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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Don't want to look desperate here ...
Q. A met a very nice man last weekend. I am not sure wether he approached me on purpose but we ended up talking for a bit. After he added me on FB, I thanked him for giving me a ride and offered to buy him a froyo (there is a famous froyo store down...
A. 24 October 2013: I'm not sure a ROMANTIC setting is needed for a first date...
I think you are not as into him as you should be and therefore are seeking excuses to not go.
you don't need excuses... you have the right to say no if you are not interested.
... (read in full...)
I'd like at least one photo of him!
Q. Okay guys here is my biggest challenge. My new bf does not want me to take photos of him or even with him. How can I convinc him or make a deal to be able to take maybe just 1? He said even his mom has almost no photos of him. The years books don't ...
A. 24 October 2013: You don't do anything to force him to comply with your wishes,
You must learn to respect his boundaries and wishes. If you can't let it go, maybe you need to let him go.... (read in full...)
Don't want to look desperate here ...
Q. A met a very nice man last weekend. I am not sure wether he approached me on purpose but we ended up talking for a bit. After he added me on FB, I thanked him for giving me a ride and offered to buy him a froyo (there is a famous froyo store down...
A. 23 October 2013: well you could walk in flats and change or take a cab...
but i sense what is bugging you is that you think he should make more of an effort than you should...
he asked if there was a closer place there is not...
so what would your ideal ... (read in full...)
Don't want to look desperate here ...
Q. A met a very nice man last weekend. I am not sure wether he approached me on purpose but we ended up talking for a bit. After he added me on FB, I thanked him for giving me a ride and offered to buy him a froyo (there is a famous froyo store down...
A. 23 October 2013: he asked you for a date... why would saying yes make you seem desperate?... (read in full...)
I'm hoping this co-worker doesn't have a thing for me -- do I have reason to be worried?
Q. Ok my question is about a man from work,he's always really nice to me which is fine, but he's 40 and I am 24 But I'm starting to worry slightly as during presentations (he's senior management) he always seems to hold my eye contact A LOT! And then I ...
A. 23 October 2013: I hear what you are saying and understand your feelings.
what you do is when he touches you, you back away and say "Please don't touch me it makes me uncomfortable"
you keep the conversations purely work related
he will get the messa... (read in full...)
Dating advice needed: does she love me as I hoped?
Q. There is a girl i've feelings for a long time we've been friends. We do chat well and have nice times together. She laughs nearly to all my jokes. She confides in most of her life story. I decided to take this girl for a date. I ask her out and she ...
A. 23 October 2013: by not taking calls while you are together she's being polite... does not mean she loves you.... (read in full...)
Can guys look past this hair I have?
Q. I have a strange question. I am a girl and have hair in irregular sopts on my body (lower back, butt, and stomach). Ive went to the doctor and she said that there is no was to get rid of all of it. Im taking birth controll hoping that will help with ...
A. 23 October 2013: I'm late on this one but I vote for some professional waxing if you can afford it at a decent salon
I'm dark and I have to wax my eyebrows, upper lip and chin every few weeks.
You are right shaving is not the option but Veet or Nair... (read in full...)
Should I stay in contact with him after such a rocky start?
Q. Okay I just recently joined another dating site. It is a little different from the ones I have been on. It is a site for people who are spiritual and are into healing. I tried it out for free for about a week and then I get a message from a guy who ...
A. 23 October 2013: Ignore him. He's a time waster.
... (read in full...)
I know I should just break up with my girlfriend but I can't stand to break her heart!
Q. i have been with my girlfriend for 3 years and its been pretty rocky for the last year. we fight alot and dont really seem to have much in common. its one of the situations where we cant stand each other but both truly love each other. i had caught ...
A. 23 October 2013: the longer you stay the harder it will be.
put your ducks in a row, find a place to live before you have "the talk" even if it's just with friends till you can find your own new place.
you must be a man and end it for your sake and hers. ... (read in full...)
We work together and my ex is trying to remain friends. I don't need the drama!
