A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife wants me to spank her before/during sex. This probably sounds like every guy's dream but there is a bit of a sinister twist that is making me feel a bit uncomfortable.When I asked her where the spanking fantasy had come from, she said that she had her bottom slippered and belted both at home and at school whilst growing up. She also says she got the cane across her bottom, at school, on several occasions. She said that although she hated the actual punishments, as a teenager she often found herself aroused during and after the spanking. Sometimes she would even masturbate in secret afterwards. Now she wants to order some uniforms, canes and plimsolls and recreate the experience again at home, with me. I'm fine with her having a spanking fantasy (most women do apparently) and I enjoy role-play. I just find the idea that she 'enjoyed' being spanked by her parents and teachers a bit weird and I feel a bit uncomfortable trying to recreate it.Am I being a bit prudish, is this sort of thing normal? Should I just put these thoughts aside and welcome the opportunity to liven up our sex life?
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female
reader, youngandrestless  +, writes (20 February 2011):
 it is really not that odd what your wife is feeling. it really completely depends on how your wife finds her fulfillment. the underlying cause of this may be that she secretly feels exited by domination, it may not be the actual spanking that creates these feelings,but the feeling of being a supplecant. this is the basis of many sexual fetishes, some more extreme than others. ther is also a medical study that found that there are nerve endings in the butt cheeks that directly stimulate the sexual organs. the fact that your wife was spanked into her teenage years may have triggered these fantasy's because she was actually being stimulated during the punishment. if it really does disturb you and you are uncomfortable with it you need to talk to her about your feelings, but if you can be aroused by this activity, and only feel that you need to understand it, then enjoy! many women do enjoy being spanked, because of the nerve endings in that area of hte body, the only difference is how hard and often they like it. it also depends on, like i said earlier, if you wife enjoys being the supplicant, and not the dominator. if this is what she enjoys it is her every right to want it, she is not scarred or abused or messed up in any way, she just has her own fetishes like many of us. :)
A
male
reader, the_phoenic +, writes (19 February 2011):
Have fun
And stop making a problem of a gift you have and many dont
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (19 February 2011):
 It's normal. I understand that you want to treat each other as equal, but what makes it so passionate is the feeling of being submissive and giving power to you to control her sensations. Spanking gives her blow flow to her genitals. So it's not just playful punishment, but excitement of pleasure to follow.
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A
male
reader, Mr Husband +, writes (19 February 2011):
My own personal feeling is that all is well and your concern for your wife's well-being is admirable. Having my own sexual 'thing' (voyeurism) which is also rooted in a series of events as a teenager, re-enacting the events with a loved, trusted partner can be wonderful. The association in your wife's mind of the punishment and subsequent sexual pleasure I suspect is common enough. As long as you've talked to your wife about your concerns and she's allayed them for you and she in turn is happy, then I'd suggest going for it and seeing how it goes. Be sure she's happy *and* you're happy; once you've done that enjoy the livening up of your love life and the reaction you're sure to get from your wife.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (19 February 2011):
 The main thing is not to confuse the original source of a sexual fetish with it's manifestation.
Yes it originated from punishment when she was a child, but that does not indicate sexual feelings towards the punishment or the person punishing her, as much as how her sexuality development and how parts of her body got stimulated which helped program the response to fetish behavior.
If you can enjoy the fetish with her, go for it.
It might be that you need a boundary about hearing the source of where that fetish originated for her if that is what you can not handle.
-Frank Kermit BA MA
author, Alternative Relationship Choices
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A
male
reader, epicureansage +, writes (19 February 2011):
Don't over think this one. It was the sensations of being dominated and the contact itself she found arousing, not her parents or such persons. IOW don't worry - spank away. If this gets her going, you only stand to benefit. MOST women become VERY "giving" when their sexual needs are being met.
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A
female
reader, lemonyliz  +, writes (19 February 2011):
Sexual fantasies come from all over the place. The fact that hers is so directly correlated to her adolescence is not uncommon. Often people develop sexual fantasies from experiences that were not at all sexual. I guess maybe it was a bit tactless to be so candid with you about the origins of the fantasy but I would try not to be too concerned with it.
As long as the fantasy is enticing to both of you, I would say there is no harm in trying it out. That being said, I would try to separate it, to some degree, from her past experiences so it isn't so much a "recreation" as something new that is strictly your sexual fantasies and experience as partners.
Discussing your concerns etc. might also be helpful. I would let her know that the fantasy in itself doesn't bother you, but how it relates to her past makes you a little apprehensive and you don't want to be having her relive something that was potentially abusive and/or correlating you to a teacher or father-figure.
You can be a "new professor" of sorts in your own game if that works, but yeah, discuss it and make sure you are comfortable before you give it a go.
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A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 I don't think its "normal", but neither is being spanked into your teenaged years. Your poor wife had to endure some unusual punishments. I don't think its abnormal that she got some kind of rush from it, in the end. I think if she can take away a positive (albeit strange) thing from this cruel and inappropriate punishment, good for her. I don't see the harm in indulging her fantasy (as long as you are not too uncomfortable by it). If you really can't into it, then tell her no. But, don't hold back just because you think she is "wrong" for feeling this way as a result of what she experience earlier in life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): Why people think children don't react to spanking is beyond me. But in this case it sounds as though she decided to turn their punishment on them and found a way to bury the pain by sexualizing it. You might want to find out if there was deeper abuse of some kind that might require some professional therapy or counseling to get over. If it bothers you, you don't need to participate in her fantasy. Good luck.
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