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*poco

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Hello,

I live in Switzerland, but grew up in America. I think sites like these are very important, because people often feel ashamed of having problems, or have a difficult time accepting advice from their peers/family, and an outlet like this allows you to get varied advice from people you don't know, which is sometimes the only advice a person will get on an issue! I love that we all have our own "column" and can give advice and ask for help at the same time.

< Prev1234Next > [4 pages, 138 answers]

He's gay, but his dad doesn't know and has banned me from staying because he thinks there is something going on!

Q.   hi, my friend is gay(lets call him alex) and he is going out with a guy that lives quite far away and every few weeks he's boyfriend (lets call him danny)comes to stay with him, anyway when danny comes to stay i usually go to stay round alex'...

A.   7 June 2010: Considering you can't tell him the truth, there is probably little you can do to convince him of anything! He most likely senses something is going on, and perhaps can't face the reality of the situation (even though he might suspect it). You might ... (read in full...)

Why did I cheat on my boyfriend when everything is so perfect? What is wrong with me?

Q.   First of all let me start by saying that I already am aware of what I have done, I am not looking for comfort or criticism - what I have come here for is help or insight into my behaviour. I cheated on my boyfriend, I met someone through work las...

A.   31 May 2010: Maybe your need to feel appreciated and sexy is disproportionate, because of the years you were bullied. In relationships there are times you feel more appreciated/passionate and times you feel less so, but perhaps you equate desire/passion with ... (read in full...)

Which books will improve my vocabuary?

Q.   Hey there, I am 25 and since leaving school and university, I have hardly had the time to read books nor really had an interest for them, but as time goes by I find that my English is not as profound and great as it could be and I am starting to f...

A.   31 May 2010: I think Ernest Hemmingway is a great writer, particularly for people who aren't native English speakers. His sentence structure is fairly simple and direct, but his vocabulary and way of phrasing certain things is profound. Try some of his short ... (read in full...)

My husband does not know how to be affectionate to me

Q.   My biggest problem is that my husband does not know how to be affectionate to me. He tells me, "you don't accept the love I have for you." He thinks that because he feels love for me, that should be enough. He doesn't understand how much I need ...

A.   10 May 2010: Great advice so far, and also I want to add that you should be physically affectionate with him first, even if its awkward. If you initiate it often enough, he will eventually naturally reciprocate. Good Luck!... (read in full...)

Should I divorce my workaholic husband?

Q.   Should I divorce my workaholic husband? I am tired of being alone after 15yrs of marriage and want more.? He isn't a bad man but he has a full time job and then started a second business. I have spent our entire marriage begging him to spend mo...

A.   9 May 2010: This is such a tough situation. Does he know how grateful you are for the time you do get to spend together? The sleeping apart thing sounds like a bad sign. Maybe you should ask for a specific number of evenings spent at home/going out together per ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend wants to go clubbing, but shes only 15!!

Q.   My girlfriend is only 15, and she wants to go clubbing. She lives in Montreal, and im in Toronto (long story, she had to move for a little while away from Toronto but were going to stay together). Im 15 as well, and i think a) she is way to young, ...

A.   9 May 2010: You shouldn't assume that something bad will DEFINITELY happen to her. She might end up going out, having a terrible time, and then being put off clubs for years. Maybe you should talk to her and try to understand why she wants to go so badly. Her ... (read in full...)

Should I stop messin' around with him?

Q.   I have this guy who is my friend and me and him mess around alot not anything sexual but we do stuff like kissing and flirtin. Anyways he just started to go out with my friend and im really mad because she know we mess around. And even though they ...

A.   9 May 2010: It sounds like you already know its wrong, and its not doing you any good to continue. Find another guy! ... (read in full...)

Should a guy ask a girl out...on the street or in a mall?

Q.   Would a guy ever ask a girl out just on the street or the mall or something? Basically I know its kinda sad but I don't have a load of friends and I don't really ever go out clubbing. I work in the city so I often go shopping during the day and stuf...

A.   9 May 2010: It has happened to me before, so I know its possible. Conversely, I have met guys out and about and after a conversation, given them my number if I was interested in them. That way, they can call if they want. You never know! If you briefly meet ... (read in full...)

