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... Send *hildof1981 a private message | | | *hildof1981's profile:Name: Jeff
Born: 08/20/1981 in Syracuse, NY. Living in Ithaca, NY
Education: BA in Computer Science, Minor in Math
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ithaca,_New_York
I have no idea what qualifies me to give advice. I think I carry a unique perspective that balances the issues of love, practicality, and internal honesty to render sound advice. |
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How do I tell my boyfriend's best friend that I will break up with my boyfriend to begin a new relationship with him?
Q. I have feelings for my boyfriend's best friend, we have a lot in common and I really can imagine us dating. How do I tell my boyfriend's best friend that I will break up with my boyfriend to begin a new relationship with him?...
A. 6 February 2008: To be perfectly frank you just don't do it!
Relationships are not a necessity of life. The fact that you would break up with him to see somebody else should tell you your current boyfriend is not the one for you. You have an obligation to end the ... (read in full...)
How can I stop my boyfriend stealing?
Q. How can I stop my boyfriend stealing?...
A. 4 February 2008: Not to harp on grammatical ambiguity but do you mean . . .
"My boyfriend from stealing things . . "
or
"Myself from sealing other womens boyfriends"... (read in full...)
Should I stop trying to help my alcoholic / abusive husband and force him to help himself?
Q. I'm not sure what I should do here. I have been separated from my husband for approx. 45 days now due to his alcoholism and mental/physical abuse. I've still been trying to help him by letting him know that I have not given up on our marriage and ...
A. 16 October 2007: I think the first action you should take is to do some research on co-dependence, because there is probably a lot you can learn about yourself in the context of you husband.
To give you the cliff notes. You certainly want a person with alcoholi... (read in full...)
Can I be traced through my computer?
Q. I'm curious. Could someone find out where you live, or control your computer by finding out your IP Address? I clicked on a link and it said it wasn't working. I assume that someone is controling my computer. I am scared. Help me agony aunt....
A. 7 October 2007: For all practical purposes the answer to your question is no, your real address cannot be found using just your IP ADDRESS.
That said, law enforcement is generally able to ask ISPs/Telecoms to provide addresses with proper document... (read in full...)
He's 21, I'm 14 Should I ruin my plans OR dump my love.
Q. hi ive ot a problem because i'm young(14) and my boyfriend is older(21).please don't tell me how wrong our relationship is n illegal i've heard it so many times. my mom isn't worried shes meet the guy and she lets him stay round every night which i ...
A. 6 October 2007: Alright the situation was bad enough, but after hearing that he has threatened to kill himself if you break up with him you REALLY need to break up with him as soon as possible. That kind of declaration is straight up manipulation on his part, and ... (read in full...)
The phone rang after we had just finished sex. Was it ridiculous for me to want to answer the phone? Or for my husband to be hurt?
Q. My husband and I had just finished sex. The phone rang, and I answered it. My husband said it ruined the moment, and I should have let the answering machine pick it up and was really hurt. More info: *I didn't have to get up to answer the pho...
A. 28 September 2007: Personally I would feel like crap if a partner did that to me.
The question in his mind right now is . . did she switch from intimate sexual experience to talk on the phone mode in an instant? or was she never in that state to begin with?
... (read in full...)
I want to make sure my teacher doesn't get into trouble before I make steps towards a relationship?
Q. Will my teacher get into trouble if we have a relationship? I'm 18 and my teacher is right out of university he's 23. I'v always dated older men but this is different. He is a teacher at my school. I really like but i don't know how he feels I c...
A. 28 September 2007: I will get right down to the core of this as quickly as I can. You should not have a relationship with a teacher and he should not have one with you. It's inappropriate to have an intimate relationship when there is a professional supervisor to ... (read in full...)
My mum wont let me stay over at my boyfriends house. Should iI keep trying to convince her?
Q. I'm 19 years old, and have been with my boyfriend for one year and 3 months. We are very much in love, and can see our futures together. He gets on really really well with all my family, my parents completely adore him!! Only problem is my mum ...
