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I live in Switzerland, but grew up in America. I think sites like these are very important, because people often feel ashamed of having problems, or have a difficult time accepting advice from their peers/family, and an outlet like this allows you to get varied advice from people you don't know, which is sometimes the only advice a person will get on an issue! I love that we all have our own "column" and can give advice and ask for help at the same time.
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I have fallen really hard, but she is moving 600 miles away. Do I just let her go?
Q. I met a women at my best friends wedding,we immediately started going out and things were going extremely good. Until tonight,she is going for an interview for a job in a town 600 miles away. What am I to do,should I be calm about it and wish her ...
A. 28 April 2010: Congrats, maybe its meant to be :-)... (read in full...)
His mother hates me and controls him!
Q. I am almost 22, and have been with my boyfriend, my third 'long term' relationship, for about two and a half years. We have an amazing relationship when it is just us, he got around a bit before me, but I was the one he chose to settle with. We ...
A. 24 April 2010: So, I don't think you can really separate your love of being in a relationship with your love for him. I am a person who doesn't like being alone either, I was in a succession of long-term relationships, and in retrospect, I think they lasted a lot ... (read in full...)
Should I be direct? Or not so direct?
Q. When I ask a woman out in the future, should I use plain language or fancy language? Is it best to be direct, and simply say "Do you want to go out with me on a date?" Or can it make things awkward if I am too direct? What is the best way ...
A. 23 April 2010: Unfortunately there is no hard and fast rule. It depends on the person, people like and respond to different approaches differently. I always liked to be asked directly, and I think even with timid girls, eventually you should always be direct (just ... (read in full...)
His mother hates me and controls him!
Q. I am almost 22, and have been with my boyfriend, my third 'long term' relationship, for about two and a half years. We have an amazing relationship when it is just us, he got around a bit before me, but I was the one he chose to settle with. We ...
A. 23 April 2010: You said it correctly when you said he is a little boy, not a man. But, he's worse than that, he's not even behaving like an adolescent! At least 14/15/16 year-olds tell their parents to screw off sometimes, and they develop personal boundaries that ... (read in full...)
Our sex life is one sided!
Q. I'm in a relationship of 1 year now I'm 25 and he's 28 we love having sex we have a problem with our sex life he likes when I give him oral sex but when I try to get him to give me oral sex he won't do it and its just not fair and I have stopped ...
A. 23 April 2010: Yes, you should dump him. Not so much because of the oral sex issue (even though, you are right, he is being disgustingly selfish), but because you said the relationship is based only on sex. Your other needs are being ignored, because you tied to ... (read in full...)
I can't bear the thought that I've reached the age of 19 with zero experience.
Q. Ok so i asked a question here a couple of days ago. The thing is im 19 and a virgin still, and i feel really worried and down over it. The people who answered were great and it helped but i think they thought i was just obsessed with sex and losing ...
A. 23 April 2010: Worrying about it, and being afraid that if it does happen you will mess it up, these two feelings are your enemies. Nineteen is really not that old, there is no need to be so mortified by it. Just relax, think about what you want in a girl, and ... (read in full...)
If he really cared about me wouldnt he ask how I'm doing?
Q. Me and my friend havent been talking because i guess hes never around to answer my texts or emails. Were on april vacation and he never talks to me fully when were not at school. I hurt myself by burning myself at work so i told everyone including ...
A. 22 April 2010: You should stop texting/emailing and let him come to you. I believe he thinks you are interested in being more than friends, and he doesn't want that. So, he is politely hoping that you understand that without having to come out and say it. Don't ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend went out with this girl, and said it wasn't a date, but it sure sounds like a date!
Q. So uhm, I had recently broken up with my bf because i was having this strange feeling that he was flirting with his crush, who, by the way, is less pretty, smart, talented and appealing than i am. So i would get really mad whenever id think about ...
A. 22 April 2010: Good for you, now maybe you'll have a chance at really letting go of the relationship and moving on!... (read in full...)
I see her point of view, does she see mine?!
Q. I am in love with a woman at work. She knows that and has been a very good friend. We hang out every now and then and talk to each other lots everyday. I had recently proposed to her to give our relationship a chance. She asked me to wait and give ...