Q. So my ex-gf has been trying to maintain a friendly contact with me. I have ignored her for the most part because I told her I do not do the friend thing with exes. We work together so it has been hard, and although I have maintained a professional ...
A. 23 October 2013: I too agree with the previous posters you are sending mixed messages to her.
Personally the only people who text me from work are friends. My phone is not a work issued item and my friends have the number for friendly reasons not work related ... (read in full...)
My heart says give him another chance. My gut says run.
Q. I broke up with my boyf of near two years about a month ago. I wanted to do this for a while, our relationship was far from perfect, i'll explain this quickly just so you have the entire story: he drunkenly cheated on me in our own bed and I walked ...
A. 23 October 2013: he needs a SOLID YEAR in FULL RECOVERY before you should consider taking him back... once he's got that you may find he's no longer as interesting to you nor you to him... addiction does interesting things to our minds.
I love and live with an ... (read in full...)
Is this an early indicator that the relationship isn't going to go anywhere?
Q. Hi, I was wondering what people think of this theory? I have noticed that anyone I've dated in the past will never get past the dating phase when they never use your name in texts, conversations, anything, even if they do pay all sorts of com...
A. 23 October 2013: I'm "hon" or "honey" or occasionally "critter" which is his nickname for me.
He's "hon" most of the time but when we are on different levels of our home and we need to get the others attention or out in public.. we will use the others n... (read in full...)
All I want is to feel desired and appreciated, the way I make her feel
Q. I'm having a bit of a problem with my girlfriend. I feel really under appreciated and unimportant. She cancels plans last minute and when I get upset and express it, she makes me feel needy and stupid for caring. So then I hold it in, which makes me ...
A. 23 October 2013: my husband is a bit like your gf. It's frustrating I agree.
Sadly I think there is not much you can do. Her style is to be cool and aloof, yours is like mine, up in your face making sure they KNOW we are theirs and there.
I think sadly if y... (read in full...)
Confused by my FWB
Q. So guys I need your opinion on something I previously gotten into this friends with benefits relationship and I'm Soo confused.. He comes down every other weekend and we have a great time and then when we talk he always says we need to stop Bc he's ...
A. 23 October 2013: In order to stop being confused, stop having sex with him... the confusion will lift like magic.... (read in full...)
I don't want to make a scene but I think he's being rude
Q. I've been in somewhat of a long distance relationship for the past 2 years since I only see my boyfriend every weekend (we live an hour away). We talk to each other almost every night via facetime so we can see each other. He used to always be on ...
A. 23 October 2013: I have a friend who is married to a man who lives two hours away from her. they skype every night but often they get up and walk away or talk to others or watch tv together.
i can understand that if it's every night.
when my husband... (read in full...)
He messaging a girl on Facebook, just like we did when we first got together! Do I have a right to be upset by this?
Q. My boyfriend and I are in a relationship that is distance for about two thirds of the year. We've been together for about a year and a half and the distance is ending in a couple of weeks. We talk on the phone most nights and Skype each other once a ...
A. 23 October 2013: Your radar properly picked up on a very bad thing. Yes you are right to be concerned.
Sadly you have snooped on his facebook and you can't really use that as your leverage to prove you know what's going on because snooping is wrong.
... (read in full...)
Embarrassed at the end of our first date
Q. I went on a first date with a guy yesterday we've known each other for a week, and I can tell he likes me but sometimes he's really unpredictable, well at the end of the date he kissed me on my lips like a little peck on the lips I thought he was ...
A. 22 October 2013: that was my first kiss with my now husband.
"are you trying to french kiss me?"
OMG I almost died of mortification... just got in my car and left...
relax.. he still married me.... (read in full...)
I am a very professional, very good looking woman in a high-powered job, and I have a lot going for me in my life....but I can't seem to stop cheating on my husband!
Q. I can't seem to stop cheating on my husband. I cheated on him before he and I were even married, and I've cheated on him after we were married, and am still cheating on him. I cheat on him with one of my current co-workers on occasion. The co...
