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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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When Will the Rose Colored Glasses Come Off?
Q. About 2 weeks ago I posted a question about my son cutting his friends and family out of his life because of a new gf. The verdict was just to give it time and he would come around. Now, here we are, with something that is even more perplexing ...
A. 29 October 2013: the fact that your son told you he bought these tickets for 6 weeks away is interesting to me.
Does he SHARE everything with you? if so you two may be too enmeshed as mother and child and he needs to back away and you need to let him do so.
... (read in full...)
My child's father risks jail because of his behavior towards me and I feel guilty!
Q. I need help.....i feel guilty for putting my child father in jail. His jealousy causes him to do crazy things to me. At first I thought his jealous behavior was cut until it ended with property being destroyed. Now we have a pending court case and I ...
A. 29 October 2013: And what do you think would have been different had you communicated more?
... (read in full...)
When Will the Rose Colored Glasses Come Off?
Q. About 2 weeks ago I posted a question about my son cutting his friends and family out of his life because of a new gf. The verdict was just to give it time and he would come around. Now, here we are, with something that is even more perplexing ...
A. 28 October 2013: the thing is he's an adult and he has to make his own decisions and choices and all you can do as his parent is love him to the best of your ability.
I personally know lots of couples that moved in quickly and lived happily ever after includin... (read in full...)
Do you think I should have to tell him everything about my life when now hes a friend with benefits ?
Q. Does a guy I see once a week have any right asking questions about where I go and what I do? ive been seeing someone for a year and it turned very serious very quickly. He moved in within four months but it turned sour pretty quick.I chucked him ...
A. 28 October 2013: I'm with all of them
he called you a WHORE...that alone is a deal breaker.
he has no right to anything
I'd not only dump him, I'd go NO CONTACT and I'd be prepared to call the police and get a restraining order if he escalates his behavior... (read in full...)
LD Girlfriend with male bestfriend...
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship (on the game SecondLife), and my girlfriend has a male best friend on SecondLife. They have known eachother for 3 years now or so. She is the type that only has guys friends and admits it. I've only known her ...
A. 28 October 2013: having a gf on Second life is not like having an LDR in the real world.
the fact that you are not separating fantasy from reality is a bit disconcerting and worrisome.
do you understand that second life is a GAME?
do you do Sec... (read in full...)
Should I start a relationship with someone that is leaving in a year?
Q. This guy and i have been hanging out for a month and a half, and we have been enjoying our time together, we go out all the time, we are affectionate towards each other, in other words we act like were together. I really want to be with him, because ...
A. 28 October 2013: At your age a year is a very long time... why not just go with the flow and not label it and let what happens happens....... (read in full...)
My child's father risks jail because of his behavior towards me and I feel guilty!
Q. I need help.....i feel guilty for putting my child father in jail. His jealousy causes him to do crazy things to me. At first I thought his jealous behavior was cut until it ended with property being destroyed. Now we have a pending court case and I ...
A. 28 October 2013: IT's not your fault. YOU do not control his behavior.
HE MADE the choice to behave in a manner that put you and your child at risk. He's just being punished for HIS bad choices.
Adults learn there are consequences to their behavior.
T... (read in full...)
New relationship -- when do I tell her about my fetish?
Q. hi i have fetish for satin/silk and only get aroused when a female is wearing satin preferably nightdresses , i am considering a new relationship with a female of similar age to me but how do i go about telling her of my liking of satin/silk , i do ...
A. 28 October 2013: I"m with Cindy Cares... the fetish itself is tame compared to some... the concern... that you say you CAN'T perform without it... that's worrisome.
... (read in full...)
Does being cheated on make you more likely to cheat?
Q. What do you think? My girlfriend's last boyfriend cheated on her. Would that make her more likely? Since her experience with her ex, she is very jealous with me. That is understandable. I wonder if that makes it more likely for her to cheat. ...
A. 28 October 2013: I do not believe that being cheated on makes a person more likely to cheat. My ex husband lied to me and yet it did not make me a liar.
The fact that she is jealous is very much based on her being lied to and cheated on as jealousy is an emoti... (read in full...)
