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... Send *ayney Y a private message | | | *ayney Y's profile:I originally spied this site when I was looking for an answer on a personal question about something weird that happened to me, and subsequently became engrossed in other people's 'issues'. I love talking to people about the basics of life....family, romance, and emotional attachments, because that's pretty much all life is about. We all have hobbies, passions, etc, but it's the emotional stuff that makes us all tick along. I like connecting with other people on that level. Sometimes a complete stranger is the best person to talk to. |
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Why most Women are attracted to Bad Men
Q. Every woman on the planet that has ever been involved with a man that was not worthy of her has asked of herself these questions..."Why can't I find a decent guy, Why do I always meet the wrong men and When will I find a man who really loves me?" ...
A. 18 September 2009: Too right! Though, I think that The Brady Bunch also has lot to answer for in my case. Those smug, perfect shits skewed my vision of a happy family forever! :) ... (read in full...)
What do I do about a drunk boyfriend?
Q. What do I do about drunk boyfriend? My boyfriend and I have been together 5 years and we have one child who is three. I recentley broke up with him because his drinking has become a problem. I allowed him to come back because it hurt me to see h...
A. 18 September 2009: Here's one idea.....get this man out of your home. His behaviour is draining you, and he's giving the typical responses of someone with a substance abuse problem. If you draw a hard line with him,(ie; throw him out or move out and get a new place ... (read in full...)
Am I crazy? Or is he?
Q. Answers from guys will be appreciated. I met a guy who was separated from his wife, but still living in the same house as they got along pretty well and saw no reason to rock the financial boat by running separate households. We saw each other fo...
A. 18 September 2009: I agree with the other girls, he does sound like he's a player. But, in saying that...I have a male friend who separated from his wife after twenty two years of marriage, to be with a woman who was "the woman of his dreams". He ended up going back ... (read in full...)
He says he's bored with me and that I'm unattractive. Should I still try?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little more than two years now and we have been living together close to two years. Just a couple of weeks ago he had been coming home late at night around 4 in the moring every night. He says he is with ...
A. 18 September 2009: Ooooh, ouch! First of all, you are definitely attractive, even if he doesn't think so any more. That horrible stabbing-in-the-heart feeling, pretty unbearable, but it will go away after a while. He probably does love you as a friend, which is why he ... (read in full...)
I recently lost close family member and feel numb but I know I'm pushing my husband away
Q. Hi there. I wonder if anyone can give me some advice. I have wonderful and supportive husband who would do anything for me. I love him dearly. Recently I have lost a very close family relative and it has really shaken me up. I seem to have gone off ...
A. 16 September 2009: Hi,
What you're experiencing is perfectly normal. You are going through an extremely stressful moment and there's nothing like stress to take away sexual feelings. I would talk to your husband and try to explain this to him, and make sure you tell... (read in full...)
He was newly separated when we got together, and his stories to me don't mesh with what his wife tells me.
Q. dear cupid i need your help, i been with a man who is seperated for over 2 years its been a really rocky ride as he didnt tell me the seperation was fresh when i met him and i was thinking the divorce was nearly through. anyway last yaer i had a ...
A. 14 September 2009: Believe the ex-wife. If you find yourself acting like a detective in a relationship, looking for proof of what you already know, it's time to flick the loser that makes you feel that way. ... (read in full...)
He says he wants a break. Does that mean I should move on?
Q. Hi ..I am so confused right now.What does a break mean? I have been dating my boyfriend for 10 mons now.We have spent every weekend together since.he is very active in my kids life.Past 2 weeks we have been a bit distant.So I did a little snooping ...
A. 14 September 2009: Yep, you're broken up. Time to accept and move on. Good luck :)... (read in full...)
How does a shy 40 year old meet people?
Q. Hello Everyone I am a 40 yr old single female with a good job, independent and people have told me I am beautiful etc. I take care of myself, play tennis, eat right and as a result was able to maintain my youthful figure etc. The reason why ...