Why he's acting hot and cold with me?

Q.   Hi, I'm 35 and my coworker has been trying to get my attention for a couple of months. Lately things have progressed and we spent the afternoon together. He told me how happy he was spending time with me and how he wanted to get me flowers or a ...

A.   6 May 2010: Maybe he is having an equally difficult time interpreting your signals, and his hot/cold reaction is just confusion. If you like him, you should let him know, and then see how he responds. If you haven't really flirted or returned his feelings in ... (read in full...)

I changed my mind about moving home; am I a horrible person?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years. I moved 3000 miles away from my family to be with him. We live with his parents, and that has always been a little hard for me. Anyway, the living with his parents, my school starting to suck because of ...

A.   5 May 2010: You're not a horrible person. Just talk to them, as your family (who I am sure loves you) there is a good chance they will come around. Broach the subject tactfully, don't just blurt out that you are miserable and want to leave. Mention how much you ... (read in full...)

Used the morning after pill twice in a month ...

Q.   Hey i have a question, first of all i have irregular periods, well i got my period beginning of march then end of april, but i had sex a week before i got my period of the month of april and i used next choice because i didnt want to get pregnant, ...

A.   5 May 2010: Just so you know, the number one listed side effect of next choice is nausea. http://www.mynextchoice.com/Consumer/howtake_QA.asp#11... (read in full...)

Used the morning after pill twice in a month ...

Q.   Hey i have a question, first of all i have irregular periods, well i got my period beginning of march then end of april, but i had sex a week before i got my period of the month of april and i used next choice because i didnt want to get pregnant, ...

A.   5 May 2010: Next choice pumps hormones into you, this might be why you are feeling sick. I doubt you are pregnant, even if you were, its very unlikely that you would experience nausea this early on. I think its unrelated. You can take a test in two weeks if it ... (read in full...)

Should I show him I'm suffering or endure the heartache alone?

Q.   How do guys get over a relationship so easily? How is it anyway fair to me that I am the one that has to suffer? It's been over a week since my ex broke up with me and I am coping with it quite well but I still have my days. It's not fair that I ...

A.   3 May 2010: What do you mean by unfair? There is no rule that says "all parties should suffer equally". People react differently. Plus, you have no idea what is going on in his mind, or what was going on before the break up (maybe he had already broken up with ... (read in full...)

How do I explain to a woman that I don't want to have kids?

Q.   I had a vasectomy years ago, and to be honest, I'm quite happy with the decision. I definetely don't want to have kids EVER. But how do I explain this to a woman if I ever find one. Will she hate me? Will she immediately leave? How should I...

A.   3 May 2010: Its an extremely significant question! I think its best to be as honest about kids as you can be, right from the beginning. You could be lucky enough to find a woman who genuinely doesn't want children either (they are out there, I know at least ... (read in full...)

I am 13 and a lot of other girls tell me I should have sex, but I don't want to!

Q.   im 13 years old and a lot of other girls are saying that i should have sex but i havent gone through puberty yet and i heard that dry sex reeeeeely hurts and i want to lose my virgenity when im married to the man of my dreams what sould i do?!...

A.   3 May 2010: Tell them they should be ashamed and embarrassed about encouraging another girl to lose her virginity. You don't have to be as easy as they are. Its waaay too young and anyone who would even take your virginity is either also too young, or a ... (read in full...)

Do you think my doctor likes me?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I've been seeing my doctor for 2 years now. Lately he's started calling me sweety or saying i'm a sweetheart when I see him. He's always asking me about my love life lately, he also touches my shoulder when i'm leaving, do you...

A.   3 May 2010: No, those are very innocuous gestures, that could easily be interpreted as him being nice. On the other hand, do you like him? Is he single? If the answer to both of those questions is yes, then you could get a different doctor and maybe try to... (read in full...)

Boyfriend says he's a shitty boyfriend and wants a break

Q.   I just dont understand, me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 7 months and everything is great. we've never fought! i know thats crazy that we havent but its the truth. and he just recently got a new job that he's very busy with and is on ...

