A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:All right, here goes.A few months ago now (almost 4), my Ex and I of 15 months (with not a single fight)split - more accurately, she broke it off with me. Less than one month prior, she was telling everyone she knew - her friends, parents, siblings, my friends - that she was moving in with me. I was starting to look for a ring. We had a LDR, and she was/is 5 hours away. Within 2 days of me hearing her voluntarily tell a friend this (I had never mentioned it, or prompted her to), she became distant all of a sudden, (and I noticed a large number of behavior changes), and then after less than a month, we split. Her reason for breaking it off was this: 'I think you might be the one, but I'm not sure you're the one, and I'm scared and don't want to move, so I can't do this.'I sadly said that I understood, but told her I wanted to remain friends (breaking the no contact rule, but we were 5 hours away, I thought it could happen), plus I wanted to give her space. Well, over the next week, things went bad, culminating in me receiving information from mutual acquaintances that she was indulging in self destructive behavior (drugs/alcohol/smoking, etc.) to a level I had never seen from her before. (she smoked a little pot before, but I had rarely seen her drunk, and she had not been smoking (that I knew of) for over a year, she was very proud of it. I felt I needed to step in as a friend, and tried multiple ways of talking to her (even found where she was posting on an Internet message board that she was doing harder drugs) and ended up talking to her mother (her mother and I had become close).This obviously ended us speaking (I knew it would),I removed her from Facebook/myspace/etc., and her friends think I'm the scum of the earth (oh well) but she then drove to my house and picked up all of her things, hugging me three times, crying, telling me she would see me soon, telling me that her dog missed me and my dog.We have not spoken since, I am still very worried, and still miss her, although time is healing me. However, I do have days where I feel as if my heart is still in a million pieces. I am worried that, as many of my friends have told me, expect her to call you back. I am not, and will not be prepared to take that call. I have told my friends that I do not want to hear it at all.So now, my question is in two parts 1) Have any of you had any similar experience with the calling back part, and how did you get through the conversation if it did happen and 2)Any advice on how to stop worrying about this person who was the love of my life?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): if you loved her greatly wy not try to be there for her. throwing her away is not he answer. is she self destructing because of your treatment of her? does she know how to cope without you?
if you invest in someone you love them with all their faults. you have been thus far sending conflicting meassages to her- one wanting to help and perhaps still caring for her, the other one not wanting her in your life.
A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (25 September 2009):
 If she was the love of your life how can you turn your back on her so easily? Her change in attitude towards you would be because of drug use, it skews peoples perceptions. Her friends think you're the scum of the earh for what? Talking to her mother abut your concern for her wellbeing? Great friends! She needs a good foot in the ass by the sounds of it and if her freinds are the ones supplying her with drugs they need a call from the local constabulary.
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