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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Why does he say he feels no connection ?
Q. My Bf of 1 year says he feels no connection to me. he says he is not my BF. yet we go out, have sex. We started out wrong with sex. He had a cheating GF that lived with him and since then several years of not dating. Now me.. and he says no c...
A. 28 September 2013: I agree with IAHTHY you want HIM... but he said "date others" he does not want you the way you want him to.
I think you should date others but not have sex with ANYONE for a while.
And if you tell him, don't do it in hopes of making ... (read in full...)
Would a penis pump work?
Q. I've thought of getting a penis pump. I'm not big, between 4.5 and 5.5 and not very thick either. I wanted to know if i use a penis pump and pump it up say just a half inch bigger everyday over a long period of time would it grow to say 6.5/7 and ...
A. 26 September 2013: if you are at all overweight lose that excess weight
you will gain 1/4 of an inch for every 25 pounds you lose.
... (read in full...)
Should I be jealous if my boyfriend commented on one of his FB friend's picture and told her she looked gorgeous?
Q. Should I be jealous if my boyfriend commented on one of his FB friend's picture and told her she looked gorgeous? I happen to see that once because it appeared on my wall and I've seen do that a few times and maybe more that I don't know about. Is ...
A. 19 September 2013: I don't think that it's a problem to be honest... men who are taken/partnered/married are NOT dead...
I can say a guy looks hot and not undermine how I feel about my husband. He can say another woman is gorgeous and it does not mean tha... (read in full...)
I know he loves,me he treats me like gold but I don't know how I can ever believe that he loves my physical appearance...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together about 8 months now. We take each other seriously and are exclusive. I sent a couple of sexy pics for him here and there to make him happy while at work and he wrote responses like "wow...dont be upset if I'm not ...
A. 19 September 2013: maybe he deletes yours out of respect and because he does not want anyone else to ever see them.
to be honest looks fade over time... no matter how thin or stunning you are...
if he says he loves your body you should do your best to b... (read in full...)
I don't like giving oral sex because of precum
Q. okay well i have been dating my boyfriend for a year now and 3 months and he asked me to give him a BJ. i have tried before but i just seem to get discusted each time because of the precum that goes in my mouth. is there any solution to solve this i ...
A. 19 September 2013: Get some "blow job" gels... they come in a zillon flavors...
cinnamon
strawberry
blueberry
chocolate (or hershey's works but wash well as the sugar leave you and the bed sticky)
or put an altoids in your mouth first (a thrill for him too)... (read in full...)
How do you just stop caring what others think?
Q. Hi people of Dear Cupid, I appreciate each and every one of you who take time to read this and help me out. Its not relationship problem, but I still wanted to get your thoughts and opinions. I have an odd sense of humor. I think I inherited it f...
A. 19 September 2013: I have to say life did get better when I stopped caring what others thought.
Sadly for most young folks I fear it is a function of age as for me it began at about age 35... by 40 it was firmly in place and now at 53 I could give a flying fig abou... (read in full...)
Do any penis enlargement creams/pills work?
Q. are there any penis enlargement pills,cream,etc that actually work?...
A. 19 September 2013: nope... what works is self confidence... ... (read in full...)
Would a penis pump work?
Q. I've thought of getting a penis pump. I'm not big, between 4.5 and 5.5 and not very thick either. I wanted to know if i use a penis pump and pump it up say just a half inch bigger everyday over a long period of time would it grow to say 6.5/7 and ...
A. 19 September 2013: I don't think so.... nothing will change it... not even surgery..
truth is that a penis is the least important sexual toy in your arsenal... it's only good for impregnating most women... we don't really want a big penis as they HURT and to ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my drunk love!
Q. My name is Ishita .i m 20 years old.i am in a relationship from last 3 years.earlier my boyfriend was alcoholic at all . But after his vacation to Bangalore with his brother he has started drinking in access.he takes in 5 beers a day.which leads to ...
A. 19 September 2013: YOU cannot save him. In fact, unless he WANTS to stop he won't.
I am married to an active alcoholic. He knows he has a problem and we TALK about it but until an alcoholic or addict is READY to give up their addiction (be it alcohol, drugs, s... (read in full...)
