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... Send *ayney Y a private message | | | *ayney Y's profile:I originally spied this site when I was looking for an answer on a personal question about something weird that happened to me, and subsequently became engrossed in other people's 'issues'. I love talking to people about the basics of life....family, romance, and emotional attachments, because that's pretty much all life is about. We all have hobbies, passions, etc, but it's the emotional stuff that makes us all tick along. I like connecting with other people on that level. Sometimes a complete stranger is the best person to talk to. |
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What should I say when I write him?
Q. Hey there we broke up 3 month ago ,, i cant get over him , he already did i moved in my life , but i still love him and keep thinking of him any way i have a lot of spams on my e-mail and i receive a lot of junk mail ,, so he got e-mail fr...
A. 28 October 2009: I'd just not answer, unless you want to rekindle the freindship and you're happy to be just friends. :) ... (read in full...)
I only want friendship. Am I doomed?
Q. ARGH!! Hi Aunts, Why is it (nearly?) impossible to have JUST a friendly relationship with someone of the opposite sex!? I've been hanging out heaps with my best mate, playing video games and just chilling out, and just the other night he kissed ...
A. 27 October 2009: Well, Mervy, from my observations of friendships between men and women, there usually seems to be sexual attraction on the part of at least one of the people, not always, but very often. Unfortunately, in that scenario, the one who's attracted ... (read in full...)
He wants his space and thinks I need it too!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, we moved in together after the first six months. I love this arrangement and spending time with him, but he feels like he doesnt have enough space and has suggested living apart again when our ...
A. 27 October 2009: I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings but I think it's going to be all downhill from here. You're right about it being a step back. He's trying to let you down gently with the old "I still love you but I need space" trip, because he doesn't want to ... (read in full...)
I'm about to be bankrupt and homeless due to him. Should I take something from him? And tell people what's happened?
Q. Hello Have a question I urgently need answering. I am at the end of a pretty terrible 11 year relationship with a guy. He is goodlooking, very talented, intelligent, and can be amusing. He also had a really bad childhood where he got abandone...
A. 27 October 2009: Unfortunately there's no legal compensation when you realise you've been hosting a parasite. There's no harm, (to you), in letting people know what a sponge he's been, though quite often in that kind of situation outsiders have already figured it ... (read in full...)
Will I ever get closure?
Q. I met a guy two 1/2 years ago. We dated for 3 month on our last date we said bye like normal but he never came back. I need closure. I want to understand what happen. we speak alot through emails but i'm afraid to tell him how I feel. He ...
A. 27 October 2009: Not quite enough information, but it kinda sounds like he might be hiding something, like perhaps a wife or a girlfriend. As long as you put up with his indecision he'll keep stringing you along. Good luck. ... (read in full...)
Should I clear the air with him?
Q. I'm very confused why I can't stop thinking about him. We are both married with children. My spouse could not be more perfect for me. We are both so alike in so many ways. The "spark" left our relationship once our first child was born. We go months ...
A. 27 October 2009: Your husband needs a good hard prod with the sharp end of the Reality Stick. Maybe discuss your attraction to someone else with your husband and outright ask him if he would mind if you got involved with someone who would actually pay attention to ... (read in full...)
I have cheated on my husband resulting in 3 abortions and now he wants a baby!
Q. its been 10 weeks since my abortion im trying for a baby but it keeps coming negative.iv had 3 abortions. Due to careless behind my hubbys back.but now my hubbys really desperate for a baby.please help....
A. 27 October 2009: When you say you were careless behind your husbands back, do you mean you forgot to take your contraception? Or do you mean that you have been sleeping around with other men? If it's the second one, maybe you should consider divorce instead of ... (read in full...)
How can I get over losing this man?
Q. How can I get over losing this man? He has a partner already so I knew it would never work out long-term but I didn't expect it to end the way that it did. Basically we were both out one night (with seperate groups of friends) and I grew increasin...
A. 26 October 2009: There's nothing you can do except try to move on as quickly as possible. He's no good for you and he's no good for his girlfriend. By insinuating himself in your life whilst he was involved with someone else he's shown you how little respect he has ... (read in full...)
