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My boyfriend thinks he owns me!

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 February 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 7 February 2007)
A female United States age 26-29, *herries Needs Help writes:

I am 17 years old and I have been dating this guy for 3 month and I really have feelings for him, but in the past month or so he has been trying to tell me what I should wear and how I should act. In the past few days I have been talking with this other guy and he treats me like I am my own person, he doesn't treat me like he owns me.

I have talked with him more in the past few days than I have with the guy I am dating. I have no clue what to do. But my friends have noticed that I am not happy being pushed around and being told what to do. My friends tell me to give the other guy a chance and see how it goes, if it doesn't work out, then it wasn't meant to be. So I have no clue what to do.

Would someone please give me a little help with this problem. I would really appreciate it if you all would. Could someone please help me?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007):

You don't have a clue on what to do? I hope that is a rhetorical question, though it doesn't sound like it. Let's take a few key factors out of your message:

1. he's controlling your life

2. you have grown unhappy

Ah, I see it now. You definitely SHOULD stay with your current boyfriend because... Yeah. Makes total sense. [talks to myself] "Yeah so my bf treats me like a caged parrot, teaching me to sing the songs he likes, and feeds me every now and then. I hate my life, but I'll stick with him cuz I feel I should..."

[thumbs up]


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A male reader, childof1981 United States +, writes (6 February 2007):

childof1981 agony auntDrop the controlling boyfriend, that behavior usually indicates an abusive personality that will only get worse with time. And frankly, in a relationship of only three months it's not even worth weighing the pros/cons, just dump him like a gum wrapper.

You seem to have met a good guy, give him a chance and see how things work out.

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A male reader, Comet star United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2007):

aww bless is my first reaction, just tell ur b/f how u feel, if he dosent change end it. stay in touch with the new guy n see what happens

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007):

Here's what you do hun. You dump the controlling bf and give the other guy a chance. A guy who truly loves you and respects you would never treat you like his property. He would think that you are perfect for him, just the way you are. Guys like this current bf of yours, do not understand the giving back aspects and respectfulness of love. They are takers, dear.. Men who have these abusive traits tend to do, exactly what your bf is doing. He has an expectation of how you should look and act to 'only' please him and he will always want those needs fulfilled. So anticipate that that if you continue with him. And no matter how much you tell him you disagree with what he wants, he will not support or listen to you. It's pure selfishness. Don't allow this in your life, you would be so wise to discern this guy's intentions. Might be a good idea to put him to the test. Try talking to him about this issue and see how he reacts. Something tells me he might deny, ignore, criticize and blame shift, to make you feel bad for suggesting such a thing. Controllers never accept responsibility for their own bad behaviors. Ask him this. That may really tell you what he's all about. Good luck, hun and keep me posted.

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