Can an affair with a married man ever end happily for the other woman?
Q. Hello everyone. Before I begin, I realize I am opening myself up to a firestorm of very harsh judgment, name calling and comments from Dear Cupid's advice givers and readers. Please do not judge me. We all walk different paths in life and make...
A. 19 September 2013: My aunt was the mistress to a man similar to your situation for 25 years. He never left his wife for her. when he died she was unable to mourn publicly or be acknowledged in her grief.
I won't comment on your ability to justify what you kno... (read in full...)
How do I get my ex back? Or how do I move on? It's 70 days since our break-up
Q. Two months ago, The love of my life walked away because of my bad attitude. It's been about 70 days since I've seen or talked to him. How do I get him back? or How do I accept what has happened and move on? Its been a hard journey. All I d...
A. 19 September 2013: OP, your followup does NOT change anything. The reasons do not matter at this point.... (read in full...)
What are possible reasons for a man to distance himself when another woman is NOT involved?
Q. I'd like to know some of the main reasons a man (35) would distance himself, after 3 years together, to the point of a break up if there isn't another woman involved. Let's say said man is distancing himself, drastically, but still telling hi...
A. 18 September 2013: do you think that SAYING "I love you" means that he does?
My last husband said I LOVE YOU all the time... he didn't love me and he didn't show me... he just mouthed the words.
My current husband almost NEVER says "I LOVE YOU" and he told me... (read in full...)
Would it be reasonable for me to ask him to limit the picture of his ex to the kid's bedroom?
Q. Hi everyone. I would like to know how other people feel about their husbands displaying pictures of their ex-wives in their new home with their new partner? My boyfriend and I are moving in to a new place together next month. He currently displays ...
A. 18 September 2013: so you are not moving into his home but rather you two are building your own home together now....
IF you were moving into his ESTABLISHED home I can see having to live with the pictures as they are but since you are CREATING A NEW HOME then I t... (read in full...)
Is it ok to be jealous when his ex-lovers call?
Q. I know this sounds ridiculously stupid and the answer is obviously "YES!" But, how do you guys feel about it? And what can I do to stop it. My boyfriend's ex-sex partners keep texting him. These girls are from, like, last year, and he keeps saying h...
A. 18 September 2013: Actually to me the answer to “is it ok to be jealous of an ex?” is not YES… but WHO CARES about an ex?
IF the man you are with treats you properly and is properly over his last relationship then an ex is not an issue at all. The fact that... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's wandering eye
Q. Please help!!! I have been seeing someone for about 9 months now and i have a problem. I was coming out of an elevator with him and there was a girl and her mom in there. The girl and her mom got out the elevator and once we got out i started ...
A. 18 September 2013: if you have been cheated on with all your boyfriends what you need to do is look at the type of men you are attracting and figure out why you attract cheaters.
NOT all men cheat.
my husband looks. when he OVERLOOKS.. I say something snarky... (read in full...)
How do I get my ex back? Or how do I move on? It's 70 days since our break-up
Q. Two months ago, The love of my life walked away because of my bad attitude. It's been about 70 days since I've seen or talked to him. How do I get him back? or How do I accept what has happened and move on? Its been a hard journey. All I d...
A. 18 September 2013: Once you accept that it’s over it will be easier to move on. The fact that you even ASK how to “get him back” tells me you did not believe it was over when he ended it. He walked away and has gone NO CONTACT with you for a reason.
It’s been... (read in full...)
In a Long term relationship but tempted by others. How do I cope with my curiosity over this temptation?
Q. Dear aunts/uncles I have just started college in a different city and I moved from my rented apartment which I share with my bf of six years. I love him dearly and taking on my new course was a challenge, as I had to leave everthing I knew...
A. 18 September 2013: I've probably had sex with more people than almost anyone else on the board... both in and out of relationships.
if all you want is sexual experience with others... then it's highly over rated.
for centuries folks got married as young vir... (read in full...)
Did I make the right decision? Long distance relationship - decided to cut contact temporarily
Q. For the last almost 2 months, my boyfriend was on a different continent for a work commitment, so there was an 8hour time difference between us. The first month or so was ok, but he was very busy, both with work and he never seemed to miss out on p...