A. 22 April 2010: The thing is, if the situation were reversed, you wouldn't have needed time to decide if you wanted to date, you already decided. She has probably already decided too (but not in the way you want). Unfortunately, in matters of the heart, a "maybe" ... (read in full...)
How do I make myself seem sick so I don't have to go visit his family?
Q. I am supposed to go up north (Michigan) with my boyfriend's dads side of the family. i don't want to go because he has never been close with them and it's uncomfortable. The last time i went i had a horrible time. I want to make my boyfriend think i ...
A. 22 April 2010: Maybe you could let your boyfriend know in a straightforward way that you aren't looking forward to it. If you can describe exactly what it is you don't like about visiting, he might be able to understand and then you can have a real conversation ... (read in full...)
2 positive tests..does that mean I am pregnant?
Q. yesturday i took a home pregnancy test (i brought two) i took one yesturday which came out positive right away, then this morning i took the other just to be sure and that also came out positive right away. i brought the tests because i was 3 weeks ...
A. 21 April 2010: Someone else recently asked nearly exactly the same question. You might like to see the answers!
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-if-im-not-pregnant.html
Let yourself be happy, go to that Dr.'s appt. Congrats!... (read in full...)
Why is my boyfriend going on dating websites?
Q. Hi everyone, Ok, so I've found out since a week ago that my boyfriend has set up an adultfriendfinder account. We've been together for almost three years, and the thought of this ruining our relationship is heartbreaking.. But on the other hand, I ...
A. 21 April 2010: Go ahead with your plan and see how far he will take it. Its totally inappropriate of him to be active on sites like this. I know sometimes people look on sites like that just idly, but if he is sending flirts and regularly on the site, its not a ... (read in full...)
Does this mean our relationship has run its course???
Q. I have been in a relationship with my partner for 4 years, it hasn't been the easiest ride ever and has had it's abusive moments but not present anymore. we have 2 children together but there is a big question mark over the relatonship, on my part ...
A. 20 April 2010: I wouldn't give so much credit to this crush. Especially since you haven't even figured out if anything would come of it, right now its just idle fantasy. A lot of people get crushes, even when they are in relationships, but not everyone concludes ... (read in full...)
Celibate marriage.
Q. *OP's own title* I am also in a sexless marriage. I have been married for almost 6 years. My husband has some very deep issues and hang-ups about sexual intimacy. Through these years he kept saying to me that he will go get help. He finally sees the ...
A. 20 April 2010: Yes, he is trying to manipulate you. Tell him that you love a lot of people that you don't live with as man/wife. He DOES have an obligation to you to get help, as your husband, and if can't fulfill that obligation, then you are free to go, even if ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend went out with this girl, and said it wasn't a date, but it sure sounds like a date!
Q. So uhm, I had recently broken up with my bf because i was having this strange feeling that he was flirting with his crush, who, by the way, is less pretty, smart, talented and appealing than i am. So i would get really mad whenever id think about ...
A. 20 April 2010: He's never going to give you permission to move on, and clearly you will never give him that either. But, that doesn't mean you SHOULDN'T move on. You broke up with him because he was flirting with someone else, he has continued that behavior... its ... (read in full...)
Why do I stay with this man who drinks every day?
Q. my man drinks each day and sayes hes not got aproblem its been 3 years now why do i stay whith him help ...
A. 19 April 2010: Maybe this can help: http://ezinearticles.com/?Living-With-An-Alcoholic-Spouse:-A-Healthy-Detachment&id=312741
Good luck...... (read in full...)
My boyfriend went out with this girl, and said it wasn't a date, but it sure sounds like a date!
Q. So uhm, I had recently broken up with my bf because i was having this strange feeling that he was flirting with his crush, who, by the way, is less pretty, smart, talented and appealing than i am. So i would get really mad whenever id think about ...
A. 19 April 2010: I have to agree with the last poster, repeat loudly to yourself everyday that YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM. What do you think that means? You have NO MORE claim to him, his time, or his fidelity. He owes you NOTHING anymore. Breaking up means that ... (read in full...)