A. 22 October 2013: so you love your husband and sons and want to keep the marriage but will miss the rush... you need to find a hobby that gives you that rush.
sky diving or swimming with sharks or something...
and I agree that some therapy would be a great ide... (read in full...)
What kind of costumes or looks would you recommend? Because the manager's demands seem unreasonable.
Q. I'm a restaurant server and our manager just sent out a ridiculous memo. We have to wear costumes for the week of Halloween or we do not get our tips. I feel this is unethical and illegal. I also learned that if we order through the catalog ...
A. 22 October 2013: i don't think he mandated sexy I think you interpret he would PREFER sexy... bfd what he would prefer
I love the idea of a cats.... or something cute and childish like a rag doll or something. also do not order from his catalog. that's also not... (read in full...)
Would a guy ever leave a woman if he really loved her?
Q. My ex boyfriend broke up with me and said.. "I'll always love you..You were an amazing girlfriend" What does this mean?? Would a guy ever leave a woman if he really loved her?...
A. 22 October 2013: it's the nice way to say "I want OUT" my mother used to call it "the kiss of death" "let's stay friends" or anything else that indicates what you currently have is to no longer be but for a while let's end it and pretend we will always be ... (read in full...)
Contact -- yes or no?
Q. I liked this girl a lot. This was my first relationship (or pseudo). During our time together (4 months), I was the one who more often initiated the conversations, was completely honest about everything. She seemed to me an honest girl hers...
A. 22 October 2013: if you want more than friends and it's going to hurt you to be with her then I would let her know exactly that and then go no contact. she will fight you on it but be strong and don't let her "bully" you into letting her pretend to remain friends ... (read in full...)
Continue to be on break or break up?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. For the past 3 months we live an hour away from each other. I see him once a week just on the weekends. before his parents moved we lived under a minute away. We are both in our twentys ...
A. 22 October 2013: I agree it's the beginning of the end...
if you are LDR ( I did it for a year) you want to be together MORE not less and every weekend is NOT enough. Now he's saying every other weekend so he can go play while you sit home and wait for him... (read in full...)
My boyfriend can be really rude when he's stressed
Q. My boyfriend and i have been dating since last august. I noticed that about a few months ago, he started to take his stress out on me in a very hurtful way. Basically whenever he is stressed out, he is just not very loving and is rude to me. He ...
A. 22 October 2013: if it's painful and you deserve better (which you do) but he won't or can't change based on just your wanting him to, then as a woman married to a man who does this regularly my only advice is to explain with your feet what his behavior causes... ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is picking his friends over me!
Q. I'm a little hurt the guy I've been dating for the past 8 months won't pick me up from the airport. I didn't ask him to drive or pick me up. I've made other arrangements with a friend to do that. She's a good friend I've known for years and I ...
A. 22 October 2013: Did he agree to pick you up and you had the date and time set and THEN he made plans with his friends and is leaving you in the lurch or did he offer and then realize he had a conflict?
IF he said he would and he was free and clear and THEN his... (read in full...)
A FWB and I think he is too involved. What do I do now?
Q. I recently started having sex with one of my friends but I feel like he might think of it as something more than I do, and I really can't bear the thought of hurting him. We were drunk the other week and we ended up having sex. It was weird...
A. 22 October 2013: You need to sit down with him when you are both sober and dressed and alone and talk about this and make sure he knows you do NOT return those feelings and give him the choice to stop the FWB now.
... (read in full...)
My ex-bf's girlfriend walks around in her underwear around me and my boyfriend?
Q. So I need some advice on what to do. I'm going to try and keep this short. I met this guy, we'll call him joe. Met him, dated a month. When he kept pressuring me for sex I still said no, he got tired of waiting for me and broke up. Fast forward 2 ...
A. 22 October 2013: I wouldn’t even call Joe an ex. I’d call him an asshole you attempted to date. You dated ONE MONTH and he PRESSURED you for sex cause that was all he wanted.