A. 5 September 2007: Why are you even asking your mother about this?
This is in no way shape or form her decision, do what you want to do. If she has a problem tell her too bad, and that you owe her no explanations about how you choose to conduct your life.
Honestl... (read in full...)
A girl I like said I was 'nice' What does 'nice' actually mean?
Q. There is this girl that i have met, she is very pretty and has a great personallity. After a couple days of knowing her i asked her what she thought of me, and all she could say was that i was "nice". my question is what does she mean by "nice"?...
A. 31 August 2007: I play the numbers, when I take stock of all the girls that have referred to me as nice . . I get a list of good female friends and nothing more. If you are looking for another female friend you got one, but if you are looking for something else ... (read in full...)
He has lied to me before, so now he says he wants privacy and I dont trust him!
Q. I have been with my current boyfriend for a year and some months. We have lived together for a year. He has lied to me a couple times before about dumb things, like giving his number out to girls and denying ever talking to them. In my past ...
A. 31 July 2007: It's obvious you don't trust this guy so why bother continuing your relationship. Move on.... (read in full...)
MY mum won't let me stay at my bf's place! How can I persuade her to change her mind?
Q. I'm 16, my mum knows me and my boyfriend have sex, she wont let me stay round his house, ive tried everything! She let me stay round once on new years, its his birthday in 2 weeks and i have to stay round! Ive written letters, begged, threatened! ...
A. 20 July 2007: Part of growing up and transitioning between being a teenager and an adult is the constant re-drawing of boundaries. Right now you still feel that you need to ask you mothers permission to stay over at your boyfriends, that is the assumption thats ... (read in full...)
He abused me! ...or did he? Also, I've cheated on him, but he wants me back!
Q. During my first five years of my realationship my husband kicked in the side of my car once when he was mad and grabbed me and held me by my throat once when he was pissed off at me. Is this abuse if these things only happened once in five years? ...
A. 17 July 2007: YES! it's absolutely abuse. When there has been violence in the past, there is sometimes no need for more in the future. The fear of past violence can be used to control present behavior, even if there is no violence the memory of it lingers and can ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend ejaculated on the outside of my vagina, could I be pregnant?
Q. My boyfriend ejaculated on the outside of my vagina, could I be pregnant? ...
A. 20 June 2007: My first observation is that if you cannot answer that question you are being irresponsible and need to re-evaluate how you make choices. I don't care what choices you make, but not understanding a choice before you make it is just immature and will ... (read in full...)
My friends hate him and I am scared he will break my heart
Q. I used to date this boy for 3 years but it was on and off but we really like each other. He kept doing stupid things like he had anger problems and would always yell at me. My friends hated us being together but sometimes hed be fun and sweet. my ...
A. 20 June 2007: Here is some advice. You chose your friends for good reasons so it might be a good idea to listen to them on this one. Let this guy go, and find one your friends think is good for you (they often know you better than you know yourself).... (read in full...)
I separated from my husband because I didn't feel attracted to him anymore. Now I'm with someone else who's great at times but sometimes shows no respect to me. What should I do?
Q. I am currently separated from my husband because I do not feel attracted to him anymore. He's a kind person, but I feel I have outgrown him in many ways, though I still love him, but more like a companion, than a husband/lover. We didn't have any ...
A. 18 June 2007: You have two issues and they are not really related to each other. First is a loveless marriage and the second is a crappy boyfriend.
Resolving the loveless marriage should come first. Divorce your husband, you are simply using him as a safety b... (read in full...)
He says the phrase "I love you" is overused. So how do I tell him that I really do love him?
Q. Been seeing my boyfriend a year and wanna say i love you, but he has said to me in the past he thinks the words are overused. Now I don't know if I should say it. When is the best time to say something like that? I'm finding it a big deal because ...
A. 4 June 2007: You don't for the time being. I am like this guy in that I feel you can't really say you love somebody until you have known them for several years about 3 to 5. I know it probably burns to not say "I love you" to him, but thats exactly the reason he ... (read in full...)