Why couldn't he love me? And why hasn't he asked for the ring back?
Q. Hi there, First off, I'm a mature woman - 43 years old, and yet here I am in a painful situation after ending a relationship w/a man I was engaged to. I probably never should have gotten into a serious relationship w/him in the first place - he's 1...
A. 19 April 2010: I agree with the other poster, you should return the ring and his belongings. If you can afford it, have them shipped by certified mail to his house, or return them by way of a relative or mutual friend. Its not doing you any good to keep them, ... (read in full...)
Celibate marriage.
Q. *OP's own title* I am also in a sexless marriage. I have been married for almost 6 years. My husband has some very deep issues and hang-ups about sexual intimacy. Through these years he kept saying to me that he will go get help. He finally sees the ...
A. 17 April 2010: You're not being cold-blooded. He clearly needs a real impetus to get help, and your prodding might be the only thing that will do it. Six years is more than patient, and its about time he made good on his promise to try and change. Its not as if ... (read in full...)
Broke up, now lost in emotion and don't know what to do
Q. *Op's own title* A few weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend. We had been together for six years. I have gone through so many emotions I am now lost and have no idea what to do or think. I broke up with him mostly because he was so uncomfortable...
A. 17 April 2010: I know it sounds impossibles sometimes, but try to enjoy being alone. There is something exquisite about being able to do what you want, when you want, with no consideration for anyone else. I went through something similar to this when I broke up ... (read in full...)
Will my married former lover contact me sometime down the road? I never even got to say goodbye!
Q. I've been dating a guy for almost a year. Things started to get more serious the past few months, but then we had to stop seeing each other. Apparently, he was married this whole time and I never knew about it. She just recently found out about us, ...
A. 17 April 2010: You don't need closure, the matter is closed, you just didn't get the ending you wanted. Not every relationship will end with drawn-out goodbyes, and tearful well-wishing. It sounds like it was an ugly ending to an ugly relationship. No matter how ... (read in full...)
Is this why she dumped me?
Q. I was with my ex for 1 year. Our relationship was tough, as she was restricted, she was a very busy person and sometimes her parents wouldnt let her do things with me such as stay the night. Or go on holiday even though she is 18. Im the opposite, ...
A. 16 April 2010: Its fairly normal not to want to talk to an ex right away after a break up. I think its wise of her. As for the reasons for the split, maybe it has something to do with that other girl, maybe she just thinks the two of you are too different. Either ... (read in full...)
She doesn't know whether to take me seriously or not when I flirt with her! What should I do?
Q. I recently started flirting with this girl. We knew each other in the past. I wasnt around her much and we werent really around each other enough to be considered friends. But she knows I joke a lot and this is causing problems. When I flirt wit...
A. 16 April 2010: Well, if you aren't ready to "make a move", then you could just talk seriously with her more often. Ask her about her plans for the future, her family, what she likes etc... Show that you are interested, in a non-flirtatious way. Maybe that will add ... (read in full...)
She doesn't know whether to take me seriously or not when I flirt with her! What should I do?
Q. I recently started flirting with this girl. We knew each other in the past. I wasnt around her much and we werent really around each other enough to be considered friends. But she knows I joke a lot and this is causing problems. When I flirt wit...
A. 16 April 2010: If you are bold enough, do something really non-jokey like buy her a flower, or ask her out. That sends a clear message!... (read in full...)
I feel like I just ruined my chance to be with this amazing girl!
Q. My ex and I had been hanging out and talking. I guess I kinda freaked and said that I couldn't be friends with her bc I still have feelings for her. Today I got a really long email saying that the reason she had been in contact, trying to hang out ...
A. 15 April 2010: I don't understand why she was so upset... you told her you had feelings for her and she had feelings for you too.... Where is the problem? I fail to see how you trying to protect yourself from becoming "just friends" when you want more is self ... (read in full...)
Two Problems I think My friend's girlfriend likes me and I Have a huge crush on her
Q. I have gone on many websites asking for advice and I hope I can find the right answers here. Ok here it goes...I think my friend's girlfriend likes me. She's really nice to me, nicer to me than she is my other friends and she smiles at me alot when ...