A. 14 September 2009: Here's some yucky truths about being a single, attractive middle-aged female. 1. Other middle-aged women don't really like you much. They're often too busy being jealous of your good looks to really care what sort of person is underneath. When you... (read in full...)
Do you follow your head or your heart?
Q. I am married to a wonderful man. He is smart, kind, has a good job, and is a hard worker. In fact, I love him - but only as a friend. I don't want a physical relationship with him at all. I have told him I want a separation, but I am not sure if ...
A. 14 September 2009: Hell yeah. Let him go so he can find someone who does want to be intimate with him, and likewise for yourself. People aren't "comfy slippers", (ie; here for our convenience and comfort), though I know what you mean. Seriously, it will be painful, ... (read in full...)
Did what I said push him away?
Q. I need help. I've been dating this guy for over 2 months. while we speak each day sometimes more than once,he is never clear on the direction of where we are going. he recently invited me to a family bbq who i know pretty well and he expected...
A. 9 September 2009: Oh dear, you had the temerity to call a guy on 'where you're going'. All people should be so up front and it would save a lot of heartache and disappointment. He said "Get out there and look for someone else better", so do it. And you probably will ... (read in full...)
Every other aspect of my life is good but I find it difficult to make friends
Q. I am a 23-year-old man with Asperger's syndrome. My social skills are good [not being boastful], I am told, but I consider them to be average. Recently I've started to go to a particular gay bar in my local city during the daytime in an attemp...
A. 9 September 2009: Hey, you people are special! If you like reading, try 'Look Me In The Eye' by John Elder Robison. It gave me a whole new insight into people with Aspergers Syndrome. I have a friend with a son who has the disorder,(though 'disorder' doesn't seem the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks its a bad idea to go to the police after I was raped, what should we do?
Q. About 3 months ago I was raped by a man I met in town on a night out who I thought was nice-looking but wasn't a nice person, then I met my boyfriend in mid-July, and he is far nicer than my exes or the guy I met. It's only recently I told ...
A. 9 September 2009: Hmmm, I don't think anyone should get away with rape. BUT, there are a lot of pro's and con's for reporting it. The most important thing is to be able to "prove" that it was rape, or else you could be opening yourself up to a whole lot more pain. ... (read in full...)
Am I being too cautious, or is he just a jerk using me as a plan B?
Q. I asked a question last month about a 38-year-old guy whom I had a great first date with, but he talked (near the end of the date) about a hot 24-year-old who dumped him. Yep, he talked about another chick, on our first date. I'm 35. One week...
A. 9 September 2009: Hi,
I'm going with "thoughtless asshole". When a guy's really interested he'll call you even if he's under fire from enemy troops. Look after yourself. :) ... (read in full...)
Am I being too sensitive?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 3 months and this is by far the best relationship I have ever had (and that includes two failed marriages). We are very much in love. The problem is she has gone away for a skiing holiday with her girlfriends for a ...
A. 9 September 2009: You should be grateful you've found that sort of woman, the kind that doesn't dump her girlfriends the moment a man turns up on the scene. I see you're from Oz, and it seems to be part of our culture that when a female gets a boyfriend she ... (read in full...)
He won't give me his phone number but calls me his property...
Q. 4 months ago, a much younger man I met in real life came after me full guns. He won't give me his phone number, but doesn't call me either. We mostly communicate by chat or email. He claims he is divorced with shared custody. He claims he...
A. 8 September 2009: He's a very creepy person. Repeat that to yourself one thousand times.... (read in full...)
Marriage dead, should I try with someone else? Or go it alone?
Q. I need some moral support... My 24 years long marriage is painfully dead. My husband stopped being affectionate years ago . and he spends most of his time with work. He is a good provider I must say. I know it great. We are not wealthy, but I don;t ...
A. 7 September 2009: I agree with quiet-echo, it's best to go it alone at first. Affairs aren't the answer to a dead marriage, they're just a symptom of it. If you leave and something develops with the guy you're interested in then great, but I wouldn't make him the ... (read in full...)