How to revive a cold, evasive, and cheating wife?
Q. How to revive cold, evasive, cheating wife of 15 years? A little history. Been married for 15 years. Two kids 11 and 13. Wife 47, me 40. Marriage gone sideways/numb, now for the second time. Wife and I both grew up in environment where par...
A. 25 October 2009: She screwed your friend behind your back and is happy to let you take 'half the blame' for her low behaviour, lied about it, is cold, evasive, wont kiss you or show affection, can't even be bothered with the 'once-a-week-like-clockwork-sex' any ... (read in full...)
How to live with a liar and a cheater? Do they change?
Q. I love my husband and my 3 children dearly. I thought we had a happy family in 23 years. We are both French and live in US. He is 56 and me 43. I am a teacher at school. One day I found out my husband had a mistress in Asian in years. He went to ...
A. 25 October 2009: Your 'wife' (you seem to be the same person?), posted yesterday. The only person you really care about is yourself, and if the wife divorces you and you end up with nothing, it's exactly what you deserve. You need to get some perspective on your own ... (read in full...)
How to live with a liar and a cheater? Do they change?
Q. I love my husband and my 3 children dearly. I thought we had a happy family in 23 years. We are both French and live in US. He is 56 and me 43. I am a teacher at school. One day I found out my husband had a mistress in Asian in years. He went to ...
A. 24 October 2009: A lot of men think that they have the right to deceive and manipulate their wife into living a lie, having a comfortable, loving homelife whilst giving a huge part of themselves to someone else. What makes it worse is that they often can't ... (read in full...)
How can I keep from being jealous of my married lovers flirting with other women?
Q. I fear I have lost my married lover due to one jealous outburst in a year. I have always maintained complete discretion but last night I found myself angered by him talking openly with other women at a bar when I don't feel that I can even look at ...
A. 24 October 2009: If you've "lost" him, then you should maybe be happy about the fact that you got the better deal, which is that you'll get over him in a little while, but he's stuck being an asshole forever. :)... (read in full...)
How do I let them down gently?
Q. Hi, this is just a general question. Im not pretending to be some kind of stud or anything, but a few times in my life so far Ive had girls practically throw themselves at me. The first time this happened was on a film course and I was in a rel...
A. 16 October 2009: I find the best way to deal with that situation is to mention your partner in conversation and subtly make it clear how into her you are. That's usually enough to give people a message without the discomfort of actually asking them to back off a ... (read in full...)
What would explain my husband's strange behavior and impotence?
Q. What can you do, if you have no way to find out what is causing your husband strange behavior, and impotence? I'm spending my last 4 years ,trying to find out why did he turned impotent, and why he seem to be much more distant ,he used to be. I...
A. 16 October 2009: I'm not really sure whether you mean impotence, or erectile dysfunction. If it's impotence, then it should only be a real problem if you're trying to have children, but if it's erectile dysfunction, and there's no medical reason for it, then ... (read in full...)
I thought she was The One, but she's recently changed
Q. Fascinating relationship problem! I am in a highly charged relationship that has been just bliss until a few weeks ago when my girlfriends tone, frequency and mood in her communications collapsed. This has left me dumbfounded and hurt. It has neve...
A. 14 October 2009: Well, you know what 'they' say...if you love something let it go, if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, hunt it down and kill it.....hehehe
But seriously, what exactly does she have to 'sort out'? My guess is that it's either emotional or fina... (read in full...)
Do I tell her or keep it to myself?
Q. Another Best Friends Wife Story... So my best friend got married to a wonderful girl about three years ago. She has been a very good friend of mine as well. I have been attracted to her throughout their relationship but very easily kept thin...
A. 14 October 2009: You are putting this woman ahead of your wife. The question you should be asking is - do I really love my wife? ... (read in full...)
Was what he did during oral sex wrong?
Q. ok so my boyfriend always wants me to swallow after giving him oral sex. he says its sexy and it feels better for him. so i dont have a problem with doing this, but just last night, right when he was about to cum, he PUSHED my head down and held me ...
