcoholic can create so many serious problems, dangerous and destructive. I got to get out of this situation I tried everything to ...
A. 25 September 2009: You poor guy! First up, I think you need to go see your dad because you'll always regret it if you don't, is there anyone else who could look after your dog for you?
For your wife, I really don't know. If you've already tried rehab, then you'... (read in full...)
My boyfriend gets mad if I wear matching bra and panties when he is gone
Q. My boyfriend gets mad at me for wearing panties and bras that match when I am not with him. Is this out of line? We have been together for almost two years. I have never been unfaithful to ANYONE. HE has....
A. 25 September 2009: Your boyfriend is a first-class jerk. He has control and insecurity issues which will eventually drive you nuts. ... (read in full...)
How do I stop worrying about this person who was the love of my life?
Q. All right, here goes. A few months ago now (almost 4), my Ex and I of 15 months (with not a single fight)split - more accurately, she broke it off with me. Less than one month prior, she was telling everyone she knew - her friends, parents...
A. 25 September 2009: If she was the love of your life how can you turn your back on her so easily? Her change in attitude towards you would be because of drug use, it skews peoples perceptions. Her friends think you're the scum of the earh for what? Talking to her ... (read in full...)
Stay Married or Separate - Stepdaughter issues
Q. I am in my second marriage now for 7 years as of February 2010. I am contemplating separation due to my stepdaughter and I don't feel as if I love my wife. My stepdaughter is 22 now. I came into her life when she was 15 and I sort of knew that this ...
A. 25 September 2009: God, Generation Y are such a bunch of sponging little creeps. Mum and Dad pay for their education and then they still continue scabbing a lifestyle off of their parents, or step-parents in your case. I'd just be telling your wife in no uncertai... (read in full...)
Does it turn men off if a woman has alot of gay male friends?
Q. This might seem like an odd question but when a straight woman has a lot of gay male friends is this a turn off for straight men? Background I moved to an area last year where being gay is considered illegal and is sort of undercover inotherwords ...
A. 24 September 2009: In a word....yes. Gay men are great fun to hang out with, but it would be a bit much for a straight guy to be thrust into the gay culture when getting involved with a straight woman. That's just expecting way too much. No different than someone ... (read in full...)
Woman's intuition and an ex lover?
Q. Do you believe in womens intuition? Especially when you feel that your husband might be talking to an ex lover?...
A. 24 September 2009: Yes, or just gut feelings, it's not just women who experience that instinct. If we get 'the feeling', then something has occurred to make us suspicious. It may be the tiniest little thing, but if it catches our attention or triggers a memory, and ... (read in full...)
How can I be there for him without making a bad situation worse?
Q. How Do I save My Best Mate? As a single male I'm concerned for my male married friend and Neighbor.We have known each other for two years, he knocked on my door one day with a petition to sign. Since then we have become good friends we have the...
A. 23 September 2009: If he doesn't have the balls to stand up for himself, you can't lend him yours. She probably senses that you think she's a bossy, controlling nag and resents his friendship with you. You can only feel sorry for those people who let a partner walk ... (read in full...)
The man I love wont leave his wife for me and I feel so lonely!
Q. The man I'm in love with never told me that he would leave his wife.He pays all my bills,rent and still gives me extra money but,I'm just so lonely.He doesn't spend time with me like he use to in the beginning.He has keys to my house so he comes ...
A. 23 September 2009: Get your keys back off of him, and tell him to find someone else to manipulate and use. Then find yourself someone who doesn't think you're there for his convenience, and try to make it someone who doesn't sleaze around behind their spouses back. ... (read in full...)
Should I leave the relationship or stay unhappy?
Q. I am forty years old and have been in a relationship with my partner for five years. We have a three year old daughter together. For the last two years we have only had sex twice, and now our daughter remains sleeping in our bed, while I choose to ...