FWB wants to meet up but hes dating someone. Is it moral?
Q. my fwb just asked me to meet up even though I thought it was over because he apparently had a girlfriend, he then explained that she wasn't his girlfriend and it wouldn't be cheating because they haven't defined the relationship. is it moral to ...
A. 28 October 2013: IF you want to have sex with someone outside of marriage and YOU are not committed to anyone else, then I have no issues with YOUR morals. Adults should be allowed to choose who and when they sleep with someone as long as it's not hurting someone ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for guys to ask their girlfriend for gifts at the start of a relationship?
Q. Is this normal for a guy to ask his girl friend to buy him gifts at the very beginning of their relationship and telling her what to buy for him? If she says no to buy then he remarked her as money minded? And if she buys, he becomes very happy and ...
A. 27 October 2013: It's not common nor expected here. IN fact, the MAN is usually the gift giver in the relationship that's becoming serious... a ring or a pin in the old days (his high school ring or frat pin) was what was used to mark "going steady"
a man who... (read in full...)
How do I tell him I'm ready for him to enter "through the front door?"
Q. Hi, So I'm ready to have vaginal sex with my boyfriend. We've done oral and anal. Before him, I had only done oral so he was my first for the backdoor. I'm ready for him to enter through the front too haha The problem is that I'm not sure how...
A. 27 October 2013: how about you not TELL him or ASK him but rather next time you are being sexual and he's hard you just climb on top of him and do it.... (read in full...)
I feel unappreciated by my boyfriend!
Q. I do everything for my boyfriend but he never says he loves me and I feel unappreciated. I have taken him on business trips across the country, expensive sporting events, weekend trips paid for by me, and drive him everywhere when we are together. I ...
A. 27 October 2013: Hello, if you stop buying him things and stop going to him and stop contacting him and stop doing things FOR him what do you think will happen?
yes that's right he will disappear...
he's all about what YOU can do for him... he's selfi... (read in full...)
What's the best sex toy for ldr?
Q. hi dear aunts, im in a ldr and we love each other very much, however we miss a lot the phsical contact. on my last visit i jokingly told her i would send her "something to keep her company, something she could enjoy and think of me while im away... ...
A. 27 October 2013: A teddy bear in a tee shirt with your cologne on it....
as for a sex toy... every woman is different some like a nice Rabbit but that's pretty adventurous as it has penetration, clitoral and g spot stimulation all at once...
a nice sm... (read in full...)
What should I do to be more masculine?
Q. So I come here often for advice, so I am here again. This is something that has bothered for me for a long time. I am gay, and I am totally okay with it. But I seem to be very effeminate. I have always thought of myself as masculine, but m...
A. 27 October 2013: Sadly you have to be true to yourself and who you are and how you speak and move...
ACTING Lessons would help you ACT more masculine but it would not MAKE you more masculine.
... (read in full...)
Do fathers have rights to know where their children are living?
Q. Does anyone know, either from a personally experience, or legally, does a father have right to know where his children are living? Story is: Bad relationship, physically and mentally abusive, also his current girlfriend is now causing trouble t...
A. 27 October 2013: I don't know what your laws are but here he would not have the right to the address.
if he applies to see his children the courts can mandate that he does it at a public location and has to be supervised by a court officer.
... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time sending her presents?
Q. I have a childhood friend on whom I had a huge crush. I met her after 12 years on facebook.. she is studying thousand miles away from me... I proposed her on the 3rd day.. She said no.. Then after one month I sent an expensive leather clutch.....
A. 27 October 2013: I'm so sorry this is so painful for you but you gotta let her go, there is nothing there for you with this woman.
... (read in full...)
Is asking your separated spouse for sex wrong, we were on very good terms
Q. My wife and I are separated for 4 years, it's a long story of infidelity on her part and neglect on my part. I have accepted the situation for what it is and to help keep peace in the family. We have 2 adult children. Recently she asked me to go ...
A. 27 October 2013: You can ask all you want. that's fine
to EXPECT IT is wrong
to be mad when she says no is wrong.
ask away
you don't always get what you want.... (read in full...)
How can I get rid of my sex drive?
