A
female
age
41-50,
*enelopepitstop
writes:i was having an affair wed been seeing each other for about 7 years, his wife found some texts id sent nothing too bad, and hes managed to convince her that im nobody..im supposed or at least i thought i was the love of his life lol so now im not allowed to see him anymore, all that wasted time with him, thinking maybe one day id be with him, i just wish i could run away the prob is as much as i can block him on here and stop texts where he works means there is times i see him..please someone tell me how to get over this, i just cant see a time ill be over him, i love him,how will i get over this, ill be honest ive never really had to get over somebody before, im so lost
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009):
trust this will get posted To the OP.
penelope you have made your bed. you have chosen this sordid lifestyle and you are happy being second best.
Regarding your partner. why are you still with him? Why do you stealyears of his life when you do not want to be with him. Why steal his finances, his resources when it is evident that you care nothing for him. I can understand stealing time with the married guy but being selfish and keeping your partner around (for who knows what) is really uncalled for. How many kids do you have and is the partner the father?
if you and your married man love each other so much , why are you not with him. forget about his wife, your partner and get together. you see you will NOT. why/ because a normal relaionship is just so much of hard work. you prefer the drama, the sneaking around and the forbidden. you do not have to work at your affair. you are satisfied with the sloppy seconds and you are ok with this type of lifestyle. in fact you thrive on it.
i hope his wife gets wind of his cheating ways and kicks him the hell to you. but what you need to know is that you two would not survive exclusively together therefore there is no attempt to end your relationship and he to end his marriage. this affair is doomed, just as it was right from the word go. but you have accepted your lot and you knowingly justify (in your mind) the merits of your affair. in reality it speaks of a low self esteemed person who is afraid, a coward and selfish person who just takes- even though she has no rights to this man . how much of time does the married man allow you to spend with him. Only time for a quick shag and then off he goes to his dutiful wife? You do not confide in your friends and family because you do not want anyone to tell you the hard truth about what you are doing. In fact you cannot and will not face the brutal truth.
sad way to choose to lead your life but as i mentioned before, you have chosen your lot in life. You have accepted to be nothing more than a diversion for this man, who comes and goes into your life as he pleases. You can blame his wife for holding onto him but it is HE who has decided that he is happy with two women providing sexual comfort for him. I hope you are not delusional enough to think that his wife means NOTHING TO HIM.
seems like you love the drama too much to make a decision to do the right thing. it is not that you CANNOT, you just choose not to because this lifestyle suits you. WHERE WILL IT ALL END?
A
female
reader, penelopepitstop +, writes (11 October 2009):
penelopepitstop is verified as being by the original poster of the question thankyou for a thoughtful reply, the post i did about the baby wasnt about me, he isnt the father of my children..
i never set out to hurt anyone, im not saying woe is me, though, i know what i do is wrong, this man knows what we do is wrong, yet we both continue with the affair, weve hurt each other and our other halfs yet still keep it going.
ive never felt this way about another person, maybe im besotted with him and i can see why this isnt healthy but this man is the love of my life and im a selfish cow cos i dont want to let him go, and be miserable, yet i cant see a way to be with him completly
so every time we split up im heart broken, ive no one to talk to about this so i came on here, and yes i know ill prob have a lot of home truths said to me, which is what i deserve but at least i can say how i feel..and that helps me..
thanks again for the replies i appreciate them
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): you know, penelope i am actually intrigued by your situation. i went back and searched all your posts regarding your affair with this married man. i was somewhat alarmed and even bewildered how you stay with this man. this man does not even want to acknowledge his own flesh and blood- your baby - as his own. he doesn't believe his child is his. what makes you "love" this man. i believe you hoodwinked your partner into believing this child is his. whatever happened to YOU?? how did you left this situation get so out of hand. i am not judging you but i implore you to go back to all the stories you have posted of your life. it doesn't make for good reading. i believe you have created such a mess of things that you just dig this big black hole even deeper. you have written in so many times about this affair, wanting advise and even consoling and the good aunts and uncles here have empathised, and given you the moral support to make the turnaround that you so desperately need. it falls on deaf ears all the time. how can you even stand to be with this married man when he does not own up to being your baby's father? to me this is so shocking? i am trying to understand what is going on in your life, with so many postings about this affair, but i cannot make sense of it all. i humbly suggest to you to seek professional counselling. a professional is the only person who can adequately help you with this mess you have created. if you do not want to do this for yourself please do this for your child. i can go on about your low self esteem, your insecurities and you not having a strong ethic and moral system but i think you would not get the gest of what i am trying to say. i firmly believe you are way over your head and you are crying out for help, therefore i went back into archives and retrieved the other posts. please, penelope, start something constructive. start living a life you can be proud of. right now, reading your story and the untold story behind your words that you are in desperate need to confide in someone, you are screaming out for help and you just want some sort of assistance. the aunts here, with the best of intentions, are really unable to help you in your situation. i am not belittling your problems , i am merely concerned for you and the state of your mind. you believe you are "a horrible person", you believe that your health is failing because of this affair, yet you continue. if you just cannot help yourself and you are too weak to do the right thing, then perhaps speaking to a professional is the only answer. i am sorry to go on and on about this but i think you are crying out for help (just reading the previous posts). i know i am unable to help you and to console you but know this, i do not have an ulterior motive advising you to seek professional counselling. i just wish that you get your life back in order. decide whether to end it with your partner. decide your fate with this married man. have him acknowledge HIS child for goodness sake. and rebuild your life and your home. we all deserve happiness and yes we battle, we regress. we rebound but in the end we try to make peace with our lot and we persevere until we get it right. i really really wish you peace. i never understood the turmoil and the pain this married man has put you through. you owe it to yourself to heal and to move forward.Maybe i am not making any sense right now to you, but just sit still for a moment and think of what i am telling you. How far of the mark am i ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): then i think "YOU deserve what you tolerate" saying holds true for you. you have no one else to blame but yourself, no one is forcing you to have sex with this married man. you freely choose and you freely indulge. you know that 10 years from now you will still be his mistress and you accept your fate.