A. 18 September 2013: Well shoot you made it almost to the end
in 2 weeks he comes home.... and things go back to normal?
so why cut off your nose to spite your face for two weeks?
seriously... call him and tell him you just miss him so much and can't wait ... (read in full...)
No strings relationship. When is it appropriate for me to contact him?
Q. I started this relationship that is supposed to be no strings attached and we both seem to like each other more than we should. We talk everyday and he usually initiates the conversations. We have only met twice. I have heard nothing from him...
A. 18 September 2013: if it's no strings attached and you don't care what happens then it doesn't matter if you take it slow or if you play the game or anything else.
if you want to contact him do so.... (read in full...)
New Bf almost seems to want me to be Jealous. Where should this line be drawn?
Q. I'm looking for opinions on where the line falls between being a jealous girlfriend and being a disrespectful boyfriend. I try really hard to be someone my new (about 2 months) boyfriend can stand to put up with. I give him space, I do nice thi...
A. 18 September 2013: you are trying to hard to make this relationship work.
Jealousy is not about love. It does not mean that you care more or less... Jealousy is an emotion totally rooted in insecurity. So clearly by not being jealous of you he's not in the least... (read in full...)
Do I go on doing my job without justifying? Or do I try confronting her? What's the best strategy?
Q. Hi I started a new job and before we signed the contract, I asked my boss that I do not to wish to do particular tasks at work - which we have discussed at the interview but he forgot all about them once he handded out the tasks...I remind...
A. 18 September 2013: I get it. I have severe ADHD that does NOT respond to medication and as such I have some limitations on certain detail oriented tasks. It's in my team's best interest for me to NOT do them. I've been open and honest about it with the team (but ... (read in full...)
Should I tell them that I am also dating other people because at the moment I am not looking for a relationship, I am just enjoying myself as I am not sure what I am looking for?
Q. hey, just some quick advice really... I have been dating 2 girls, one girl I have been on a few dates with over the past few months and another girl I have dated a couple of times. Should I tell them that I am also dating other people because ...
A. 18 September 2013: of course you are honest... why would you even think that a lie is acceptable?... (read in full...)
Is Ex-Girlfriend's mother using me?
Q. I am 42. I was in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for 9 months but she broke up with me eighteen months ago to concentrate on a new business. Her mother contacted me a few weeks ago out of the blue. After several days of small ta...
A. 18 September 2013: I keep in touch with my ex husbands mother now and then but after 18 months for her to contact you out of the blue seems odd... I would NOT wish to be very friendly with her... it's odd.
do YOU want to be friends with the MOTHER? do you have ... (read in full...)
He doesn't want kids because he's afraid he could pass on his Aspergers
Q. I'm 30, my boyfriend is 25, and we've been together for 4 years. He has Aspergers syndrome but doesnt show many of the stereotypes (well apart from "special interest" but that's also his job - ironically, he doesn't talk much about it, shifts the ...
A. 18 September 2013: Yes his concerns are valid. Many mental disabilities are genetic... learning disabilities run in families, ADHD well I have it and both my kids do too...
Aspergers is on the Autistic spectrum.
http://www.ni... (read in full...)
Will he be hurt if I don't see him on his birthday?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for 4months now,we work in 2 different cities and we are both doctors!so for us its a task meeting,whenever we find time we try to meet.. Its my boyfriends birthday in 2 weeks and I just found out I have to be on du...
A. 18 September 2013: with a proper explanation such as the one you gave here I can't see how he could be that upset... work has to come first... and your reason is not an excuse so much as a VALID reason.
If he's old enough and mature enough to be a doctor he should ... (read in full...)
What are possible reasons for a man to distance himself when another woman is NOT involved?
Q. I'd like to know some of the main reasons a man (35) would distance himself, after 3 years together, to the point of a break up if there isn't another woman involved. Let's say said man is distancing himself, drastically, but still telling hi...
A. 18 September 2013: if it's been ten days since you saw him and he's making no effort to see you why aren't you breaking up with him?... (read in full...)
Why am I fantasizing about a man I don't know?
Q. My boyfriend and I are in a really great relationship. We met at college and since we grew up in different towns, he goes back home for his summer vacations so we don't get to spend a lot of time together. I have used the free time away from him to ...