So now eight months past and you are dating a friend of this jerk Joe.
I’m ass... (read in full...)
Dating advice needed: does she love me as I hoped?
Q. There is a girl i've feelings for a long time we've been friends. We do chat well and have nice times together. She laughs nearly to all my jokes. She confides in most of her life story. I decided to take this girl for a date. I ask her out and she ...
A. 22 October 2013: after so few dates I doubt it's love... but it sounds like she likes you....... (read in full...)
Cute girl at the smoothie shop, how do I approach her?
Q. So for a while now I've been going to this smoothie place every sunday since its the only day I really have time to relax. Theres this oncredibly cute girl there who all of a sudden started giving me huge discounts on all my drinks. When I try n ...
A. 22 October 2013: sounds like she likes you....
but i think slipping her your number is a bad idea.
If you can't muster the ability to talk to her in line while she's busy how about waiting till the shop clears out then talking to her....
... (read in full...)
Red flag or not? He has an inordinate number of 20-30 yo beautiful girls as friends on FB
Q. Is this a red flag or nothing at all? I found a college friend on Facebook. He's 57 and I'm 52. Looks as if by his profile he's a nice normal guy. Loves animals. Not a million pictures of himself. Nor a million 'friends'. Posts insight...
A. 22 October 2013: you found him on facebook
you've had ONE conversation and already you are wondering about having a relationship with him?
slow your row....
if you do not know if you could be close to a man who looks at the pictures of young women then... (read in full...)
I have a crush on best friend's hot roommate!
Q. My buddy recently got a new roommate, who just happens to be a really sexy, intelligent, funny girl, who does awesome shit like make pancakes and watches all my favorite movies. It's very hard not to be attracted to her. He went out and left us ...
A. 22 October 2013: have you asked your friend how he feels about it?
maybe he left you alone with her for a reason?
yes if you date her and it does not work out, then it could be awkward when you visit your friend.
and if you date here and she continues to liv... (read in full...)
I love him, but seem much more affectionate than he is. What can I do?
Q. I'm a very affectionate, outgoing person. I like texting people saying goodmorning and goodnight, asking people how their day is, wishing them well. I do it to close family members and my boyfriend. Because of my job, I work and live several hours ...
A. 22 October 2013: Have you ASKED HIM how he feels about it?
if not why not?
if so what has he said?
ASK HIM.... what OTHERS think does not matter.. what HE thinks does.
He may not mind it but he may not feel the need to reply.
... (read in full...)
When a guy says he wont get married as it's just a piece of paper and ring, then says maybe in 5 years, will he ever get married to me or am I fighting a losing battle?
Q. This is for the guys on here if you don't mind helping. When a guy says he wont get married as its just a piece of paper and ring, then says maybe in 5 years, will he ever get married to me or am I fighting a loosing battle? I love him so m...
A. 22 October 2013: Sadly for you he’s leaving off the key words “TO YOU”. I have learned this over the last few years. My dear friend is married a year. She was a first time bride at 40 to a first time groom of age 52. He just never met the right woman.
I met... (read in full...)
What should I do? My boyfriend is not pleased I am not a virgin.
Q. my boyfriend asked me if i'm a virgin or not.i told him the truth,am not a virgin and he's not pleased at all because he's a virgin.what should i do?...
A. 19 October 2013: you should get a new boyfriend. he's not happy about something that can't be changed. it is what it is. nothing you say or do will change the truth.
and dear if you are 13-15, please reconsider having sex for a while.... and please if yo... (read in full...)
Anyone else hate their husband's best friend?
Q. This is driving me crazy does anyone else hate there husbands or bfs best friend? I do and it sucks cause were stuck living with him only plus side is i love his gf. I need advice on how to deal with this. Were stuck living with him till we can g...
A. 18 October 2013: Well all my friends hate my husband that's the best I have.
they can tolerate him in small doses and they do. that is all
the issue is that you are LIVING with them.. why them? why not family? what other options were there for living arr... (read in full...)
In love with my married best friend, should I leave?