you both are cheaters. why are you with your partner. release him to find a decent faithful woman while you enjoy being a side item for your married man. you will not change so why keep your partner in limbo.
the only people who deserve any sympathy are your partner and this married mans wife. they are innocent yet have to pay the price for your indescretion. strange why you do not want your married man to leave his wife?? you deliberately help him cheat on her. where is your morals. you are happy to live this lie and you are happy to mess with his wifes life. seems to me , you are prefected suited for wach toher. you think NOTHING of causing hurt to all. but i think i am wasting my breath on you. will will do as you please. so sad, yet so true. well good luck in being a mistress. this is the way you planned your life and nothing i say will want you to change the way you have been leading your life. look at it this way - you now don't have to get over him !
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A
female
reader, penelopepitstop +, writes (5 October 2009):
penelopepitstop is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim not married partnered yes, ive never expected or asked him to leave her,
i saw him today yes i gave into him again, he has a hold on me ill never really understand,ireally did think when i wrote this that we were over..
thanks all for your replies
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): penelope, you are full of contradictions.
"i know he loves me"
"my homelife is not too bad now, if i can push him out my head i know i can move on and have a happy life, unfortunatly i got an i love you, i want to see u email from his last night, and thats set me back "
does it mean that you welcomed your married lover into your life again.
you have not confirmed whether you are still married. your words "my homelife is not too bad now..." indicates that you are?????????????
your lover told his wife that you are nothing and he apparently cut all ties with you. so much for "loving you" right. you mean NOTHING to this man, seems like the only thing you are good for is as a side sex dish. nothing more, nothing less.
in 10 years time you will still be wondering why he doesn't leave his wife and why he still convinces her (and himself) that you are nothing. it takes a strong morally correct person to walk away, are you this person after 7 years.................
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 October 2009):
I really think you'd be better moving on. If there's any way you can make your marriage, work, try and see if you can fix it. You don't need to be unhappy.
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A
female
reader, penelopepitstop +, writes (2 October 2009):
penelopepitstop is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for that reply, things were awful at home, i fell for him because i was unhappy and lonely, and hes everything i wanted, i know he loves me, its just his home life is more important to him i do understand that..
my homelife is not too bad now, if i can push him out my head i know i can move on and have a happy life, unfortunatly i got an i love you, i want to see u email from his last night, and thats set me back
ahh men!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 October 2009):
You're not horrible. Having an affair doens't mean you're horrible. It means you're unhappy. Is there any way you could look at your own marriage (if you're still married)?
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A
female
reader, penelopepitstop +, writes (1 October 2009):
penelopepitstop is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyour right im a horrible person ive no comeback to that, and well now im suffering for it as i should
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): you may not want to think of him as a sleazy cheat - in fact you both are. it is his wife that is the only innocent party to your affair. did you think that as his mistress you warranted special favours- he has proven that the married man syndrome is the same even after all these years.
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A
female
reader, penelopepitstop +, writes (30 September 2009):
penelopepitstop is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni dont want to think of him as a sleazy cheat but what hes done to me i do have other thoughts going on in my head about him..anyway i had a good cry today now i feel its time i moved on i have to for my health if nothing else...thanks guys for the replies
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 September 2009):
You look at this guy for what he was. A sleazy cheat who lied to you. Then, when you've done that, you give your heart time to heal. Call some friends, go out and soclialize. Maybe find another hobby that men and women enjoy, something that will make you feel good. (Dancing is great). When you're ready, you'll find a real man who'll know how to treat you properly and who'll want to be with you and you only. Take your time.
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (28 September 2009):
 Oh yuck, you got involved with a creep.....Men who do that are just sleaze-bags who don't care about their mistress OR their wife, no matter what they say. If he did he would never have let it go on for 7 months, let alone 7 years. If you were the love of his life, he would have sorted out his marriage and you would have been together a long time ago. Best thing you can do is probably find someone else to hang out with until you get over the feelings, (which you will eventually if you face up to the reality of it). Good luck :)
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