A.   2 May 2010: Don't try harder to make him like you more. It sounds like you already do a lot. I agree with the other poster, if he really thought he was a bad boyfriend, there are steps he could take to be better, instead of just ending the relationship. Its a ... (read in full...)

I know the guy is supposed to make the 1st move but I have no confidence!

Q.   im 15-19 years old ive always had a confidence problem when it comes to girls and i dont really know why.. i have loads of good friends that are girls and its fine in terms of that but when i start to like a girl it all completely cahnges..and i d...

A.   30 April 2010: I think you need to read old nike ads: just do it. Maybe, at first, set your goals low. Hold her hand, touch her leg, snuggle (have you done that at all yet?). After you have established some form of physical closeness, make up your mind to kiss ... (read in full...)

I'm very attractive and always being hit on!

Q.   i am a very actrive female and all my friends boyfriends and husbands try to hit on me. I dont come around and that is the reason. It makes me feel good that i am beautiful, but i dont like the people who i get it from. I have modeled some in the ...

A.   30 April 2010: Be rude to them when they hit on you, let them know they're being a**holes. Then, after that, spend time with your friends and ignore their significant others. Give them little or no attention and just enjoy your friends.... (read in full...)

Talking my mom into leting me having a relationship?

Q.   im 15 and home schooled , im a larger girl (as a little chubby) i keep thinking to my self i want someone in my life to love and hold me , but being out of school i cant really find a boyfriend , my mom dosent even want me to get a boyfriend till...

A.   30 April 2010: I think you should encourage your mom to allow you socialize with people more. Maybe you can ask to join some kids who attend "regular" schools for their extra curricular activities after school. I'm sure there are some clubs/sports that are perhaps ... (read in full...)

She says she doesn't want to be FWB but isn't that what we are??

Q.   How do I figure this girl out, before I start I have to say that I am a typical young bloke who is very open and honest. I am very attracted to a girl I work with and we have worked together for about 4 years, we flirt all the time, I was stra...

A.   29 April 2010: Stop kissing her and feeding her false hope. Its not nice, and it'll get messier as time drags on. ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong that I am only dating him because he is a Doctor?

Q.   Hi guys , This isn't so much as a problem but I would just like some thoughts. Last month I was on my mates hen weekend and whilst we were in a local pub another group of guys started chatting to us. None of them particulaly good looking. N...

A.   29 April 2010: Maybe it would be better if you could find a doctor that you ARE attracted to, and then date that guy.... (read in full...)

Am I being too nit picky? Should I try to reconcile?

Q.   I am 23 years old and my ex-boyfriend, whom I broke up with yesterday, is 26. I am considering calling him to reconcile/talk and am not sure if this is a good idea. My boyfriend is a wonderful man-- tender, very physically affectionate (borderline ...

A.   29 April 2010: I don't think you are being too picky, it sounds as though you two are very different people (and it also sounds like you are being pretty harsh on yourself, calling yourself shallow and immature, just because things that are important to you, ... (read in full...)

This guy has got me baaaaaddd....

Q.   I met a guy like jus over a month ago. He's best friends with my friends ex. I slept with him on the first day that we met (we were a bit drunk), I liked him from the get go but I thought that it was just a bit of fun but he said to me that he ...

A.   29 April 2010: I have to reply to the anonymous male respondent, all relationships should be close. Granted, people can be too clingy, and maybe they do want different things right now, but I don't think she should accept a relationship with this guy, where she ... (read in full...)

How can one be so cruel?

Q.   I have been going over and over this situation if you can call it that in my head for 3 days now and my head is hurting as much as my heart/feelings. I was dating a 40yr old guy with 2 grown up sons for a month. He made a big point of waiting...

A.   28 April 2010: Maybe a simple text back saying something like "Right, I'm sure that is what happened, its all on me. Can't possibly be your OLD friend dick's fault. Good luck finding someone who "does it for you". All contact stops here." Or any kind of sarca... (read in full...)

We have a child together but she says we can't have a relationship until I'm 'saved'

Q.   Hi I'm confused in my relationship and not sure were it is going. My girlfriend and I met about 18months ago, she had three children to her previous partner, and we now have a child of our own, which I'm real happy for. We love other a lot ...