Q. I'm a 26 year-old single male, and I'm sick of my sex drive. Absolutely, 100% sick of it. People talk about sex like it's one of the great joys of life, but as far as I can tell, it's more burden than blessing. I'm sick of thinking about sex all the ...
A. 27 October 2013: PAXIL or another anti-depressant will destroy your drive as long as you are on it and it will also boost the seratonin in your body and help yo cope with the depression I see screaming out in your post.
I strongly suggest you see your doctor ... (read in full...)
Does being civil with an ex for the children's sake ever work?
Q. do you think following a break up, a nasty break up, with someone you have children with, that you can eventually be civil to one another or even be friends? Or will that anger and hate stay?...
A. 26 October 2013: You Wish got it right... you can hate and seethe but all your kids need to know is they can love both parents and should not have to feel like they need to take sides.
there is to be NO bad mouthing of the ex no matter what.
if the best you c... (read in full...)
My period is due when I've arranged to see my fwb
Q. I'm supposed to be going round to my fwb's place this weekend but I'm due my period within the next few days. If it hasn't arrived when I go round should I warn him I'm due on or not mention anything and just hope it doesn't? What do the guys ...
A. 26 October 2013: Personally if you have been at it with him over a year... I'd call and say "mother nature is due to arrive this weekend, would you like to reschedule?"
some men don't mind sex on a woman's period, others do.
if you don't mind, then th... (read in full...)
She agreed to be my girlfriend but doesn't contact me?
Q. About 2 months ago I met a girl at a convention and we hit it off really well. She lives far from me (about 50 miles), but we started to see each other virtually every weekend. We've spent the night at each others places, but we haven't had sex yet ...
A. 26 October 2013: first of all fifty miles is not far... I guess for you it seems that way. I know when my hubby and i were dating LDR we were 100 miles (2 hours) apart and I would sometimes go right to work on Monday from his place... (long commute to be sure).... ... (read in full...)
Does being civil with an ex for the children's sake ever work?
Q. do you think following a break up, a nasty break up, with someone you have children with, that you can eventually be civil to one another or even be friends? Or will that anger and hate stay?...
A. 25 October 2013: not friends but civil and friendly. you have to be or at least fake it as best you can for the children.
the pain does lessen.. my kids were 3 and 5 when their dad and I split... we worked very hard over the years to co-parent effectiv... (read in full...)
Is this what love is?
Q. What is Love? I have been with my girlfriend for just over a year now. I do care about her, have fun with her, find her funny, clever, beautiful etc. But is that what love is? I'm there for her whenever she needs, we never fight but do have the ...
A. 25 October 2013: I have always found that when folks ask "is this love" it's not...
usually we KNOW when it's love.
and the first time you realize it... it's magic..
... (read in full...)
Is it normal to have hair there? How do I tell her?
Q. I'm 26 years old and I have been with my girlfriend who is 24 for 5 months now and we are a stage of absolute relaxation around each other, she is the most amazing person I have ever been with, she is so kind, she is caring, she is funny and just ...
A. 25 October 2013: very normal
my waxing includes that area...... (read in full...)
Feeling so low after the break up!
Q. Dear friends, I wrote here first when my boyfriend ditched me without stating any specific reason. What I know is that he just wanted to marry a girl of his mother's choice in their hometown and he was making me fool by showing love just to tak...
A. 25 October 2013: what do you pray for?
if you pray to find guidance to learn to live a full happy life and be true to yourself then hopefully he will
do not pray to find a new boyfriend.. you have to love yourself and your life alone before you can fin... (read in full...)
The spark is gone with my b/f, and there's this other guy ...
Q. I guess I will start by saying that I have a boyfriend for 2 years. We are in a very good terms with him and I care deeply for him and so does he. I guess it's love. My boyfriend and I have been on many adventures. I love him still, but I think I am ...
A. 25 October 2013: you have a third choice.
break up with the boyfriend you find boring
don't date the man who is with someone and is old enough to be your father
be ALONE for a while and when emotionally ready find new and interesting appropriate men ... (read in full...)
Does my ex want me back after I had a miscarriage?