The psychological effects of an eating disorder
Q. In this article, I wanted to say a bit more about my experience of anorexia. I’ve already summarised how my eating disorder came about, but I wanted to explain more about some of the psychological effects it can have. I experienced, and still do to ...
A. 5 September 2009: Hey Sam,
You really ought to think about writiing a book about your experience with anorexia. You're honest to the point of taking the person there with you and not many writers have that talent. The combination of writing talent and the pers... (read in full...)
Did he have second thoughts, is he testing me? We are both married.
Q. I'm a married women and have been in an abusive and miserable marriage for the last 15 years. I met another married man and spoke for about an hour. It was very unexpected. I was outside smoking and friend called me over to ask me a question. Next ...
A. 5 September 2009: I would give him a great big miss because...... He forgot it was his wife's birthday? That would make him a bit of an asshole wouldn't it? Isn't he treating his wife the way your husband treats you? Why go from one uncaring partner to another, even ... (read in full...)
Still so confused - fix me!
Q. Here I am again - Another Holiday weekend and I am still reeling about the guy who I was seeing for four years and who found someone else when my mother was dying. It has been four months and it is still like a fresh wound. I know we were ...
A. 5 September 2009: Sorry, I can't fix you. But, I can say that if you cut all contact with him you will get over it. It will take a couple of months of no contact and then that vile empty feeling will start to go away. Glad to hear you didn't send him a birthday ... (read in full...)
Dating one month and it seems like he doesn't feel anything very deep for me
Q. I have been dating a guy for one month. I was so happy the first two weeks--it seemed like we had such a connection, and he was romantic and passionate. Now, after just a month it seems like the newness has worn off already. I feel like he is ...
A. 5 September 2009: I think you would be safest not to invest too much more emotion in this relationship. He's already pulling back after a short time, and that usually signals that the person is having second thoughts when they realise that the other party is seeing ... (read in full...)
Parent's marriage on the rocks and its breaking my heart!
Q. I have growing concerns over my family. My parents are going through a rough patch in their marriage. The problems seem to be mostly financial. We're encountering some money problems and their taking their toll, particularly on my mother. Mum is ...
A. 4 September 2009: You know what.....there's not much you can do. Your parents personal marital relationship is really none of your business, ( I know that sounds rude but it's not meant to be). Only they can work it out. You are 20, which means you are an adult, and ... (read in full...)
I want her back in my life. Its so sad to throw it away
Q. i need help. i have been married for 9 months now and my wife left me last week. we have been arguing for months about silly matters and managed to resolve them but recently things started to get worse. the past 4 weeks we have had breaks, slept at ...
A. 4 September 2009: Phew! I think you said there was "no going back" too many times for me to count. The big question is ...."do you love each other"? If the sleeping in different places has only been going on for 4 weeks, I'd say you have a reasonable chance of ... (read in full...)
We had an affair, he's divorcing his wife but what will others think of us?
Q. In Jan 2009 I moved across Canada to do my student teaching practicum in a small town. for the most part most of the other tacherswere really nice to me and I made alot of great friends. With in a few months of teaaching I started having an affiar ...
A. 3 September 2009: Small towns can be small-minded and love something to gossip and pass judgement about. Outsiders can't break up happy marriages, so there must have been problems in their marriage before you came along, but a lot of people don't think that way and ... (read in full...)
Wasting my time and he isn't that interested?
Q. I have been dating a great man for a for a few months now and just recently, a friend of mine mentioned that he was back on the dating website we meet on and he is active. My friend had signed up when I told her how wonderful it was meeting him, she ...
A. 3 September 2009: Yes, if he's back on the date site, you're wasting your time. Same thing once happened to me, and when I mentioned to this guy that I was aware he was on the site and asked him if he wanted to stop seeing each other..... he accused me of stalking ... (read in full...)
I'm having an arranged marriage, and my fiance would rather spend time with his friends than me
Q. Hi,I have got engaged around 5 months ago. I am basically a very shy and introvert kind of girl, but my would be is extrovert and very social. He has a large network of friends and contacts. Everytime he remains busy with his friends and all. ...