A.   28 April 2010: Well you have a few options. You can lie. Just appease her and say, "If its important to you, I believe" You can tell her you don't understand this sudden desire, and you think she is being unfair. Tell her she chose you and accepted you ini... (read in full...)

This guy has got me baaaaaddd....

Q.   I met a guy like jus over a month ago. He's best friends with my friends ex. I slept with him on the first day that we met (we were a bit drunk), I liked him from the get go but I thought that it was just a bit of fun but he said to me that he ...

A.   28 April 2010: I wondered why you were arguing over a birthmark :-) I think your plan is good. Wait for him to contact you and make him back up all the things he has said with actual content (phone calls, texts, commitment). He does need to make an effort, ... (read in full...)

This guy has got me baaaaaddd....

Q.   I met a guy like jus over a month ago. He's best friends with my friends ex. I slept with him on the first day that we met (we were a bit drunk), I liked him from the get go but I thought that it was just a bit of fun but he said to me that he ...

A.   28 April 2010: If you were really his soul-mate, then yes, he should want to talk to you. It sounds like this all happened very fast and blew up to an enormous size unintentionally. Maybe you need to deflate the whole thing and gain some perspective on the ... (read in full...)

I have fallen really hard, but she is moving 600 miles away. Do I just let her go?

Q.   I met a women at my best friends wedding,we immediately started going out and things were going extremely good. Until tonight,she is going for an interview for a job in a town 600 miles away. What am I to do,should I be calm about it and wish her ...

A.   28 April 2010: Congrats, maybe its meant to be :-)... (read in full...)

Need some advice on making the first move

Q.   I recently went through a really rough breakup with a girl that I had been dating for a long time. The breakup took quite a toll on me and I am still healing from it, but I have gotten to the point now where I am thinking about starting to meet ...

A.   28 April 2010: I think firstly, you should become comfortable with your nervousness. Its not always a turn-off, sometimes it can be interpreted as kind of cute, especially if you embrace it. That discomfort you feel is natural, and everyone feels it to an extent ... (read in full...)

When did I conceive?

Q.   Hi well i'm 11 weeks and 5 days pregnant. And i was just trying to work out the day i conceived. does anyone have any idea.. I'm due 11th Novemeber and my LMP was Jan 28th to the 4th of feb... Any help thanks x...

A.   27 April 2010: Its impossible to know exactly. Probably around the 14th-22nd of February. Look at this: http://www.americanpregnancy.org/duringpregnancy/pregcalc.html There are lots of other calculators like that, as well. Congrats on the baby!... (read in full...)

Is this normal at the beginning of a relationship and how can I resolve it?

Q.   I have been seeing my boyfriend for coming up to 4 months. I am 31 so is he. I feel that I have matured a lot compared to my behaviour in previous relationships and have learned not to analyse every single thing that happens to be somethin...

A.   27 April 2010: I think it sounds like he is taking his feelings for you, and translating them into insecurity, which is shame. I would give him a little time, try what the other poster said (great advice!) and maybe a few other tricks to boost his confidence, but ... (read in full...)

Do you think he is playing mind games with me?

Q.   i feel so down,in march this year i took my mum out one wednesday afternoon to a place for lunch,unknown to us they had a guy playing a piano.i didnt take much notice to be honest my 80yr old mum enjoyed it! at the end this guy came straight over to ...

A.   27 April 2010: I think you can't be too upset that he didn't reply to a text saying you intend to call. Just call him! Maybe he is waiting for that. Its not like you are tackling him and dragging him back to a hotel room, its just a phone call. Musicians aren't ... (read in full...)

I love my "friends with benefits" but I don't think he feels the same way!

Q.   Hi all, I am in a physical relationship with someone without any word of love ever being said. We are just good friends (with benefits!!! - tho I hate to say this). I am not happy because I am only with him because I love him but he probably...

A.   27 April 2010: He probably does know, and he has probably sent you signals to let you know he doesn't feel the same way (this is why you think the outcome won't be good). The best thing you can do is confuse him. Put distance between the two of you, make him chase ... (read in full...)