A. 23 September 2009: I'd have been packing my bags about a year ago. Sitting around waiting for a situation to change rarely works, and when there's no affection or intimacy 'it's over', especially when it reaches a point where you feel ugly and your self-esteem and ... (read in full...)
What are the dating expectations in Australia?
Q. I asked about this yesterday and got the interesting answer that it varies significantly between countries... so now I'm wondering what the typical dating expectations are in Australia? I'm particularly wondering about this situation: you've been ...
A. 23 September 2009: If someone wants you to be their significant other, they'll let you know, and if they don't, then there's every possibility you're just filling some void for them. If that's your scenario, the average Aussie guy will keep on seeing you and sleeping ... (read in full...)
It's been 43 years, I want to contact and comfort an old gf, but I don't want to hurt my wife
Q. I was friends with a girl and we even dated off on over a two year period. We just drifted apart. I married and realized I was still in love with my old girlfriend. I tried to keep in touch with old friend but she refused to have any kind of ...
A. 23 September 2009: I'm going to be even blunter than Old Guy..you married your second choice and now your first choice is available after all those years and your regret is obvious. I guess your wife must have always known she was Runner Up if she would have refused ... (read in full...)
Now that his wife knows he doesn't get in touch with me!
Q. I have been seeing a married man for over a year now and it has been very painful. He tells me that he loves me and hasn't met anyone like me. The reason for him not leaving his wife is because of his children. They mean the world to him and I ...
A. 22 September 2009: My take on these situations is:
1. People who REALLY love their spouse don't play around behind the spouses back. Real love entails respect, and sneaking around behind a spouses back is about as disrepectful as you can get.
2. The reason the play... (read in full...)
Surely I deserve an apology???
Q. Ok, so I found suggestive texts between him and her, flirting, goading, and daring one another, sexually explicit inuendoes that really hurt my feelings. Previously asked him to stop her sending innapropriate 'rude' jokes to him, but he chose to...
A. 21 September 2009: I always think that if you distrust someone to the extent that you feel the need to check up on them, like looking through their mobile phone, or keeping an eye on them in social situations, then you have a big problem in the relationship. No trust ... (read in full...)
What is the male equivalent of a feminist?
Q. What is the male equivalent of a feminist? I know officially it is about women having equal rights to men which of course is correct but i think in todays society it is thought of (and a lot of people that call themselves feminists think of it as) b...
A. 21 September 2009: Yep, I think it is 'chauvanist', though that's not what a dictionary would tell you. To me 'feminism' started as a social trend towards women being valued as much men were, and fair enough too, because men were a bunch of out-of-control egomaniacs ... (read in full...)
Help me get over her please!
Q. So I've been hanging around this amazing woman for about 2 years now, about 4 months ago she broke up with her boyfriend and I told her a few days ago that i had a crush on her and really liked her, but she had an EWWWWW look on her face and said ...
A. 18 September 2009: OK, first of all.....no offence intended, but you're sounding a bit stalkerish!
There is no reason to make someone else "your world" unless they give you reason to, which means they actually tell you that they can't live without you or some such... (read in full...)
Looks... or personality???
Q. I just needed to vent about this and get other people's opinions. Lately I've been browsing through a lot of dating/love advice sites, and I see numerous of threads where 13 year olds complain about not ever having a boyfriend. Not only that, b...
A. 18 September 2009: Well, I think that the media are mainly responsible for the stupid attitudes of young people. And they ARE stupid attitudes! Every single day all of us who are exposed to the media are bombarded with 'celebrities' who are made up to look like ... (read in full...)
Why most Women are attracted to Bad Men
Q. Every woman on the planet that has ever been involved with a man that was not worthy of her has asked of herself these questions..."Why can't I find a decent guy, Why do I always meet the wrong men and When will I find a man who really loves me?" ...
A. 18 September 2009: Too right! Though, I think that The Brady Bunch also has lot to answer for in my case. Those smug, perfect shits skewed my vision of a happy family forever! :) ... (read in full...)
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