A. 18 September 2013: you are pretty normal IMO.... as long as it does not over take your life...
being partnered does not make us dead to the rest of the world. ... (read in full...)
I just want him to let me go!
Q. I've been seeing this guy for over three months now. He has serious commitment issues, which he warned me about. He never had a long term relationship, and less than a handful of them were monogamous relationships. He agreed to be exclusive because ...
A. 18 September 2013: Listen to his actions not his lip service.
You’ve been dating over 3 months for most folks by now it’s either red flags abounding (as is your case) or it’s bliss and “are we moving too fast”
“he agreed to be exclusive” so I’m going to assum... (read in full...)
What went wrong? She's been distant since I told her I stop flirting with different girls on twitter.
Q. Hello, i am a bit confused and i would like some advice. I have noticed a change in a female i recently met at a party about 8 months ago. because she lives quite a bit from me, we have been communicating more on the phone and on line. Ho...
A. 18 September 2013: So you have not told her how you feel you just assumed she stalks you and noticed you have made changes? Do you think she’s a mind reader?
Are you guys close enough to visit on weekends? If so make that happen a few times and see how it goes…... (read in full...)
He got in touch with his immediately after we split, now we're back together and this bothers me!
Q. About 3 months ago my boyfriend and I broke up because I felt that he wasn't as affectionate anymore, more importantly that he had started initiating contact with his ex- girlfriend. I still miss him after 2 months, so I made a move and we got back ...
A. 18 September 2013: ok i'm confused (as usual)
you met a man who was in an LDR... he ended the LDR and you guys got together (I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that he was cheating)
then you broke up because he was not affectionate enough (your first reas... (read in full...)
Am I worrying too much about this?
Q. I have been looking for a mew job for a while and my boyfriend new this. 18 months ago an aquaintance suggested I speak to her brother who wanted someone to join his small business. I met with him that same day and he offered me a job. When I called ...
A. 18 September 2013: he's crazy.
I get blamed by my husband for conversations he has in his head and he yells at me about things he THINKS I said.
I have taken to recording our conversations so I have proof.
I'm married to him and totally committed to making ... (read in full...)
All I really need to know from you is do you think he can love me if he's done that? And does he want to be with me?
Q. I assume you will all tell me to get rid once youve read my question but what I really want to know is can he love me if he did this? Do you think he really wants to be with me? So ive been with my boyfriend since feb, neither of us were looking ...
A. 17 September 2013: Dear OP,
I got as far as this part of your questions "what I really want to know is can he love me if he did this?"
which is in your first paragraph.
I have not read more....
IF you have to ask then he probably does not......
BUT... (read in full...)
What's up with him only wanting sex with me from behind?
Q. My boyfriend wants to have sex with me only from behind… what is that all about? ... It is comming on the fift year we are together and for last couple of years it is just that one position. From behind. I am bored, I love him very much and I can ...
A. 17 September 2013: IF he has OCD and is unwilling to be treated for it or work with you and EVERYTHING has to be his way you will grow more resentful and it will not be good.
Has anything BAD ever happened in any other position?
I ask because my OCD husba... (read in full...)
What are possible reasons for a man to distance himself when another woman is NOT involved?
Q. I'd like to know some of the main reasons a man (35) would distance himself, after 3 years together, to the point of a break up if there isn't another woman involved. Let's say said man is distancing himself, drastically, but still telling hi...
A. 17 September 2013: he wants to end it but is too chicken to do it so he hopes by not being available you will get fed up and do his dirty work.
he's a chicken.... (read in full...)
I am giving him a second chance although he lies and cheats.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for just over three years now, and it's my first long term relationship. We've had our ups and downs just like anyone. Recently we had a heart to heart, he went out to lunch with a girl who he had been deleting messages ...
A. 17 September 2013: will you give him a third chance? you'd better not.... cause he's going to need it and ask for it...
fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me. he's nailed you TWICe with the same girl.
what you have taught him now is that y... (read in full...)
Shouldn't we get to know each other a bit more before we actually meet?
Q. Hey fellow aunts and uncles, i started online dating about 6 months ago and i was a bit disappointed with it as it was always older men or creepy messages i got :( However this really cute guy messaged me, just the normal how are you?. We started ...