Q. Hi I am in a bit of a pickle. To be brief, I fell in love with my best friend. He is a married man with two children, he is in love with me too and we had an emotional affair. Nothing physical has happened between us. We are just agreeing to be b...
A. 18 October 2013: OP I think that as sad as it will make you, you should remove yourself totally from his life, not to PROTECT HIM or SAVE HIS marriage but rather to protect yourself and save yourself heartbreak.
AND FWIW, if I was a woman who was given the ch... (read in full...)
Is it normal for my boyfriend to be friends with his ex girlfriend who hurt him?
Q. Hi all, I could really use some help and opinions on my situation. My boyfriend who I've been with for about 4 months now is still friends with his ex-girlfriend who he was with for about 2 years. They broke up about a year ago. She chea...
A. 18 October 2013: I personally don't think it's a good idea to be FRIENDS with an ex. but define FRIENDS.... do they text and talk on the phone regularly? Do they get together and do things together? If so yes that's friends.
If he's polite to her when he ... (read in full...)
I think that fact that I want to stray is telling me something about my current relationship
Q. I'm in a bit of a dilemma here and not sure what to do? I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years now and I thought that everything was great. But, recently my ex girlfriend got in touch with me. Me and my ex dated nearly 6 years ago for ...
A. 18 October 2013: so you have NO feelings for your ex but you could not RESIST seeing her and to do so you LIED to her
and you are LYING to your current girlfriend about the EX by not telling her...
OF course ALL is not WELL in your current relationship... (read in full...)
I feel like she's trying to come between us
Q. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship (2hrs drive away) not that far but I can't see him as much as I wanted. I am pretty certain that one of his female colleague whom I also know, likes him. We use to work together, even when I was ...
A. 18 October 2013: LDRS suck even in the BEST of situations. I did a 2 hour LDR for a year… we could not bear it any longer… he moved to be with me…. Aunty BABBIT is right… that you must have trust to make this work.
Just because SHE wants him does not mean he ... (read in full...)
FWB guys says that I'm not intellectually compatible with him. What do I do?
Q. I am currently in FWB with my best friend for a year. We know each other for long and i love him a lot, he does too. But he is not making our relationship official as he says he is not into relationship stuff. He is not seeing anyone i.e. not ...
A. 18 October 2013: Oh this is the sad side of FWB… the one where he plays on your feelings and uses you for sex with your permission because you are hoping and thinking it’s more than sex. It’s not.
“I love him a lot too and he does too” HOW do you know he love... (read in full...)
He ended it, he text again.. Can anyone tell me what is happening here?
Q. I met this guy 6 weeks ago while I was on a hen. Im from Ireland hes from London. We totally clicked!! Anyway, long story short we spoke everyday for 4 weeks and then he came to stay with me for a weekend. It was amazing, until the Saturday night I ...
A. 18 October 2013: CindyCares is spot on.. he's leaving his "i'm gonna get laid" options wide open.
if you go see him, you will have sex and that will be it... and it will begin the on and off merry go round of having a FWB you want to be more than FWB who tell... (read in full...)
New girlfriend is friends with recent lovers. Feels bad to me.
Q. New relationship-about 5 weeks. We are both in our 40s. Recently, she went out with an ex-BF who she briefly dated, but didn't work out, but continued sleeping with, most recently a few weeks before she and I met. She told me after the fact t...
A. 18 October 2013: I agree with Aunty BimBim 100%
I get how you feel and why you feel that way
I do not think you do have the right to TELL her who she can and cannot be friends with. However you do have the right to let her know how it makes you feel.
... (read in full...)
Are girls turned off by an ugly penis??
Q. I used to masturbate very much, and this caused my penis to have some dark spots on it. Because Iam tan, it appeared that the spots are post inflammatory hyperpigmentaion. Iam virgin, but had oral sex couples times before it happened. My question ...
A. 17 October 2013: I don't think it's from masturbation either....
and no it won't phase most women. girls maybe...grown women... not so much.... (read in full...)
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