A. 15 April 2010: Liking someone, having a crush, isn't supposed to be a torturous experience that completely destroys a person's life for an indeterminate period of time. Its supposed to be fun, enjoyable, nice. Maybe you should try to enjoy your feelings for her, ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend on a dating site?
Q. I recently found an Adultfriendfinder.com email in my boyfriends yahoo account. I have not asked him about it yet but the user name is his initials and some numbers. It looks like he's had it for a while. The only thing he put on the site was the ...
A. 15 April 2010: Did you read the email? Because it might give you some clues. Did you remember what his supposed user name was? Sometimes, if you sign in from a fake account, it will say when the last time he signed in was. The thing is, these sites are notori... (read in full...)
Do I give him the benefit of the doubt?
Q. if you finally start talking with an ex again but he isn't ready to be in a relationship again---is it ALWAYS black and white that they just don't want to be with you? I did ask him very direct questions and made direct comments of how maybe he ...
A. 14 April 2010: I don't think its a matter of "giving him the benefit of the doubt" or not. You know, and he has confirmed, that he doesn't want to be with you right now. That much is clear. If I were you, I wouldn't feed my hope with his maybes. Tell him, once his ... (read in full...)
I love her but she slept with so many men
Q. I was dating someone a couple years ago that I cared very deeply for. We were having a great time together. During the time we were together she was sexually assaulted by someone she knew. She didn't go to the police or tell anyone for months. ...
A. 14 April 2010: I want to say to carrot2000, I spoke from personal experience. I had an ex who expected me to beg for forgiveness for being with others while we were broken up. It was so hurtful, and there was nothing I could do convince him he was wrong.
This ... (read in full...)
He wants a 'no strings' bit of fun, and I find that degrading
Q. I've done a really bad thing, I told a guy I really like that the reason I was so shy is because my last boyfriend was a jerk, I told him I am frightened to get close to someone because he never wanted to be seen with me and always put me down and ...
A. 14 April 2010: Don't applaud him for his "honest" avoidance of commitment. You won't get what you want out of this relationship. You might think that having no string fun with this guy could boost your self-esteem, but if you have actually never had a boyfriend, I ... (read in full...)
I love her but she slept with so many men
Q. I was dating someone a couple years ago that I cared very deeply for. We were having a great time together. During the time we were together she was sexually assaulted by someone she knew. She didn't go to the police or tell anyone for months. ...
A. 14 April 2010: She slept with a lot of men while she was SINGLE and hurting. She wasn't cheating on them, nor did she cheat on you, you have no reason not to trust her. If any part of you judges her and thinks she is a slut, even slightly, then move on. Let her... (read in full...)
What if I'm not pregnant?
Q. Hi I missed my period for two weeks so i went and brought 2 pregnancy tests, i took one when i got home, it came up postive really quickly, then i tested the other one the next morning (my first morning urine) and that also came up postive quickly....
A. 13 April 2010: Maybe you are worried because your body hasn't changed much yet? Early on in the pregnancy you don't necessarily see changes. This fear you are having isn't rational. Two positive tests means you are pregnant. Proceed as normal!... (read in full...)
I cant stay erect when I penetrate him, and we never use condoms
Q. Hey Guys and Girls I am a relationship with this guy and everything is going really well and I love him to bits. The problem is when it comes to penitrating him I cant seem to stay erect, even tho I am really horny.So he always has to do it ...
A. 13 April 2010: Have you penetrated other guys before? If so, maybe its a mental block kind of thing now. Does it really stress you out? Maybe you should just not try to do it for a while and only do it again when the urge becomes ridiculously strong. If nothing ... (read in full...)
I have fallen really hard, but she is moving 600 miles away. Do I just let her go?
Q. I met a women at my best friends wedding,we immediately started going out and things were going extremely good. Until tonight,she is going for an interview for a job in a town 600 miles away. What am I to do,should I be calm about it and wish her ...
A. 13 April 2010: Be honest and tell her that while you support her in her career hopes, you really hope she doesn't get THIS particular job. If you don't let her know that you absolutely want her to stay... well she won't know, and then what you want won't matter at ... (read in full...)