Why do men chicken out when it comes to the question of marriage?
Q. Why do men chicken out when it comes to the question of marriage? Even if they are mid twenty?...
A. 29 May 2007: Perhaps it's because marriage does almost nothing except change how you file your taxes and expose both parties to immense financial liability. I know several men in their 50's that are no better off financially than I am right now (at 25) due to ... (read in full...)
Was I raped?
Q. is i rape if you wake up to find someone having sex with you?...
A. 8 May 2007: Yes, unless for some atypical reason you had give the person permissions to have sex with you while unconscious. Rape happens when you don't give your consent, period. And, not Saying "N0" is not the same thing as saying, "Yes".... (read in full...)
He has just revealed that he is seriously in debt and I'm not sure what to do.
Q. I have been seeing a guy for 3 months after meeting on a dating site. We're both taking things slow as we've both been hurt before. He has just revealed that he is seriously in debt and I'm not sure what to do. Half of me wants to run as I can't ...
A. 23 April 2007: I would stop seeing the guy. You are asking yourself "What do I do?" because this man did not have the forethought and consideration to get his life in order before actively seeking dates. A considerate and good man would not place you in the ... (read in full...)
He said he deleted his profile on the dating site...should I trust that he did this?
Q. In my question from yesterday about how my boyfriend had a profile on a dating website, I asked him if he would delete it for me and he said that he did indeed delete it after he realized his profile was searchable and he received a message from ...
A. 21 March 2007: Well, first I think it's unreasonable to ask him to "delete" his profile. Things don't always work out and he may not want to spend time re-creating it after you break up. If it's hidden that should be good enough. Also, I tend not to assume ... (read in full...)
Its been a roller coaster relationship, we have remained friends, but she doesnt stop talking about her ex and its driving me nuts!!!
Q. Hi everyone...we talk alot to each other but it's been a roller coaster relationship. Although we agreed to be friends she brings up her ex in almost every conversation we have about the things they did together. I 'm not sure how much I can handl...
A. 19 March 2007: Well, there is one thing you need to focus on . . ."Although we agreed to be friends". It's rather obvious that you may have said "Yes" to this proposal, but you clearly did not agree to/with it.
You are having mental stress because you don't wa... (read in full...)
Do you think he'll ever be more than just my friend?
Q. Hey everyone. This site is great, keep up the good work :) I have been best friends with my male friend for a year and a half and over the past few months we've been getting closer. We speak pretty much every day about anything and everything, ...
A. 16 March 2007: From my experience men do not cuddle up with their female friends unless they want something more. You and your were probably trying to do your best to avoid having what should be a very private conversation in a public setting.
I think this guy... (read in full...)
I don't care if he's the right guy, I want to have sex! Is this wrong?
Q. Hey the thing is, im 16 and ive been kissin n doin everyfink else wif this guy i know now for bout 6 months n wen wer together we get on really well but i know hes a player and when hes not with me he messes me about(not txtin bk n things) but im ...
A. 10 March 2007: I am going to disagree with my fellow aunts on this one. You are old enough to make a reasonable decision about what you want to do. There is nothing inherently good or bad about having sex, it's like any other choice in life and carries it's own ... (read in full...)
I slept with him in order to make him like me, now it's even worse than before!
Q. hiya im 16 and female .. i really liked this boy and he didnt really like me so i thought i would sleep with him in order to make him like me...a day after he didnt talk to me.... we havent spoken for weeks..we spoke more before we had sex...what ...
A. 9 March 2007: This will be a hard pill to swallow, but here goes. The guy did not want anything. I am going to try my best to tell you what you did in an objective sense and why it did not work.
The first thing you admit is that the guy was not very interest... (read in full...)
We're much better off now but I still act as if we're living on a shoe string budget. How can I stop feeling like this?
Q. Hi. I'll try to make this breif :) My fiancee and I live together, and thus we share the finances. He recently got a new job and a promotion to Case Manager, which means he makes 14$ an hour. He works 30-40 hours overtime also, and so is bringing h...