A. 17 September 2013: With online dating it's actually better to meet sooner and figure out if you have chemistry in person.
so set up a coffee date (afternoon over a weekend) somewhere PUBLIC and meet him there.... do not get in a car with him or go anywhere private ... (read in full...)
His toxic ex won't respect our relationship!
Q. We've been together 3 yrs, we just got engaged recently and plan to be married soon. We both were married before for 18+ yrs. My ex is only I the picture due to our 4 kids, his ex is in the picture because she can't live without him in her life. ...
A. 17 September 2013: the problem is not the EX. the problem is your fiance won't stand up to her.
if you marry him she will be part of your marriage and life forever.
I'd cancel the engagement and end the relationship in hopes that he's serious about wantin... (read in full...)
How Long Do You Pay For EVERYTHING When Dating?
Q. At what point do you start to split the bills, if you will, when dating? I'm 3 weeks or so into it with this girl, and I'm starting to really feel the burn on my wallet. I know she's not a "gold digger" and I'm almost more than certain she'd be fine ...
A. 17 September 2013: Well stop doing things that are so expensive if you don't want to ask her to pay.
She offered... you declined. she may think you have more money that you do...
when my now hubby and i were first starting he paid for everything the f... (read in full...)
Am I selfish because I want to move closer to my mother and take my son?
Q. I am in major conflict here and feeling very guilty because I'm not sure what to do. I have an ailing mother that lives in another state. I have several siblings and relatives that are with her, and caring for her. However, I want to be with my ...
A. 17 September 2013: my mom died in 1995 I was a single mom with two sons and a great ex husband.
He had custody of the kids. I lived a 2 hour plane ride away from mom during her terminal illness and I was luckily able to fly out every other weekend for 3 days to ... (read in full...)
Why are the girls at work so unfriendly? What can I do?
Q. Why do these girls behave this way? I hate them:(? So I got a new job a few months ago and the girls there are horrible. They are very unfriendly and don't speak to me so I don't bother with them either. They all go around saying I'm ru...
A. 16 September 2013: BEST thing to do..... seriously... KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS...
be kind to a fault... if it's ok bring donuts on payday to share or fruit if they are all bitchy watch their weight kind of girls....
smile and say hi to everyone.. OFFER t... (read in full...)
My boyfriend discusses our intimate details with his best friend. Should I not let this worry me so much?
Q. Hey, my bf likes to tell his best friend (male) all the intimate details of our relationship and I need advice on how to not let this worry me. I found out from the GF of his bestfriend who is told all about what my bf says. It kinda hurts as it's ...
A. 16 September 2013: IN all honesty, I talk to my girlfriends about my sex life... they don't go blabbing it to their husbands....
FRIENDS do talk to OTHER friends about their intimate life.. I know about my girlfriend's intimate lives to some extent...
... (read in full...)
Girls think I'm gay because its football season and I don't want to be involved
Q. all the girls at my school think im gay because they ask me out i say no because its football season theyd get in the way how do i prove im strait. or am i just to in to football and need to get girlfriend. ...
A. 16 September 2013: so are you questioning your sexuality?
because my husband goes to work on Monday and they say "did your WIFE watch the game?" because I like sports and he does not.
being on the football team means nothing other than you are on the foot... (read in full...)
Why does he say he feels no connection ?
Q. My Bf of 1 year says he feels no connection to me. he says he is not my BF. yet we go out, have sex. We started out wrong with sex. He had a cheating GF that lived with him and since then several years of not dating. Now me.. and he says no c...
A. 16 September 2013: well the only way to know if he really cares is to stop giving him what he wants.
stop having sex with him
make him treat you like a gf... cause right now all you are is his handy dandy penis holder.... (read in full...)
Am I selfish because I want to move closer to my mother and take my son?
Q. I am in major conflict here and feeling very guilty because I'm not sure what to do. I have an ailing mother that lives in another state. I have several siblings and relatives that are with her, and caring for her. However, I want to be with my ...
A. 16 September 2013: Well why can't you move to be with mom and have son stay with dad and visit you... then you have more time to devote to being with mom and son still gets a full time parent.... (read in full...)
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