Should I stick around as a friend and risk getting hurt?
Q. Hi. So, I've just come out of a relationship with the most fantastic person I have ever met. We were together for 3 months and she's beautiful, challenging, intelligent, and has made me feel amazing! She broke it off because of a lot of things going ...
A. 13 April 2010: She needs time. I disagree with the previous poster about her never being able to get over her ex. Once people aren't in your life for a while, you do usually "get over" them (especially if you want to). We are not all hopelessly stuck in our first ... (read in full...)
How can I show my boss a hot kinky time?
Q. I posted on here a few days ago regarding my casual sex relationship with my 33 year old boss. Today, she expressed an interest to visit me one night. So far we have only been having sex around hers but she wanted to spice it up a little. My parents ...
A. 12 April 2010: Try researching "free erotic stories" online. There are loads about having sex with your boss, and other kinky stuff. Happy reading :-)... (read in full...)
Nearly 15 and never had a period
Q. Hi im nearly 15 and I haven't had my period what should I do?...
A. 11 April 2010: Wait. If it doesn't come by the age of 17/18, then ask a doctor if she/he thinks something may be wrong.... (read in full...)
I lied about my age, should I tell him the truth?
Q. I am a 42 year old woman who often gets mistaken for being much younger. My problem is that I met a guy who is 37 and I lied (as i don't like to devulge my age) and said I was 38. I didn't think we would continue but it seems we have a spark ...
A. 11 April 2010: Being confronted with having to tell the truth probably exacerbates the insecurity that motivates you to lie in the first place. Now, you not only have to explain that you are older, but also that you are insecure and lied about it. It would make ... (read in full...)
I am considering being a non sexual escort
Q. hi, iv split up with my bf recently and im not taking it very well...i have no interest in any physical contact and think just going on dates would help...with no contact and i dont want it to go any where so is it wrong if i become an escort? on a ...
A. 11 April 2010: Or maybe you can just go on actual dates, if you like going on them? There are plenty of non-escort dating sites, and if you would do well as an escort, I am guessing you can get a few non-paid dates as well. Why do you want to get paid for it? I ... (read in full...)
Why am I so quiet around him?
Q. I have been going out with my boyfriend for nearly a month (he's my first boyfriend). I am very talkative, funny, and laid back around my friends, but when me and him are together (alone, or even me+him+his/my friends), I become weirdly quite and ...
A. 11 April 2010: Maybe you just aren't ready to have a boyfriend and its too much pressure. If you can't be yourself, then break up with him, and date someone when you are ready. There is nothing wrong with waiting!... (read in full...)
Its my life and I should get to be in control? So why is he the one calling the shots?
Q. Hi, Following a recent break-up,my ex has been calling and getting in touch with me. We're friends but with the conversations I get annoyed because it seems that he still has control over me, or believes that he does and I need to stop it. Shou...
A. 9 April 2010: I don't think its hostile at all to cut ties with exes. You'd be quite right to stop all communication, especially since you find the communication upsetting! Don't respond to him and unfriend him, if he asks why, let him know you didn't appreciate ... (read in full...)
5 dollars for a 2 dollar coffee???
Q. There's a girl I work with, whom I get along with pretty well. She knows I really have a thing for her, but she's older than me. The other day I went to get coffee but she didn't have any money on her, so I bought her one. She said she'd pay me back ...
A. 8 April 2010: Its a three dollar difference, I wouldn't read to much into it. She was probably just being nice because you bought her coffee/she didn't have singles, something like that.
Maybe you could offer to take her to lunch/dinner with the three dollars ... (read in full...)
Advice re au pair jobs abroad!
Q. Hi. I'd really appreciate some advice on these job offers. I'd like to go and work abroad as an Au Pair. I'll write about both families, and you can tell me what you think. One of the families is from Switzerland. They have three kids , a girl...
A. 8 April 2010: I have been an au pair/nanny on and off for years, and I loved it. Based on how you describe these two jobs, I agree with the other aunts: take the one in Italy. It just sounds easier. If you really want a challenge and you have a strong desire to ... (read in full...)
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