A. 13 October 2009: It's actually sexual assualt being as he was forcing you to do something you hadn't discussed and consented to. Ask him if you would like it if you bit his dick really hard and then laughed at him while he sobbed about it....my guess is he'll get ... (read in full...)
Was what he did during oral sex wrong?
Q. ok so my boyfriend always wants me to swallow after giving him oral sex. he says its sexy and it feels better for him. so i dont have a problem with doing this, but just last night, right when he was about to cum, he PUSHED my head down and held me ...
A. 13 October 2009: If it upset you and made you feel humiliated it - it was wrong... (read in full...)
How can I get her to take my calls without fake blackmailing her?
Q. After breakup i called her my ex-girlfriend last night. we talked for hours. i got her taking my call by blackmailed her that i would call her dad that she was having affair with me for years. when i tried to take my call being nice with her she ...
A. 11 October 2009: Umm, I hate to point out the obvious here, but no one blackmails, (or even pretends to), someone that they 'love', because when you love someone you don't do hurtful things to them. People often do dumb things when they're desperate, but threatening ... (read in full...)
During sex I decided it wasnt right..was that rape?
Q. I met up with this guy and concented to sex...then during sex I decided this wasnt right and asked him repeatedly to stop....he didnt, I even tried moving but I wasnt strong enough, when it was all over I just let it go and stayed the night....I ...
A. 9 October 2009: I'd let this one pass through to the keeper and just learn from it. Because of the circumstances, if you were to try and press rape charges you'd have about a 99 to 1 chance of it succeeding, and definitely not in your favour. Lawyers make mincemeat ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him I lied about my dad dying?
Q. I’m in a real dilemma. I met this guy about 4 years ago. He thought he met the love of his life. Me, I was just coasting. I’d just been dumped from a long term relationship (six years). My head was all over the place. He always bent over backwards ...
A. 9 October 2009: If you have it within you to tell him the truth and cop his possible disgust and anger, then you're three parts of the way there. Most people who do shitty things to others cant even admit it to themselves, let alone the person they crapped on. Pay ... (read in full...)
I hate her but I want her to move in with us for threesomes. What to do?
Q. I have a problem. my husband had a relationship with his baby mom behind my back for some time. Now they have two kids. but before they had kids all three of us had threesomes (they were having sex before we all slept together). I miss having them. ...
A. 9 October 2009: Errr, you need an answer to this? I don't know about the other Aunts, but I can't think of any good reason why you would voluntarily invite someone you 'hate' to be a huge part of your life. Your whole scenario sounds really twisted and seriously ... (read in full...)
She's threatening to leave me if I don't stop drinking. Will the marriage last?
Q. i usually drink only on the weekends and have tried to talk with my wife but she dosen't want anything to do with alcohol of which she used to entertain before. she has gone as far as telling me that we will leave on the condition that i stop dri...
A. 9 October 2009: Not really enough information. Is it just the drinking, or your behaviour when you've been drinking that bothers her? I don't know about conditional marriages, but I know that 'conditional love' isn't actually love at all. You maybe need to sit down ... (read in full...)
Stripping naked in front of a window?
Q. Can anyone tell me why a woman would strip nacked and flaunt herself in front of the window when she is argueing with her husband ?. I am deeply puzzled as to why she would do this....
A. 9 October 2009: My guess is that maybe her husband is one of those jealous guys who expects his wife to dress like an Amish person and it starts arguments between them, so she retaliates by getting her kit off at the window to piss him off. She sounds quite ... (read in full...)
My mum is marrying the guy she cheated on my dad with. I'm not happy about it, what do I do?
Q. Im 16, when i was about 3 or 4 my mum and dad went thorught a really bad divorce, because my mum was cheating on my dad, as i was to young to know, i stayed with them both, and i still stay with them both, my brother only stays with my mum though he ...
A. 9 October 2009: Ok, first of all, he didn't break up your parents marriage. If your Mum was happy with your Dad she wouldn't have been playing up with someone else. Your Mum chose to break up her first marriage, so if you want to be angry at someone it should be at ... (read in full...)