A. 9 March 2007: I think it is just plain prudent to maintain your limited expense lifestyle for a while. You SHOULD feel uncomfortable until you have savings equal to at least 6 months of living expenses. If you still feel uneasy after that then I would recommend ... (read in full...)
Would any of you guys out there ever date a girl who has a child?
Q. Would any of you guys out there ever date a girl who has a child? It's just i was in a bit of a sticky situation and as a result of this am now pregnant. I am a lovely girl and dont want to be lonely for life....
A. 6 March 2007: This largely depends on the guy, but overall you will find few men who will want to date a woman with a child. I suppose that can change when the child is about 25 and not so much a child anymore.
I think the key factor that you have to understa... (read in full...)
Been dating 3 years, but he doesnt even give me money for lunch!!!
Q. I have been dating this guy for 3 yrs. I am at school, he does not even give me money for taxi fare's and not even for lunch but he is working. Is this right or i am greedy please help...
A. 28 February 2007: Among myself and most of my friends we expect people we are dating to be independent. While we can and should work out any relationship issues, ones of personal finance are solely the responsibility of the person in question. So while things like ... (read in full...)
When sober my bf is wonderful! When drunk he's loud, obnoxious and aggressive! Do I get rid of him?
Q. My boyfriend is wonderful when he's sober, we have a great time and get on really well. However, when he's drunk, I hate him. He's loud, obnoxious and very aggressive towards me for no reason. It doesn't take much to start him off then he just ...
A. 27 February 2007: Why settle? Would you buy a car that ran half the time? or only worked well on days it did not rain? You may love him, but why can't you expect a boyfriend that is great all the time? We all have our little quirks, but this sounds like more than a ... (read in full...)
Any tips on how I can lose weight and tone up?
Q. has anyone got any tips or know of any websites showing exercises that i can do in my home that will help me loose weight and tone up? i really cant afford to go to the gym and am too self conscious to go running in public. thanks!!!!...
A. 26 February 2007: Losing weight and getting fit takes exercise and dieting. Your first step is to start counting calories and get yourself eating about 4 or 5 hundred calories less than you need a day.
When you have adjusted your diet, you will need to begin exer... (read in full...)
We broke up so is it okay to still have sex with him?
Q. me and my bf broke up....is it wrong to still have sex with him if we are "just friends"...
A. 23 February 2007: I think that all depends on you. Do you still love him? Are you hoping that sex will draw him back into a relationship? or to create some kind of emotional closeness? If you are looking for those things, then you are probably headed for ... (read in full...)
I am terrified of needles and need to see a doctor but I'm terrified, please help, what should I do???
Q. Oh god, I dont know what to do. Yesterday, I had a bad case of chills, back pain, headache, ear pain, nausea, a feeling like I was going to faint, and puss pockets in my throat. I still expeirence these symptoms today, even though I went to the ...
A. 19 February 2007: The only thing you can do is act mature and approach this with an all business attitude. Other people may make suggestions, but my suggestion comes from experience. I share your fear of needles, and I know how it feels. People just talking abo... (read in full...)
She has done oral sex and I am against that. Should I still date her?
Q. Hello everyone. I am dating this girl,who show a lot of interest in me,and she is good looking the problem is that she has told me that she has done oral sex once in her past, the thing is I am against oral sex practice. Should I continue to date ...
A. 15 February 2007: I am not sure why you are concerned by this at all. I consider a persons sexual history a topic thats off limits for any commentary or judgment on my part. I would first consider your overall compatibility, but if you really don't mesh on sex then ... (read in full...)
We started out as booty call buddies then we became friends... Not I'm not sure what we are!
Q. The last yr, Ive been seeing this guy- we started out by just having sex and then we became friends who sleep with eachother. He said he didnt want it to be anything more than that but I was important to him. I saw him again last night. It was...
A. 13 February 2007: You are in murky waters with this guy and it naturally causes confusion. It sounds like he cares about you on an emotional level, but may be unprepared for the expectations/demands of a more serious relationship.