Q. Hi. I am doing no contact with my ex but he keeps coming into my work. I am so mad with him for what he did to me I don't think I can ever forgive him. We have split up once before and he would not stop ringing my fone for weeks and then eventua...
A. 25 October 2013: your friends are wise.. do ignore him 100% he's a jerk and he's immature and he's selfish and childish and so many other NOT good things.
why is he doing it.. .because YOU LET HIM and because he can...
the longer you totally 100% ignore him ... (read in full...)
My ex-husband told my daughter about my possible diagnosis!
Q. Hi Everyone, I have recently been told that I have possible tumors in my utrius. I am having further tests in a couple of weeks. My ex husband and I have been divorced for 2 years now and we are still close friends. Both of my children live wit...
A. 25 October 2013: Did you tell him NOT to tell her or did you just assume he felt the way you did and would not tell her.
IF you did not tell him NOT to tell her then you can't really fault him for feeling differently than you do as he is a different person. ... (read in full...)
He is quite confusing, he never seems INTERESTED interested!
Q. I like a boy I met on a school outing last year. Call him Simon. I added him on fb and would chat to him about his/my school stuff (societies, prefects etc.). And coincidentally we both ended up as Head Prefects at our differemt schools. So ...
A. 25 October 2013: i agree with Tisha... he's just not that into you dear.
You want more than he wants... best to let this dream go.... (read in full...)
I don't feel sexually validated by my boyfriend and have found an online MM in another country who understands me!
Q. Where do I start?! My problem seems so silly but it's got me so confused about what I want with my life. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We're perfectly suited in every way apart from he's just not horny! At all. I've tried so many th...
A. 25 October 2013: i agree that you are not sexually compatible and that is a decent reason to end the relationship and remain friends.
in fact, it's one of the ONLY reasons I can see to remain friends with someone.. cause that's all you are now.. friends.... (read in full...)
Is it usual for guy 1 to ask about other dates?
Q. Hi, another internet dating question. If you are talking to more than one guy, is it usual for guy 1 to ask you if you've got any other dates lined up? Basically guy 1 chatted to me for ages, and when I asked to meey.him he ssid he would if he w...
A. 25 October 2013: guy one is a time waster and is just chatting you up to waste his time and yours... don't give him a second thought.... (read in full...)
Does FWB never lead to a relationship?
Q. If a man only wants friends with benefits, does that mean he will never want a relationship? I was wondering if it's possible for a man to change his mind and want a relationship with you?. I know a man who wanted friends with benefits with me...
A. 25 October 2013: If you want more than FWB with a man and he wants FWB, you will NEVER get what YOU want...
Chigirl, as usual, is spot on with this.
I have had FWB with a few guys.... the ones I wanted more with are long gone... the ONE FWB that I wanted pu... (read in full...)
How do I explain my time off?
Q. So I decided to take this year off due to complete exhaustion and stress. I've been in school for several years now, and I needed a break. I haven't told any of my friends yet, because in my past experience they have asked nosy questions. I di...
A. 25 October 2013: Just look at them and when they ask you smile a "mona lisa smile" and say "to quote Don Henley 'I was much too busy being fabulous"
you owe NO nosy friends an EXPLANATION if you don't want to give it.
... (read in full...)
He's become distant, can I make him interested again?
Q. I've known this guy for a few months and been very flirty, to the point of sending flirty texts etc. We both admitted to liking each other - however there were a few complications in our way. Anyway these complications got sorted. We started dating ...
A. 25 October 2013: Bonnie Raitt said it best "I can't make you love me if you don't"
NOTHING we can do to make someone feel what they don't or can't feel.
Backing off may help, but then when you do see him you can't be physical with him, if he continue... (read in full...)
Do I owe a family member because she allowed me to park my car at her place?
Q. I need advice so I bought my very first car by myself. I'm so happy. When I look at my car I just smile and just glow because I did it all working 2 part time jobs. Taking up to 4/6 buses a day. So I worked hard for my car. Now here's what I need ...
A. 25 October 2013: Taking her to lunch is nice
it cost her NOTHING to house your car for you but it was very nice of her.
my take:
do NOT let anyone borrow your car
but you can be happy to give rides if it does not impact on work or other important chore... (read in full...)