A. 2 September 2009: I see you are in Australia. We don't do "arranged marriage" in this country. We tolerate religions that do enforce it, but not happily because there is too much publicity about the misery that often results from it. While I understand that you may ... (read in full...)
I feel so ugly, how can I look better?
Q. Gah... how should I start this off... (I'm not so good at writing these haha...) well... Pretty much starting two years ago, I have been feeling ugly. Not only that, but I know I have gained a lot of weight and it shows, which makes me even ug...
A. 2 September 2009: Oh sweetheart, there is so much more to being a person than looks. It can be so hard at your age, everyone is so obsessed with the shallow aspects of people. I don't know what to tell you, except that some of the best looking people are so ... (read in full...)
After we became sexually active he told me he just wants to be friends!
Q. I just royally screwed up. I started seeing a married man. I told him it was over because I knew it was wrong after we became sexually active. Now the feelings of love wont go away. When I didnt care he did. Now I care and he is distant and ...
A. 2 September 2009: GRRRR!! You know, it's not just men who do this, women do it too! So, when I say what I'm about to say, please don't blame "men". It's all OK when these people are getting what they want, which is a bit on the side. The excitement and thrill o... (read in full...)
Can a Man and Woman remain friends when they have mutually admitted an attraction for each other?
Q. Can a Man and Woman remain friends when they have mutually admitted an attraction for each other . I am divorced and have known the guy in question for ten years . He helped me emotionally by talking ( no sex !) through the break - up . However now ...
A. 2 September 2009: Hard question. It's great to have a friend that is there for you when you need support and someone to talk to, but not so great when they're married and you're attracted to each other. I'd say that if you don't think you can keep the relationship on ... (read in full...)
Wife and sex leave bitter taste in my mouth!
Q. I have been married to my wife for 8 years.Over the past year I have become repulsed by having sex with her. I love her very much and and married her because we get along very well together. Sex with her in the beginning of our relationship was ...
A. 28 August 2009: You can still love someone but not be in love with them any longer and that's a sad fact about many marriages. You should maybe talk to her about how your feelings have changed and discuss whether both of you want to stay in the marriage. It's hard ... (read in full...)
Do I tell her how I feel, or do I just wait for her?
Q. I'm a 20 year old guy, and i think i am in love with a 17 year old girl, I have known her all my life but just realised how beautiful and how nice her personality is. I sent her a message the other day telling her how i felt but the next day i sent ...
A. 22 August 2009: Ah...the girl next door. Swallow your inhibitions and be honest. There's way too much confusion about love these days, and the world would be a happier place if people just said what they really meant and let it flow from there. She might reject ... (read in full...)
How do I find out if my ex wants me back, or at least misses me?
Q. Should I contact my ex or not??? My ex broke up with me. Butttt it was partly my fault. I kind of influenced him to break up with me. See we had a fight because I wouldn't do something for him (which went against my values) which he wanted me to ...
A. 22 August 2009: You don't say how old you are, or what is is that he wants you to do. Is it a sexual act or a criminal act? I guess it will be one or the other. Whatever, people who care about you don't pressure you into doing things you don't want to by ... (read in full...)
Should I take the plunge and destroy their marrige or stay friends?
Q. I love him, he loves me but he is with another woman because thay have a baby together. We have a history together but are just friends right now. He has never loved his babies mum and says he will leave her tomorrow if I would be with him. ...
A. 22 August 2009: Outsiders can't destroy happy relationships. This is not Victorian England, you don't have a moral obligation to consider what society might think of you. If he never loved the baby's mother, why did she allow herself to get pregnant to him? If you ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend to stop having anal sex
Q. my bf said he wanted to try anal sex with a man....it was his fantasy. I said he could try it. now, he says he wants to see the guy twice a month as he needs anal sex. he says I won't be replaced ever but if I want him to stop, tell him now and he ...
A. 22 August 2009: I'm not surprised he doesn't want anyone to know! He's got such hangups about his bisexuality that he even pretends he's resisted the urge to have sex with men until he's 56 years old....... Hands up who believes him..........I sure as hell don't! ... (read in full...)