As for what this means for you,... (read in full...)
I'm really sick of my mum, sick of trying with her...
Q. ok my mum h8s me this may seem lyke all 13yr old girls goin through a stage but she really does im sic of tryin wif her any more and i think her and my dad r spilittin up (agen) so ill just live with him is it too late to even bother wif my mum nw ...
A. 13 February 2007: I think you first step should be to revise your post to use proper English so there is no ambiguity in what you mean. Second, give us more details with the issues between your mother and yourself. You were vague and did not give us the context of ... (read in full...)
How and when do you go about telling a person you've recently met that you're saving sex for marriage?
Q. This is regarding the other two question here about the 24 yr old guys wanting to save sex until his wedding night. I am also a 24 yr old virgin waiting for marriage, I replied to both questions but now I have a question for them. How do you go ...
A. 13 February 2007: ABSOLUTELY the first thing you have to know is that your position on sex and marriage is not shared by a large segment of the population. Thus, it is very likely that the majority of people you date will not be on the same page as you are and things ... (read in full...)
What's going on? Do I just wait around for him to call me?
Q. Dearc Cupid I have been without my boyfriend for a week now he refuses to pick up my phone calls and he never calls or comes a sees me. In the past we have alot of trust issues and we argue and fight most of the time I feel like he is Dr Jeckle ...
A. 9 February 2007: I take a very "What have you done for me lately?" approach to relationships. Your question sounds like the only reason you have to love this guys is a combination of positive experiences in the past and emotional investment.
Would you fall in ... (read in full...)
Worried about panic attacks when I'm flying...
Q. hi ya can anyone help me. i suffer from bad panic attacks, and i am going away on tuesday and iam shitting myself about been closed in on my flight. dont get me wrong i have flown loads of times but since two years ago when my panic attacks started ...
A. 7 February 2007: I am a bit hesitant to post this, but it may be an option.
It's basically a site that specializes in therapy in regards to overcoming your fears about flying.
http://www.fearofflying.com/
If you can stay awake for it, they host an interne... (read in full...)
He wants me to choose between drinking and him!!
Q. Me and my boyfriend of over 2 years just recently broke up. We are still very much in love, but he doesn't want to be together unless I change. The main thing is that he wants me to stop drinking alcohol because he doesn't want to be with anyone ...
A. 6 February 2007: He is holding you to a double standard, and thats simply not fair. There are reasons that I would consider it permissible for a partner to ask you to stop drinking. Like you were on course for drinking yourself into a destroyed liver or something ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never stops looking at porn! Am I that undesireable???
Q. I am a 20 year old female and my spouse is 24. We had a baby about 2 years ago and my body just went to hell and back. For about the last year I have been catching my spouse using porn and he will deny it to the bitter end. I tell him how bad it ...
A. 6 February 2007: I will do as best I can to summarize the male mind on this one. I will do this as a QamdA style, and then you can decide how you feel. Q: Why does he lie about it? He lies because he knows it upsets you, but can't fathom why, and wants to avoid a... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks he owns me!
Q. I am 17 years old and I have been dating this guy for 3 month and I really have feelings for him, but in the past month or so he has been trying to tell me what I should wear and how I should act. In the past few days I have been talking with this ...
A. 6 February 2007: Drop the controlling boyfriend, that behavior usually indicates an abusive personality that will only get worse with time. And frankly, in a relationship of only three months it's not even worth weighing the pros/cons, just dump him like a gum ... (read in full...)
Do We Really Have a Future Together?
Q. Should i break up for good or not? I am 28 and i have been dating my boyfriend for 6 years. We have split up before a few times but always got back together after a few weeks. Recently though thinks seem to be getting worse, we argue constant...
A. 6 February 2007: You should never feel that a bad relationship is better than being alone. Six years is FAR too long to not have any idea where you stand with somebody. You are obviously not happy in the relationship, neither of you have made a serious commitment, ... (read in full...)
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