I suddenly feel so distant from my husband
Q. hey , i ve been married for 3 months now and have known my husband for 8 yrs .. . but suddenly i feel so distant from my husband .. i feel he is ignoring whatever i say .. he is so caught up in his own world and he is so distant.. he is a very nice ...
A. 8 October 2009: Did you feel ever like this before you got married? If not, maybe being married is a bit overwhelming for him, it's a major step in life. And, you don't say what your fights are about, if they're over serious issues, then that's a problem, but if ... (read in full...)
How much rejection must I go through before striking gold?
Q. I'm beginning to think I suck when it comes to dealing with women. Lately, i feel like every time I show any interest in a woman it never works out. Which is odd to me considering how everyone always tells me I'm funny and good looking. So inspired ...
A. 8 October 2009: Maybe you're too sincere. Ridiculous as it may sound, sometimes when someone shows their sincerity too soon it scares a lot of people off. Something I've often noticed about people who are "funny", (ie; have a great sense of humour, make jokes about ... (read in full...)
Can there be trust after cheating?
Q. I have this girl that I love I been with her before I got locked up I broke up with her when I was incarcerated. A lot has happened before then she cheated on me and so I did the same. me and this girl did crazy thing to gether sleep in her jeep ...
A. 8 October 2009: Hmm, are you prepared to go straight, (no criminal crap), for her? Can you see the two of you building a straight life together? You can't live happily together in a jeep, there's not enough room. None of us can really answer your question properly ... (read in full...)
She broke up with me saying "she just doesn't want to be in a relationship"..I don't get it!
Q. Dear Cupid, I met the love of my life 14 months ago. At first I wasn't sure I wanted to get involved. But she did all the right things to woo me, until she got me to fall for her. After I fell in love with her, she started distancing herse...
A. 8 October 2009: You need to let it go. She probably didn't intend to hurt you, but that's the crappy way things turned out. The reason she let you know by email is because she's afraid of dealing with your hurt, and there's probably a reason why she can't deal with ... (read in full...)
What do older women see in young guys?
Q. I'm really struggling with this concept. I go on another chat forum and there's an 'older' woman in her 50's that sleeps with loads of blokes. She's married, her husband knows she sleeps about. But the bit I find strange is that she sleeps with ...
A. 8 October 2009: Geez R&B, calm down, hehehe. I'm not talking about people who actually progress and have a genuine relationship, I'm talking about the "one-night-stand" people. Older women who hang around bars looking to pick up younger guys are on the same level ... (read in full...)
Are watery eyes while giving a blowjob a turn off?
Q. Is it a turn off if a girl's eyes are super watery after/during a blowjob? I'm excited because I finally got the hang of deep throating and I can fit my boyfriend's entire dick now. And don't worry, I wasn't forced to learn or anything; my ...
A. 8 October 2009: Sorry, but I can't stop laughing after reading the answers here.....and I can't answer the question from experience, but my guess is that he's probably not looking at your eyes.....BUT, I guess it would be OK as long as your mascara's not running ... (read in full...)
How much time does he need to know whether this relationship is the one
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a divorced mom who was marred over fifeen years. I did the on line dating, which was no fun until I met a wonderful older guy a couple of years ago and the relationship developed well. He introduced me to his family members ...
A. 8 October 2009: Aunty Em's spot on. Have you discussed it in depth with him? Maybe he thinks marriage and everyday life together kills the romance, because it usually does. He sounds like he has a big romantic streak, and fear of losing that may be what holds him ... (read in full...)
What do older women see in young guys?
Q. I'm really struggling with this concept. I go on another chat forum and there's an 'older' woman in her 50's that sleeps with loads of blokes. She's married, her husband knows she sleeps about. But the bit I find strange is that she sleeps with ...
A. 7 October 2009: It's a mystery to me, I don't find young guys particularly attractive, because they have limited life experience and look babyish to me. I hate it when I go out and they try to hit on me, and I'd never be stupid enough to believe them when they say ... (read in full...)
Can I give my baby up for adoption overseas?
