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When sober my bf is wonderful! When drunk he's loud, obnoxious and aggressive! Do I get rid of him?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 February 2007) 6 Answers - (Newest, 28 February 2007)
A female United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend is wonderful when he's sober, we have a great time and get on really well. However, when he's drunk, I hate him. He's loud, obnoxious and very aggressive towards me for no reason. It doesn't take much to start him off then he just shouts at me all night. Do I get rid of him, even though he's great the rest of the time?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007):

maybe secretly film him or record him one night when hes drunk and being agressive and then play it back to him when hes sober so he can see or hear what hes really like and that ur not exaggerating.

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A female reader, Ask Heather +, writes (27 February 2007):

Ask Heather agony auntHe needs to sort himself out FAST. I suggest Alcoholics Anonymous as a good place to start. There are regular meetings held in most towns, the people are friendly, and it`s free. If he refuses to recognise that he has a problem, then I`d get out fast. There`s a very fine line between verbal abuse and physical abuse. If, as you say, he gets aggressive and unpleasant when drunk, then he HAS got a proplem, that needs to be addressed ASAP. Please let us know how you get on, Kind Regards, Heather.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007):

Dump him, my ex used to be the same, he would drink from Noon until Midnight, and would pick an argument over trival things, everything would be find, then all of a sudden he would kick off, week after week I would tolerate his behaviour because when he was sober he was ok. But embarrassed me as when he drunk too much had to be the centre of attention all the time, and he was always right, I kicked him out of my house when he started to throw things about and verbally abuse me, and cheated, he lost a great home and girlfriend - his loss, not mine. Get him out of your life and be with somebody who doesn't need to depend on alcohol.

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A female reader, rhythmandblues2 United States + , writes (27 February 2007):

rhythmandblues2 agony auntIf he won't cut way back on his drinking he will eventually become an alcoholic, as this is a progressive disease. Habits like this started young often continue into late adulthood where the real disease is full blown.

My advice is to demand he not drink around you, he is agressive and abusive and could end up hurting you or kill you in a car.

If it were me, I would not date him, but if he is willing to change, then you have to decide that, not me.

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A male reader, childof1981 United States + , writes (27 February 2007):

childof1981 agony auntWhy settle? Would you buy a car that ran half the time? or only worked well on days it did not rain? You may love him, but why can't you expect a boyfriend that is great all the time? We all have our little quirks, but this sounds like more than a minor flaw.

If you are genuinely happy with your current boyfriend then keep him. If you are not break things off, the longer you continue the harder it will be to move on.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007):

getting rid of him is a bit extreme. maybe help him to cut down on his drinking and explain that, whilst u do want him to have fun (and no u are not turning into a nagging wife), u dont like the way he is and get scared when he gets aggressive

good luck!!

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