A
male
age
36-40,
*ling
writes:Hello everyone. I am dating this girl,who show a lot of interest in me,and she is good looking the problem is that she has told me that she has done oral sex once in her past, the thing is I am against oral sex practice. Should I continue to date her?
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female
reader, vina_101  +, writes (16 February 2007):
 I see you're Jamaican, me too and I understand your views about oral sex. But the way I see it if you really like her then you should go out with her. Are you going to let this great girl out of your life over something like one blow job? I mean she only did it once. Are you going to forget about the whole thing over that one time? If you like her and she likes you then you shouldn't let something she did once in the past cancel everything out. If you don't want her to perform oral sex on you then tell her your reasons for this and I'm sure she will understand.
But its up to you. If you don't feel that you can be happy with her and if you don't want to go against your beliefs then you should find another girl.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2007): No. No, you shouldn't still date her. B/c whatever anyone here might think about your views (and i can't say i particularly agree with them either), they're obviously you're views, or you wouldn't have bothered writing in. And if it's something you see as a moral issue, then i don't think you should compromise, even if it does make it harder for you to find someone. You won't respect yourself in the long run if you do.
But more importantly, i don't think you should continue to date this woman if you can't help judging her. It is completely and totally unfair and cruel to her. She may or may not see eye to eye with you on the morality of oral sex; either way, she can't change her past. She deserves someone who will love her for who she is, and not be constantly wondering whether she's good enough, evaluating her against some invisible standard that she can't see. Don't do that to her.
A lot of people would say that if you have religious reasons for being opposed to oral sex, your same religious values should tell you to prioritize something like forgiveness over those values. They might be right, but that's a discussion for you to have with your priest, rabbi, or other spiritual leader. If you're confident and comfortable that you've got your values straight, have the guts to live according to them.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (15 February 2007):
 If you are only going to date a girl that has never had oral sex you are going to end up mostly dating girls that won't tell you the truth about their sexual history. Very few girls will have never done this. Very few.
You have two choices:
1. Get over it. Accept that its really not a bad thing to have done, that its actually very normal, and that it is you that have the issue, not her
2. Stick with your convictions and have a very hard time finding a girlfriend. It is possible, and if thats what you really want then by all means go for it. But don't be under any illusions that she'll be hard to find.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (15 February 2007):
 I'm curious as to how the topic was brought up. None of the women I've dated in my ____ years of dating have ever said to me, "Ponungalung, I want you to know that I gave one guy a blow job." If you asked and she offered, shame on you for asking.
You then go to DearCupid and ask whether you should continue to date her not. How can anyone make that decision for you?
Here's my advice: Do her a favor and break up with her.
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A
male
reader, childof1981 +, writes (15 February 2007):
 I am not sure why you are concerned by this at all. I consider a persons sexual history a topic thats off limits for any commentary or judgment on my part. I would first consider your overall compatibility, but if you really don't mesh on sex then you may just want to pass on the relationship and save both of you the trouble.
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A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (15 February 2007):
 Do you want to not meet this woman because you're worried about "having to" to be at the receiving end of the blow job? If yes, then you can just say something along the lines of "I appreciate that you want to make me feel good, but oral sex makes me uncomfortable" and then show her how to make you feel good.
If you consider her to be too naughty for you if she has performed oral sex in her path, please remember that what's in the past is in the past. It's not like she killed anybody, she just made some guy happy.
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