A
male
age
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*elldone
writes:my question is about my alcohol wife Im married 15 years and the stories or horror stories I never thought that an alcoholic can create so many serious problems, dangerous and destructive. I got to get out of this situation I tried everything to help her, rehabs, doctors, 911 calls, police. We started out in a house we used as a buisness its a rooming house a big place to run. The drinking and pill popping got so bad she first started to get up in the middle of the night screaming her fathers name out over and over again! walking thru the house bothering the tenants, she would then make phone calls to relatives and friends smashed and tell them in a crying episode where that now her sisters and aunts, uncles do not want to talk or see her anymore, even the police and emergency units are sick and tired of her. she aquired liver damage and her doctor told me the ammonia in her body is effecting her brain she does absolutely nothing all day but lock herself in her room, which looks like a garbage dumpster and gets bombed. she fell and broke her arm in 4 places then the other one she broke her wrist and almost knocked her eye out hitting her head on the corner of the bed frame. her parents left her 60,000 dollars and tells me its gone. I caught the liquer store delivering bottles to the house. My father is sick and dieing and am afraid to go see him in fla. because I can't leave her alone with my dog and trust her to care for her.I could go on with this but I think your getting the picture. I am seeing a lawyer next week and I am a sick man myself with a heart defibulator in my chest. My question how do I handle this please!!?
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (27 September 2009):
 I am so glad you are going to see your dad, it's the right thing to do.
God's speed and love to you
Aunty Em xxx a.k.a angie xxxxx
A
male
reader, welldone +, writes (26 September 2009):
welldone is verified as being by the original poster of the question I want to thank everyone who gave to very good advice on my situation I'm going to see my father thanks to your ecouragment I am also glad I found this site you people are beautiful and will let you know what comes about with all this.
Thank You and God Bless
Bobby V
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): Take your dog and leave. There is nothing more you can do. Your wife has to want to help herself. Unfortunatly i believe she has gotten to the point of no return. As hard as it would be you have to say goodbie and not look back. There is a chance that the stress and worry etc will cause the death of you. If there is a chance your wife is not beyond help you leaving will be the only thing that may make her take control of her own life. Never blame yourself no matter what happens. The best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (25 September 2009):
 You poor guy! First up, I think you need to go see your dad because you'll always regret it if you don't, is there anyone else who could look after your dog for you?
For your wife, I really don't know. If you've already tried rehab, then you've tried everything you can within your power. Maybe I'm a bit brutal in this sort of situation, but no person deserves to have their life ruined by someone elses deliberate self destruction. Turning your back on someone who wont help themselves, especially when there's some sort of mental issues involved, is hard, but "in sickness and in health" doesn't mean allowing your spouse to drown you along with themselves.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (25 September 2009):
I am so terribly moved by your situation. What an absolute nightmare to be living in. Your very obviously a caring person but your suffering and stress comes through in your words.
Alcoholism is a curse that affects not only the drinker but the extended family members. You know this and have lived with this and it seems you are reaching breaking point. The choices you have seem limited as you indicate you love your wife and it must be very hard for you to watch her destroy herself. The alternative is to walk away and this isn't easy when you love someone deeply...but...you sometimes have to look at the big picture.
Your health is suffering and I am sure things will get worse if you do not, at least, have a temporary break from the situation. Your father is ill and you have the right to go visit him as he is so sick. If you don't go, you may regret it. It's so important you put yourself first in this instance. Your wife's behaviour may get worse while your away but it seems she is on such a collision course with disaster that she simply doesn't care. Her problems are huge but sometimes 'other' events (such as your father dying) have to take priority. You need to go see him.
I know your worried about your dog, but perhaps there is someone who will take care of her while you are away. You could consider a boarding kennel. She may fret for a few days but pets usually recover.
Your wife needs the help of understanding professionals to attempt to free her. She needs rehabilitation and counselling. When someone has sunk so low professional help is the only course of action. You can still be there to support her through but you have a life too and you need to make a plan for yourself to give you some hope for the future. Even joining a club or finding one good friend to talk to will give you some focus away from your wife.
I sympathise deeply with you and I hope you find a way through and some peace for the future.
Aunty Em xxx
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