Should I tell this woman that her husband was cheating on her?
Q. Hi, i have a bit of a dilemma, my new girlfriend has admitted to me that before we got together she was having sexual relations with a man who is engaged over the period of a few months. She shows no remorse for her actions, and i really think i ...
A. 22 August 2009: I'd be more concerned about what sort of woman you are dating than what sort of man a complete stranger is marrying. Chances are, (we're talking huge, huge chances here), that he doesn't really want to get married in the first place. Women often ... (read in full...)
He is always saying other girls are cute and hot!
Q. he says he loves me but he will say that other girls are hot and cute when he posts a picture of someone famous he will say shes cute or hot and he does skype with another girl and and he says that im all he wants but idk it makes me feel bad bout ...
A. 21 August 2009: Looking at other girls is one thing, telling you about it is just stupid. This is something that some males keep doing long after they should have grown up and got some manners. Ditch this thoughtless nuff nuff and find yourself a boy who has a ... (read in full...)
What do I do when my daughters are being sexually molested!
Q. i dont know what to do when a father is sexually molesting my two daughters. [Moderator note: more information would be helpful for the aunts to give advice.]...
A. 21 August 2009: Can you tell another relative? Do you have anyone to confide in or turn to for advice? Do you have somewhere you could take your daughters to remove them from the environment where it is happening? You have to do something, you have a moral ... (read in full...)
He keeps asking me out, I'm not attracted to him, but I don't like hurting his feelings!
Q. I am on an internet dating site. There is a guy who has emailed me about 30 times. He has asked me out on several occasions, i have almost run out of excuses for not accepting. I am not attracted to him but he seems to be obsessed by me. Should i...
A. 21 August 2009: Hi,
If you think he's obsessive at the moment, imagine what he might be like if you actually go out with him. Maybe if you just be honest and tell him you think he seems nice but you're not attracted in 'that way' you may end up with a good frie... (read in full...)
More Info added: Should I get out of this marriage and take a chance with the younger woman?
Q. I am posting this question for a second time -as I have left out some important details the first time around.I am currently married for 16 years and we have one child, a boy. during the 16 years, my wife packed her belongings and moved to her ...
A. 18 August 2009: We don't live in Victorian times any more, you are allowed to get out of a marriage which is bad for you. Finances aren't a good reason to stay with someone who makes you unhappy. Your wife sounds like a selfish kook. Go for it with the new woman. ... (read in full...)
I'm not the "hot chick" I want to be for my band or my boyfriend!
Q. This will sound like a very, veru vain question, but I really need to know. Ok, so I'm the front woman in a band; I play guitar and sing. My bandmates are all guys. One of them is my BF. Anyway, the thing is, our music is good, I don't mean to sound ...
A. 18 August 2009: Can't see what you're worried about. There's a whole lot of people in the music industry who look "hot" but have absolutely no talent whatsoever. If, however, you're music is kiddy lollipop crap, (eg: Britney Spears), then you probably need to buy ... (read in full...)
Men, please help me? Is watching tranny porn normal?
Q. Almost a year ago this month we met. He was obsessed with my sex!! Wanted it all the time, everyday every night....now he is always tired when he comes home from work. Or he complains about how it sucks getting old his body is out of shape. I left ...
A. 13 August 2009: I'm not a male but I just had to put my fifty cents worth in. This guy is a card-carrying sicko! He'll probably end up getting done for hanging around sick pedo websites leering at little girls. Please get rid of him. ... (read in full...)
If a guy says he only wants to 'CHILL' with you and nothing else..what does this mean??
Q. If a guy says he only wants to 'CHILL' with you and nothing else..what does this mean?? I REALLY like this guy and was hoping for a relationship but he says he only wants to "chill for now"....
A. 13 August 2009: Well, for one thing it means he needs to get some sort of a clue as to how to communicate. "Chill" means to 'cool down' and I presume he doesn't want to climb into a fridge, so it sounds like what he really wants to say is, "I'd like to keep having ... (read in full...)
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