Life full of unrequited love

Q.   I am not sure what I am doing wrong but I always seem to get into unrequited love. And it drains me both emotionally and physically. I am in love with a woman currently but she sees me as a good friend and I have asked her a couple of times but she ...

A.   26 April 2010: Maybe you need to make some distinctions between how you treat friends, and how you treat women you are interested in. For example: with a friend, you don't mind hearing about other guys in their lives that they are interested in, with a woman you ... (read in full...)

Just to be sure I'm not pregnant...

Q.   I’m 19 and I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time…my period came about the 6 of April and I think I was ovulating about the 22. My question is that I did bleed a bit and I still am but light. We used a condom (it did not break) and he pull ...

A.   24 April 2010: If your last period was April 6th, you shouldn't be having another period yet, so the light bleeding is just mid-month bleeding, perhaps due to losing your virginity. You took more precautions than necessary. If you are this freaked about ge... (read in full...)

Is it ok to go out with a 12 year old when I'm 16?

Q.   Is it ok to go out with a 12 year old girl when im 16. No its not about sex thats completely retarded at this age. She admitted she liked after her mom told me....

A.   24 April 2010: No its not ok. Its less about the age gap and more about the fact that these ages represent such huge changes that one of you will slow down/not be in sync with the other. Find someone your own age.... (read in full...)

His mother hates me and controls him!

Q.   I am almost 22, and have been with my boyfriend, my third 'long term' relationship, for about two and a half years. We have an amazing relationship when it is just us, he got around a bit before me, but I was the one he chose to settle with. We ...

A.   24 April 2010: So, I don't think you can really separate your love of being in a relationship with your love for him. I am a person who doesn't like being alone either, I was in a succession of long-term relationships, and in retrospect, I think they lasted a lot ... (read in full...)

My husband has reconnected online with an old crush!

Q.   My husband had recently reconnected with his high school friends. One of them is a girl who he has said was one of his closer friends in high school. Now that they've reconnected they have been chatting on line at least once a week if not more, ...

A.   24 April 2010: I just wanted to respond to your follow-up. That girl should absolutely want to meet you (it should be a real priority for her). It sounds like you don't really suspect your husband, which is great. And him waiting to meet with her for lunch again ... (read in full...)

Married man having platonic relationship with a married woman?

Q.   Is it o.k for married man to have a platonic relationship with a married woman? My husband recently reconnected with a friend whose a girl in high shcool. They've never had any kind of romantic relationship, although my husband had admitted in ...

A.   23 April 2010: Its possible that they are just friends. You absolutely should meet this woman though, and tell your husband that if he wants to continue meeting up with her for lunch and what not, you HAVE to meet her to feel comfortable about it. Its the least he ... (read in full...)

Should I be direct? Or not so direct?

Q.   When I ask a woman out in the future, should I use plain language or fancy language? Is it best to be direct, and simply say "Do you want to go out with me on a date?" Or can it make things awkward if I am too direct? What is the best way ...

A.   23 April 2010: Unfortunately there is no hard and fast rule. It depends on the person, people like and respond to different approaches differently. I always liked to be asked directly, and I think even with timid girls, eventually you should always be direct (just ... (read in full...)

His mother hates me and controls him!

Q.   I am almost 22, and have been with my boyfriend, my third 'long term' relationship, for about two and a half years. We have an amazing relationship when it is just us, he got around a bit before me, but I was the one he chose to settle with. We ...

A.   23 April 2010: You said it correctly when you said he is a little boy, not a man. But, he's worse than that, he's not even behaving like an adolescent! At least 14/15/16 year-olds tell their parents to screw off sometimes, and they develop personal boundaries that ... (read in full...)

I have fallen really hard, but she is moving 600 miles away. Do I just let her go?

Q.   I met a women at my best friends wedding,we immediately started going out and things were going extremely good. Until tonight,she is going for an interview for a job in a town 600 miles away. What am I to do,should I be calm about it and wish her ...

A.   13 April 2010: Be honest and tell her that while you support her in her career hopes, you really hope she doesn't get THIS particular job. If you don't let her know that you absolutely want her to stay... well she won't know, and then what you want won't matter at ... (read in full...)

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