How do I deal with the silent treatment?
Q. How should I deal with a known narcissists "silent treatment"? He is my boyfriend. This is the second time he has done this in a six month period. He cursed at me about two weeks ago and I couldn't take the abuse anymore and let him know how I ...
A. 25 October 2013: well you could LEAVE.... but you won't or else you would not be asking about how to cope.
Be silent right back. In fact if you MUST stay (and your choice to stay is a must that I understand) then you must learn to be totally independent ... (read in full...)
What can I do to supress my feelings, to avoid these emotional pains?
Q. Dear community, there is a big problem that is really really bothering me. First of all, my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 6 months now, and from all I can tell we're both pretty happy with each other. Everything s...
A. 25 October 2013: I see no need to be friends with ANY ex.
to be civil and friendly is to be adult and it's mandatory when you share children.
to stay friends with an ex means you have not moved on from them or the relationship.
to stay friends with an e... (read in full...)
I'm feeling depressed and taken for granted. Please help me to deal with this?
Q. I have been with my partner for 5 years now. We have had an ok relationship, it's had its good parts and its bad but we've usually battled on together. Recently i have come to realise that it is likely that I have depression. On top of this I feel ...
A. 24 October 2013: I think that some treatment for your depression is in order
both chemical and psychological... so a therapist and a doctor to prescribe meds sounds like a good starting point.
In addition, you and your bf have to TALK and if you find it hard... (read in full...)
Don't want to look desperate here ...
Q. A met a very nice man last weekend. I am not sure wether he approached me on purpose but we ended up talking for a bit. After he added me on FB, I thanked him for giving me a ride and offered to buy him a froyo (there is a famous froyo store down...
A. 24 October 2013: I'm not sure a ROMANTIC setting is needed for a first date...
I think you are not as into him as you should be and therefore are seeking excuses to not go.
you don't need excuses... you have the right to say no if you are not interested.
... (read in full...)
Do you think my co-worker will ever ask me out?
Q. theres this guy I like at my job,im new there well since ive been there he been nothing but xtra nice to me, he'll ask me how my day is going,always smiling at me...he'lol wait for me to get off work if we get off at the same time and ride the ...
A. 24 October 2013: Some folks are smart and know that dating a co-worker is not wise... if it does not work out you are stuck seeing each other at the office and being adult and civil which can be hard.
Also some people are just natural flirts and don't mean a... (read in full...)
Ex is telling embarrassing personal details!
Q. My ex from 5 years started telling people about 2 years ago some very personal information of mine. Why he is doing this I don't know but I am horrified to the point where I can't stop thinking about it. We have had no contact now for years and I ...
A. 24 October 2013: It's been a couple of years... have you had any feedback due to this?
what is it that bugs you, if your worry is all about what might happen or what could have happened etc... then I'm thinking a bit of therapy with a professional... (read in full...)
I'd like at least one photo of him!
Q. Okay guys here is my biggest challenge. My new bf does not want me to take photos of him or even with him. How can I convinc him or make a deal to be able to take maybe just 1? He said even his mom has almost no photos of him. The years books don't ...
A. 24 October 2013: You don't do anything to force him to comply with your wishes,
You must learn to respect his boundaries and wishes. If you can't let it go, maybe you need to let him go.... (read in full...)
Don't want to look desperate here ...
Q. A met a very nice man last weekend. I am not sure wether he approached me on purpose but we ended up talking for a bit. After he added me on FB, I thanked him for giving me a ride and offered to buy him a froyo (there is a famous froyo store down...
A. 23 October 2013: well you could walk in flats and change or take a cab...
but i sense what is bugging you is that you think he should make more of an effort than you should...
he asked if there was a closer place there is not...
so what would your ideal ... (read in full...)
Don't want to look desperate here ...
Q. A met a very nice man last weekend. I am not sure wether he approached me on purpose but we ended up talking for a bit. After he added me on FB, I thanked him for giving me a ride and offered to buy him a froyo (there is a famous froyo store down...
A. 23 October 2013: he asked you for a date... why would saying yes make you seem desperate?... (read in full...)
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