Q. Hi is it possible that I give my 7months old baby for adoption overseas?I really wish to know because I want her far away from me but want to get information about her well being from time to time.please help me....
A. 7 October 2009: Why would you want to do that? If you don't want your own baby anywhere near you there's something terribly wrong. You should be very careful posting stuff like this on the internet as it could be construed as you trying to gain financial advantage ... (read in full...)
He's accepted a job that will keep him away from home for 4 weeks at a time; I'm afraid he'll look at porn while he's gone
Q. My husband recently accepted a job (without my opinion) that will keep him away for 30 days at a time versus coming home every 2 weeks as he did before. He works on a riverboat with men only and with this new job, I will only see him for a total of ...
A. 7 October 2009: Smut mags and movies will always be wherever there's a group of men without real female company around. Yes, they are tacky as hell, but men will be boys, and a lot of them get their cheap thrills by leering at photo's of women who probably wouldn't ... (read in full...)
He regrets knowing me...so how do I get over him?
Q. Thank you for previous replies to my posts http://www.dearcupid.org/question/follow-up-on-emigrating-to-oz-while-my.html and wanted to update that today my boyfriend basically gave me an ultimatum that it was not acceptable for me to come and go out ...
A. 7 October 2009: This is the cricket guy right? So it's OK for him to devote his life to cricket and expect you to follow his career overseas, but you're not allowed to lead any sort of life that doesn't include him? What's so wrong with going home to visit your ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has this theory that because he works longer hours and makes more money, he shouldn't have to lift a finger at home?!?!
Q. Is this normal? Am I crazy? OK so I have been with my man for almost 4 years now. Right now I am between jobs so I pick up most of the slack with the housework. Here's my problem. When I am working full time I am also responsible for ...
A. 7 October 2009: I think it's fair that the person working outside the home for longer hours has a lighter load at home, (lighter, not non-existent), but I kinda don't think that's the problem here. He yells at you if you don't fold a rug on the couch? You have to ... (read in full...)
Alone and pregnant while the father of the baby is out drinking every weekend sleeping with other women!
Q. Im ten weeks pregnant. Im not in a relationship with the father, I was seeing him for a short while but it was never serious. However, he is happy about it and says he will support me and the child. I know he will be a good dad. The only thing that ...
A. 7 October 2009: So, you haven't heard of having an unwanted pregnancy terminated? Or are you religious and don't believe in termination, but you do believe in casual sex? I'm not being deliberately critical, but you asked for peoples opinions and advice, and my ... (read in full...)
Should I listen to my heart or my head?
Q. Hello, I'd like some advice on how to get my heart to listen to my head, or whether I should carry on as I am. A month ago, I split up with my bf of 9 years. We were happy for 7 years, lived together for 5 years, but then split up in May 2008 when ...
A. 6 October 2009: I think relationships are based on quality not quantity. Even a 50 year marriage means very little if there hasn't been honesty, communication, and respect. I'd stop concentrating on how long you've been off and on involved with this guy and ... (read in full...)
Alone and pregnant while the father of the baby is out drinking every weekend sleeping with other women!
Q. Im ten weeks pregnant. Im not in a relationship with the father, I was seeing him for a short while but it was never serious. However, he is happy about it and says he will support me and the child. I know he will be a good dad. The only thing that ...
A. 6 October 2009: Did you ask him if he wanted to be a father before you allowed yourself to become pregnant? Did you ask him if he could afford to raise a child? Did you ask him if he wanted you to be the mother of his children? Did you consider him at all? Or the ... (read in full...)
Do I stand up and keep fighting or let him go? Male opinions needed!
Q. So - I'm in need of male advice/guidence. I was in a 4 year relationship. 2 years or so into it, he had an affar with the 23 year old receptionist at his work. (I am 33 he is 30). We were not doing well, so I took that into consideration and decided ...
A. 6 October 2009: Well, I'm not a guy, but I don't think you need a set of balls to figure out that this guy is a player and a jerk. Find yourself someone who has a clue about respect for other people and get the happiness you deserve instead of confusion from this ... (read in full...)
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